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The moon bled over Ostania, its light peeking through the windows of a high-class mansion situated in a lonesome suburb. The night was quiet, the breeze hushed, as if relishing in this rare moment of silence and calm. The stars, too, adorned the sky in a glittering fresco—it was a beautiful night, and it would have been perfect on all accounts.
But Ostania was currently in the midst of a war, and underneath its beauty lie corruption untold. There was no such thing as peace—not to its people.
Yor Briar could attest to that. The young girl was hardly a teenager, but she had a mission, and she pledged to carry it out seamlessly. She had maneuvered her way into the mansion, having evaded security and climbing through the fourth-floor balcony. She wasn’t the most tactile or strategy-oriented, but her small size did afford her some advantages, so she settled for tucking herself in a crack between a bookshelf and a curtain. Wherever she hid wouldn’t really matter soon enough, anyway.
As soon as the minister enters the room, I have to strike. She didn’t know what exactly this man did, or to whom he did it to. She didn’t even know his name. She only knew that he was a terrible man, one who exploited children not unlike her and Yuri.
That’s why Garden existed. To exterminate those traitors and exploits silently eating at the rind. To weed out corruption—that’s what Shopkeeper would say, but Yor often didn’t understand what he was even talking about, nor could she muster up the courage to ask. But that didn’t even matter. What satisfied her most was seeing Yuri’s smile when she finally came home. And with enough money to provide for him, she was graced with just that.
She promised to protect that smile. That smile was all she had.
She heard the doorknob turn, and the man entered the dark room, making for the personal balcony. Yor had to move—she had to kill him before he went outside, to avoid drawing attention to the scene. She soundlessly rose from her hiding spot and hovered behind the man approaching the stained-glass door.
“Excuse me,” she whispered coolly. “May I have the honour of taking your life?”
The man jolted in alert and flipped around. Where Yor slightly lacked in raw strength, she made up for agility and speed. Before the man could even react, her blade had already pierced through his gut, and then above his knees, rendering him practically immobile. He howled in pain and collapsed against the stained glass and down to the floor. With every ounce of his strength remaining, he cried, and he begged—
“No! No, p-please no! Don’t kill me! M-my son—“
The girl hesitated for a moment, and narrowed her eyes.
In that moment, the man grabbed Yor’s leg from beneath her and yanked it forward with his remaining strength, causing her to topple over and drop one of her blades in the process.
“Ah!”
The man reached for the blade and weakly swung at her calf as she tried to stand up, leaving a bleeding gash in its wake. She quickly pinned the man’s arm to the ground and pierced it with her other blade, grabbing the other from his open palm as he shrieked.
“So what.. if you have a son? I am not killing your son. I am killing you. You’ve ruined the lives of so many vulnerable children. And frankly.. I have to cook dinner for my brother tonight. So please don’t struggle too much.”
“I haven’t done anything! Y-You psychopathic little bitch—“
“Don’t look so frustrated, please.” She earnestly smiled down at him, a certain innocence palpable in her tone. “This world, and perhaps your ‘son’, too, will be better off without you. I promise you, sir.”
She didn’t wait for his reply, nor did she look into his eyes before slashing through his neck. She didn’t need to. The adrenaline had her dry heaving, sweat dripping down her forehead as she pierced him in the chest. And again. And again. He was certainly dead, but the girl could not be afforded any hypotheticals. Blood splattered across her white dress. Again, and again, and again.
The shopkeeper’s voice rang through her headset. “That’s enough, Thorn Princess.”
She promptly realized what a mess she’d made, particularly on her dress. She silently regarded the gash on her calf. It looked bad, admittedly, but it barely hurt at all.
Silly me, she thought. I should’ve known better than to wear this dress and get myself hurt..
Now I’ll be late for dinner with Yuri.
And on such a pretty night, too.
She looked outside the window and soaked in the moonlight. Her eyebrows furrowed, a stray thought that would haunt her for longer than she’d imagine.
A son, huh?
Fifteen Years Later
“.. to bed early, because she had a pretty tiring day at school.. uh, Yor?”
“Huh?”
“I was just letting you know that I put Anya to bed early tonight. She apparently stayed up all night yesterday studying for her test..” Loid trailed off and squinted at Yor. Suddenly, she felt like a deer in the headlights. He’s so sharp sometimes.
“Are you alright?”
“Oh, yes. Yes! Thank you for putting her to bed.. I’ll buy some sweets on the way back tomorrow—Anya deserves it. She’s always working so hard these days, no thanks to your encouragement.”
Loid could obviously sense that she was off, so he leaned and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She wanted to melt into it.
“Yours too, Yor. It’s thanks to you, as her mother, that she’s growing up so well. You always reel me back when I’m being too strict, and I can’t thank you enough for that.”
Yor smiled sincerely. For a moment, it was only them. Two parents—a married couple—and the pride and joy that was the thought of their daughter growing up.
But will she even be around to see it?
She looked down at her hands.
There was blood on them. She let out a faint gasp, blinked, and it was gone. An exhausted sigh escaped her lips.
In truth, Yor’s assassination jobs had been troubling her more than usual. She hadn’t been around anything close to a family for so long. They were.. pure. And they were also her family, fake or not! And she was hiding a double life from them, a weight that recently began to grow with each kill. Each time Yor came home, it was as though she brought in a trail of blood home, too. How could she subject her family to that? To herself?
She couldn’t take it. It never bothered her to lie before. Not to Yuri. Why now? Why, only now, was she doubting her field of work? Why was she so ashamed of who she truly was?
“Yor, really, are you okay? You’ve been staring off into space a lot tonight. If it’s something I did, I..”
Maybe she’s gotten old, and tired of lying. Maybe it’s because Loid was around her age, too, but so different from her. So.. good. So gentle. So..
“Oh, no! It’s absolutely nothing you did, I.. I’m sorry for being so out of it today. You’re right. I.. um, I guess you could say I had a hard day at work today. But it’s nothing!”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Yor.” His eyes softened with an earnest sympathy. She didn’t want to upset him, but she felt she was failing miserably at that with every passing second.
‘I have a son’. That bygone voice suddenly rang in her head.
How many parents did I kill? They most certainly deserved it, right? But, oh god, I’m a mother now, and how could I keep this from them? I—
He spoke up. “Hey. I’ll make some tea for us, alright? And you can just kick back and relax. I wouldn’t want you to take your stress to bed. If, uh that sounds good to you.”
She smiled, stress starting to diffuse out of her as she eased into the comforting bliss of her home life. Fake, or not.
“I wouldn’t want to trouble you, Loid.. but, that does sound quite lovely. Thank you so much.”
He was so kind to her. She wasn’t used to being taken care of like this, but she selfishly chose to welcome it anyway.
He lifted the hand from her shoulder to go and set the tea, and she quickly felt cold in its absence. She absentmindedly turned her head towards him and leaned against the couch armrest. She liked watching him work, no matter on what. There was something comforting about seeing him so focused on menial tasks. The lamp in the living room was dim, its gentle glow cascading over the floor.
“And if you want to talk about anything,” he continued—more curt this time—pulling out two cups from the cupboard, “I’m.. here for you, you know? I’m your husband. I’ll listen.”
She stiffened. That’s right. He was her husband, fake or not. Of course he’d listen. He was compassionate, kind, and firm yet understanding—their arrangement aside, it was just who Loid Forger was.
Sometimes, she wanted to tear apart the distance she built between herself and Loid. She was shameful to admit that for once in her life she knowingly acted self-centeredly—in her deceit, and in her deepest desire: to have a real friend. Loid was the closest thing she had to one. But the potential consequences to their arrangement upon telling him the truth could be.. disastrous. And no matter how much she trusted him, Yor has never been the best judge of character, and she cannot account for the worst possible outcome.
But she wanted to.
Oh, how she wanted to.
“Actually, it..”
Could she tell him?
Could she, right now, just..
“It’s about those girls from work!”
She mentally facepalmed over her own cowardice. Shameful, Yor! Lying again!
“Oh?” Loid clearly didn’t fully buy that, but he seemed to go along with it for Yor’s sake. “Did something happen?” He frowned while pouring the tea into their respective cups.
“Yes, well! Maybe? Uh.. Not in particular!”
Yor, you’ve really screwed up this time..
But maybe..
“I.. um. They.. talk a lot about their lives. Not just their marriages, but about their parents too, and it’s totally fine! I love hearing about those things. But, always, without fail, they ask me about my input, and I..”
Loid leaned against the counter and finished her thought. “You have nothing to say.”
“Yes.. I don’t have anything. All I ever had growing up was Yuri. Both of our parents passed away when I was very little, and I worked very hard to support him. It’s hardly anything close to a picture perfect family. And…“
She paused thoughtfully, looking away from Loid and down to the ground.
“I.. for some reason, I don’t want to tell them the truth. I don’t want them to think I’m an oddity. That I’m not like them. So I.. I…”
Loid didn’t interject. He patiently waited for her to finish. God, he must think this is so trivial, but I.. I actually..
“I lied to them. I panicked, and I lied to them.. I told them that my parents were very involved on our childhoods, that we would regularly go on trips growing up. I told them that we went on a trip to Hugaria once, and ate all the local delicacies and pastries we could find. That we went to theme parks together. I told them, that.. Our parents loved us. Like normal parents do. That we had money. That they took care of us and passed away after we were already independent. That we remember them fondly.”
She didn’t dare look at him.
“I don’t remember, Loid.. I don’t even remember what they look like. Why did I do that?”
Heat rolled down her cheeks as she clenched her fists.
“Why did I lie? And why… did it feel so good? To entertain a world in which everything was perfect, when the truth was bitterly staring me right in the face? Why?”
She heard nothing for several moments, not even a rustle from his direction. What if he’d caught onto her somehow? She anxiously looked up at him, and could have never expected to see what she did.
“L.. Loid?!”
The blond was frozen in place, eyes appearing as though they were covered in glass, a single tear tracing down his cheek. He was shaking, slightly, so slightly that anyone but Yor would miss it.
“I.. I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” Still unable to control her own tears, Yor got up from the couch and raced to his side. Thoughts soared through her mind. It’s all my fault for bringing up such a depressing topic. I didn’t even consider how he’d feel. Stupid Yor! She wanted to comfort him, but she didn’t know what level of physical contact he was comfortable with, and she didn’t want to overstep, but..
“Loid, I’m so sorry, I—“
Before she could even register what was happening, she felt his arms wrapped around her, their warmth stifling the fear inside of her.
She was stunned. But she felt, in that moment, closer to him than ever before. Airy and light, she slowly lifted her own arms and wrapped them around his waist. She held him tight and for dear life, as if this were the last chance she’d ever get to hold him so honestly and tenderly, not just as husband and wife, but as Loid and Yor.
He was warm, and for a moment, the world was so quiet that she heard nothing but his lone heartbeat.
“Loid, I.. I..” Her tears only exacerbated as she held on tighter. She wanted to stop crying, right this moment, but she couldn’t. It’s as though Loid was somehow comforting her for something much greater than lying about her parents. It was as if he knew. No—there was no way he could know. Rather, it was as if he understood.
Loid tensed up in what Yor guessed was realization of their current.. situation. He slowly pulled away, leaving her cold in his wake, and promptly wiped his tears with his sleeve. Then he looked at Yor, and he lifted his hands. He wiped his thumb across her cheek, her tears. She let him do it, too dumbstruck to react. His eyes were no longer glassed over, and he was no longer crying. He only looked absolutely, incredibly, unspeakably tired.
“Yor. I’m sorry about that.”
“No, Loid, it’s.. of course it’s okay. In fact, I think I really needed that.. and I, um, hope that it helped you too.” It’s been so long since someone held me like that. “Are.. are you okay? I’m so sorry if I hit a sore spot, I didn’t mean to.. get so personal about it, I shouldn’t have..” She wiped her remaining tears away and let out a sniffle.
His eyes softened, and he offered a weak smile. “It’s okay, Yor. It’s like I said before. You can tell me anything. We’re..” Yor waited for him to finish with husband and wife, but he trailed off with a stern expression once again. “Oh!”
Yor’s eyes widened. What was it? He appeared almost frantic.
“Yor, I’m so sorry. The tea—I forgot about the tea.. Just.. you can sit down, if you like? I’ll bring it over in a moment with some tissues.”
She was taken aback for just a moment, before smiling, nodding, and silently walking towards the couch. She would give him a moment to breathe. In a moment, he had re-heated the tea—and used that time to regain his composure.
He set the two cups down on the table with a clank as he took a seat next to her, with a comfortable distance between them. He still looked troubled, perhaps on her behalf, his eyes fixed on their two respective cups. Yor, on the other hand, was too embarrassed to even look at him. Surely, vaporization was not so interesting of a process, but the faintly rising steam captivated the two of them for a few minutes.
“Yor.” He interrupted the silence, causing her to flinch.
“You.. did lie. That much is true. But you.. cannot blame yourself overmuch for circumstances outside of your control. I understand that your co-workers can be judgemental, and that can definitely cause problems in a world as.. accustomed to conformity as ours.”
He looked into her eyes in such a way that nobody had ever looked at her before, with a painfully gentle, and earnest concern.
“We all.. put on personas each day, before going outside to work, or meeting up with friends. I’m sure there’s things that your co-workers hide too, and play up their own circumstances as better than they actually are. People are in constant competition with each other to perform better than the other. To belong. To effortlessly blend with the people around them, so as to not feel strange. Different. I..”
His breath hitched, and he allowed himself a boyish smile.
“I can say, with honesty, that I’m also guilty of the same thing as you. My parents died in the war. I dream of them sometimes, but it’s been so many years. I.. forgot their faces a long time ago, too. And sometimes, when people ask, I just want to avoid the topic altogether. In those situations, maybe it’s regrettable to admit, but.. I.. also prefer dishonesty. It’s easier for people like us. That will always be true. But..”
He turned towards the coffee table, lifted his cup, and gingerly took a sip. His smile softened, a sadness tugging at his brows. Yor’s mouth was agape, soaking in his each and every word, tears threatening to flow out at any moment. But what?
“I really hope, in that case, that.. that at least this house can be a place you can return to, and just be who you are, Yor.” He hesitated for a moment. “If it isn’t entirely like that right now, that’s.. okay. But I want you to have a place like that. If not today, then someday.”
“Oh, Loid.”
She couldn’t tell him tonight.
She already accepted this. It wounded her and clawed at her, so painfully deep. But after hearing his words, it was as if an unbearable weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She felt safe. Understood. Accepted, unconditionally, for all her flaws and misgivings. Her lies. She knew that Loid would understand if she couldn’t speak up right now. Perhaps there were such things he couldn’t be honest about yet, too. And whereas before the fear thereof filled her with anxiety, now the thought was only accompanied by peace.
Was this trust?
She trusted him with her life.
“Th-thank you. Thank you so much. For everything, Loid.. I believe you, you know.”
“I believe you too, Yor.”
Upon seeing Yor smile, Loid smiled, both of them having reached an understanding in this single moment that spanned across infinity. A beat passed, and she hesitantly scooted towards Loid on the couch, where he was now leaning against the armrest.
“Can I..?” She made a head tilting gesture, to which Loid’s face went a bit red, and he nodded. She set her head on his shoulder, and Loid nervously lifted his arm behind her and wrapped it around her back, allowing her to rest her head on his chest. She glanced up, and his expression was unreadable. She figured hers wasn’t any better. The lamp had grown dimmer, casting a faint glow on the two of them, alone.
She felt Loid’s heartbeat beneath her. It was even, and slow. Soothing, just like him. She smiled, briefly wondering if he found a similar comfort in her.
“You impress me all the time, you know,” she murmured.
“I do? How so?”
She smiled against his chest. “When I’m upset, it’s like you know exactly how to cheer me up. I really treasure everything you say.”
Loid paused, and held her closer.
“Do you want to know a secret, Yor?”
He was talking in such a hushed tone that Yor was actually a little bit concerned. She tilted her head upward to find a smirk resting on his face, and gawked at him.
“What?”
“I’m not very.. forthright with my emotions. I suppose it’s the way I grew up. But when I’m around you, I can easily identify what I feel. And it’s.. calm. You.. have a really calming aura. It’s strange. Uh, good strange. Really good.”
Yor noticed him progressively getting more and more flushed as he confessed this, and her face, too, felt so hot she could probably explode. Out of embarrassment, she buried her head against his chest.
“Oh my,” her muffled voice remarked, “even you can be a sap in the end, huh..”
She felt herself giggling as though she were a child again, while Loid jolted backwards as though he were struck by lightning.
“What?!”
“Pff. Don’t worry about it. I’m not very good with words, Loid. But, you know, I’m so happy. I’m so happy I can do that for you.”
Yor wanted this moment to go on forever.
“Your words -“ he yawned, interrupting himself “- are just fine, Yor..”
She tucked her head further into the crook of his neck, and looked down at her hands. The blood was still there. Crimson grime beneath her fingers, a lone stain across her knuckles. It may always be there, awaiting her in the corner of her eye.
But maybe that’s alright.
Yor smiled, and shut her eyes.
Yeah. That’s alright.
They spent a while like that, silently basking in each other’s company. Yor was just about to suggest that they go to bed, since the brightening night suggested it was already nearing dawn, but..
“Mama..? Papa..?”
Anya groggily peeked through the hallway and let out a yawn.
“Oh my ghosh... Mama and papa are flirting so early in the morni—“
Anya quickly silenced herself after noticing that her Papa was actually asleep. Which is weird, because his thoughts are..
Oh. Anya understood now.
“Anya?” Yor inspected Anya’s stern expression as the young girl pointed at her father, and made a sleeping gesture with her hands.
“Oh..! Oh, this is so embarrassing.. Anya, it’s not what it looks like!” Yor whisper-shouted in her own defense, but what amused Anya was that in spite of that, she still wasn’t willing to compromise her position in Papa’s arms. “And why are you awake so early?!”
“It’s okay, Mama. I’ll leave you to have koala-ty time with Papa. I’ll even go back to sleep like a good girl.. So.. use it!” Anya grinned. She always seemed very pleased when Mama and Papa got along.
Yor smiled at her, finally embracing the inherent embarrassment of their situation. “Okay, Anya.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “And good work studying last-last night, by the way! You worked so hard, so I’ll buy you a lot of sweets today.”
“Yay!” Anya cheered, a little bit too loud. Yor’s expression changed to panic and Anya’s hands flew to cover her mouth. “Oops. Whishper. Sowwy. Goodnight, Mama.”
“Goodnight, Anya.” Yor knew she and Anya were conversing a bit too much, and she was worried that Loid may have woken up. Upon glancing upward, she found that he was still fast asleep.. Good.
“And Anya,” Yor added. Anya turned to her from the corner of her eye.
“I.. Mama loves you.”
Anya’s eyes widened, a toothy grin plastered across her face.
Yor wanted to protect that smile with her life.
And suddenly, she remembered why she did the work that she did.
“I love Mama too! So much! So so so much! Hehe. Goodnight, Mama!” Anya whispered louder than anyone had probably ever whispered before, but she was so happy, skipping back to her room. It filled Yor with fondness and joy. Anya always managed to do that. Yor worried that her daughter would have too much energy to fall back asleep. She decided that if Anya came back, she’d warm her up some milk and cookies. With a side of peanuts. Yes, that sounds good.
Who cares if she’s a walking contradiction?
Her attention directed itself back to Loid. She was comfy in his arms, and he was perfectly still. A beat passed, and she realized that she didn’t really want to move. She wanted to stay right here, with him, in this pocket of time where there is no threat of judgement or change but just them. It was definitely going to embarrass her later, but that would be a problem for tomorrow’s Yor.
He was so warm, she quickly found herself drifting off to sleep.
But in reality, Loid had been awake for a while.
And he held a truth from her: he really didn’t want to move, either.
It would be an eternity before he’d admit it, but Twilight wanted to stay right here with Yor—his wife, his friend.
And in this moment, he realized that he loved her. Twilight loved Yor Forger. He loved her laugh, her earnestness, her joy, her smile. He admired her strength, and her willingness to be vulnerable. He loved seeing her spend time with Anya. He loved being next to her. He loved holding her on the couch as dawn broke. He loved making her happy. He wanted to keep making her happy.
This could be a problem, he thought. A massive one. He shouldn’t be placing so much trust in her. It could easily jeopardize the mission. Maybe it already had.
But what’s another secret to the pile?
Twilight drifted off, Yor in his arms.