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The Misadventures of a Directionless Swordsman

Summary:

“Did you not hear the stakes?”

The Straw Hat crew turned their attention to their captor, who was currently trying and failing to hide a confused look. Nami rolled her eyes at him.

“Yeah yeah, “our lives are at stake” or whatever. Fighting you? That’ll be a breeze for Zoro, it’s his horrid sense of direction I’m worried about.”

________

Zoro's directional skills are perfectly fine, it's the islands fault for moving!

Notes:

I disappeared for like seven months only to return with a fic for an entirely different fandom than what I've written for so far. What a time to be alive. Anyway, heres The Misadventures of a Directionless Swordsman, feat. Zoro's poor directional skills.

Work Text:

“Your crew will be found on the other side of this island. If you navigate there on time, I shall duel you for their lives.”

“Ugh- He has to navigate? We’re gonna die.”

“Oi! Have some faith in me, you stupid witch.”

“Marimo! Don’t you dare call Nami-swan names!”

“Why you-”

“Did you not hear the stakes?”

The Straw Hat crew turned their attention to their captor, who was currently trying and failing to hide a confused look. Nami rolled her eyes at him.

“Yeah yeah, “our lives are at stake” or whatever. Fighting you? That’ll be a breeze for Zoro, it’s his horrid sense of direction I’m worried about.”

“Why you! What’s that supposed-”

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO YELL AT NAMI-SWAN!”

“SHUT UP YOU STUPID COOK!”

“Sanji~ I’m hungry!”

Sanji sighed, his yelling at Zoro momentarily forgotten. “I’ll make lunch when we get out of here. If we can ever get out, with that Marimo’s navigation skill, it's nothing like my lovely Nami-swan’s amazing navigation abilities~” Sanji attempted to twirl towards Nami, only to remember that he was chained in place. Stupid chains, keeping him from his Nami-swans beauty.

Zoro unsheathed a sword, only to be interrupted by the crew's captor again.

“As I said! Make it there on time, and you can duel me to free your crew. I expect you before sundown tonight.” With that the man -(what was his name again? Marrot? Parrot? Eh, it didn’t really matter anyways.) -snapped his fingers. The man was brightly colored, like an exoctic bird. He had a strange spiky hairstyle. One of his stubby little subordinates walked up to him. The stubby man reached down and touched the platform that the crew (minus Zoro) was standing on. In a quick flash, they disappeared. A devil fruit power? Well, whatever, Zoro had work to do. This was gonna be easy. All he had to do was make it across the island and fight that weak looking captor. Piece of cake.

__________________

Three hours later, Zoro had officially decided that this island was moving. The sun was only getting lower in the sky, and somehow the island had caused him to go in a circle at least four times. Stupid island. It was just a straight walk forward, no way he could mess that up. It was definitely the island's fault.

Definitely.

He sighed angrily, and looked directly forward. One more time. The stupid island wouldn’t mess him up this time. He wasn’t worried about the crew (they were more than capable enough to handle themselves) he was more worried about how much that stupid curly cook would make fun of him if he didn’t get over there in time. He was not about to be put down by a stupid cook who swooned at every woman he sees.

Zoro was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt the ground sway under his feet.

Sway?

 

He looked down to see the bottom of a boat.

Huh.

That wasn’t right.

He looked up to inspect his surroundings. He was surrounded by the blue water of the ocean and could see the island slowly getting smaller and smaller.

That’s not good.

He quickly looked around for an oar or something to row back to the island with. There wasn’t anything, just a stupid, empty boat. Zoro groaned internally, this meant he was going to have to swim, didn’t it? He gave a defeated sigh, and removed his bandana from his arm to tie his swords over his head. He swam to the shore quickly, hoping that no one saw him. He probably didn’t look at that “threatening” soaking wet with swords tied to his head. He returned his swords to his haramaki and looked up at the sky. The sun was even lower now, he had maybe two hours before sundown. He tied his bandana properly around his head this time. No more fooling around, it was time to get serious.

 

__________________

 

“It’s literally just a straight walk, what could even be taking him this long? I’m gonna raise his debt for making us wait.”

“Perhaps Swordsman-san was attacked by some vicious animal.”

“O-oi Robin…”

“Attacked?! Oh no! A doctor! We need a doctor!”

“You are a doctor.”

“Oh yeah-”

“Sanji~ Meat~”

“We could’ve eaten by now if not for the moss-headed swordsman.”

“Will you all SHUT UP?!” Their captor (Nami was sure his name was Marrot) seemed to have finally had enough of their talking. “Your precious swordsman was most likely caught in one of my many traps.”

Usopp gave Marrot a strange look. “Traps? You didn’t mention any traps.”

Marrot paled slightly, “uh- traps? Who said anything about traps?”

“You did, Parrot-guy.” Luffy said, momentarily turning his attention away from requesting food from Sanji.

“I said no such- HEY! MY NAME IS MARROT. NOT “PARROT-GUY”. “

Marrot angrily cleared his throat and brushed off his jacket.

“Anyway” He began, “It seems your swordsman is out of time. I suppose that’s it for-”

Marrot was interrupted by the sound of swords cutting through underbrush and trees. He turned to his left to see a rather angry looking green-haired swordsman emerge from the bushes. He was covered in dirt, and had branches sticking out from his hair. Marrot smiled mischievously.

“Welcome, Roranora Zoro. It seems my traps have done a number on you.”

Zoro glared up at him. “Traps? So it was your fault the island kept moving.”

A confused look took over Marrot’s haughty face. “Moving? That wasn’t a trap from me.”

Luffy let out a laugh, drawing both Zoro’s and Marrots attention. “Silly Zoro got lost!”

“What? No I didn’t! The island was moving! There’s no way I would ever get lost.”

Nami rolled her eyes. “I’m raising your debt! I can’t believe you got lost on a straight path.”

“Why you-”

Marrot cut off Zoro's angry rant. “So, swordsman, it’s time for the duel of your life! Are you ready to face Marrot, the strongest and smartest man eve-”

Zoro aimed a slash in his direction, cutting the man off and knocking him out. “You talk too much, you annoying Parrot.”

“It took you long enough you Mosshead!”

“Yeah Zoro, I missed lunch, now Sanji has to make twice the meat!”

“Your debt’s gone up by 5000 Beri! It was a straight walk, how’d you lose your way?”

“I’m glad you didn’t get attacked by some vicious beast, Swordsman-san.”

“Zoro, you look terrible. Perhaps you could’ve used help from the great CAPTAIN USOPP!”

“Ah! Zoro, are you injured anywhere? I’ll go get some bandage- why are you all wet?”

“Ah- well-”

Yeah. It was definitely the island's fault. Zoro was positive he had an amazing sense of direction.

Absolutely positive.