Chapter Text
when he first met you, matt wasn't certain that you were there.
he wasn't used to people slipping past his radar--hiding under the guise of soft feet and unutterable breaths.
he seldom missed the gentle heartbeat as it walked towards the door--when it was restless after walking up the stairs or hiding under a sort of breathless quiet, he knew.
but something about your heart was curving. the gentle motion of a sword heading towards his throat.
the only other time he'd experienced anyone who could fool his ears, the keenest ability to learn intimate details about someone before he'd learned their name--
well, they'd been hidden beneath ancient teachings. they'd beat him so sternly, quietly, until he was black and blue.
matt only realized someone was walking in when the doorknob began to click.
and when you walked through the door--foggy and karen stood up immediately, walking over to greet you with pleasant smiles--matt stayed in his office, trying to decide what you were.
because you couldn't be human with a heart like that.
so sternly silent.
his head pushed to hear any noise you made at all.
and when he finally stood up, he was met with the murmur of your voice, soft and smooth as you introduced yourself to his colleagues.
perfectly polite, abundantly normal.
but his heart was already racing, his adrenaline was already pushing for a fight.
foggy's knuckles beat against his door, calling out matt's name as he continued to talk to you.
"...i'm sure i've heard your name before. you don't have any criminal family members?"
when matt opened the door, it was to the sweet sound of your laugh, gentle as you shook your head.
which he could only tell because of the sudden shift of your bones. so strikingly silent it made him want to push foggy back behind the door before you could get to him.
he didn't. instead, he smiled a tight-lipped smile and held his hand out towards you.
"matt murdock," he told you, gripping onto your hand with all the pressure of complete professionalism.
his fingertips secretly feeling for the pitter-patter of blood pumping through your skin.
"-the worse half," foggy told you wrapping an arm around matt's shoulder.
matt couldn't feel anything.
you told him your name, seemingly unphased by his strange hand-shaking skills.
matt felt the unease trickle along his skin, a constant buzzing floating around his head as he listened to the heartbeats of his friends--steady, normal, foggy's was a bit faster with each joke he told.
when he listened to the humanity he was certain had to be behind your body, he only heard a void.
he shook his head, trying to snap himself out of it.
he focused on the short breaths coming out of your mouth, the sound of your fingertips brushing against your skin.
it didn't help.
"what, uh, what can we do for you?" he asked, interrupting something that foggy was saying.
he would apologize for that later.
"oh," you whispered, almost startled. matt could feel your eyes on him, was sure that if you were anyone else he would've heard an increase in your heart rate. "i think it's more of what i can do for you ."
matt vaguely heard it as a threat.
but foggy laughed, and karen tilted her head at you.
"what do you mean?"
you took a breath in, and matt was almost sure that you were smiling at him.
"i'm a reporter-" you began explaining, began whispering words that matt could barely hear. "i've been following your cases for several months, and i think there's..."
he leaned towards you, ear pointed in your direction. his hands were unbearably close to clenching at his side.
you were telling foggy and karen something that matt should've been paying attention to--he would realize this later, when you showed up at the office, again.
he realized it then--when he was thinking about following you out the door.
but, he was counting in his head. he was ignoring the voice in the back of his mind demanding that he do something. he was trying to remember, trying to forget what it sounded like, before, when he'd encountered others as silent as you were.
but as he was counting, he heard a short laugh, a patented taunt directed towards him, the banging of a drum against ribs.
every four seconds, a gentle tip-tap, echoing from your body.
a heartbeat, unlike anything he'd ever heard before.
and still, matt found that he couldn't relax.
*
the next time you walked through the door, matt felt a little bit dizzy.
he could smell you this time--the scent had followed him around in his dreams, a haunting reminder that you were in hell's kitchen somewhere, creeping in places he couldn't hear.
and he had no idea who you were, no idea why you sounded so strange.
so quiet, so soothing.
and as soon as he stood up to greet you--following the influence of his socially obligated friends--he felt temporarily paralyzed at the realization that it was you.
he probably should've noticed sooner.
"nice to see you again," you said to him as he stood there frozen in front of you.
and then he snapped on a smile, nodding at you.
karen offered to get you some coffee, foggy showed you the files you needed for the story.
and matt, well, he stood in the background, trying to note everything he knew about you.
he wasn't sure how to explain this suspicion to his friends, this feeling that there was something off about you.
he wasn't sure how to ask you without directly revealing himself.
and so he listened--not really listening--to you and foggy banter over how early in the day a drink was permittable.
admittedly, matt had no idea why you were there.
he understood that you were a journalist, that you were familiar with nelson and murdock's work, that you had something you wanted to write about them.
but really, he was stuck on the slow pace of your heart, how he could barely hear any movement you made.
it made him nervous--even when you spoke in a sort of whisper that threatened to lull him to sleep.
he didn't act on any of the nerves though, not then--when his friends were so vulnerable to your elegance.
it was only later that night when they were gone that matt even dared to speak to you again, seriously.
at first, he hadn't noticed you were still in the office. he'd heard the door close thirty minutes prior, followed by the familiar gate of both foggy and karen walking each other out. he hadn't heard them lock the door, but that wasn't too unusual.
there was no other breathing, he couldn't hear you shifting in the other room, couldn't hear your heartbeat.
and he didn't realize that your scent was still in the air--not just lingering, like he'd believed--until he walked out of his office and you jumped a little bit from your seat.
"matt," you exhaled, heart still. "i didn't realize you were still here."
he couldn't tell if you were nervous around him--less comfortable without the friendliness of foggy and karen.
he couldn't tell if you were even looking at him, where you were sitting in the room. if you were lying.
it made his heart race, made irritation crawl up the back of his neck in a subtle tease.
he was itchy.
"uh, yeah. i didn't-" brow furrowed he walked a bit closer to your desk. "you're still working?"
something on the desk moved. "i was going to begin writing tonight, but..."
he couldn't hear you sigh. listened for the tick of your heart and heard nothing. no cue to let him know that it was safe.
"but?"
you laughed a little bit, maybe unnerved by his curiosity. "foggy gave me another file. he said it came from another lawyer across town. i can't seem to remember her name-"
"marci?"
" marci , yes. it's from a client of a case you guys took a while back, i guess i just lost track of time while reading it." matt heard your chair push back, thought maybe you were standing up.
he'd almost gotten distracted by the slow pace of your words.
"you don't have anywhere else to be?" he asked, taking a step back as soon as he heard the minimal noise of your quiet footsteps.
"not on a tuesday night, no," you told him.
matt hummed, listening as papers were moved from the desk, as you picked up the bag he knew was sitting on the chair next to you.
maybe he'd scared you into going home.
"are you leaving for the night?" you asked him, closer now--he could tell just by how much dizzier he felt.
he could smell you clearly--a vaguely pure smell, unburdened by the usual touch of alcohol he could smell on foggy.
he couldn't hear you at all, except for when you murmured something, voice low and soft.
he shook his head a little bit, surprised by your proximity. he didn't hear you say goodnight.
he was too distracted.
but when he finally heard the doorknob clicking, he didn't have the mind not to blurt out anything he could to get you talking, to keep you there until he could rid himself of the bitterness of his memories.
"where'd you say you worked, again?" he cleared his throat, surprised by his own words. "before this, i mean."
the door paused, he didn't hear you inhale.
"oh, um," something moved as you turned back toward him. "i'm an independent journalist."
matt swallowed. "you've never worked for a newspaper?"
he thought you might've smiled. "i have ," you teased. "back in college. i just prefer not to be tied down by deadlines and such."
"where'd you go to college?"
this time he could hear you laugh. it was the first time he'd paid attention to the sound.
he might've liked it.
"is this a job interview, matthew?"
his heart jumped a little bit, maybe suspicious of your eluding. "how do you know if it's really matthew?" his smile was slight, relaxed--he could feel himself getting distracted, getting trapped in your teasing.
"i'm just assuming." the sound of your voice made him think you were shrugging, maybe smiling, teasing back.
it wouldn't have mattered.
"assuming?" he repeated, voice still pleasant, relaxed as he could make it.
"well, saint matthew , it just seemed to fit."
matt couldn't tell if he'd refrained his wince or not. either way, you quickly followed up with a: "because you're a lawyer, not for any other-"
he assumed you shook your head, cutting yourself off. he assumed it was because you were embarrassed.
assumed because he couldn't hear anything you were feeling, he didn't notice any changes in your footing, and he had no idea if you were breathing or not.
"you never answered my question," he said then, the bitter suspicion still filling his mouth.
you must've smiled because it took you a moment to answer after that. "if you want to know more, matt, you'll have to actually ask me out."
a laugh burst from his throat. "what?"
the doorknob clicked again, then--the only action matt could hear as you moved away. "i'm kidding," you promised him, and then mumbled something under your breath--just loud enough for him to tell.
but he couldn't hear your heart, and he didn't know if you were lying.
"goodnight, matthew," you said once more, letting the door close behind you.
he couldn't hear which way you turned, and he wasn't focused enough to hear you finally walk away.
he wouldn't realize you were flirting with him until a week later.
instead, he focused on the smell of you, invading his clothes and his office.
wondered why you were so quiet.
*
"fog, really, i just don't feel comfortable-"
"don't you think i'd know if a serial killer was sitting right next to me?"
matt cleared his throat. tilted his head. adjusted his glasses. "no, actually, i don't."
he smiled a little at the scoff that followed.
at least foggy wasn't telling him he was crazy, or that he felt the same way. at least he hadn't stormed away from the table at matt's first show of unease.
"she's one of the nicest people i've ever met-"
matt laughed. "that doesn't mean much, coming from you."
"excuse me?" foggy mock gasped. matt could tell he was smiling, that he was a little bit drunk, could smell his breath from five feet away. "i'm a great judge of character, matthew, give me one example of anything otherwise."
matt clicked his tongue, leaned back a little bit in his chair. "sarah, from your punjabi class."
foggy took a sip from his drink and pointed a finger at matt. "sarah was a child of satan, she doesn't count, next."
matt giggled. "you told me you were going to marry her," he deadpanned, smirk unutterable.
"i was joking!" foggy insisted, shaking his head. "mostly."
matt heard him shrug.
"you thought karen was a murderer," he pointed out.
foggy threw his head back. "did you have to bring that up?" he groaned, nodding towards matt. "i was obviously influenced by your judgment of her."
matt furrowed his brows, playing with the edge of his glass. "what's that supposed to mean?"
"that your judgment is not to be trusted. particularly when you meet someone in the realm of breathtaking."
a moan came from somewhere in the back of matt's throat. "foggy, we've had this-" he waved a hand, dismissing whatever he was about to say. "the point is, i think we should be cautious."
"she hasn't done a single thing to prove that she is any type of murderer."
still, matt shook his head. "she doesn't have a heartbeat," he leaned a bit closer, lowering his voice so that only foggy could hear.
but foggy only laughed. "maybe your ears are clogged, matt!" he picked up his glass from the table again, shrugging. "you're not really supposed to be able to hear it anyway."
"ouch," matt deadpanned, focused on foggy's complete dismissal.
"look, if it ever comes up i'll ask a few questions."
" questions ?"
"yeah, i'll just slide in a 'hey, what's your favorite color? do you have a heart? did you have any childhood pets? have you ever murdered anyone ?'"
matt snorted, shaking his head at foggy.
"i guarantee good results," foggy promised, and matt could hear his elbow lean against the table. "pinky promise?"
matt groaned.
but foggy suddenly shook his head, whistling. "nevermind, two pretty ladies are coming our way, and there's no time for promises." foggy whispered, leaning closer to matt.
matt's head tilted, listening to karen laugh at something, and then orderer a drink from josie.
the scent of you hit him next, stronger when he had to pick it out of so many others.
his thoughts turned towards action, and his heart raced at the thought. he remained still, though, listening to the noise behind him.
you were overwhelming his senses. a beacon in a tiny room.
"i'll be sure to tell you if there's ever murder in her eyes," foggy whispered to him, breaking matt's concentration.
he rolled his eyes a bit. "thanks, fog."
*
he'd been trying not to listen for the past ten minutes.
karen had challenged foggy to a round of pool--as the people occupying it had decided to go home at a reasonable hour--and the four of you were surrounding it, inhibited in the bar's air.
matt was particularly unaware of everything around him.
he found that each time he tried to keen an ear towards your heart, every time he took a breath in just to be assaulted by the smell of you in the air, every time he heard your voice--so close to him--he got a bit more unsteady.
there was something about you that made every hair on his arm stand up straight.
and so he'd decided not to pay attention to it for the rest of the night, sure that you weren't going to try anything. that you couldn't at your current state, even if you wanted to.
earlier, he'd thought that maybe he could get some answers. he thought back to foggy's teasing-- have you ever murdered anyone?
he'd decided it would be better not to ask that at two in the morning. thought that maybe he'd consider foggy's opinion.
still, it was hard to ignore you when you were standing so close to him.
"who do you think'll win?" you asked him, after a couple minutes of steady, unrelenting silence.
it seemed to follow you.
matt leaned his ear to foggy groaning again, to karen's slightly slurred giggling. "probably karen."
"really?" you asked, a gentle laugh filling matt's ears. "she's a bit..." cue karen falling over her own feet, laughing as she attempted to aim her stick. "woozy."
"give foggy five more minutes," matt promised, leaning away from you. "he'll start telling you college stories."
matt heard your glass cling against the side of the table. he didn't hear you swallow.
the alcohol hadn't changed anything about the way you smelled--hadn't made it any easier for him to ignore, either.
"don't worry, i've already heard 'em."
matt laughed, nodding. "i'm not surprised."
you laughed, and matt felt his ear following the sound, up and down.
"they were mostly about you, though," you told him, a hint of a joke in your voice.
matt didn't quite understand the sound.
"really?" he asked. "what did he say?"
"oh," you sighed out, voice clear as you spoke. still smooth, still soft, still quiet. "just that you're a bit of a charmer."
that time, he could tell you were teasing.
"that's all? usually, he likes to tell everyone that i'm-"
"a bad influence?" he knew you smiled then, if only for the hope that you were.
for whatever reason, he didn't let himself catch onto that.
to his heart racing, or anything of the such.
he breathed out a small laugh, nodding. foggy and karen were clear in the background, trash-talking each other as only two drunk people could do.
you laughed, but matt didn't know at what.
"you've only had two drinks though," you noted, and matt thought you might've been turned towards him now, just because of how your voice sounded. "so i decide if he was lying or not."
his brow furrowed a little, but he didn't let his smile fall. "counting my drinks, y/n?"
you hummed. "just paying attention."
there was an exclamation from in front of the two of you, a whine of disbelief coming from foggy.
"did you just scratch on the eight ball, foggy?" you asked him, voice dubious.
"karen pushed me," he claimed, despite the scoff that came from the person in question.
matt laughed at your laughter, listening to the noise from a beat too long.
"told you," he whispered, smirk closer to your ear.
and then he shook his head, walking over to foggy and putting an arm around him. "sure, buddy," he said, missing your footsteps. "let's get you home."
but foggy snook away from his hold, turning towards him, towards the group of three that had gathered.
matt could hear his sharp inhale of breath, could hear karen shake her head at something.
"no-" foggy breathed out. "karen and i are going, uh, to take a cab home. so."
matt's brow furrowed, but he nodded.
"we're on the other side of town," karen added towards you, running a hand through her hair.
"you're not going with them, matt?"
it was only at the sound of your voice that he realized you could've walked away without him noticing. that you could've just nodded--your bones shakingly quiet--and left.
something about that, everything about that, left him with itchy skin.
he was thankful for the sound. "i'll just walk," he told you, nodding.
"you both live close to each other, don't you?" karen asked, voice completely innocent.
foggy nodded, also innocent.
matt didn't know where you lived. he'd never asked. he wasn't sure that he really wanted to know.
but he could feel foggy's eyes on him, his heart stuttering as the silence filled a void between the two of you.
but then: "i don't know," you said, echoing his thoughts. "but i'm not letting matthew walk home alone, anyway, so."
matt raised a brow. "why not?"
"it's dark," you told him. when matt laughed, surprised by the words, he could hear a grumble from the back of your throat.
it was the first time he'd heard that from you.
it made his lip twitch, just a little bit.
"you know what i mean," you told him, sneaking up closer to him and looping an arm with his. "bag guys, and all that."
again, he raised a brow.
but it seemed you weren't paying attention anymore.
"do you need help getting a cab?" you asked the two of them, with a stern tone that made karen laugh.
your arm disappeared from his as she leaned forward to hug you. he briefly realized how warm you were.
"goodnight, sweetums! don't forget to lock your doors." foggy told the two of you, and then they were gone, leaving behind only a hint of alcohol.
you laughed. "sweetums?"
matt shook his head. "they're both calling in tomorrow."
*
the two of you walked in silence for ten minutes.
matt had remained attached to your arm--not that you protested--as a method of making sure you were still there. just so he could be aware of any sudden movements you made.
and well, it wasn't like you were going to pull away from a blind man.
he briefly realized--after about three minutes of walking--that he'd relaxed to your presence. as soon as he stopped searching for something that wasn't there, his adrenaline no longer inhibited every thought that entered his brain.
instead, he was slightly dizzy, a bit impeded by the alcohol, but no longer uncomfortable or uneasy.
it was a bit frightening.
but you were soothing--even when you weren't talking. something about you was lulling.
soothing, when he knew where you were, and he could be sure that there was no malice behind the warm blood behind your skin.
no, matt could feel you, close to him, and he could smell you--even clearer, every time you glanced over at him.
and after the silence, you finally clicked your tongue and leaned toward him. "you're being quiet, matthew," you commented, whispering in the dark.
he could feel your words in the air.
"are you cold?" you asked, filling the silence with your own.
matt let a small smile slip. "you're quiet ," he retorted, ignoring the question.
your laugh was louder outside when he could only vaguely hear sirens a few blocks away. "what do you mean?"
"i can't hear you at all," he said, a sort of repetition.
"you can hear my voice, can't you?" you asked, a sort of clarification. he was sure you were teasing then, if only for the vibration coming off of you.
"not your footsteps, though. or your breathing."
something about it made you slow, which made matt slow.
"you sound suspicious," you noted, and he couldn't be sure if it was a joke. "i promise i breathe?" your voice was confused, and the air was messing with the sound.
matt laughed, a bit amused at your confusion. "i didn't mean it like that." he shook his head, leaning toward you.
not that he could explain what he really meant. what he was really thinking.
how you were messing with every single thing he used to be so sure of. how your silence was unnerving, intoxicating.
a sort of peace he'd never had before.
"is that why you were acting so weird, before?" you asked, head tilting, voice casual.
but matt slowed even further and turned towards you.
he raised his brows at you, instead of asking the question, and waited.
you seemed to smile, he was sure. "you said...maybe six words to me?" your voice raised, still soft. "the day we met."
"i'm shy," he told you, completely unserious.
you scoffed. "sure, matt." and you tried to grab his arm again, but he leaned back.
surprised that he'd guessed right.
"what?"
but matt shook his head, and then nodded shortly after, gesturing for you to continue.
you groaned, and matt finally heard you shift, one foot dragging across the pavement.
he was even more surprised at that.
"you seem comfortable now," you followed. "more relaxed. you tell jokes."
matt just stared at you, amused. "i tell jokes?"
you sighed, and matt could hear it. "at first i thought you just didn't like me--or anyone, maybe, because you didn't say anything to foggy or karen either--but when you started asking me questions i'd already answered..." you drew off, voice getting softer with every word.
matt leaned back, shocked that he hadn't noticed that.
he wondered if he could hear you so clearly now because you were trying to be louder. if you were trying to make him comfortable.
it made his brow furrow again. "you caught that?"
you snorted. "i don't know how you're a lawyer, matthew."
at that, matt smiled. and he listened, for just a moment.
he couldn't hear your heart. it was still the same, a curving sound he almost missed. the sound he'd mistaken for a sword, for the memory of immortal warriors.
but he could hear the sound of your laugh, now, an echo in his head.
it was a sound that'd been following him since the day he'd met you.
he shook his head, recalling. "i like you," he promised, and felt that maybe he wasn't lying.
felt that maybe foggy was right. felt that he didn't want to battle the worries, he only wanted to tell you another joke.
and he was baffled by that thought.
"you like me?" you repeated, smile sure in your voice. when he nodded again, you laughed. "thanks, matt. i appreciate that."
you were teasing him again, so matt smiled.
he reached out, hand searching for yours, for your arm, for the vibration that came with touching you.
you gladly began to lead him again, undeterred by his cold hands.
"i've always been quiet, by the way."
"what?" matt asked, leaning his head towards you.
"i actually won an award for it once...thought, they were pretty suspicious that i was a murderer, too."
at that matt's eyes widened. he looked down at you with furrowed brows.
you couldn't have...
"foggy told me," he felt you shrug against him. "while you were in the bathroom. to be fair, he was already drunk."
matt couldn't help but smile at the amusement in your voice. he sighed and shook his head. "of course he did."
and while he didn't hear your heart beating, he felt his beat faster at the sound of your laugh.