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For a moment, the only thought going through Sam's head is, Please.
Please let it be over. Let me die for my sins already, for Charlie. Kill me before I have to watch Dean turn back into that monster.
Kill me before Dean does.
But Crowley's still soft, it seems, or else he realizes that letting Sam live is far worse punishment than killing him and giving him peace.
So Sam is stuck with the same old mess, but even worse. Dean further off the reservation. Crowley back to his old self. Rowena planning who knows what.
Fuck my life.