Work Text:
It’s not like this hasn’t happened before, Amity thought to herself, having recently become aware of her surroundings despite having been consistently awake as her and her friends arrived. Eyes scouring the room, the witchling frowned, taking in a scene of injuries and exhaustion as she racked her mind in search of time she had lost up until now.
I don’t know why you even bother, Amity scolded herself, already knowing her search would come up blank, reminding herself once more that it’s not like this hasn’t happened before.
It had become increasingly common as of late, in fact, the “it” in question manifesting as prolonged periods of detachment. Periods in which the world felt numb and her mind disconnected. Periods in which sounds grew muffled and her perception of the world seemed to take place from a space outside of her.
But despite the uptick in frequency, the fact remained that her return to reality always carried with it some level of frustration on her part.
Which brought her to now.
“I think I need some air,” Amity finally managed, her words passing by the group stationed on furniture across the room seemingly unnoticed.
But where was she and where was the air she so desperately needed?
Last she recalled, she had landed knees, hands, and face into a patch of thankfully soggy grass. If the fall - or the impact of her human counterpart landing square on her back for that matter - had caused any injury, she was none the wiser. Her body had stopped perceiving pain long before she had arrived at wherever she was now.
Pulling herself off the ground now, her body seemed to remain similarly numb, the various injuries she could see littered across herself causing little discomfort. Still, this didn’t seem to stop a limp, her leg dragging slightly as she began her search for a door. Propping herself up with the wall, she pushed forward, grateful to have had Luz to lean on back in the castle when pain had been present before her adrenaline kicked in.
The problem of physical sensation aside, at least she could hear now - or process sound anyway. An exasperated cry and the continued opening and closing of a door had been the last she’d heard, the tired and defeated sighs, sharp winces from treated wounds, and quiet explanations from her friends only now coming into perception.
This must be Luz’s house, Amity told herself as she entered into a kitchen, photos of her girlfriend and a woman she understood to be Luz’s mom on the walls.
They look happy, or at the very least, cohesive, she thought as she idled on several photos before a pang of anxiety in her stomach urged her forward.
Nothing like mine, Amity pushed on, spotting a door at the back of the room as her breathing picked up in pace.
It’s their fault we're here anyway, Amity thought of her parents and the chaos they created.
It was their fight that had set the day’s events askew after all. Had they any moral compass, had they any sense to handle their fall out like adults, had they been even slightly better than she had come to know them to be - her dad included who was trying, or at the very least had presumed to try today anyway - then perhaps things wouldn’t have gone array. Perhaps Luz wouldn’t of gotten captured, and perhaps the plan would have stayed on course. Perhaps they would have stood a fighting chance, and perhaps they would have won. Perhaps her friends would be home with their families, and perhaps she wouldn’t be pondering the fate of her’s.
But her parents didn’t operate that way. They never had, and that much she knew. Forcing Willow away, invading her mind, expelling her friends, attacking her Luz, letting their weapon fight against her in the absence of a deal in their favor, neglecting her needs, perpetuating and turning an eye to her continued abuse… She knew they weren’t better - what reason did she have to think otherwise?
And in that understanding, she felt her mind shift into a full state of panic. Because to that end, really, this was her fault. She should have never called Luz over because if she hadn’t - if she had just tried to find a way to her instead - they wouldn’t be here now. Her friend’s worlds wouldn’t be collapsing around them and their collective world would have been saved. Luz, Willow, Gus, and even Hunter - they wouldn’t be hurt; they wouldn’t be mourning. Eda, King, Lilith, and Hooty, all of their friends, would be okay.
But she hadn’t tried. She hadn’t looked. She played it safe to spare herself should she be caught and to that end, she’d doomed them all.
And here I am trying to blame my parents - blame my dad - when I know how they are. Especially when they fight. Especially when things fall out of mom’s order. Especially when I know how hard it is to stand up to her, Amity’s thoughts continued to spiral. So where do I get off blaming him for finally standing up for himself? Or even blame her for acting how I knew she would act for that matter?
“This isn’t their fault,” Amity stammered through tears, tugging at her hair as cold droplets of wind-blown rain made their way under the cover of the patio and landed on her skin, gliding off and making way for stark realization to sink in. “It’s mine… It… it’s mine…”
“Blight?” Amity heard a familiar voice call.
“Blight? Hey, what are you…” she heard once more though the voice’s presence did nothing to soothe the situation, her family name pushing her spiral.
“Amity?” the voice called again, this time accompanied by a set of hands that grasped her shoulders with a gentle firmness.
Recoiling at the touch, Amity quickly shuffled back, retreating on an instinct developed over years out of the necessity protect herself. Feet failing to gain traction on water-stained floor boards, she felt herself falling, once again landing hard against rain soaked earth. This time, however, everything hurt.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Amity slowly tried to sit up, cold droplets of rain sending shockwaves of pain through reopened wounds - a mixed blessing that granted respite from panic as her mind quickly changed focus to stopping the hurt. Cracking an eye as she tried to gain her bearings, a pair of gloved hands were presented, outstretched in front of her.
“H-Hunter?” she groaned, reaching for his hand through a wave of pain.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Hunter frowned, brow furrowed in concern as he slowly placed a hand on the girl’s back, careful to make sure she watched his every movement. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to help.”
“But why?” Amity questioned as she relented nonetheless, the boy helping pull her from the ground only for her left leg to falter, stains of angry red and purple framed by a tear at the knee of her pants.
“Because you need it,” Hunter simply explained, lifting Amity’s arm over his shoulder for her to lean on. “Do you think you can make it back up the steps? There’s only a couple but you took quite a tumble just now… and back there.” He explained, likely referencing the fight at the castle with respect to the latter.
“I think so,” Amity said after a moment, eyeing the hand rail running up the back patio steps. “I’m sorry I freaked out,” she said somberly as the pair slowly started their climb.
“It’s okay,” Hunter assured, adjusting his grip on Amity’s waist to better provide support, a small whimper from the girl not having gone unnoticed as they conquered the first step of two. “You looked like you were in a bad way,” he explained, “I shouldn’t have tried to touch you. I… well, I’ve been there and I should have known better.”
“It’s not your fault,” Amity shook her head before holding her breath as she willed herself forward. “I wasn’t thinking straight. It’s my fault for not being in control.”
“Your fault…” Hunter repeated quietly as the pair made their way up the final step, once again finding shelter from the rain. “That’s what you were saying, when I found you that is. I… I know sometimes it doesn’t seem like it but, from what I understand, it’s okay to not always be in control. Gus and the Captain, they said that it's good to just let yourself feel your way through your emotions sometimes.”
“That…” Amity’s voice trailed as she considered his words. Following his lead Amity quickly slumped down on a bench he gestured to the porch. Focusing against the pain, Amity thought for a moment more. “That is true… Willow and Gus, they’re right. It’s just… that’s not exactly what I was referring to.”
“Oh,” Hunter squeaked, slightly embarrassed as he backtracked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”
“It’s okay,” Amity shook her head, not wanting the older boy to feel bad. “You were just trying to…” she paused, briefly meeting his eyes as she considered her next words. “You were just trying to be a friend and I… I appreciate it but…”
“But that’s not what you want to be?” Hunter continued where her words failed. “I… I get it. We didn’t exactly get off on the right foot what with me tricking you and attacking you and leaving you for dead…”
“And then attacking me again,” Amity smirked, “can’t forget that part.”
“Yeah… right…” Hunter sighed in defeat before standing. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come out here. I should probably g-“
“No,” Amity weakly grabbed the hem of his shirt, ushering for him to sit back down. “I’m sorry. I was just teasing you but it was a bad joke,” she explained as the boy sat down once more. “Like I said, I appreciate the gesture.”
“Then why the, ‘but’?”
“Because,” Amity relented, clutching her arm against the gash across her upper abdomen and readjusting her leg. “I’m not someone you should want to be friends with, Hunter. My family, we hurt people - each other included. I…” her voice cracked. “I hurt people.”
“What do you-“
“It’s my fault we're here,” Amity explained, a fleeting sense of lightness having been experienced as she said the words out loud to someone for the first time. “It’s my fault everyone is hurt and it’s my fault we're stuck.”
Hearing nothing in return to her confession, Amity glanced at Hunter who stared back visibly confused. “Luz…” Amity began her backtrack, “she was only taken today because of the danger I put her in by asking her to come over.”
“No,” Hunter shook his head. “She was taken because she took my place with Kikimora. If anything, this is all my-“
“Don’t,” Amity quickly interjected. “Don’t go there because it’s not true. This isn’t on you. It’s-“
“Then why is it on you?” Hunter interjected in return. “You only called her over to warn her, right? You were trying to protect her!“
“But that doesn’t matter!” Amity snapped. “Regardless of my intentions, my actions are the reason she ended up in harm's way. I’m the reason. I knew Kikimora was over and that in itself should have been enough to stop me from asking her over but it wasn’t. I did it anyway. I wanted to know she was okay so badly that I pulled her away from the people who could actually keep her safe and instead subjected her to my screwed up mess of a family. I mean, they abused and neglected me all of my life for Titan’s sake!” Amity all but shouted before her own words caught up with her.
Hyper aware of Hunter’s presence following her near outburst, Amity briefly closed her eyes, taking a second to compose herself. “I just… I knew they weren’t better than how they acted today, my dad included, and ultimately, that’s what caused things to go wrong. So yeah, that’s why all of this is my fault; I should have… No… I did know better,” Amity finally sighed. “But I called Luz over anyway and landed you all in danger as a result.”
Now sitting in silence, save for the sound of raindrops against the tin patio roof, Amity honed in on her pain. As much as her injuries hurt, physical pain didn’t bother her quiet like the mental and emotional stuff did. A little ice, a couple of healing glyphs, and time is all it ever seemed to take to get her feeling okay again whenever something sprained, broke, or bruised.
But the mind and feelings? They didn’t work that way. No amount of ice or time seemed to provide reprieve from the pain of a broken heart and the last she’d checked, you couldn’t slap a healing glyph on a mental wound. No, those hurts, they always seemed to linger and grow each and every time someone chose to pick and pivot off of them.
As such, it almost came as little surprise when she first started to lose awareness and time when bad things would happen. Because at least in those moments, it wouldn’t hurt - not that she could recall anyway. At least in those moments, her mind and emotions, they felt safe.
“You know,” Hunter finally spoke, pulling Amity’s attention before it slipped again. “I can see why you would think what happened today is your fault.”
“Right,” Amity nodded, a strange mix of guilt and relief brewing in her stomach at his admission.
“But I don’t agree that it is,” Hunter clarified before turning his eyes to his hands which he held together tightly on his lap. “I don’t think I was wrong when I said you and I are a lot alike. And while I know our situations are different, I do know that you aren’t responsible for how your parents acted, and I don’t just mean today or towards anyone else. What your dad said to your mom, ‘this is too much, even for you,’ tells me that a lot of bad shit just under the bar of what happened today got a pass in your household prior, and today was bad. Like really bad. Like the brink of ading in and condoning mass genocide bad. Not to mention your dad turning his machines on your mom to stop her, and your mom turning her ghost on your dad to stop him, like hello? Have you ever heard of just, I don’t know, talking things out? I mean, come on-“
“Hunter…”
“Right, sorry,” Hunter reigned back in his thoughts. “I guess what I mean is, as much as I hear you - understand you - when you say you should have known better, the fact is, they are adults. They are the ones that should know better.”
Shifting to face Amity who now sat staring at him, Hunter extended her a nervous hand which she hesitantly took in return. “Back at Eclipse Lake, you told me that there would be people who wouldn't make me feel worthless if I just let myself meet them, and then you extended a hand. You offered me a kindness that I didn’t deserve after how I treated you and rather than accept it, I ignored it in favor of trying to please my uncle and instead used it to hurt you.”
“It’s okay,” Amity insisted.
“No,” Hunter shook his head. “That’s just it - it was not okay.”
Watching as Hunter’s eyes left her own before landing on their enjoined hands, Amity waited for the boy to continue, feelings of caution and curiosity quickly sidelining the overwhelming guilt that was present within her before.
“I’ve had the opportunity to meet a few people since then,” Hunter finally continued. “And you were right. There are people out there who won’t make you feel like you constantly have to justify your existence - who won’t hurt you or put you in positions where hurting others feels like your only option. And while it’s only been a couple of weeks, the connections I’ve formed with Gus and the Captain, and even Luz,” he chuckled, absentmindedly running his thumb across Amity’s knuckles as he thought back on her girlfriend’s relentless attempts to befriend him, “they’ve taught me that people who care about you, who love you, don’t intentionally hurt you or make you afraid. They’ve helped me understand that I shouldn’t have to know better on behalf of somebody else, especially someone who claims to be my guardian - who claims to only be acting in my best interest. They’ve helped me realize that my uncle was wrong for manipulating me into believing in him and forcing me to follow his lead... And I guess I just want you to know that, the same goes for you. Your parents should have never put you in a position where they and their actions made you feel like you had to be afraid for the people you love.”
Shifting to face the rainfall in the yard, Hunter took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts. “But it would seem that knowing something and believing it can be two very different things,” He said before taking one final pause. “Today at the castle, when my uncle looked me in the eyes, when he looked like himself and not like the monster he’d become when he lashed out, I almost believed him when he said he only wanted to help me. I almost believed that somewhere in there, he had good intentions but in my heart, I knew it was a lie and him lashing out again confirmed that. And then that, Collector kid showed up and before I even had time to gather my thoughts beyond that, he was gone. Just like that, the man who raised me, who literally brought me into this world, was gone.”
Removing his hand from Amity’s, Hunter wiped away the tears that had begun to roll down his cheeks before returning his hands to his lap, clenched in frustration. Closing his eyes, he began to count, trying to ground himself in his breathing, before pushing forward.
Waiting patiently, Amity watched the boy attempt to reach a state of calm in silence. Overall, he was right in his assessment. Those who claim to love you shouldn’t hurt you or the people you love, and you aren’t responsible if they do. But in that same vein, he was right in acknowledging that knowing something and believing it to be true, were two very different things. And guilt was one hell of a drug. In turn, while she wanted to believe him when he said that none of what happened today was her fault, the guilt, albeit slightly less in its ferocity, remained. But perhaps, that was okay - that was one of many points to his story after all. Maybe the space between knowing and believing necessitated points of questioning, and last she checked, that's how learning occurred. But why, why did those points have to be so damn painful?
“You know, as awful as he was to me, as much of a poison as he was to the people of the Isles, as much as he hurt the people I’ve come to love, all of this still hurts. Losing him hurt, and I don’t mean in his passing. When we locked eyes today, I think that's the moment he died to me. That’s when it all ended,” Hunter sighed, Amity’s attention fixed on him once more. “But as much as it hurts, I know at least I’m not alone. I know that when things are hard, when that space between knowing and believing needs to be jumped, I’ll be safe regardless of where I land.”
A slight trembling catching the corner of his eye, Hunter turned to Amity who nodded with an open hand extended.
Unclenching his fists, Hunter took her hand once more before attempting to finish his thought. “I saw what happened with your parents today and I heard what you said to your mom. Losing a parent, by death or choice, it isn’t necessarily easy,” Hunter paused before slightly changing course. “And I don’t presume to know what all they’ve done to you but hearing the fear in your voice when your mom’s abomitons took your siblings, I got the sense that punishment doesn’t start and end with grounding…” Hunter surmised as Amity hesitantly nodded to confirm.
“I thought so,” Hunter frowned, wishing he had been wrong as he briefly chewed on his lip. “Look, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I may not know how things will work out for you in the future - I mean hell, I’m not even sure how things are going to play out now… But what I do know is that whatever happens, you’re not alone in your pain or grief. Between Luz and the others, I know you’ll be okay. And though I know we aren’t friends and I don’t want to push the matter or make you uncomfortable, just know that should you ever need it, I’ll always be here for you to provide a safe place to land.”
Tears once again trailing down her cheeks, Amity remained still, processing Hunter’s words as he wiped away tears of his own. Finally finding her voice, she begged a question once more.
“Hunter, why did you think to look for me?” Amity quietly asked, as if hoping his answer would present itself as some sort of solution to her jumbled mess of emotions.
“You looked like you had been dissociating for a while, or at least after the door to back the Isles shut, that is,” Hunter shrugged. “I had wanted to check on you sooner but Gus was crying and the Captain was trying to console Luz before she got to her mom so I stayed with him. Last I saw, Luz was still in there getting Ms. Noceda up to speed while she and, Vee, I think it was, patched everyone up…”
“Oh, I see,” Amity said quietly. “To be honest, I don’t… I don’t remember any of that. By the time I came to, we were already here and after I left to get air, everything past entering the kitchen is blank up until you arrived, though I think that last time was more due to panic… I’m not even sure how long we’ve been here let alone how long I’ve been out here…”
“It’s okay, I understand,” Hunter replied gently. “I kind of figured that may be the case. Dissociation and panic attacks are hard enough without the stress of having to account for lost time.”
“Yeah,” Amity breathed, experiencing a sense of relief in being understood in a way she had never thought possible before. “It… it’s scary.”
“Yeah, it is,” Hunter nodded in agreement as the wind began to pick up. Suddenly aware of just how long the pair had been outside, with Amity having been out significantly longer than himself, Hunter shivered as he stood. Looking down at Amity who’s eyes had drifted out to the rain, Hunter considered the fragile physical and mental state of the girl sitting in front of him as he took in the sight of her battered form. “But to clarify your earlier statement, it hasn’t been too long. We left the castle maybe two hours ago and of that, we’ve been here for about an hour. As far as you leaving goes, it’s been about maybe 30 minutes tops…. that said though, it’s getting late and it’s very cold,” he explained, “what do you say we head inside I’ll fill you in on the finer details of what you missed? You look like you could use some patching up and perhaps a warm meal or two.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Amity nodded, her stomach growling as if on cue.
“Or three,” Hunter laughed, “or four.”
“Hunter…”
“Just saying,” Hunter smirked before extending a hand. “Do you think you can stand or would you prefer I hoist you up on my shoulder?”
“I think I can handle it,” Amity rolled her eyes, biting back a wince out of pride despite clinging to the boy lest she stumble.
“Whatever you say,” Hunter chuckled as the two slowly made their way in.
“Hey Hunter?” Amity spoke as he pulled out a kitchen chair before helping her sit down, and then another to prop up her leg.
“Hm?”
“Thanks for everything, tonight,” Amity hummed, grateful to be in the warmth and off her feet again. “You’re a good friend.”
Slightly taken aback before feeling overjoyed, Hunter smiled. “You’re not so bad yourself, Blight.”
“So I’ve heard,” Amity said in reference to nothing but earning a laugh nonetheless. “And just so you know, should you ever need it, I’m here for you too.”
“Thanks. I just might take you up on that offer,” Hunter nodded with a smile before the roar of Amity’s stomach caused him to laugh once more. “But maybe after a meal, huh?”
“Or five, or six,” Amity laughed in return.