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Troy learned at a young age that life is easier if you decide to ignore some aspects of yourself. If you ignore or repress the traits about yourself that everyone else doesn’t like, you would be accepted. Why be yourself if people would call you names? Why be yourself if people won’t want to be around you? Why be yourself if everyone would hate you? Actually scratch that, liking Star Wars and Pokemon isn’t him, that's nerd shit, thinking boys are pretty isn’t him, that gay; Troy is neither, so by that thinking, he’s actually being himself by not doing those things. Problem solved.
So, through high school and middle school, Troy was himself, he played football, made fun of geeks with his friends, and dated the head cheerleader. This was who he was. A popular jock. He did not feel any guilt when he shoved guys into lockers nor did he think about how pretty one of his teammates were nor did he get excited hearing about Revenge of the Sith coming out. He told himself. He ignored anything that said otherwise.
But then college happened, he was in a new environment, and almost no one cared about him being a prom king or a star football player except for the Dean. If anything, those two facts about him were what was disliked about him. Not even Jeff cared, and Jeff was what everything a guy was supposed to be, right? He was strong, confident, did what he wanted, slept with women, and knew enough about pop culture to be cool but not nerdy. That's what men were supposed to be. That's what he saw on TV, that’s what he saw his dad be, that's what he saw his uncle as. But Jeff doesn’t care he was a prom king or a super cool jock, if anything Troy notices how Jeff rolls his eyes whenever he brings it up. So does Britta. And Annie and Shirley. Even Pierce. Abed doesn’t roll his eyes but Troy has noticed whenever he casts the group as movie characters, Troy always gets the mean jock. That hurt most for some reason. The pretty guy nerd doesn’t like him.
He couldn’t figure out why. Actually, Troy knows why but he doesn’t understand it. This is everything a guy is supposed to be so why don’t they like him?
Why did he care so much about what they thought about him?
This question has been keeping Troy up at night lately. There is no logical answer.
He couldn't figure out why he cares so much. They are losers. Annie is a nerd who only cares about grades and goes out of her way to help others when they need help in class. Britta is a lame SJW who defends people she sees being wronged. Shirley is the worst, her sad divorcee act is getting annoying like ‘cool for going to college to help provide for your kids’ no one cares. And don’t forget about Abed. Nerdy, annoying, pretty, Abed…
Actually scratch all of that. Jeff is the only cool one, wait no. Jeff is also a loser because he doesn’t see how cool Troy is.
But that explanation didn’t really stop Troy from going to the study group. He couldn’t stop going, he had to find the actual reason for why he cared about the group's opinion so much. This curiosity finally became too much to ignore. So on a Wednesday while walking to class with Abed he finally asked.
“But it really made no sense why Luke even wou-”
“Why do none of you think I’m cool?! I was literally a prom king and a star football player, I’m the definition of cool!”
“You know, people like you were always the villains in shows, like Flash from Spider-Man. Also, those aspects really mean nothing here. We aren’t a big sports school nor is Prom King as nearly as important as it seems in Sitcoms and Movies.” Abed turns to face his direction.
Troy just stood there.
Everything Abed said is what he has been told for weeks but how can all this information be wrong if everyone else liked him for being this. He was never ostracized nor was he bullied. He was accepted into society. Suddenly, all at once, it clicked. He was never ostracized or bullied because, he was the bully. He was the bully because he was too scared to be anything else. He wanted to be accepted. That being said Troy still can’t acknowledge fully why he became the bully he was.
Troy rubs the back of his neck, “I didn’t want to be the bully, I just wanted to be liked” he said it outloud, he was even shocked.
“Well, there are many characters who started off like that and then became good, like Logan from Veronica Mars or Prince Authur from Merlin. You could always change and subvert the trope. Many characters become the mean jock out of an insecurity of not being liked.” and with that Abed walked to class and Troy just stood there.
He stood there for a few minutes.
He stood there and continued to reflect on his past actions and decided he's going to change. To somewhat be himself.
That night, Troy went home and finally watched Revenge of the Sith. It wasn’t that great but he didn’t care. He did something he wanted to do. That being said he definitely didn’t think that Hayden Christensen was pretty. Definitely did not.
That issue would be something for Troy to go into later. He has had enough introspection for a while.
The next day at school, he didn’t bring up football or being a prom king once, he decided to join the discussion when he had something to add and started to walk with Abed to class more. He listened to Abed’s Star Wars theories and even added his own after a while.
He was happier.
He indulged in the nerdy topics he deprived himself from and made good memories to replace the old.
He was himself.
On one of the walks to Spanish Class, Abed even said
“I like that you decided to subvert the trope, it’s nice being your friend.”
Troy smiled softly, “yeah, I do too.”
Over the next few weeks his jock personality was nowhere to be found.
Until Jeff got Troy to play football again. He couldn’t argue against it. Could you blame him? The pillar of masculinity was telling him to play football. Troy tried to not fall back into it. But the lawyer with his magic words got him.
Annie wasn’t happy about it. That was clear. He couldn’t blame her. He was an ass in highschool, he was a tv show stereotype. Jeff’s magic words began to fade and Troy started to think about Abed's words from a few weeks ago. Then it hit him. Abed would know what to do. Troy set off to find him, which was harder than usual.
Troy found Abed hiding behind a newspaper in the cafeteria.
“What are you doing?” Troy asked.
“I’m laying low this week, ignore me.”
“Uh huh… actually I need to talk to you, it's important.”
“Oh, I guess I could put laying low on hold since this would probably get cut from this week's episode anyways seeing how Jeff is definitely going to be the main focus due to the posters with his face everywhere.”
Troy just nods, “alright sure.”
“So what is the issue?”
“Oh yeah, so, Jeff got me to join the football team and then I fell back into my jerk persona and Annie got mad at me and I feel bad, I can’t make anyone happy with who I am. I’m trying to be me and I’m failing-“
“Troy.”
“I just fell back so easily into the jock persona so maybe I am just an asshole and I’m faking who I am currently but even who I am currently-“
“TROY.”
Troy stops talking and looks at Abed.
“A few weeks ago you asked me why I don’t like you, but I think you really need to ask yourself: why do you need to be liked?”
“Because if I’m liked I won’t be disliked. I won’t be hated on, I’ll have friends.” Troy clinches his fists.
“You will have friends who like you for you, Annie likes the real you, she just doesn’t want to see you as a jerk. Jeff likes you too, but he also wants you to play football. However both of those aren’t important, you do whatever you think is best for your story arc.”
Troy sits in silence for a second.
“Do you think I should play football?”
“I think football is a pretty integral part of your character, however that’s not for me to decide, it’s for you to decide. Did you play football in your past before you became a jock?” Abed cocked his head, it’s cute.
“My uncle and I used to play when I was a bit younger,” Troy starts to smile, “I was on the flag football team when I was in elementary. I always enjoyed football, but in high school and middle school that’s when I started to feel pressure. Like if I didn’t play, I wouldn’t be a man and also it felt like everyone was watching me.”
“You should play then, if you enjoy it. There is no one here who has giant standards for you in football, our team is if underdogs had underdogs had underdogs. So there is not a Mighty Ducks situation that could happen or Air Bud. Just play football for you.”
Troy smiles at him. “Thanks Abed.”
“Sure Troy.” As Abed says this he slowly lifts his newspaper back up to lay low.
As Troy walked away he didn’t feel that upset that his conversation with Abed got cut from this week's episode. It was a moment just between him and Abed.
After that, Troy went to football practice for the pep rally. For himself. And he had fun. When Jeff came up to convince him not to play, Troy didn’t let his magic words or his great masculinity convince him. Jeff understood and let Troy go. Annie even showed up to the pep rally with a sign. Abed was right about them being understanding. Speaking of Abed, Troy was pretty sure he saw him in the crowd. Troy smiles.
Everything is alright right now. Definitely better than it used to be. Troy still has some progress he needs to make to undo the mental blocks he gave himself but right now he’s content and alright.