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It was Tuesday when Kenma started to hate his life. Not that he was usually very enthusiastic about it, but something about this new development just rubbed him the wrong way.
The temperature was warm on this summer day and the Nekoma volleyball team decided to train outside for a change. Kuroo was standing a bit further away, vividly talking to some guy wearing a soccer uniform. Both had smiles on their faces and seemed to forget everything around them. The way they stood together could be described as close and there appeared to be an awful lot of accidental touches shared between them.
Squinting his eyes together in contemplation, Kenma tried to find out what exactly was going on…which resulted in a volleyball flying straight in his face. The impact sent him down to the ground and his teammates all erupted into a laughing fit.
Though, that’s not what made him hate his life. That came later in the form of Kuroo giving the guy a goodbye kiss. A Kiss! When Kuroo turned around and jogged back to the rest of his team, his face slightly flushed, all Kenma could do was stare. His own face was red as well, if not because of the same reason.
“What was that?!”, Various, voices asked the captain for an answer. Obviously, the whole team was shocked to see something like that. Most of all Kenma, who was still standing there with an open mouth, unable to move. Kuroo just grinned in his smug way and placed a hand on his hip. “That was my boyfriend Sateo.” Then he had the audacity to look Kenma straight into his eyes and wink.
Kenma had the pleasure of getting to know this new and important person in Kuroo's life a few days later. For some unknown reason they actually wanted to hang out together and Kenma had the misfortune to be present whenever that happened. It almost felt like they met exclusively when he was around, as if to rub it under his nose.
However, the question of why it bothered Kenma so much was still left unanswered. He wanted his best friend to be happy, right? He had always wanted that. So why exactly did Kenma seem to hate the thought of Kuroo together with this other guy so much?
„So, you’re Kenma?“ A voice brought him out of his silent wondering and back to the entrance of the gym where he was waiting for Kuroo. It was the first time Sateo and him were alone and without Kuroo. Kenma lowered his gaming console to look at Sateo.
Admittedly, he was good looking. If you’re into tall and muscular athletes with very short hair. Sateo observed him in about the same way Kenma did him. They looked each other up and down, boyfriend and best friend of one Kuroo Tetsuro.
‚Doesn’t Kuroo like long hair?‘, Kenma was thinking while he nodded to answer the question the other boy had asked him. The other boy hummed and grinned at him as if he knew something Kenma didn’t. Which also didn’t sit right with Kenma. Kuroo wasn’t into cocky guys.
As the seconds went by, Kenma noticed that neither Sateo nor he were walking away from the entrance of the gym, which meant that they were both waiting for Kuroo. He tried hard not to grit his teeth.
Sateo seemed to come to the same conclusion which he announced with a loud voice and way too much energy: “Waiting for our guy together. His best friend and his boyfriend.” He laughed and slapped Kenma on his back, content with the absolutely hilarious thing he just told him. Kenma couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. Which was at least better than to glare at him.
First of all, Kenma wasn’t waiting voluntarily with this boisterous boy. Second of all, he never wanted to hear the words ‘his best friend and his boyfriend’ in relation to Kuroo, Sateo and himself again.
What was Kuroo thinking? He didn’t mesh well with a loud boy like that. He needed someone calmer. It was the same with Bokuto and his setter. They needed each other to balance them out. Opposites attract, as they say.
At that moment Kuroo appeared and Kenma immediately let out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t noticed that he was that tense without him and how at ease he felt when Kuroo was there.
But once again, like during the rest of the last weeks, he got disappointed. It wasn’t him that Kuroo wanted to see but Sateo. As he walked out of the locker room he only gave a quick smile to Kenma and then busied himself with his boyfriend. Kenma didn’t know that an embrace could release such an emotional response within him. And by that he meant anger.
“Kenma! Sateo and I kind of wanted to have a date. You know, without you.” Kuroo was flustered when he said it. The idea of the date clearly excited him to the point of nervousness. Kenma ignored the sharp pain he felt at the words ‘without you’ and tried to breathe normally. It wasn’t like Kuroo dropped him. He wouldn’t leave him alone. And yet, Kenma felt awfully lonely.
Kenma had thought he could handle everything after that one sentence that burned itself into his brain. “Without you”. A Kuroo without a Kenma. The night after that afternoon was the first time Kenma cried in a long time.
But he made his peace with the situation. Or at least he tried to. After practice he continuously walked home alone to give them their free time. It proved a good decision because he needed that as a recovery from all the times he had to endure the loving interactions between them.
Still, all in all he found some tricks to avoid breaking down in his bed each evening. He didn’t even know why it hit him so hard that his best friend had a boyfriend. It was hard to describe everything he was feeling. If he tried, there were words like sad, lonely, mad, infuriated and devastated. And all those words still didn’t really encompass what exactly he was feeling.
He learned what the exact feeling he couldn’t name was when he walked to their spot in the dining hall.
The spot was theirs since the beginning of Kenma’s high school career. The first day at lunch, Kuroo just stood at the entrance of his classroom, waving and smiling. He took him to a spot which was a bit apart from the main hall but not completely foreclosed. It had been their eating spot ever since.
And, apparently, now it was Sateo’s too. He sat at Kenma’s usual place next to Kuroo, joking and laughing around. They didn’t notice Kenma. Nobody ever did, except Kuroo. But now, even Kuroo didn’t spot him.
It hit him then. What he was feeling was jealousy. And sadness and regret. His eyes began to burn and he had to swallow empty. He abruptly changed direction, not caring that his food was falling out of his plate and landed on his tray.
He stopped, out of all places, at the volleyball court in their gym. Sitting down, he let the tears that formed in his eyes finally fall. They streamed down his face as he realized exactly why he was feeling the way he felt.
Kuroo had always been his best friend. He was the only person Kenma ever thought about when planning something in his future. The question of ‘What about Kuroo?’ was always included in his thoughts. He wanted to be near him and never leave his side. He wanted Kuroo in his life forever. Never had he stopped to think about what that meant.
Now that he finally did, it was too late. Kuroo had someone else that stayed beside his side. Someone else to be with him for forever. He didn’t need Kenma anymore. Maybe he never did. And Kenma would never know because he was too dense to realize his own feelings.
The funny thing was, now that Kenma accepted and realized his feelings, he recognized a lot more.
He recognized how in the past he knew there was more to his friendship with Kuroo. For a long time already. And how he was so scared of ruining anything that he repressed the feeling so much that even he himself didn’t realize it anymore.
He recognized how much he focused only on his best friend with no thought on anybody else. He wasn’t asexual or aromantic like he thought he was. There was simply no other possible choice than Kuroo.
He recognized the happy couples all around the school and how it affected him. Jealousy, now a permanent thing in his life, flowed through him. Every time he saw someone holding hands, it wounded him. It reminded him how he could never do it with Kuroo. If they were walking next to each other, there was simply no way for Kenma to hold his hand, even if it was physically possible.
He recognized how all the break ups affected him even more. Because there was always this ugly hope that it would be Kuroo and his boyfriend next.
And most of all, he recognized how much Kuroo was spending time with Sateo. How much more distant he was from Kenma in comparison to pre-relationship time. Small things like walking home together, hanging out after school or even eating lunch together disappeared and took the joy out of Kenma’s life.
Every touch, every look and every laugh they shared was made to wreck Kenma. And it did. He felt his heart being ripped into pieces while he had to sit there and smile, wishing Kuroo the best in his relationship.
And yes, nobody forced him to do that but himself. Because at the end of the day the most important thing in Kenma’s life was Kuroo; it had always been Kuroo. It was still Kuroo; and it would always be Kuroo. Exactly because of that he wanted to make Kuroo happy. He wanted to see him smile. Even if it wasn’t with him.
He caught them fighting.
But it wasn’t really fighting. All he saw when he arrived was Kuroo looking very dejected while Sateo was laughing and teasing him. Which, after everything Kenma went through, was enough to make him furious. It was one thing to take his best friend (who apparently had been his crush for years) away from him. But to hurt him in any way, shape or form was, simply put, a big fucking problem.
He only lashed out once before, when he and Yamamoto were fighting. But seeing what was happening before him, it happened again. Not caring what anybody thought, he stormed towards them with a big glare on his face.
Kenma didn‘t stop to think and pushed Sateo away from Kuroo, holding him by his collar. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? Never disrespect or even think of doing something bad to Kuroo. I don’t care what you are to him, but I’m his best friend and I swear I’ll do anything for him.”
Kenma ignored the pain he felt when he said best friend. He also ignored how this whole speech was not even close to reasonable. Kenma simply didn’t care anymore. If he couldn’t make Kuroo happy, then at least he had to make sure that nobody else made him sad.
Kuroo and everybody close enough to hear gaped at the usually very laid back and quiet Kenma. Sateo just smirked and turned his face towards Kuroo.
“Ah, your masterplan finally finds a conclusion. Didn’t think it would work if I’m being honest. But here we are.”
Kenma let go of him and took a step back. What did he just say?
Sateo grinned contently, crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. Kuroo seemed to awaken from his frozen state and looked at his boyfriend with wide eyes. Kenma was just confused. Definitely not the reaction he expected.
It was almost embarrassing. Normally he was amazing at reading the people around him, but he couldn’t deduct the meaning behind that statement. Or Kuroo’s reaction to it for that matter.
His confusion only grew when Kuroo relaxed after a second and raised an eyebrow at Sateo. Almost irritated, he said: “What do you mean? I knew it would work. Don’t underestimate me.”
Sateo just shrugged his shoulders and picked up his bag from the floor. He pushed himself away from the wall and grinned even wider. “Yeah, but you always emphasized that little Kenma here was smart. I thought he would figure you out in an instant. You’re not as sly as you think you are, Kuroo.”
Kuroo gasped and glared at Sateo. Not even his boyfriend (?) could talk down on Kenma. He wasn’t the only one outraged. Kenma was pissed. Who did this soccer macho guy think he was? But his best friend wasn’t any better. By the sounds of it he was not only involved in whatever has been happening the last weeks, he was the mastermind behind it all.
Making sure to look as angry as possible, Kenma raised his voice to get the attention of the other two boys. “Explain!”
For a few seconds there was silence. Until Sateo chuckled and shouldered his bag. “I’ll be going now. Have fun you two.”
He started walking away, waving goodbye. Sateo was almost at the bicycle stand when he turned and added in a mischievous tone: “Ah yes, I almost forgot. Kuroo, I’m breaking up with you. It’s not you, it’s me.” Cackling at his own hilarity, he turned around again, got to his bike and rode away.
“What the… EXPLAIN!”, Kenma asked of his speechless best friend. He tried to push away all the forbidden feelings that started to appear as soon as Sateo yelled the words ‘I’m breaking up with you’ to Kuroo.
Kuroo cringed and then looked down into Kenma’s face. Kenma tried to ignore how the undivided attention from Kuroo made him feel. He hadn’t noticed before. Kuroo was always there, always looking out for him. That stopped during the time he got his boyfriend. Kenma hadn’t appreciated it enough. He missed it now.
The expression on Kuroo’s face softened and he sighed. Scratching the back of his head, he looked so lost that Kenma almost forgave everything he did instantly.
“I… It’s a long story?”
“Thankfully we have enough time on the way home.”
They started walking but Kuroo didn’t start talking. Kenma vowed that he wouldn’t be the one to start this conversation, especially since he already asked for an explanation two times. His best friend seemed to have trouble finding words, which didn’t happen often.
So, Kenma broke his vow. “Sateo is kind of an asshole.”
Kuroo let out a little laugh and visibly relaxed. “He’s not. He’s… Sateo is Sateo. He doesn’t mean anything bad.”
Kenma eyed his best friend. “Even if he doesn’t mean anything bad, he’s still an asshole.”
Kuroo raised his hand and tousled through Kenma’s hair. “If you say so.”
But Kenma’s words did help Kuroo as he finally cleared his throat and started explaining. “He was my fake boyfriend.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
Kenma leveled him with a frown but patiently waited for further explanation. His head already hurt from the different possibilities this implied. It also hurt because of the different possibilities regarding Kenma’s own feelings.
“We go to class together. He found out that I’m bi and confided in me. He told me that he wanted to come out but not in a way that involved telling and explaining everyone. And then I kind of got the idea to be fake boyfriends.”
Kuroo stopped narrating but Kenma knew there was more. After all, Sateo described Kuroo as being the mastermind behind it all and something about the plan working when Kenma was mad. So, he just stared intently at Kuroo, who was now sweating again and looked everywhere but Kenma’s eyes.
“The plan was perfect because he got to out himself without really telling everybody outright and I could make you jealous.”
Now, the thing was, Kenma wasn’t stupid. He already pieced together that in some form Kuroo had wanted to make him jealous as soon as he told him about the fake boyfriend stuff. He just didn’t know why. It almost gave him hope. Hope that his crush wasn’t one-sided. The feelings he so carefully pushed away slowly surfaced again.
“The lack of reaction on your part means that you already figured it out, am I right?” Kenma nodded. The larger boy sighed and took a deep breath. “Then you also know why, I take it?” This time around Kenma shook his head, which seemed to shock his friend.
"What? You don’t? Isn’t it obvious now?”
When Kuroo saw the glare from Kenma, he quickly explained the last details. “It’s because I like you. And I knew you liked me too, you just didn’t realize it yet. So, I had to make you realize that you like me.”
“You're pretty confident in yourself.”
Kuroo smirked and looked deep into Kenma’s eyes. He seemed to have gotten all his confidence back. “Was I wrong?”
“No comment.”
“KENMA!”, Kuroo exclaimed and stopped walking. Kenma had to stop himself from smiling. A warm, bubbling feeling spread all over his body as Kuroo’s previous sentence repeated in his mind. He just knew that his cheeks were blushing. He didn’t care.
Kenma decided to give Kuroo an answer. He stopped walking as well and turned around to face Kuroo. Grabbing him by his collar, he pulled him down for easy access to his lips. The last thing he saw before he kissed his best friend were his widened eyes.
Kuroo’s plan worked. Which was a fact accepted, but never admitted by Kenma.
It was Tuesday again when Kenma started to love his life. For people who didn’t know him, this was impossible to guess. He acted the same, looked the same and talked the same. But for people who knew him, some noteworthy differences were visible.
If one looked closely, his newfound love and happiness was apparent by the way his eyes sparkled when a certain someone was near him. Or the way his expression took on a dreamy state when he talked with Kuroo (or even about him). Or the telling way his face lightly flushed when Kuroo touched him, took his hand or embraced him.