Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Day 1 ~ Migraine / Survivor's Guilt / Forced Marriage / Sacrifice / Hanahaki

Hubert had his regrets as soon as Ferdinand had left. Those damned Blue Lions had the Professor with them. He knew the battle wouldn't be easy. But he never should have been convinced to send their best cavalry to the bridge.

If he hadn't, Ferdinand's name would've never been amongst the reports of the dead.

It took Hubert a while to process everything during the debriefing. Even now, he only remembered bits and pieces. Something or another about Lorenz agreeing to join the Professor if his life was spared (he didn't care much for him anyhow), the bridge was taken, no prisoners were spared…both commanding generals were dead.

He didn't believe the knight at first. He didn't believe anyone until he had the report in his hands.

It was there when he saw it, towards the top of the list: General Ferdinand von Aegir.

The report was ash in his hands not a moment later.

"Hubert!"

He turned to Edelgard but didn't say anything.

"We need those names to-"

"I know everyone who was on that bridge. I sent them."

It took Edelgard a while to understand what he meant by that.

"Hubert-"

"I sent him there…"

"You couldn't have known-"

"He shouldn't have been there! He wasn’t even supposed to be on the bridge, to begin with!”

“But blaming yourself for it won’t do anything, Hubert…I know you and Ferdinand were close, but don’t think that this is your fault.”

He forgot that there were secrets he kept even from the Emperor. “...Ferdinand and I were courting. Unofficially, but courting nonetheless.”

“...Oh. I had no idea.”

“I apologize for not telling you.” He then bowed. “I’ll start the condolences. I’ll be in my office.”

And he stayed in his office for nearly a week. It didn't help that his room was attached to his office (though he kept the door that led directly to his room locked at all times) and he never came out for any meal. At one point, Bernadetta started leaving food outside his door, and the only reason he ate it was because he felt bad that she kept making tea sandwiches for him every day.

But the tea sandwiches always reminded him of Ferdinand.

Perhaps that was what drove him to finally leave his office and walk down the hall to the Prime Minister’s chambers.

When he opened the door, he couldn’t help but notice that it was the same as how the ginger had left it. His bed was hurriedly made, his hair brush was still sitting next to his mirror, and if Hubert was lucky…

He reached under Ferdinand’s bed, pulling out a small box.

He lifted the lid, taking out the first thing he could grab.

24th Day of the Lone Moon, Year 1185

It fills me with fear to think about how I march with General Ladislava a week from today. Myrddin holds strategic advantage, so it is only right that they send someone they can trust to guard it. It fills me with pride to know that Her Majesty and Hubert trust me so. It fills me with even more joy to know that Lorenz will be accompanying me on the bridge. To fight with a friend gives me great relief, especially when I know I will be fighting old friends as well.

I most likely will have to cross paths with the Professor as well. Rumors of her evading death were a welcome surprise. If only we weren’t on two opposing sides.

I remember the day we took the monastery. The way that the Professor fell into the ravine. I still hear her screams every now and again. That and that beast of an archbishop.

It is laughable, to think I would ever call the archbishop such things, but I saw her monstrous form with my own eyes, so there is no reasonable doubt.

Rumors of Dimitri being alive have filled me with even more dread, as well as the rumors of a “one-eyed monster”. It saddens me to think of how far Dimitri has fallen from nobility. Though, I cannot blame him when he was falsely accused of killing his uncle and had to watch his best friend die in his place. Still though, to go around ruthlessly killing is unbecoming of a noble, especially a king.

That is why I must capture him if he arrives at the bridge. I shall grant Edelgard an audience with him first, as I feel it is right. But I put in writing that I either come back with Prince Dimitri in chains or I do not come back at all.

Such is the risk that I am willing to take for Her Majesty and the Empire.

This letter has become dreadfully dull, so I suppose I will end it here. Another letter to the box and hopefully, many more to be piled on top of it.

Signed,

Ferdinand von Aegir

The last line of his letter hurt the most. There were supposed to be more letters on top of this one. This wasn’t supposed to be the last one. If Hubert had reasoned with him, it wouldn't have been.

And although noble, this wasn’t Ferdinand. This wasn’t the bright and cheery man that Hubert had grown to love.

He pulled out another letter.

1st Day of the Lone Moon, Year 1185

I find it hard to believe that it has been five years since we took over the monastery. It feels like just yesterday, the Black Eagles found out that Edelgard was the Flame Emperor.

The day she came to us is still fresh on my mind.

But anyhow, I must say, I am proud of what we have accomplished in five years. We now talk in strategy meetings about securing more tactically advantageous spots, but I still remember when our strategy meetings were Caspar, Petra, Hubert, Edelgard, and myself sitting in the cardinal room of Garreg Mach. Hard to believe that the four of us are now generals under Edelgard, along with countless others who have joined our cause.

It is nice to know that I have made the right choice in standing behind Edelgard. It makes all the rough experiences and talk amongst the ranks much easier to manage.

Alas, today’s letter was shorter, but with five years having passed, Edelgard is ready to strike, so I do not have time for such writings as of present.

Another letter to the box and hopefully, many more to be piled on top of it.

Signed, 

Ferdinand von Aegir

It briefly crossed Hubert’s mind to question how long Ferdinand had kept this box of letters. He didn’t think he had the heart to look at the first one, though he could probably guess that it contained something about his acceptance into the Officers’ Academy judging by the size of the stack.

He thumbed through more letters before another date caught his attention.

30th Day of the Great Tree Moon, Year 1183

Today is my birthday and what a birthday it was been! Seeing as we are in the middle of a war, I could not celebrate like I would have wanted, seeing as I have just turned twenty, but then again, I cannot remember the last time I had a celebration for my birthday anyway, so that logic is obsolete.

The Strike Force was kind enough to throw together something small for me (no doubt by the request of Dorothea), and it was truly lovely.

I am grateful to the friends I have accumulated these past three years…and now a boyfriend.

I feel like a giddy schoolboy even as I write it.

And I must say, Hubert truly caught me off guard. It came as no surprise when his gift to me was our daily tea times that we have started taking (which that in and of itself is quite a development), but I was very surprised to see him get down on one knee! I thought he was going to propose!

A mistake on his part, of course. But he did ask to court me.

I am not even sure if I should be writing this, seeing as our newfound relationship is supposed to be a secret, but he has assured me that Edelgard will not have my head for deciding to court her right hand.

Though I suppose I stand right beside her as her true right hand. In my opinion, Hubert is more of her left hand but I digress.

It makes me happy to know that the last year of hiding my feelings is finally over, and I hope that we can be wed once this war is over. Hubert expressed the same sentiment.

But now, it is late and we march tomorrow so I should be off to bed. 

Another letter to the box and hopefully, many more to be piled on top of it.

Signed,

Ferdinand von Aegir.

Hubert didn’t realize he was crying until he felt the water drip down his chin. He touched his face and the finger of his glove was instantly soaked.

He remembered that day all too well; the tears that flowed down Ferdinand's cheeks, some getting caught in his dimples as he smiled, the smell of fruity earth that was just so...Ferdinand as the two embraced, the way Ferdinand laughed when Hubert had asked to court him instead of marrying him (which truly was entirely Hubert's fault), the way the sun…

"Hubert?" He didn't have to turn to know who it was, and he didn't bother wiping his face as he felt the bed dip beside him. "...What are these?"

"Letters…from Ferdinand."

"That's a lot of letters. Do you plan to read them all?"

"I couldn't force myself to do that." Edelgard squeezed his hand, honestly not knowing any other way to comfort her friend. "He's gone, Edelgard…"

"I know, Hubert."

"I didn't think he'd be the first to go. I honestly thought it'd be Linhardt, and Caspar would be there to die right alongside him…But not Ferdinand. I thought he'd see the war to its end."

"I did too. But he wouldn't want you to-"

"How could you possibly know what Ferdinand would want?! He was supposed to see this war to the end with all of us but I sent him out to the front lines instead!" He recollected himself with a breath. "I apologize. I spoke out of turn."

"It's okay to have emotions, Hubert. You are human, despite what you may think." She stood. "Ferdinand saw the human in you." She sighed when the ravenette didn't say anything. "I'll leave you alone for the night. But at the very least, join us for breakfast tomorrow."

"...I shall try, Lady Edelgard. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Hubert."

It was until the door clicked shut behind him that Hubert allowed himself to silently cry.

He didn't know if it was the hysteria or tiredness that made me reach for the bottom of the box, but he pulled out what should’ve been the first letter Ferdinand wrote.

Instead, it was dateless and addressed to him. Judging by the wear of the paper, it was fairly new.

Dearest Hubert,

He could hear Ferdinand's voice in his head.

Dearest Hubert,

First of all, I congratulate you for making it to the bottom of this box. Whatever the reason for it, you are strong to do that.

But if you have come across this letter, I fear the worst has happened. Whether I have died by your side and told you to find this box or you have happened upon it yourself, I want to say that you need to stay strong.

And that I am sorry.

I told you that I would see this war to the end. I told you that we would get married when everything that needed to be finished was finished, but I have broken both of those promises.

So I hope what I have put inside will be enough to mask my shortcomings in my promise to you.

Hubert looked inside the envelope. He pulled out a golden ring, a large cut emerald in the center of it with smaller emeralds running down the band. Engraved in the emerald was the Crest of Cichol.

Any noble of Adrestia would know this ring.

It was the Aegir family ring. Meant to give to the one you intended to marry.

He took off his glove and slipped the ring on his finger, continuing the letter.

The ring is yours to keep. I will make sure that a replica of the ring is passed to my eldest sister, along with the news of my death when the time comes. But I want you to have the real ring as a token of my love for you.

In all honesty, I hope you never have to read this letter and I will be fishing this ring from under dozens upon dozens of letters, but this is war and I am a general, so I know I cannot earnestly believe that will happen.

And Hubie, no matter when I may die, know that you have to keep serving Edelgard know that you have to stay strong. For Edelgard, the Strike Force, but most importantly, for yourself. I do not want to become a shackle to you, Hubie. I do not want to be your regret. The last thing I want is to hold you back or keep you from fighting at your best. So scream, cry, tear this letter to shreds if you must, but please move on and keep fighting. I am but a small price to pay for the greater good of Adrestia. I know that you and Edelgard will make a beautiful Fódlan. And every time y ou look at the Great Tree Moon, know that I am always watching over you and bathing you in light.

With eternal and everlasting love,

Ferdie

Hubert didn't know how to react. A small part of him wasn't surprised that Ferdinand had prepared something in case anything like this happened.

It hurt to think about how Ferdinand must have been feeling.

He let out a quiet sob.

His bright-shining Ferdinand, left for dead on a battlefield to be shipped in a box back to Aegir territory. Left to be buried in his own soil of Aegir Manor before that wretch he called a father.

Left alone to ascend to the Goddess and leave Hubert all alone.

He kissed the ring before lying down, clutching the letter to his chest as he cried.

It wasn’t long until he cried himself to sleep.

And it wasn't long until he was dreaming about copper hair and honey gold smiles.