Chapter Text
Carina stood frozen in place her arms firmly crossed over her chest as she glared at the large screen in the atrium the played the live news reel of the five alarm fire. Three buildings surrounding a communication tower threatening to fall as the fire began to engulf them in flames.
She knew her wife was there, she had a text telling her so… not 15 minutes later she received a second message telling her Maya was going in that was 4 hours ago, she’d vowed to be safe and declared her love and Carina knew her wife always did everything she could to come home, and she knew she was safe and great at her job but the scenes before her still scared her.
A number of other doctors had tried to move her, she’d been paged multiple times but she hadn’t heard her phone. She didn’t want to, the hospital moved around her, she could hear the commotion of the ER in the distance, she could hear the sound of sirens both outside the hospital and on the TV but still she didn’t move.
She couldn’t see her wife or anyone from 19 though that wasn’t uncommon, the camera’s panned around the scene showing the flames before zoning back in on the reporter.
Carina read the subtitles as fast as she could to understand what was going on, the first building had collapsed 20 minutes ago and there were reports of fallen firefighters but no names, no company numbers.
The sound around her rung out as the second building fell and something in Carina sank, something told her her wife was in that building, that she’d just been trapped. She didn’t want to believe it but she couldn’t ignore the feeling in her gut. She was shaken from her trance by a hand on her shoulder turning her away from the TV, she shook off the intrusion in a hostile way, she couldn’t be touched right now, or held there were only 4 people she wanted to be with right now and the person infront of her was not one of them
“Take me off rotation… please” Carina asked shakily as she spun again, her eyes staying glued to the screen before her watching the aftermath of the second collapse
“Consider it done” Miranda replied
“Grazie” Carina smiled weakly and with that the Italian took off.
The chief didn’t know where she was going, part of her suspected that she was going to march down to the scene but Carina was smarter than that, she was calmer than that. She wasn’t a crazed spose who turned up to scenes demanding their significant others safety
Carina left the atrium and headed straight up the stairs. She didn’t stop to say hi to anyone she didn’t tell anyone where she was going. She knew eventually her boss would find out where she was going but for now she needed to be in her own bubble, she needed to be the people who would help her feel closest to her wife, she needed to be with her children.
She made her way to the daycare, she gave little to no explanation to the daycare manager as to why she needed to be with her children. After a while Teddy came by offering to take her home but Carina didn’t want to leave, she wanted to be with her children and she wanted to be in the hospital just in case her wife came into the ER
The Italian had curled up in the corner with her daughter, Emilia wriggling grumpily in her arms as Eleora babbled away to herself in the other corner. The hours ticked by and the daycare began to empty there were only a few children left including the DeLuca-Bishop’s but no one had forced Carina to move so instead she sat there playing with her children trying to distract from whatever hell she was about to live should Maya not come home
“Mama” Eleora crawled over to Carina who rocked Emilia in the corner of the daycare figuring the baby wanted her bottle
“Si” Carina smiled weakly reaching to brush the girls long blonde waves out of her face earning a cute smile off the 4 year old
“Can I feed baby Emilia?” Eleora asked sweetly running her small hand across the baby’s furrowed brow that seemed to instantly disappear under the soft caresses of her big sister
“Si bambina, you sit here in these pillows next to me and I’ll go heat up her bottle…” Carina smiled and Eleora quickly settled herself deep in a bean bag and reached for Emilia “…hold her tight remember” Carina smiled placing the baby in the toddlers arms
“Lots of cuddles, I remember” Eleora smiled as Carina kissed her forehead
Carina stood up to go get Emilia’s bottle but not missing the blonde slightly lifting her sister and simultaneously bending down to press a soft kiss to Emilia’s forehead, something Maya had taught her to do
“We’re best friends…” Eleora whispered softly “…ti voglio bene” she added and Carina’s heart melted at the sweetness of the act
“Here” Carina smiled sitting back down next to Eleora and passing her the bottle for Emilia
“Grazie mama” Eleora smiled
Carina sat listening to Eleora talk to Emilia babbling away in both English and Italian when Andrea came running over to her, his last little friend having just been picked up leaving it just Carina and her children in the daycare. She knew she should leave, she knew she’d be more comfortable at home but if Maya came into the ER she wanted to be in the hospital
“Is mommy okay?” Andrea asked sitting himself in Carina’s lap
“I don’t know tesoro” Carina sighed shaking her head as Andrea pulled her arms around him
“Where is she?” Eleora asked hearing her brother and mama’s conversation
“She’s at work” Carina replied, all she knew was Maya was at a five alarm and she couldn’t get a hold of her
“In a fire?” Andrea asked
“I don’t know” Carina replied honestly
“I miss her” Andrea sighed sadly cuddling into Carina’s body
“Me too” Carina sighed softly wrapping her arms tightly around Andrea and subconsciously rocking him side to side
The early evening faded into the night and as Emilia fell asleep the twins continued to find hidden energy stores and kept going.
They wanted to keep Carina happy and they wanted to see their mom but they didn’t know what that would be and that scared them
“Carina” Miranda called over to the Italian who sat laughing and giggling with her twins having put Emilia to sleep in her stroller
“Have you heard from her, or Ben or anyone?” Carina asked quickly as she jumped up from the floor and moved quickly across the room so she could have a hushed conversation with her boss without evoking any worry from her twins
“Ben is in the ER, it appears no one from 19 has or had tabs on Bishop, Herrera or Montgomery” Miranda answered quietly aware of the boy trying to crawl closer to his Mama
“Where are they, are they still in the building, have they been taken to anther hospital?” Carina asked in confusion not understanding how three of the most skilfully trained firefighters she knew could be missing
“I have people ringing around the other hospitals now… we’ll find them” Miranda assured holding a hand to Carinas elbow though it didn’t do much to calm her
“I just need her to be alive, I need her to come home” Carina sighed softly running her hands through her hair and tipping her head backwards so she wouldn’t cry
“Mommy isn’t coming home?” Andrea asked timidly
“I-“ Carina cracked having not noticed her son at her feet
“Let me…” Miranda smiled before crouching down to Andrea’s level “…your mommy is super super busy helping lots of people right now, we’re trying to find her too so we can help”
“Mommy doesn’t answer her phone at work” Andrea replied remembering what Carina would sometimes tell them if they wanted to call Maya before bedtime when the Italian knew she was on a call
“I know, that’s why it’s so hard to find her but we’re going to keep looking” Miranda smiled softly
“Va bene…” he nodded seemingly content with the answer “…will she be safe?” he asked quietly his big sad brown eyes stared right into the chiefs reminding her eerily of his uncle
“I hope so” Miranda smiled catching a stray tear that fell from the boys eye
“I just want mommy to come home for cuddles and bedtime” Andrea sulked though Miranda could tell he was trying hard to fight back the tears and fear for his mama’s sake
“I’m going to do everything I can to try and make that happen” she continued her smile never once faltering, a comforting reassurance to the boy who was possibly too young to fully understand the extent of what was going on but what he did understand was he missed his mom
“Grazie Miranda” he smiled softly
“You’re very welcome Andrea” she replied before standing back up and Andrea reached to Carina to be held
———
On the OB floor there were a number of nurses, OB’s and interns rushed off their feet. They’d benefit gratefully from a helping held from the Italian OB but she was in no fit state to be providing patient care and everyone knew she was where she needed to be with her children
The elevator doors kept sticking, it was yet to become a bigger issue but Maya didn’t want to risk getting stuck in a suspended metal box when all she wanted to do was fall into her wife’s arms.
She took the stairs two at a time a skill she’d mastered perfectly even in her turn outs before she came crashing through the fire escape doors into the corner of an empty hallway.
Her legs continued to carrier her through the maze of the hospital, not caring too much for those around her. It didn’t happen often but sometimes the ‘eyes forward’ mantra that had been drilled into her since childhood came in handy. She could focus on reaching the one office she needed to be in as quickly and efficiently as possible
“Ma’am the ER is downstairs” a nurse called seeing the firefighter flustered and out of sorts as she burst onto the floor in a frantic search of the one person she couldn’t find
“Yes I know where the ER is, I’m not here for the ER”Maya snapped as she continued to look around the floor for either someone she recognised or her wife “…Where’s my wife?” She asked her voice now more desperate than before
“In her office I presume?” another nurse replied who recognised Maya from her other visits slightly scared by the growing anger apparent on the blondes face
“It’s empty there’s no one in there is she in surgery? I need to see her” Maya exhaled holding onto the nurses station before she passed out releasing now just how dehydrated she was
“Baylor is Dr DeLuca in surgery?” a nurse asked a familiar intern who looked equally as flustered and rushed off her feet as Maya
“No idea, I doubt it her wife’s missing” Baylor replied not looking up from the tablet in her hand “…presumed dead”
“Her wife is here” Maya replied choosing to ignore the end of the sentence
“You’re Dr DeLuca’s wife?” Baylor questioned a little bit stunned not expecting the firefighter to be alive let alone turn up on the hospital floor
“Yes, I’m Captain Maya Bishop… do you knew where Carina is?” Maya asked feeling like the nurses and interns knew more than they were letting on and gatekeeping the whereabouts of her wife
“Wow your daughter really does look like you-“ Baylor replied stunned at the likeness Maya bared to Eleora “…sorry, I’m sorry got distracted by the blue eyes” the blonde exhaled at the interns confession resisting the urge to roll her eyes and snap still not knowing the where her wife was
“Maya” Jo questioned as she rounded the corner and Maya let out a sigh of relief as she finally saw someone she knew and recognised
“Jo where’s Carina?” Maya asked
“She’s in the daycare, Bailey took her off rotation when the first building collapsed and she’s been with your kids ever since” Jo smiled softly
“Thank you” Maya sighed with a wide smile for the OB before heading off to the stair well that would lead her back to the otherside of the hospital and the daycare
“No problem” Jo smiled softly shouting after the blonde who quickly disappeared
———
Again her legs carried her, fast and fast as she weaved in and out of the vast volume of people all with their own reasons of being in the hospital this late at night. She continued to run, eyes forward but not focused on a prize, I read her focus was on her wife, her children, her family… getting home to them
“Maya” Nancy smiled as she shut off the hoover seeing the firefighter walk through the doors of the nursery a little worse for wear but seemingly uninjured
“Hi Nancy, are they here?” Maya smiled softly
“Yes in the back room Carina was reading to them I’ve never seen her so worried, she usually picks the kids up and acts like normal when you’ve been called out but this time was different” Nancy smiled softly filling Maya in on the information that Jo hadn’t known
“My phone broke and we lost radio comms the cell tower’s fallen so I haven’t been able to get in touch at all” Maya sighed as she quickly explained away in short what had happened on the call
The daycare worker smiled sympathetically and nodded she could tell Maya didn’t want to talk about the call and even if she did she wasn’t the person she’d talk to
“They’re just through there…” Nancy smiled weakly pointing to the back room “…Emilia’s asleep in her stroller and I think Eleora passed out part way through the first story”
“Thank you” she nodded
“Oh Maya” Nancy called after the blonde just before she could disappear
“Hmm”
“Take this…” she smiled throwing Maya a packet of baby wipes “…for your face”
“Thank you” Maya chuckled taking a wipe out and clearing as much soot as she could from her face
The blonde made her way into the back room of the daycare pausing in the doorway as she heard the soft tones of her wife’s voice reading Pete Pan to Andrea. Like Nancy said Eleora was curled up on a large floor pillow under one of the blankets out of Emilia’s stroller fast asleep whilst Andrea cuddled tightly under Carina’s arm pointing out the pictures and small illustrations that went along with the words on the page.
She managed to creep in undetected and lowered herself to her knees, peering over the side of Carina’s shoulder the loving smile not leaving her face
Carina could sense the smell of soot and smoke and fire but she was too engrossed in the story much like Andrea to look up. She thought her mind was playing tricks on her as she struggled to push the tears backs and stay strong to finish the story for her son’s sake
“I see I’m just in time for my favourite part” Maya spoke softly as she sat down next to Carina and Andrea
“Mommy!” Andrea smiled as Carina froze shocked and not expecting her wife to creep up on them
Andrea crawled onto Maya wrapping his arms around her neck and legs around her waist cuddling tightly into her feeling Maya hold him tighter than normal
“Hi bubba…” Maya giggled running her hand up and down his back “…hey it’s okay, I’m here, im okay I promise” she reassured him as she heard him sniffle back tears against her shoulder
“You’re not hurt?” Andrea asked resting his head sideways as he tried to brush the soot off his mom’s face
“No, im not hurt… I might have a bad cough for a few days but im okay I promise” Maya smiled before she coughed almost on cue and Andrea cuddled her tighter
“I missed you and I got scared” he mumbled against her shoulder pulling the hair tie out her hair and playing with the ends like he watched Maya do to Eleora when she complained her hair tie was too tight and Maya melted at the gesture
“I got scared too” she whispered as she kissed the side of Andrea’s head
“You don’t get scared” Andrea replied shaking his head refusing to believe his mom
“I do when I miss you and your sisters” Maya replied she’d been so focused on Andrea she hadn’t even noticed the tears streaming down Carina’s face, neither had Andrea
“And mama?” he asked sweetly
“Especially Mama” Maya replied as she caught the sob that Carina attempted to suppress at the confession
“She’s okay mama, mommy’s okay” Andrea smiled letting go of Maya and hugging Carina again seeing the tears fall from her face
Andrea let go of Carina and Maya pulled her to her feet the Italian instantly wrapping herself around her holding on for the fear that if she let go she might wake up and her wife won’t be in her arms
“Hi” Maya chuckled when Carina locked her in death grip hug
“Just hold me” Carina whimpered against Maya’s shoulder as her knees threatened to buckled beneath her
“I’m okay Carina I promise” Maya whispered softly her arms locked tightly around her wife’s waist
“I’m not” she admitted quietly burying her face in the firefighters neck not caring for the smell of smoke and ash
“I’m so sorry…” Maya spoke softly “…I love you” she added kissing the side of Carinas head and running her hand down the back of her head and hair
“I thought I’d lost you, I thought the next firefighter to walk through the door would be one telling me I’d lost you” Carina added as she pulled back to take Maya’s face in her hands
“I’m sorry…” Maya choked lost in the look of utter fear mixed with relief and love and longing and trust together in the warm chocolate eyes “…come on let me take you home” she smiled softly
Carina let out a sob of relief the small smile on Maya’s face breaking her as she pulled the blonde into a searing kiss one that up until 10 minutes ago she’d never thought she’d get again
“Can we go home please mommy?” Andrea asked as he wrapped his arms around Maya’s legs
“Yeah bubs we can, why don’t you go and help Nancy find all your things so we can leave” Maya smiled widely wiping at her own tears with one hand as the other ruffled her sons curls
“Okay mommy” Andrea smiled before running off in search of Nancy
“Can you get Eleora?” Carina asked softly as she took another deep breath to steady herself, physically feeling the previous fear and worry ebb away with every smile from the blonde
“Of course” Maya nodded taking a hold of Carina’s hands seeking the comfort before letting go and heading to scoop Eleora up
Maya bent down ensuring to wrap Eleora in the blanket knowing it’ll be easier to keep her warm that way than to fight with her in a tired state to get her coat on
“Mommy?” Eleora muttered against Maya’s shoulder as her eyes blinked open at the movements
“Hi princess” Maya smiled reaching her hand to cover Eleora’s that settled on her cheek
“You smell like fireworks mommy” Eleora frowned scrunching her face
“I know but we’re going to go home and I’m going to fix that” Maya giggled kissing away the furrowed brow from the blondes forehead
“Ba benny” Eleora yawned out the indication of sleep causing the mispronunciation “…are you hurt? I can walk” she added
“I’m not hurt, I’m fine…” Maya smiled “…do you want to walk?” she asked smiling sweetly at her daughters question and declaration
“Nah-uh…” she shook her head “…I… I want snuggles but don’t want to hurt you” she yawned blinking quickly to try and stay awake
“I’m okay I promise, we can have snuggles”
“Yay! Sono molto stanca Mommy” Eleora whimpered cuddling back into Maya’s shoulder
“Go back to sleep EllyBelly… it’s okay I’m here, I’ve got you”
“Ti voglio bene mommy” Eleora smiled reaching over Maya’s shoulder to play with her hair
“I love you too” Maya smiled feeling the four year old rake through her hair
———
By the time they made it home all three children were fast asleep, Maya carried in the twins settling them in their beds whilst Carina put Emilia to bed. Carina went to the kitchen to grab some water and something for Maya to eat though she wasn’t sure the blonde would actually eat anything at all
When she came back up she could hear the muffled sobs of her wife in the bathroom, at first she thought to leave her, that Maya would speak to her when she was ready but the seconds ticked by moving like hours and before she knew it her feet carried her across their bedroom to the bathroom door
“Maya?” Carina pushed open the door to find Maya curled up in a ball in tears on the bathroom floor
“Sorry, I’m okay” Maya replied rubbing at her face and composing herself
She didn’t want to breakdown, she didn’t want to cry, if she did cry and breakdown she’d set off Carina and she didn’t want to cause any more pain to her wife than what her job already did
“What’s wrong?” Carina asked growing increasingly concerned for the blonde who tried her best to stop her tears but it didn’t seem to work
“There was a brief moment today where I didn’t know if I’d ever-“
“Ever what bambina?” Carina asked softly leading Maya back to the bed
“Be in this house, this room, this bed- our bed, our room in our house” she spoke slowly
She crawled under the blankets and settled against the headboard pulling a stuffed toy from behind her back. She held the dog in her lap looking down at it, she couldn’t work out which twin it belonged to but it smelt like both of them, it smelt like Carina, it smelt like her home… the home she didn’t know if she was going to make it home to
“But you are…” Carina replied “…and you’re okay…” she added quietly pulling Maya into her arms and settling her against her chest “…and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been scared all afternoon and evening…” she added softly the fear of speaking the words out loud causing a waiver in the back of her throat “…but you’re home Maya, you came home to me and our babies” she whispered placing a soft kiss to Maya’s temples
“I came home for you and our babies…” Maya replied quietly “…I always try Carina, I promise every single 5 alarm I get sent into that you and our babies are my only thought worth fighting for” she added choking on her own tears
“I know, I know it is” Carina replied brushing the hair out of Maya’s face
“I love you” Maya whispered cuddling in Carina
“I love you too, so so much” Carina whispered back settling them into the middle of the bed curled up in each others arms hoping to get some sleep