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Hawks didn’t like to dwell on his past very often, his childhood had not been a good one and there were very few bright spots in it. However, there is one memory that Hawks holds very dear to his heart.
It had been an absolutely awful day of training, they had him blindfolded for 12 straight hours and he had been forced to find dead rodents littered throughout an abandoned building. He was exhausted, his wings ached, and he was simultaneously overstimulated and understimulated. He felt numb and had been doing nothing except staring at the book in front of him since he had been released from training. They had allowed him a “free period” which consisted entirely of him being forced into the library all night to read about rescue techniques.
He wanted nothing more than to go to his bunk and curl up with the blanket wrapped tightly around him but he stayed in the library, knowing that the punishment for disobeying would be far worse than any training he could be put through.
He seldom saw other kids in the Commission building and when he did there was heavy supervision over both of them to ensure they “acted responsibly.” He had only ever talked to two other children and as far as he knew they had both failed their training sessions and been disposed of. It was likely some sort of message for him but he tried not to think about it.
On this night, the Handler overseeing him had fallen asleep at his desk in the corner several hours ago so Hawks felt a little more relaxed. He glanced around after he was sure the man was asleep and decided to take a look around at the different books that were offered.
He had slowly been making his way through the history section when his oversensitive wings picked up a stuttered breath a few aisles over. Hawks immediately froze and slunk close to the ground, peering under the book shelves to see who could be there. He expects to see the shiny leather shoes of a Handler but instead he sees the scuffed up shoes of another trainee.
Hawks perks up and tiptoes quietly to the other’s location, he peeks his head around the edge of the bookshelf and sees a thin, white haired boy sitting curled up in the corner. The other boy has his head shoved between his knees as he takes small, stuttering breaths. He is clearly in distress so Hawks quietly walks over to him and reaches a hand out to tap on his shoulder.
The other boy startles and his hands flare with bright, beautiful blue fire before he quickly extinguishes it with a wince when he sees Hawks scramble away. The two boys stare each other down and it’s then that Hawks notices the numerous bandages that cover the other kid, with what looks like burn scars peeking out from several of the bandages.
Hawks frowns and steps a little closer so the other kid can hear him whisper, “Are you ok? You look hurt.”
The other kid’s expression immediately flattens and he scoffs, “This is a new one. Didn’t think they’d send another battered kid to test me, that’s a new low.” He looks away from Hawks and stares dejectedly down at the ground and Hawks feels an immediate urge to soothe the other kid.
“No no! I’m not even supposed to be out of my chair. If they saw me over here I’d get punished again. I just heard your breathing from across the room and you sounded hurt so I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I’m sorry for bothering you, I’ll just go back to my seat..”
Hawks starts to turn away, tired wings drooping to trail on the floor behind him as he begins the walk back to his seat. Before he can get very far, a hand gently grabs his wrist and tugs him back around. Hawks turns to look at the other boy who looks absolutely miserable and a little scared, “No, you don’t have to go. I’m sorry, that was really rude of me. They’re just so.. so intense here.” He trails off with a frown and mutters, “Especially with me..”
Hawks tilts his head to the side and wonders what the other boy means by that but doesn’t try to push, he’s got his own secrets he doesn’t want to tell.
The white haired boy pulls Hawks back to his corner and allows him to sit with him on the jacket he’s sprawled across the ground, “Um, my names Touya but I’d rather not tell you my last name if that’s ok.”
Hawks grins and feels his wings fluff up a bit, he has never been able to exchange names with the other kids, “My name is Hawks!”
Touya frowns and shakes his head, “That’s not your name, that’s the title the Commission gave you but that’s not your name. What’s your name birdie?”
Hawks’ face flushes red at the nickname. He usually hates being called a bird but it feels nice coming from this other boy, it doesn’t feel like he’s mocking him. He glances down at the floor and fidgets nervously with his shirt, they had told him to never tell anyone his name ever again. Touya doesn’t feel like a test though, so maybe it’s ok.
He turns his head up to smile nervously at the other boy, “My names Takami Keigo. My family name isn’t important so I don’t mind giving it to you.”
Touya smiles as his face goes a little pink, “That’s a nice name. Don’t.. don’t let them take it from you ok? You might not be able to use it but it’ll always be yours. Don’t let ‘Hawks’ become who you are.”
Hawks frowns, he doesn’t really understand what the other boy is trying to say but he seems very passionate about it so Hawks just smiles and agrees.
They had spent the rest of the night reading and joking around. Hawks had let Touya have one of his feathers and Touya showed Hawks his flames, even if they hurt him it was worth it to see Hawks’ eyes shine in wonder. No one ever looked at his flames like that.
Hawks shakes his head to pull himself from the past and rubs his chest as it aches. He and Touya spent the rest of that year hanging out whenever they could until the other suddenly vanished one day. Once out of the Commission training, Hawks found out that Touya was in fact Todoroki Touya and he had died of a “quirk related incident.” Touya was the one person that the more animal part of Hawks had felt comfortable enough to latch onto and it was agonizing to lose him. Hawks had mourned for days and had been inconsolable until the Commission reminded him he was not allowed lapses in his work like that, so he mourned quietly and on days where the pain hurt the worst he threw himself recklessly into fights, just to feel something and distract himself.
Today had been one of those days, where his heart throbbed at the mere sight of the colors blue and white together, where he imagines he can feel phantom tugs from the feather he had given Touya, where he wants nothing more than to lay in a nest and cry the day away. It was the 11 year anniversary of Touya being dead, and this date always hits him hard. Unfortunately, the Commission didn’t care in the slightest about what his bird instincts made him feel so work never stops for the fastest hero. He had been out, patrolling all day as usual, when a mid-tier villain he was pursuing seemed to notice his lack of awareness and smacked him down with her air force quirk. He had smashed into a concrete roof and was so stunned the villain was able to get away. He was found by Rumi who had gotten him back to his apartment with, hopefully, no one else having noticed.
He had been laid on his couch clicking mindlessly through channels since then but his stomach has started to growl and he can hear his phone buzzing from somewhere. He knows he should get up and answer it, get some food in his belly, but everything just seems to take so much effort and he would rather lay on his couch with his pillow cuddled to his chest and watch people argue over pastries.
A cake has just fallen off a table on screen when Hawks hears his balcony door burst open. He tilts his head over the arm of his couch and sees a steaming Dabi. Fuck, Hawks thinks, he only starts smoking like this when he’s really pissed.
Dabi storms up to the couch and looks down at the Hero, looking seconds away from scorching the bird where he lays, “Why the fuck aren’t you answering your phone Hawks?!”
Hawks belatedly remembers the buzzing phone in his coat pocket across the room and sighs before sitting up, “It’s somewhere around here, did the League hideout run out of Doritos or something again?”
Dabi’s eyes blaze in fury and Hawks chuckles to himself, the pyro is always so easy to set off. Dabi snatches the front of Hawks’ shirt and wrenches him off the couch until they’re pressed nose to nose, “We got fucking raided dipshit. The whole fucking base is ransacked. I was calling for backup but I can see you were too busy watching British people swear over cakes while we got made a fool of by a rival villain org.”
Hawks gulps and feels a trickle of guilt worming its way past the grief that has been suffocating him all day. He pulls his singed shirt out of Dabi’s grip and runs a hand through his hair, “Shit Staples I didn’t know, my bad. You know I couldn’t have done much anyway, if I’m seen around the League hideout then we can kiss the inside Commission information goodbye.” Obviously he wouldn’t actually lose his contact with the Commission but Dabi didn’t know that.
Dabi rolled his eyes and shoved his hands into his coat pockets, “You don’t think I didn’t tell the boss that? They just wanted you there bird brain I don’t know what to tell you, it makes them feel better knowing you have their backs.”
Hawks feels his wings droop a tiny bit as the guilt comes back with a vengeance, of course they trust him. Dabi is really the only one who still shows distrust in the hero, everyone else had welcomed him with an enthusiasm that made Hawks feel wary. Toga lets him preen her hair, a luxury that his Handlers have never afforded him, and she’s taught him different braids and ways to style her hair. Twice offers a sort of comedic relief and therapy session hybrid, they talk seriously about their childhoods without it getting too heavy with the addition of Twice’s occasional interjections. Kurogiri didn’t say much but he always had the hero’s favorite liquor and he listened while Hawks rambled on about his day. Compress did tricks with his marbles and pretended not to notice when Hawks snatched one on occasion, Hawks suspected that the magician knew that his raptor brain thought the shine of the marbles was too enticing to pass up. Spinner wasn’t the easiest at first but after he walked in on Hawks trying to reach a particularly itchy feather during his last molt, the other heteromorph had warmed up to him and they spent more time bickering over games than Hawks had ever been able to before.
Shigaraki had been the most interesting bond to form out of them all. Hawks really thought it would be harder to get close enough to the leader to even hold a conversation but the very day Hawks had been granted access to the League base, he had run into Shigaraki. It was a.. less than leader-type position Hawks had found him in. He had been screaming at Spinner as the two played some video game in the main common room and Hawks watched in stunned silence as Spinner screamed right back. It had been such a different leadership dynamic than he was used to that it made him want to talk to Shigaraki immediately and ensure that he really was the leader of this villainous organization. When he tried to speak to the man, however, Shigaraki merely screamed about Hawks distracting him and to scram. Hawks had turned to look at Dabi and glare at him with a “what the fuck” look and Dabi had laughed at him. From then on Hawks had made it a point to walk in between Shigaraki and the TV anytime he was playing an intense game and this petty fighting eventually transformed into the two of them bonding over some fighting game that Shigaraki had bullied Hawks into playing with him.
So, really, it’s not a surprise that they wanted him there. He doesn’t blame them and some sick part of him is thrilled that they trust him because his stupid bird instincts consider them family. None of this explains why exactly Dabi himself came to confront Hawks though.
Hawks looks up at Dabi inquisitively and swears he sees a trace of anxiety in the villain’s expression. The hero takes a moment to really look at Dabi while the villain isn’t staring into his soul. Underneath the scars Dabi really has a nice facial structure and, not for the first time, Hawks wishes he could see him without them. Dabi glances down at the hero and Hawks startles as they make eye contact. He always tries to avoid looking into the other’s eyes, they just remind him too much of his dead friend. The pain from looking into them is especially rough today and Hawks can’t stop the tears that begin to cloud his vision.
He turns away from Dabi and frantically scrubs at his eyes while he stumbles to his room, he just needs to get away from the other man before he makes a fool of himself. Hawks ignores the other man asking him “where the hell he’s going and why he’s being so spacey” and pushes through his bedroom door. He makes a beeline for his bed shoved into the corner of his room with a one track thought in his mind. He is explicitly not allowed to build nests but the distressed, more birdlike part of him needs this. He starts gathering all the extra blankets scattered around the room and piles them in the corner where his bed meets the wall. He works quietly and almost doesn’t notice Dabi approaching his bed, the villain looking like he just saw a ghost.
The hero pauses after he smoothes a light blue blanket over the top of the makeshift nest and looks over at the villain with his cheeks tinged pink in humiliation, “Why did you follow me Dabi, you wanna see the freak part of me in action?”
Dabi says nothing but a hint of frown crosses his features. He opens his mouth as if to say something but thinks better of it, instead turning and leaving the room. Hawks ignores the slight pang of rejection he feels and goes back to shifting his pillows around into a more comfortable arrangement. He hasn’t done this since before Touya disappeared and it’s like a balm on his frazzled nerves.
Hawks settles back on his heels to admire his handiwork when a pile of blankets, pillows, and, most strangely, Dabi’s jacket are dumped onto the bed beside his nest. Hawks turns to look at the villain who is pointedly not looking at him as he begins to clumsily spread his additions into the nest. Normally, this would make Hawks want to break the hand of whoever dared to fuck with his careful blanket arrangement but it, bizzarely, makes him feel even calmer to have Dabi help him. He slowly reaches over, as if he’s scared to spook the villain, and quietly helps the other man to fit the additions in perfectly with Hawks’ nest, with the exception of Dabi’s coat. Hawks wants it so bad but he can’t bring himself to take it from the other man, his pride winning over his wants.
After the two men are done, they both take a moment to just look at the nest and Hawks, embarrassingly enough, feels himself start to tear up again. He hasn’t been allowed to have a nest in so long and it’s even nicer to have someone he cares about to help him make it. Dabi looks at him with blatant concern and confusion written all over his face and Hawks would laugh if he wasn’t busy sobbing. He gazes miserably at their nest, he was supposed to do this with Touya not some random villain who hated his fucking guts, so why did it feel so right? Was he betraying Touya by doing this? Why were his instincts even letting this happen?
Hawks is startled from his spiral by a hand gently wiping his tears from his face. The hero glances up from the nest to see Dabi kneeling on the bed beside him, a gentle expression on his face for once. Dabi rubs his thumb across Hawks’ cheekbone and gazes openly at him, “This isn’t really our thing but uh, if you wanna get whatevers eating you up off of your chest I wouldn’t mind to hear it. It’s fucking with the League’s effectiveness after all.” The last part is obviously a bullshit excuse but if that’s what Dabi needs to tell himself to justify offering Hawks his help then so be it.
Would it really be that bad to tell the villain about his dead childhood friend? Hawks doesn’t think the other man can tell much about Hawks just from the basics of the story and it’s always nice to talk about Touya.
“It’s the anniversary of my one, and only, childhood friend dying and the, uh, bird instincts make it a little harder for me.”
Hawks expects to be laughed at, for Dabi to just roll his eyes and scoff because this man has seen more death than Hawks can even imagine but the hero is surprised to see the blood drain from the healthy parts of Dabi’s face. The villain gives a sideways glance to the digital alarm clock on Hawks’ bedside and shuts his eyes for a moment as the date registers. Of fucking course it’s the anniversary of that day. Dabi glances back to Hawks and is not surprised to find the hero gazing longingly between the nest they made together and the villain’s coat laying beside it.
Dabi shakily picks up his coat and hands it to the hero. Hawks’ eyes go wide and he gently takes the coat from the villain’s hand, “I can add it to the nest?”
His voice is full of awe and Dabi feels his heart ache for the hero, “Yeah birdie, you can add it to the nest. I can tell you want it and what kinda monster would I be if I didn’t let you have it?” He watches as Hawks hastily tucks it up around the top of the nest near his pillows. Hawks’ hands smoothe over the coat but he pauses when he brushes over the left part of the chest area as he feels a barely there sensation zip through his wings. He slides his hand to the inside and feels a sewn on patch but before he can investigate further, Dabi snatches his wrist away with a look of panic flitting across his expression, “You don’t wanna go there Hawks, it doesn’t end well for either of us.”
He ignores the warning and cuts a little slit in the pocket with one of his feathers before pulling the contents out with his free hand. The object turns out to be a tiny, scraggly feather that is obviously from years ago. It’s smaller than any of Hawks’ feathers now and it clearly hasn’t been taken care of like it should but Hawks can see where gentle fingers have kept it smoothed into roughly the right shape.
Hawks’ eyes cloud with tears for what feels like the thousandth time tonight as he turns to lock eyes with the villain, and suddenly the painfully familiar eyes make way too much sense. Hawks looks, really looks, at the man sitting in front of him and the resemblance is startlingly obvious once he knows what to look for. The eternal eyebags that Touya always had were not from a lack of sleep, but were instead caused by the burns that he got from his quirk. The barely there white roots that Dabi always seemed to miss when dyeing his hair. The mischievous tilt to his lips that was basically permanent.
Dabi drops his wrist with a resigned sigh as he can see that the hero is connecting the dots, “You just had to go there, didn't you birdie.”
Pain lances through the hero’s chest and he looks away from the villain to look down at the nest they built together. He laughs dryly, “Guess that explains why I didn’t rip your arm off when you touched my nest.”
Dabi lets out a tiny shocked noise but otherwise stays silent while Hawks processes. On the one hand his mate and childhood best friend is alive, on the other hand however, said mate and childhood best friend is now a S tier villain. A villain that he is going to stab in the back no less.
But is he really? He had been questioning his true loyalties for quite a while, and what better reason to switch sides than to side with his mate and the people who have become more of a family than he has ever known. The Commission were always very clinical with him, stripped him of every bird-like trait they could, and still treated him like a child despite him being the number two hero but the League treated him no differently than they treated each other, like he was normal and his quirk wasn’t that of a freak.
He looks at Dabi, who is patiently giving Hawks his space to think, and feels stupid for even taking this long to come to this decision. Even if Dabi wasn’t Touya, the League cares for him and he cares for them. Hawks takes a deep breath and spills to Dabi about what he had really been doing in the League, about all the sneaky missions he had been on, and lastly about how he hadn’t reported anything useful back to the Commission in over a month.
Dabi settles back against the headboard as Hawks finishes rambling and gives the hero a tight smile, “We knew Hawks, we knew you were a spy this whole time. We were just waiting for you to figure out what was really good for you. We all hate the way the Commission treats you but we knew you wouldn’t listen if we brought it up.” Hawks stares at Dabi with wide, shocked eyes and the villain chuckles, “Honestly, I was so mad about the raid that I was just gonna come here and scare you by telling you we knew. I was so mad I couldn’t think straight but when I got here and saw how far away your mind was, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Then you ran in here and I realized what day it was and I knew we’d either be having this conversation or I would be in handcuffs in police custody by now.”
Hawks lets out a choked laugh and shakes his head, “I don’t think I could ever actually turn you in Staples, well now I know I could never turn you in but before tonight I was already second guessing myself.” He looks down at his lap as he runs his fingers along the spine of the tiny feather and sighs, “Honestly, I don’t know if I was ever really on their side. I think I was just mindlessly following their orders like I always have.”
Dabi reaches a hand over to settle over Hawks’ and rubs his thumb along the other man’s palm, silently comforting him because he didn’t know what Hawks needed to hear right now. The two men sit in silence for a moment until Hawks begins to shift over to the nest, his wings shedding as he goes so he can lay on his back, and tugs Dabi on top of him. He can feel as Dabi’s body stiffens up but he still allows himself to be pulled so Hawks just lets the other man settle against him until he starts to relax. Dabi slots his face hesitantly in the side of Hawks’ neck, his mismatched lips resting against where the other’s pulse jumps.
After laying there for a while, Hawks’ breath catches in his chest as Dabi’s hands come up to gently hold his waist and his face burns when he feels the other man smirking against his neck. Dabi presses a soft kiss to his throat before looking up to meet Hawks’ eyes, “If we’re doing this, you can’t be a double agent anymore. I won’t watch you go back to those fuckers and run yourself into the ground anymore Hawks. If you’re in, then it’s all the way.”
The hero stares back and raises his hand to curl into the hair at Dabi’s nape. A soft, warm feeling takes over the grief filled hole in his chest and Hawks knows, he knows there is no way he can give Touya up now that he has found him again. He would go to the ends of the earth for the man lying against him and, for the first time in his life, he knows that feeling is returned wholeheartedly.
A small smile curls his lips and the anxiety that has been lurking behind Dabi’s eyes since he entered the apartment vanishes. The villain lifts himself up so he can hover over Hawks and waits silently for Hawks to say aloud the words he wants to hear.
At the eyebrow cocked his way, Hawks finally breaks and tugs Dabi down so their lips are just barely grazing when he speaks, “I’m all yours Hot Stuff, no more hero work. Afraid I’m one hundred percent a villain now.”
Dabi grins and presses his lips to Hawks’ fully, the two sharing a few soft kisses before they shift to lay side by side staring at one another. Hawks leans forwards to give Dabi another kiss before leaning back and smirking.
“But I wanna max out my Commission credit card first and buy all kinds of fun things for the League.. and us.” The last part is tacked on shyly.
Dabi’s laughter ringing through the apartment is something Hawks didn’t know he was missing.