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The unfortunate competition gets it’s genesis when Ahri is sketching out the plans for the KDA house while looking at the plot of land where their mansion will someday stand.
“Kai-kai!” She declares, holding her pen and paper at the ready. “Come here.”
“Uh-” Kai’sa starts to protest, but is swiftly yanked in front of Ahri, bent over, and told in no uncertain terms not to move.
“Peeerfect.” Ahri giggles, pressing pen and paper to Kai’sa’s rounded ass and sketching out a quick design before turning to their very bewildered contractor and pulling out her full charm. “Make us this, human.”
“Yes mistress.” He says, staggering away while he’s drunk to scan the design into his laptop as Kai’sa straightens up and raises an eyebrow as he nearly falls into a ditch.
“I think you went a little heavy on the charm Ahri.”
“Nonsense!” The gumiho replies, checking her nails. “I don’t make mistakes like that baby.”
Kai’sa remembers the time that the maître d'hôtel at their favourite restaurant took the charmed words “get me more of this exact vintage” far too literally and attempted to construct a time machine to fulfill Ahri’s command, and says nothing.
A full year later, after not having visited the project in months, Kai’sa remembers that conversation again and facepalms as she stares at the multi million pound mansion the floor of which has exactly the same curve proportions as her backside.
“Ahri.” She growls, listening to her wife of several months give a yelp and turn slowly when she hears Kai’sa’s ‘angry voice’.
“Y-y-yes, b-b-baby?” She manages, whimpering like a chastised fox.
“My house.” Kai’sa grinds the words out between clenched teeth. “Is CURVED.”
“I. Uhm.” Ahri takes another look at the house and flounders for words. “Uh, but… Ass, Kai-kai?”
“I am going. To count. To ONE.” Kai’sa threatens, glaring down at Ahri like a vengeful goddess. “And if you are not on the phone, FIXING this. I will NOT be held responsible for my actions.”
Ahri takes a deep breath and raises her hands in a placating gesture.
“Now Kai-kai, let’s be-” She cuts off with a squeak as Kai’sa’s symbiote melts off her shoulders and into a pair of cannons. “Kai-kai you wouldn’t kill your favourite wife?”
“No jury would convict me.” Kai’sa seethes with rage, arms crossed.
“I was going for the you love me angle.” Ahri whimpers and Kai’sa actually growls.
“I will weep at your casket but I will put you in it.”
“That sounds like a wonderful time.” Evelynn melts out of the shadow next to them with a grin and Kai’sa jumps out of her own second skin in shock.
“Eve!”
“Kai’sa darling.” Evelynn coos. “You startle so easily.”
Ahri seizes this opportunity to desperately hug Kai’sa in an attempt to show love, and the taller girl tries to shove her away but gives up and forgives her with a hug anyway.
“This one jumps me at strange times.” Kai’sa says, kissing between Ahri’s ears before she glances at their curvy house and her expression once again becomes murderous. “Speaking of this one…”
Ahri squeaks in fear and kisses under Kai’sa’s jaw.
“Please forgive me Kai-kai.”
“My. House. Is. Curved.” She grunts, hugging Ahri murderously close as Evelynn finally cocks her head and realises that the KDA mansion is not at the right angle.
“It is curved.” She says, bringing a lasher up to level and holding it straight to confirm. “How on earth did that happen?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kai’sa grunts, still holding Ahri in a deathgrip cuddle.
“Darling…” Evelynn purrs, lashers gently separating the slightly murderous couple. “You’re killing your fox.”
“There’s a lesbian bar joke in there somewhere.” Ahri giggles, and Kai’sa tries to give her a murderous glare but can’t quite manage it.
“You’re lucky I love you.” She grumbles, pulling Ahri into a slightly more gentle hug when Evelynn lets them both go.
“One big happy family.” Evelynn says, voice dripping with sarcasm as she pulls both girls in for a kiss.
“I regret marrying all of you.” Kai’sa groans. “All three of you.”
“Akali and I didn’t do anything!” Evelynn says, more than a little affronted.
“Without you two I would have killed Ahri.” Kai’sa lets out a deep-cleansing sigh. “I could have been spared this pain.”
“Wow.” Ahri grunts. “I thought I was special Kai-kai.”
“So help me God…” Kai’sa grunts. “So. Help. Me. God.”
Ahri whimpers, and they walk into their curved house.
Ten minutes later, they all get a ping on their phones two minutes before Akali walks in the front door, glued to her instagram page.
“HOUSE IS CURVED! LOL!” Is posted on Akali’s personal instagram, along with a picture of their house taken from the drive-way; and the comments are already filling up with questions about their architecture.
When Ahri posts the real reason in the comments without even a moment’s thought or a milligram of shame, Kai’sa has to be physically restrained from murdering one of her wives.
“It’s not worth it.” Evelynn whispers in her ear as the daemonette’s lashers hold her in a grip that could crush solid metal. “You will have your chance for revenge bokkie.”
“AHRI!” Kai’sa starts to yell. “I WILL RECORD YOUR MURDER OVER OUR WEDDING VIDE- MMMF!”
A lasher slides across her mouth and Evelynn whispers comforting words into her ear as she carts the furious South African off to an early bed.
Of course by the next morning Evelynn is just as utterly furious with Ahri. Not because the house is difficult to live in, or even because Ahri had crawled into bed with them and wrapped Kai’sa in a furry blanket of gumiho tails like she’d done nothing wrong, but because Kai’sa’s ass has now become the single greatest object of lust by KDA’s considerably horny fandom.
“They think I’m flat.” Evelynn seethes, nearly blind with rage, as she scrolls through her socials the next morning and sees comparisons between her own rear end and Kai’sa’s, as well as other things. “Flat and short.”
Next to her in bed, Akali bites down on the pillow to stifle her laughter and Ahri giggles as she presses apology kisses to Kai’sa’s face.
“I…” Kai’sa speaks up between Ahri’s kisses. “I appreciate your ass Eve.” She reaches out a hand to grope at Evelynn, only to have it dejectedly slapped away.
“No bokkie.” Evelynn sounds utterly distraught. “My ass is not worthy.”
Akali bites clean through her pillow in an attempt to suppress her laughter.
It takes a week of Kai’sa’s ass being more important and news-worthy to the KDA fandom than an actual literal murder for Evelynn to crack.
“Eve.” Kai’sa stands on her tip-toes to grab an ingredient from the top shelf and raises an eyebrow as Evelynn walks up behind her with a tape measure. “Eve what are you doing?”
“Nothing bokkie don't worry.” The succubus flaps a hand dismissively and lays the tape measure along Kai’sa’s ass, measuring up all the critical dimensions. “Just need to know how much bigger I need to go.”
“I- uhm- what?” Kai’sa starts to turn but then Evelynn’s lashers grab her in a hold and bend her over, simultaneously lifting her up to the high shelf as the tape measure keeps taking its measurements. “Thanks Eve.” She mumbles as she grabs the ingredient she needs. “But why?”
In response, Evelynn turns around and Kai’sa watches as the demon uses her ability to shapeshift to increase the size of her ass, before she takes a comparison picture and posts it on her social media.
“Thank you my love.” Evelynn plants a kiss on her lips, and Kai’sa watches, more than a little confused, as she struts off.
Her phone pings as Evelynn’s story goes live and she keys it open with one hand while her symbiote slices open the bread.
“Now who’s the flat bitch?” She reads off, liking the post on reflex before the wording actually makes sense to her brain. “Wait. Flat bitch!?”
Ahri, browsing social media from her spot lying on the sofa, falls off the comfortable furniture with laughter before Kai’sa yells at her.
“Ahri! Fetch some rope!” Then she disappears imperiously, leaving Ahri confused and tentatively aroused.
When Ahri shows up in their bedroom twenty minutes later, trussed up in an intricate “ShibAhri” arrangement (title and knot-work courtesy of Akali), Kai’sa simply unwraps her and uses the ropes to tie her revenge in place while Ahri decides whether her jaw should be on the floor at her wife’s sheer obliviousness, or pouting at having been so worked up for nothing.
When Kai’sa pulls her leggings up over a massive amount of pillows tied around her rear to one-up Evelynn, Ahri finally decides what her emotion should be.
It’s laughter.
“You’re sure… you want to post THAT on social media?” She gasps between bouts of laughter, naked and covered in rope marks and not caring in the least. “THAT picture Kai-kai?”
“Why not?” Kai’sa questions, seeming genuinely perplexed.
Ahri keels over and howls.