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A hush fell over the crowd. They watched as Félix and Pepa exchanged rings, slipping them onto each other’s ring fingers. The pair turned to light their candles, basking in the moment.
Pepa stole a glance at her groom. He looked so handsome, all dressed up, wholly focused on igniting the flame on his candle. With her lips curving up in a smile, she turned to her own candle. She managed to light it without any problems, though the small flame flickered in the light breeze blowing through the church. Quickly, she put up her palm to shield the precious flame, bringing it over to join Félix in lighting their final candle, together.
The breeze picked up, causing the flame to waver, dancing erratically over the surface of the candle. Please, she prayed, please don’t go out. Hands trembling, she tilted her candle to meet Félix’s over the other candle. Almost there. Wax dripped on the floor as she moved carefully to preserve her flame. She could make it.
Everyone was watching her, their eyes boring into her like pinpricks. Just a little more to go. Her hands were shaking so badly she almost dropped the candle. Suddenly, the breeze turned into a gust, sweeping through the church and extinguishing all the candles, plunging them into darkness. All she could register was the thud of her candle as it hit the ground, rolling away from the altar. People murmured in the background as she stumbled around blindly trying to find Félix, to no avail. He was gone. The scene dissolved into blackness.
Pepa awoke with a start. She bolted upright, breathing hard and shaking. Sunlight filtered in through the window, bathing everything in a soft morning glow. It had only been a dream. The nightmare scenario wasn’t real. She took deep shuddering breaths, trying desperately to calm down. Her husband’s afro peeked up from the sheets. Relieved, Pepa started crying. Of course the dream wasn’t real. Félix was right there.
“Are you okay, querida?” He spoke with a voice that wasn’t Félix’s.
Pepa faced her husband, meeting a face much different than that in her dreams. “Sí, Carlos,” she got out, her voice strained. “Just a nightmare. I will be fine.”
He placed a hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles over it. “Breathe,” he whispered. “In, out.”
Reflexively, she melted into his touch. She forced air into her lungs, fighting back the tears stinging her eyes. The hands touching her, the voice comforting her, felt so foreign. Yet they were real, and her dreams just a wistful fantasy. She forced a smile onto her face for his sake. “Don’t worry about me, amor,” she reassured him tenderly, running the side of her hand down his cheek. “I just need a minute.”
“Okay.” He leaned in for a kiss. “I’ll go get ready.”
She let his lips press against hers briefly, nodding numbly when they parted. “I’ll be right there.”
As soon as she heard the door shut, she buried her face in her hands and let the hot salty tears flow. How could she be so stupid? Letting herself indulge stupid bygone memories. Félix wasn’t hers, she reminded herself sternly. He hadn’t been hers for many years now. And Carlos was a good man. He loved her. He took care of her. He had helped her learn how to control her gift.
Not that she was doing that now, as evidenced by the shower currently drenching her sheets. Sighing, she closed her eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Clear skies. Clear skies.
When she no longer felt the patter of raindrops on her shoulders, she arose and got ready for her day. Her life was good. One lousy nightmare would not be enough to ruin everything.
One? The little voice in her head questioned.
Okay fine, she’d been having that dream for years. It started shortly after they got married, she and Félix. Not to each other, of course. Sure, she had always hoped he’d be the one she would marry, but it wasn’t in the stars for them. Although Mamá had been all on board for him to join the Madrigal family, his side of the family was less enthusiastic. Not about the Madrigals- the family was beloved by everyone. They just didn’t like Pepa, with her wild emotions and wilder spirit. Their relationship had been brought to a swift end, and a suitable match was found for Félix.
It had been a lovely wedding. Or so Pepa heard. She had refused to attend, citing illness. Really, she just didn’t want to ruin his day with a monsoon. Pepa was done ruining things for people.
Afterward, she hadn’t stopped crying for a full week.
She made her way downstairs, hoping to avoid being ambushed at breakfast. No such luck. She let out a longsuffering sigh, squeezing her eyes shut. Clear skies, clear skies.
Once her breathing had leveled out, she walked into the kitchen. “Good morning,” she said brightly, her cheeks hurting from the smile she had plastered on. “Lovely day, isn’t it?”
No one acknowledged her. Just as well. She grabbed a few arepas and sat to the side.
Her mother looked at her as if just noticing she was there. “Oh, Pepa, wonderful, glad you could join us.” She clasped her hands, fixing Pepa with a look of vague disapproval. “We have a lot to do today.”
Pepa nodded. “Of course, Mamá, let me just finish eati-“
Her mother continued talking, giving no indication that she’d heard Pepa. “I need you to go to the market today. We’re running low on food, and Julieta is in no condition to go, what with her new little one.” She didn’t even try to mask her pride. “Seeing as you’re free…” she trailed off, leaving the implication hanging.
Pepa swallowed her food, pushing down the lump that had risen in her throat. “Yes, Mamá.” After many years, she had learned that this was the one correct answer to any request. Having let her down already in so many ways, she really couldn’t afford to do so anymore.
“Splendid.” She turned her back to Pepa. “Now, Julieta-“
Pepa tuned out the rest of the conversation, bolting down arepas as fast as she could, eager to leave. She stole away unnoticed and headed into the encanto with her basket in hand. Grey clouds cast shadows over the valley, perfectly reflecting her mood.
She wound her way through the market stalls, picking up the various items they needed. The cloud hovering over her head didn’t bother her. She’d long since accepted rain as a constant in her life. Ever since Félix had left her…
She shook the thought out of her head, determined to finish shopping then head back to her room to lie down. Maybe she could pretend to be ill. Julieta would usually see right through her, but she was too preoccupied with her new baby to pay Pepa any mind.
Luck was not on her side today. She heard his voice booming through the marketplace. He always did have the type of voice that carried. Her stomach twisted into knots. She couldn’t deal with that today. Panicking, she tried to duck into a side street, but he had already seen her.
“Pepa!” Félix called out, waving her down.
Cursing her luck, Pepa slowly turned around. “Hola, Félix,” she greeted him weakly, hand clenching around the handle of her basket.
“I don’t usually see you here,” he noted. “How’s Julieta?”
Wasn’t that always the question? How’s Julieta? How’s the golden child that was well behaved and did everything she was supposed to and was loved by everyone? No one cared about a silly little girl whose out-of-control emotions wreaked havoc on the town.
She contorted her features into a smile. “Julieta is fine. So is Luisa. She’s just adorable.” The ache in her heart grew more pronounced. “We’re all so thrilled to have her,” she told him, the sentiment sounding hollow and fake to her
“Oh good.” Félix beamed. Just then, a woman appeared by his side.
“There you are. I was wondering where you’d gotten off to.” Her velvety voice was light and casual, but the way she closed her fingers over Félix’s arm told Pepa otherwise.
“Emilia.” Pepa nodded stiffly.
“Pepa.” Her smile did not extend to her eyes. “How is Carlos?”
“He’s good.” Pepa swallowed, pushing away the pang in her chest. After so many years, she still wasn’t used to the fact that he was her husband, and not the man standing across from her.
“And you must all be so thrilled for Julieta!” Emilia prompted, clapping her hands together. “Two little ones in such a short time span. Oh, they are such a blessing!” She ran her fingers down Félix’s arm. “Wouldn’t you agree, mi corazón?”
“Oh yes,” he agreed halfheartedly, keeping his eyes locked on Pepa.
She averted her gaze. She didn’t need his pity. Couldn’t he just be happy with his perfect wife and leave Pepa be? Emilia was adored by everyone. All the kids loved her as a teacher, and she sang like an angel. And not once did she ruin anything with uncontrollable moods.
“How many do you have again, Pepa?” Emilia threw her chocolate curls over her back, where they cascaded in a perfect waterfall.
“None.” Pepa fought to keep the tremor out of her voice. “We have not been so lucky.” As Emilia well knew; Pepa didn’t think she would stoop so low, strike where it hurt.
“What a shame,” Emilia crooned, giving Pepa a once over with her cold coffee-colored eyes. “I don’t know what my life would be without our little treasures. Isn’t that right, Félix?” Her nails dug into his arm.
He hummed absently, observing Pepa intently. The look on his face made Pepa feel uncomfortable. He almost seemed…sad.
Pepa cleared her throat, thoroughly discomfited. “I should go,” she said, trying to keep her voice level. She’d seen enough of the lovebirds to last her a lifetime. “Good to see you two.” This time she couldn’t keep the quaver out of her voice.
“Mateo! Valentina! Leave those chickens alone!” Emilia ran off, scolding her children.
Pepa chuckled softly. A second later, she became all too aware that she was now alone with Félix. The air grew heavy around them.
He studied her in silence. It was so unlike him that it unnerved her. His shoulders slumped and he let out a weary sigh. “Good to see you, Pepa,” he said finally, reaching out for her hand. He gave her an inscrutable look.
Was that warmth in his eyes? Care, even? Or was Pepa imagining things? Before she lost her nerve, she blurted out, “Do you regret it?”
He was taken aback. “Regret what?”
Pepa struggled for words. Regret what? Being with her? Leaving her? Marrying Emilia? She choked back a sob, keeping her eyes turned away from him.
The silence stretched on, hanging in the air like humidity after a storm. Instead of answering, he brushed the hair out of her eyes. “Take care, Pepa,” he wished her with a squeeze of her hand. There was a sense of finality in the gesture.
All Pepa could do was watch as he dropped her hand and turned away, walking back towards the woman he had chosen over her.