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Kaeya has lived with secrets all his life. They’re as much a part of him as his limbs or his lungs, integral to the fabric of who he is. He keeps them tucked deep in his heart where he hopes they will do less damage, because they’re dangerous and sharp and painful. Sometimes they are bitter on his tongue, words unspoken, things he knows he can never say. Sometimes they are lead in his stomach, a heavy weight carried alone.
He’s always been alone, even when he pretended for a while to have a family. As he had grown up in that warm household, he had always quietly wondered if they would still accept him if they knew the secrets that ate at him night and day. One cold and rainy night, he learned without a doubt that they wouldn’t. The knowledge came with new scars and a new weight to carry, a blue gem that mocked him whenever he looked at it. The eye of the gods, keeping close watch on a sinner like him.
He supposed he was lucky that he wasn’t thrown out sooner.
The scars run deeper than his skin, carving into his heart and burning away something that had taken him years to tentatively craft. Trust is a fragile thing, easily broken. He made the mistake of placing all his trust in someone once. Once is enough to leave him broken and teach him that his secrets belong to him alone, no matter how they eat at him. Sinners don’t deserve any reprieve.
Jean thinks she knows all his secrets but one, thinks she knows everything about him aside from the reason he and Diluc fought. He’ll never tell her the truth about that, at least not the full truth. All she has been told is that it was his fault, because it was. He’d brought the damage down on himself and had deserved every injury he’d suffered. He’ll also never tell her how many secrets she doesn’t know, because those secrets are his burden to bear.
He’s never been tempted to share the deeper secrets again, but now he’s met someone with Khaenri’ah’s star at his throat and secrets of his own. They’ve grown closer than he’s let anyone else get since he was left shattered in the rain. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time to let someone in so far, but his secrets stay locked deeper still. He can’t afford to trust again. He’s not sure he would survive being shattered a second time.
The longer he knows Albedo, the more Albedo exposes his own secrets to Kaeya, laying out his truths for Kaeya and giving Kaeya weapons that could be turned against him if Kaeya were so inclined. Kaeya doesn’t understand what he’s done to earn or deserve such trust. He doesn’t have the courage to shed light on the darkness buried inside himself in return, and that eats at him as much as the secrets do.
Albedo accepts him anyway, and somehow that hurts more than the rejection he’d received before. He’s terrified to slip up, terrified that Albedo’s quiet acceptance is going to lull him into a sense of security and he will reveal something he shouldn’t. The guilt tears at him and he considers speaking up, but the thought of Albedo reacting the same way Diluc had leaves him petrified. He’s trapped where he is, weighed down by the secrets that bind him, even with Albedo offering a hand to try and set him free.
Kaeya isn’t sure which would hurt worse, breaking things off with Albedo himself or daring to trust him and having that trust destroyed. Albedo is patient, but he’s also clever. He begins to piece together Kaeya’s secrets on his own, without Kaeya even meaning to reveal anything. The background knowledge he has assists him, knowledge no one else in Mondstadt would be privy to. He eventually figures out that Diluc knows one of Kaeya’s deepest held secrets, the one that has been weighing him down like an anchor since a young age. He also realizes that Diluc has not shared the secret with anyone else.
When Albedo brings this to Kaeya’s attention, Kaeya wonders how he never noticed that himself. Diluc has held information to destroy him for years, and done nothing with it, but he also never came looking for Kaeya. Kaeya isn’t sure what to make of that, but the ashen remnants of the trust that burned down blow away to reveal seeds of hope daring to sprout. Albedo is slow and careful with Kaeya, aware that he is fragile, but he doesn’t stop offering Kaeya warmth. He doesn’t leave, no matter which secret he pieces together. He melts the ice around Kaeya’s heart and teaches Kaeya to trust again.
Kaeya still has secrets that weigh on him, but now the burden is shared. They’re still dangerous, sharp, and painful, but he knows Albedo is there to support him when they cut him apart, gently helping Kaeya pick up the pieces. Kaeya doesn’t understand why Albedo stayed, but he’s grateful that he did so. He can finally move forward, hand in hand with the person he trusts most. Albedo carries everything that could break Kaeya, but he trusts the other man not to drop his heart.
The first time he placed all his trust in someone, they left him shattered.
The second time he placed all his trust in someone, it was because they made him whole.