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In the streets of Yokohama, an ability user from an Agency was roaming around in the middle of the night. Atsushi Nakajima, who still can't sleep even after doing a lot of paperworks in the office. However, the look on his face was emotionless, he was tired.
He wonders why he's not still sleeping even though he's already tired. Right, the memories of his past childhood still bothers him. Atsushi ran past the streetlights and won't even bother to look behind to see what he stumbled upon. His legs were trembling, it's cold outside. He didn't bother to wear a jacket or a coat.
Tears were flowing from his eyes, he's tired. He's already tired. When will it stop? When will the headmaster leave him alone? When will it stop haunting him?
It was all a mess. Atsushi was a mess, indeed.
A living mess yet having the most beautiful soul to exist.
After getting lost in his own thoughts, Atsushi didn't realise he bumped into someone. "I'm so sorry! I should've-" Atsushi looked at who he bumped into, it was him, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. Atsushi's arch-nemesis, partner, enemy and everything. He glanced at those glaring eyes that seemed to anger him, Akutagawa still looked elegant after all. " .... looked in my direction.. nevermind.. " Atsushi began to wipe his tears quickly, and decided to ignore Akutagawa. However, Akutagawa has already held his wrist just to stop him in his tracks.
"It's you, weretiger. I wonder what made you tear up in the middle of night?" Akutagawa calmly asked, with no intentions of fighting or harming Atsushi, but rather confused with the sudden burst of emotions of the weretiger. It was a sight for Akutagawa to see Atsushi in this kind of.. situation?
He wasn't sure enough. He didn't know what to do for him, should he be comforting him? should he be seeing him crying in the middle of the night? Should he be letting him run as far as he can?
" Nothing! Nothing happened... Akutagawa.... I swear... Now can you leave me alo-" Atsushi's words were suddenly cut off when his wrists were held by Akutagawa. For a second, Akutagawa turned to Atsushi to look at him, his eyes were swollen, there was a heavy breathing for a moment.
" Breathe, Atsushi ", it was the first time that Akutagawa called him by his first name. Of course, that didn't stop Atsushi who was trying to catch his breath. It didn't stop him that led Akutagawa to hold his hand afterwards.
It was soft. His hand was trembling out of fear.
"Another episode?" Akutagawa asked, who glanced at Atsushi who looked pale after running far from home. Atsushi finally calmed his thoughts and nodded in response. He looked at Akutagawa, who had a worrying expression written on his face. It was rare, Akutagawa seemed soft. He doesn’t seem the type to act violence towards Atsushi at this hour.
“..I see” , Akutagawa just hummed in response, the two of them decided to walk on the streetside, a flock of birds flew away, it was a quiet night for them. There was a pause of silence until one of them spoke up. “Akutagawa.. What are you doing at this hour?”
“I see no reason to answer your question.”
Atsushi rolled his eyes, what does he expect from the mafioso to answer his question? He crossed his arms and looked at the dim night sky. It was dark, yet elegant. It reminds him of his partner, everytime he looks at his eyes, it may seem dim but there’s a hint of light from him.
“ But since it’s you who asked the question, henceforth I see no problem answering it.”
The two of them stopped in their tracks, facing each other. Beside them, there was a streetlamp, the light reflecting their faces. As Atsushi turned at Akutagawa to glance at him, there was a smile plastered on his face. It looks good on him, such an infrequent moment for them. Akutagawa Ryunosuke was not dense , he doesn’t really know what Atsushi is trying to look at his face. Atsushi was staring at those long eyelashes reflected by light, those dark elegant eyes, his hair was getting on his face yet he still looks good. Atsushi didn’t notice that he was already staring at his lips .
Oh, god. I wish I could kiss those soft lips. Atsushi thought.
“Weretiger. I apologize I cannot understand why you are staring at my face? It seems you got struck by my beauty, don't you?” Akutagawa teased.
Atsushi got speechless after hearing Akutagawa's teasing. Again, it was such a rare moment for him to tease Atsushi about something. He looked at Akutagawa again, who delivered a devilish smirk.
“Shut up…” Atsushi muttered under his breath. He glared at Akutagawa, even though there’s a hint of blush on his face.
“ Not to be that person.. But you seem … happy today?” Atsushi blurted, taking a glance on the latter’s face. He wonders what has gotten into Akutagawa tonight.
“Is it bad that I’m showing my true personality with someone that I enjoy their presence with?” Akutagawa smirked, taking off his coat to give it to Atsushi. Atsushi, who was blushing upon hearing those words, didn’t have the chance to think about the coat that was given to him.
“Now, who’s the speechless one here? And to answer your question earlier, I had a nightmare…again.” Akutagawa stopped in his tracks, he looked up to the sky, there was a hint of frown on his face. Atsushi didn’t talk for a moment, he wanted to listen first.
“So, I decided to take a walk at midnight, it was nice and peaceful. I like how quiet it is. Seeing the leaves dance to the song of the breeze. I love it.” Akutagawa smiled, then he looked at Atsushi, who was just listening to him. “Then I saw you, running towards the street and bumped into me. I don’t understand why you have to do it? Were you chasing someone?” Ryunosuke’s turn to ask him.
“No. I just wanted to run.. And.. get lost..” Atsushi silently answered, yet it was still heard.
Akutagawa glared at him, he crossed his arms and slowly faced Atsushi. “Do you really need to run from your problems?” He held his chin upward and slowly pulled it towards him. Their faces were close to each other, there was a moment of tension between the two of them.
Atsushi was about to talk, however he couldn't think of an answer to that question. Perhaps, Ryunosuke had gotten him to think wisely. Perhaps, it made Atsushi question himself. Did he do the right thing? Was he able to open up to someone about such problems? Does he really need to suffer alone? If he doesn’t want others to be a burden, then why does he need to act like a burden to everyone?
“Do I need to remind you that everyone was there for you? To be frank, I felt jealousy towards you back then. You had someone to rely on, you had someone to hear those foolish problems of yours….”
There was a moment of silence between the two of them, a sound of breeze was just heard in the distance. Atsushi shouldn't have felt bad about it, he thought that Akutagawa was wrong about dumping his personal issues onto him.
However, I shouldn’t be saying those words that you should never hear from everyone. Those words that I thought back then were definitely wrong. Because after all, it’s your feelings. I shouldn’t have invalidated you, Weretiger. That’s when I realized, I need to work more on dealing with people’s feelings. That’s when I realized, I need to work more on my feelings. If I’m strong in physical contact, I’m weak in dealing with emotional contact.” Akutagawa began to let go of his chin and started to caress his cheek. He looked at his eyes, it was a mix of violet and yellow, a segmental heterochromia, an art, a bliss, a masterpiece that one should never call it nonsense.
It reminds him of the sunset, whenever he goes with his sister, Gin, to go home. Whenever his missions are done in the late afternoon, he goes to the rooftop and gaze at the sun going down.
“....” There were tears in Atsushi's eyes, he wondered if it was really Akutagawa talking to him.
“As much as I hate to say this, but I’m starting to understand you as my partner.” Atsushi’s eyes lit up when he heard Akutagawa saying it to him, in person. “ I just don’t really know what to do, I don’t know how to deal with someone when it comes to doing missions at work, it’s just that… I’m used to being alone when it comes to these.”
Atsushi began to hold Akutagawa’s hand, and intertwined his hand to it, “Hey, like what you said earlier, it’s your feelings. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time dealing with these kinds of stuff. I would never pressure you, Akutagawa. That’s what a partner should do, that’s what I should do. That’s what I do for everyone, for you.”
“I don’t understand you… I’m literally your enemy, Weretiger. This is why you’re an easy target.”
“You literally just told me that I’m your partner earlier”, Atsushi looked at him, slightly confused.
“Not yet,” Akutagawa coughed.
“Yet.” Atsushi emphasized the word ‘yet’ as a joke to tease Akutagawa, who just shrugged at him.
“Whatever, Atsushi.”
“Hehe looks like- Did you just call me, Atsushi?! The world is finally healing.” Akutagawa rolled his eyes upon hearing his stupid excitement– it was adorable. Atsushi’s eyes were sparkling, as if he discovered something rare today.
“No one asked, Weretiger.”
“Oh c’mon! Let me just hear my name from you.” Atsushi pouted, forcing Akutagawa to say his first name. Atsushi was expecting him to say it again, maybe it will work this time.
“A..”
“.Ahh..”
“Apple.” Akutagawa bursted a laughter after making fun of Atsushi, whose excitement faded away.
“What the fuck, Akutagawa.”
“ Seeing you getting disappointed out of nowhere is so humorous, no wonder you look like a fool sometimes.” If you’re reading this, you might be imagining a man-tiger stomping his feet after someone trolled them, which is correct .
“Speaking of.. Isn’t it too late, I think I should go home-” Atsushi was about to turn left in his direction until his hand was grabbed by Akutagawa. Atsushi was not expecting that, what’s Akutagawa gonna do this time?
“Your place is too far from here, be my guest for tonight.”
Atsushi began to wonder, is he really Akutagawa? Why is he nice to him tonight? Why did he invite me to this house? Why is he acting strange in front of Atsushi right now? Is he trying to lower his guard?
“Earth to Nakajinko.”
“Oh, yeah, right. Huh, what do you mean by Nakajinko?! Why do you have a lot of nicknames for me?” Atsushi furrowed his brows while questioning him, the only nickname that I made for this guy is a walking victorian era wannabe and he has a lot of nicknames for me, the fuck? As Atsushi thought.
“Doesn’t matter. Are you coming with me?” Akutagawa fixed his coat onto Atsushi, it fits him well.
“If it’s alright..” Atsushi held onto his coat that he’s wearing right now, Akutagawa’s coat, it was warm yet comfortable. Atsushi can smell his scent on the coat, it smells elegant.
“Then it’s settled. Hold my hand.”
Atsushi didn’t hesitate to intertwine his hands onto Akutagawa’s hands. It was slender, pale yet it was smooth to touch. Atsushi wonders if he could hold his hand forever. While walking with Akutagawa on the way to his house, Atsushi rested his head on Akutagawa’s shoulder, while gazing at the midnight sky. Akutagawa did the same, resting his head over Atsushi’s head. It was such a moment for them to enjoy each other’s presence.
The first time they met, they were immersed in killing and stopping each other. They were always arguing in the middle of a battle, they were enemies.
“ How many times have we tried to kill each other?”
The first time when they knew that they’ll be partners for missions.
The first time when they tried to understand each other.
The first time when they tried to understand their weaknesses.
The first time when they understood their abilities.
The first time when they accepted themselves.
All of those problems that they faced back then, it became nothing to them today. It was a lesson for them, it was a struggle that needed to be faced, not running away with it.
Atsushi and Ryunosuke forgot one thing, that is– what was bothering their sleep? What were their struggles? They were walking to Akutagawa’s house, forgetting the fact that both of them had a nightmare that led them to be sleepless at this hour.
After 15 minutes of silence, Atsushi was still holding his hand, softly caressing it. They were now in front of his house. Luckily, Gin was sleeping in Higuchi's house. Atsushi didn’t have time to worry about Kyouka, he knows she’ll be fine in Kouyou's house. They were having a sleepover with Kenji, Yosano, Yumeno and Kouyou.
“This is my house, come inside. Be my guest for tonight, Atsushi.”
Atsushi smiled, blurted a “thank you” and removed his shoes and put them inside on their shoe rack. Inside the house, it has a nice complex, it was also clean. The Akutagawas are definitely lucky living here. It must’ve been comfortable to live here. Akutagawa led him to his bedroom, as it’s also past 2 am.
Both of them let out a small yawn, when they realized it, they just laughed it off. Atsushi didn’t hesitate to lay on his bed, as if it’s his own bed. Akutagawa didn’t care about it, as he just let Atsushi snuggle on him. Atsushi was laying down on his chest, while Akutagawa put his arm over his shoulder. He moved Atsushi closer to him, and began to stroke his hair gently. It actually made Atsushi sleepy more.
“Surely we’re tired now, it’s your day-off tomorrow right?” Akutagawa asked, while making a plan, what to do with him tomorrow. He hoped that it’s the weretiger’s day off tomorrow, so that they can hang out more.
“Well, yeah. What about yours?”
“It’s my day-off tomorrow too. Wanna watch a movie?” Akutagawa was happy, he wanted to get to know more about Atsushi. Not only his past, not because he’s Dazai’s student, but because he wanted to know more about him, he’s interested in him personally. Akutagawa wanted to understand him, not just a partner, but rather a human being.
Both of them have experienced a past where it all became their trauma, where it all began to succumb to their memories. Where it was all dark just like the abyss. Maybe this time, while they work on themselves, they will not only try, but also they’ll do all things just to get stronger day by day.
“What do you expect me to say? No? Of course, I would love to watch a movie with you.” Atsushi blushed, he was happy to get invited for tomorrow’s plan, just the two of them.
Akutagawa let out a chuckle, as there’s also a hint of blush on his cheeks. He glanced at Atsushi, who gave him his prettiest smile, Akutagawa felt different. He felt something backflipped on his stomach, was he falling in love with him?
“Hmm, what’s wrong?”
“I..”
“..?”
“I would love.. To get to know more about you personally.”
Atsushi thinks it’s cute, not until he accidentally blurted out something that he didn’t even think of, “I love you.”
It was awkward until Atsushi realized he said it differently from his mind, he stood up from the bed and looked at Akutagawa, who was confused– “Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I meant I love to get to know more about you too personally, like you’re very interesting and such–”
“Atsushi.”
Atsushi felt the chills on his back , is Akutagawa mad? Did he make him mad? He began to get nervous after saying something weird that Akutagawa isn’t even used to. Even it’s platonic, he knows Akutagawa would never let it slide–
Akutagawa sat up and pulled Atsushi into his arms, making the latter widen their eyes after the sudden movement. He hugged Atsushi, it felt nice. It felt like his home, It felt his own home.
Atsushi, who was surprised by Akutagawa’s own actions, didn't hesitate to hug him back.
He wonders how all this happened when he just bumped into him earlier because he ran away from home. He wondered how this escalated quickly? They literally had a conversation earlier that involved a tension between them, they literally hated each other as enemies but now they’re trying to accept and understand each other as partners now.
That was too fast, indeed.
He wonders how lovely the moon is, he glanced upon Akutagawa, who did the same. Their breathing was in sync, Akutagawa tucked his hair strand on the back of his ear, and moved closer to his face. That was the first time that they shared a sweet, meaningless love where the moonlight beams on their face. Their feelings deepened more, is this what was bothering them from the start? Did it really take many months just to realize they share a mutual feeling that no one could understand except themselves? If that’s the case, then what was it that led them to have hatred in each other’s presence?
Atsushi Nakajima and Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, what an art to see in life. They resonate with each other, they complete each other. They are meant to be together.
Atsushi put his hand on Akutagawa’s cheek, gently caressing it while their lips are busy moving together in sync. It was a moment of theirs that will forever be cherished. It was a moment that won’t be forgotten. It was a moment of theirs to enjoy it only by themselves.
“ Is this the feeling that we’re looking for? Would you like to explain why we are enjoying this? Why is it making me love you, Atsushi? Why is it making me want to kiss you again?” Akutagawa teased, giving a peck on Atsushi’s cheek.
“I don’t know, Ryuunosuke. Why is it that you’re making me feel I’m floating on cloud nine? I’m wondering how you are making me fall in love with you, every single damn time.” It was the first time that Atsushi called Akutagawa by their first name, Ryuunosuke .
“Ryuunosuke? That’s so hot of you, Atsushi.”
“Shut up.” Atsushi rolled his eyes in response.
“Make me.”
“Oh, you wanna make me kiss you all over again?” Atsushi smiled in victory when he knew he’s winning their little teasing game.
“Shut up. By the way, I love you too.” Akutagawa confessed, earning a smile from his new lover . Both of them laid down on the bed, started to cuddle together and went to sleep afterwards.