Work Text:
When Buck wakes up alone, in Eddie’s bed, he’s confused. He’s confused because he does not remember getting there in the first place and he’s confused because the room looks different.
There’s a new paint job. New pictures, all the pictures are of Eddie somehow. Something’s not right.
He walks out of the bedroom in search of Eddie, and getting more and more confused as he goes from room to room to find more and more pictures of Eddie.
There’s no sign of Christopher except for a text from the kid that reads. Hey dad, got to school okay. Have a good day, ily ❤️
Buck frowns at the use of Dad. Since when does Chris call him Dad ? He searches for Eddie’s number and actually almost falls off when he dials it and gets a this number is no longer in service that actually shocks him to his core.
With shaky hands, he checks the date of their last conversation. May 12th 2021.
No no no. This can’t be. He frantically looks at the date of his phone. July 3rd 2022. It’s the same date he was expecting.
He runs to the bedroom, looking into the drawers and spiraling more and more as he sees the clothes, his clothes, in Eddie’s drawers. He still recognizes Eddie’s clothes but they’re a minority now.
He can’t take it anymore, he dials Bobby’s number, begging for this to just be a bad joke. Maybe Eddie wanted to prank him back for that one time he replaced his sugar with salt.
“Hello ?”
“Bobby,” he calls with a shaky voice. “where’s Eddie ? He’s not home and—”
He hears a sigh on the other side of the phone. “He’s doing it again.” Bobby tells someone quietly. “Buck, Eddie died.”
Buck gasps, already feeling his heart tearing. “No !”
“Yes, Buck, I’m so sorry, but he’s dead. Eddie died. He was shot last year, remember ? He’s dead.”
“No he’s not ! I saved him ! I—I saved him !” He chokes out, tears streaming down his face.
“Buck,” Bobby says gently. “you failed. He’s dead. Eddie’s dead.”
Buck wakes up with a gasp, tears running down his face as he tries to calm himself down from the panic attack that’s worming its way into his chest.
He looks around, computing that’s he’s in the bunk room and Eddie’s bunk is empty and oh dear god what if this wasn’t just a dream ? What if Eddie’s dead and—
“Buck ?” Hen calls sleepily. “Buck what’s going on ?”
He opens his mouth to say please tell me Eddie’s not dead, because he could never survive that but no sound comes out. Nothing comes out expect for his strangled breathing. It hurts to breathe, to swallow back the sobs, to try and tell her how much he needs to see Eddie.
“What’s up with Buck ?” Someone asks and he doesn’t even recognize the voice, his chest hurting him so much he thinks he might be dying.
Is he ? He could. Maybe Eddie’s dead and maybe Buck needs to join him, maybe his fate is to die begging for the other half of his soul to come back to him in a darkened room in front of all of his colleagues.
“Go get Eddie.” He hears and something— something loosens in his chest because they’re getting Eddie and Eddie’s alive and of course Eddie’s alive but he just needs to see him to confirm it to himself.
“Everyone out.” He hears from the door and he looks up through his tears and manages to make out Eddie rushing to his bunk. “Hey Buck, just take a breath for me.”
Eddie’s here and Eddie’s alive. Buck grabs into his forearms and pulls him towards him so he can wrap his arms around Eddie and bury his face in his neck. Eddie smells exactly like Eddie. His cologne that Buck bought for him years ago and he never stopped repurchasing, with a hint of the clean homey smell of the laundry they use at the house. He’s real, he’s here and he’s alive. He’s safe. It was just a dream.
Buck sobs of relief as Eddie folds him closer. “Oh Buck…” he whispers, sounding sad. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”
Buck lets himself be held as Eddie continues whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and his tears run out.
“Hey, you okay ?” Eddie asks as soon as Buck moves slightly to wipe the tears away from his eyes.
“Nightmare.” Buck replies, throat hoarse and scratchy from the sobbing.
“You want to talk about it ?” Eddie asks gently, because it’s a thing they do now. Communicate. “Or you could go back to sleep ?”
“Can we just…”
“Yeah ?” Eddie prods when Buck stops himself.
“Can we just lay down together ?” Buck finishes, hoping Eddie won’t find it weird and say no.
“Of course.” Eddie murmurs, and Buck feels his lips brushing against his temple for just about a second but it’s gone too fast to enjoy it.
Eddie lays down on the bunk first, Buck fitting his head on his chest so he can hear his steady heartbeat. Eddie doesn’t question it, he just puts his arm around Buck’s shoulder, holding him in place as much as hiding him from the outside world.
“You were dead in my dream.” Buck whispers after a minute of silence. He feels Eddie’s sharp intake of breath more than he hears it. “Eddie ?”
“Yeah ?”
“I don’t want to ever live without you.”
“Look at me.” Buck shifts so he can see Eddie’s face. “I’m not going anywhere.” Eddie promises, and Buck shakes his head because he can’t actually promise that. “Baby, look at me.” It startles Buck, eyes widening at the pet name because it’s not something they do. They’ve been toying around the line for months, they’ve been better yes, but Buck is still so scared, so unprepared to give his all to someone and have them actually give their all back.
Eddie smiles slightly, like he can’t even keep it in despite his deep discomfort with the situation, cupping Buck’s cheek and running his thumb across his cheekbones.
“How could I ever leave you ?” He murmurs, eyes soft as he looks into Buck’s. It sounds like a love confession if he’s ever heard one. It sounds like for ever. “I’m right here, mi vida, I’m not going anywhere.”
A tear falls down Buck’s eye and Eddie wipes it away immediately, like he can’t even bear to see it making a path on his skin.
Buck inhales before nodding and laying back down on Eddie’s chest, counting the heartbeats he feels under his cheek, the familiar rhythmic thump thump that may as well be crowned his favorite lullaby.
“You’ve been taking care of everyone so much I think you’ve forgotten about yourself.” Eddie says, pressing a kiss to his hair. “And I think the trauma is catching up to you.”
“I—”
“No just listen,” Eddie interrupts him gently. He’s always so gentle with him, always so kind. Buck feels as though he’s not deserving of it most times. “you should call Dr Copeland and make an appointment because the shooting is clearly still affecting you.”
“Eddie I-I swear I’m not trying to make it about me—”
He could never. Not when Eddie was the one who got shot. Not when Eddie has been struggling so much before he came back to work.
“Make it about you ?” Eddie repeats, incredulously. “Buck, you were there when I was shot, that’s traumatic. Don’t downplay it, please.” He sighs. “I know we don’t talk about it, because it hurts and it’s scary and… but I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to hide your feelings away for my sake.”
“Okay.” Buck agrees, not willing to argue in the bunk room. He sniffs, looking at Eddie who’s gazing at him, with something like love dancing around his eyes. “Eddie ?”
“Yeah ?”
“I’m not ready for us yet.”
Eddie deserves someone whole, someone better. Buck wants to be better for him. He wants to wake up one day and feel like maybe just maybe he’s worth the adoration that emanates out of Eddie’s every touch, every smile, every look.
Eddie cups his cheek again, with a fond tilt of the mouth. “I know. I can wait as long as you want, Evan.”
“But you know, right ? How much I…” He trails off with a meaningful look as Eddie smiles softly, eyes lightening up with quiet joy.
“I know.”
Buck sags with relief, going boneless against Eddie as he lays back down on him. “Good. That’s good.” A beat of silence. “You can keep calling me baby though.”
“I would never dare stop, baby.” Eddie chuckles, running his fingers through Buck’s curls and Buck closes his eyes on instinct to enjoy the affection.
Of course that’s when the alarm chooses to ring. Buck slides off, and gets up, offering Eddie a hand to tug him up as they run to the truck.
“You good Buck ?” Bobby asks as they reach the truck.
“Yeah. It was a nightmare.” Buck simply answers, getting sympathetic looks from his teammates.
He meets Eddie’s eye who smiles encouragingly at him, knocking their shoulders together. Yeah, he’s going to get therapy, and he’s going to work his hardest to be good enough for that man.