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One thing with feelings—they always emerge at the wrong time.
Like when Taehyung is in the shower, soap in his eyes and shampoo on his scalp, he will feel a volcanic surge of emotions and the strongest urge to let his thoughts out, except he can’t because he’s either running late for work or Seokjin has already left (because it’s obviously him who he needs to share his feelings with most of the time). Or now, at fuck o’clock in the middle of the night when he wakes up from a dream that he can’t even remember, thoughts racing in his head like it’s the Grand Prix final and he just needs needs needs to let it out.
The thing is, he can’t just free his feelings out into the void. He could journal or something—but at this late hour Taehyung can barely open his eyes, so writing words on paper (or a phone) is out of the question. Though, he supposes he can check if by any chance Seokjin is still awake. So, he turns to his side where the other is lying with his back to him. He nudges his shoulder and whispers.
“You up?”
There is a soft grunt from Seokjin, followed by a hum. And right at that moment, Taehyung regrets it because no, Seokjin was not awake, but he sure is now—blame his light sleeping tendencies. But before he can drop the idea, Seokjin turns to him and cracks an eye open.
“‘S up? Can’t sleep?”
And Tahyung thinks there’s still time, he can wave it off and let the other sleep in peace, but then Seokjin brings up a hand to cup Taehyung’s jaw and—well. A man can only be so strong.
“Actually uh, I was thinking,”
Seokjin caresses his cheek, nudging him to continue.
“You know how I used to be all clingy when we had just begun dating?”
“Mmm?”
“Like, not just affectionate, but—almost too clingy? I mean, you never said it but I know in retrospect now. I used to hang off you at all times. I wouldn’t sleep if we weren’t cuddling. Well, I—I just had an epiphany about why I did that,”
Seokjin has both his eyes half-open now, face still scrunched up with sleep but visibly more attentive, giving Taehyung all his attention even if it is god-knows-what time at night.
“I think I was just too afraid to lose you, hyung. I thought you’d leave me if I distanced you, even if it was just to give you space. Which—is absurd now that I think of it, but I guess I couldn’t see it then. It’s just—you were so good to me, it felt almost like a dream that I didn’t want to wake up from. I wanted to stay in that dream and have all of you for myself. I just realised we don’t always cuddle anymore and that is completely okay. I don’t really feel the need to keep you physically close at all times because I trust us. Oh, god I love you Seokjin. I could cry right now,”
“Tae—”
“I’m sorry it’s just—I am so overwhelmed, and not from fear or doubt or any of those emotions I felt back then but just —joy— God I am so happy with where we are and—I’m so happy. Are you happy?” Taehyung continues, tears springing to his eyes.
Seokjin squints at him, “Tae. Are you—it’s like, 4 am. Are you okay?”
“I am so in love. With you. I love you. Wow.”
“That’s—flattering. I love you too, baby. Can we go to sleep now?” Seokjin says with a chuckle, his thumb rubbing circles under Taehyung’s chin. To a spectator this would seem weird, a Taehyung having an intense emotional breakdown but in a good way, triggered by absolutely nothing at all, and a Seokjin barely awake, trying to keep his eyes open as he fights to figure out why his boyfriend is freaking the fuck out in the middle of the night. But to Taehyung it’s perfectly normal.
“Yup. I love you.”
“I heard you, yes,” Seokjin says, eyes shining with amusement as he hugs the other closer.
Taehyung buries his nose in Seokjin’s collar and inhales. “Can’t hurt to say it again,”
“Absolutely,” Seokjin says, running a hand through the other’s hair before resting it on the small of his back.
Taehyung feels the thoughts in his mind suddenly vanish, like a burden has been lifted from his shoulders, even though he didn’t even know it existed. He feels tired, about to slip into sleep again, lulled by Seokjin’s breaths.
“Also, baby,” Seokjin’s voice pulls him out of his half-sleep. He hums, it comes out muffled from where his face lies buried in Seokjin’s chest.
“You’re still clingy as hell. And I love it. Just saying.”
Taehyung simply shakes his head and smiles as they go back to sleep again.