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Joe had expected parenthood to change him. He’d started the hunt for a surrogate on the basis that there was little point to having a child if becoming a father didn’t change him.
But he’d expected the change to start when his son or daughter was put in his arms. It hadn’t occurred to him that his omega’s pregnancy would change him.
He should have kept away from Nicky. That’s what the surrogacy company recommended, to avoid “awkward emotional entanglements”, and when they’d heard his plan to sketch Nicky throughout the pregnancy, his family had agreed.
“Yusuf, habibi,” his mother had said in a tone just fond enough not to be exasperated. “You fall in love three times a day.”
“I do not!”
“You fall in love with everyone you draw,” she declared, in tones designed to quell any challenge. “Remember Michael.”
His mother’s memory was – at times – entirely unforgiveable. “That man had a bone structure that would make Allah and all His angels weep, mama,” he protested, since that was the truth. He was an artist; of course he appreciated beauty. They’d had a brief fling; it didn’t mean anything.
“What if you fall in love with this omega?” she demanded.
“His name’s Nicky.” He ignored the lurch his stomach gave at the question. If he was being scrupulously honest, he’d fallen a little bit in love with the omega when they’d met for the first time in that coffee shop. Perhaps he’d even fallen in love when he’d set eyes on the surrogate’s photograph. Nicky’s bone structure was at least as compelling as Michael’s – and his eyes! If Allah wasn’t weeping, it was because his breath had been stolen by the startling, seafoam shade of his irises. “And it doesn’t matter if I fall in love a little. It won’t last.”
“Oh, Yusuf.” His mother sounded disappointed, which wasn’t really fair – wasn’t he agreeing with her assessment of him? “And what do you think will happen to Nicky when you fall in love and back out just as fast?”
Another lurch, which made him feel a little nauseous. He should eat something; it was nearly time for lunch. “It’s only sketching, mama. He’s agreeing for the money. There’s no way he’ll fall in love with me.”
His mother had sighed, and chided Joe, but his mind was made up. He wanted a record of his son or daughter’s omega, and it was a pleasure to sketch a man of Nicky’s beauty. That was all there was to it.
That wasn’t all there was to it.
As predicted, he fell in love with his model.
Except that in a startling change to form, in five months he had yet to fall back out of his infatuation. He’d told himself it was probably hormonal. Nicky smelled permanently amazing; it wasn’t to be wondered at if it took a while for Joe’s customary restlessness to overcome that biological appeal.
And it wasn’t as though he was trying to talk himself out of his crush. It was having highly beneficial effects. Nicky had left an hour ago. Joe had seen him out and stayed in his studio. Preparations for his upcoming exhibition were progressing faster and better than he’d ever known them to do. His creativity seemed boundless, the pictures leaping to life on the page almost without conscious effort. He put the finishing touches to the piece he was working on and stood back to assess whether or not it was truly finished and could be sent for framing.
“Done,” he muttered, and set the picture to one side.
He frowned. Three quarters of the pieces were already completed. That was ... unprecedented. He was used to pulling all-nighters the week before an exhibition. This time he looked as though he was going to have time to spare.
And the changed variable in his life was Nicky. The muse who inspired Joe even when he wasn’t sitting for him.
Joe realised he was grinning just at the memory of Nicky sitting in his studio earlier. Ah. The smile slid off his face. He didn’t do relationships. That was the whole reason he’d opted for a surrogate. He slid in and out of love like a drunk on an ice rink, and when it came to a choice between his art and a boyfriend, there was never a doubt which was more important.
Until now.
His heart lurched into a rapid beat.
Until Nicky.
He groaned, striking his forehead with the heel of his hand.
The phone rang. If he’d had time to think, Joe would have let the call go to voicemail, but he saw his sister’s name, and family meant support and comfort, so he answered.
“Nour, I think I’m in love.”
Nour laughed, bright and happy. “Tell me something I couldn’t have guessed.”
“No, I mean I’m really in love. Properly this time.”
“Oh, Yusuf!”
It was uncanny how like mama she sounded sometimes. “I love Nicky. And I think – I think I should ask him if he wants to try a proper relationship.”
“Don’t you dare!”
He blinked, half-expecting Nour’s fierce tone to dissolve into laughter. “What?” he asked when that didn’t happen.
“Don’t you dare mess that poor omega around.”
“I wouldn’t be messing him around!” He’d thought his sister knew him better than that. “I mean it.”
“Yeah, you mean it today.” She sighed. “You’ve never been a pregnant omega, Joe. I have. The baby will have his hormones all over the place. You’re his alpha - temporarily, but it still counts. He’s pregnant with your baby. He’s undoubtedly most of the way in love with you already. Don’t you dare take advantage of that just because you think you’re in love with him this week.”
Joe bit back the angry response that jumped onto his tongue at Nour’s tone. “I know I don’t have the best history with relationships, but I’ve changed. He’s changed me.”
“And what about when he doesn’t smell pregnant and delicious? What’s going to keep you interested then?”
“I’m not as shallow as you seem to think I am.” Joe was half-mad, half-amused. Was that really how his family saw him? “If I make a commitment, I’ll stick to it.”
“Until you’re inspired to be at your easel twelve hours a day. Or you’re on deadline. Or you have a commission that carries you away from the real world.”
All of which had ended relationships before. But it was different this time, he was sure it was. Inspiration struck and Joe grabbed at it. “That won’t happen. Can’t happen. I’ll have a baby to look after. I’ll have to stick to sensible hours.”
“So, Nicky will be third in your list of priorities,” Nour said, a little sadly.
“No!” Joe’s stomach lurched again; he wondered if there were any leftovers in the fridge. “I want to be with him.” He was slightly appalled by how small and needy his voice sounded.
“It’s not about what you want, Joe. Are you prepared to put him first? To put his needs before your own when push comes to shove? Because that’s what it means to be his alpha.”
“I can put him first.” He took a deep breath, because he didn’t want to lie. “At least, I think I can. I’ll certainly try.”
“You think? You’ll try? Oh, Yusuf. Don’t you think your omega – and the omega of your child – deserves better than ‘try’?”
“He deserves everything.” Joe’s voice was hoarse with emotion but he didn’t even try to hide it.
“Can you offer him that?” Nour asked, more gently than before.
Joe chewed at his lip. “Message received. I – I can’t answer that today.”
“Don’t answer it until you’re ready,” was Nour’s parting advice. “It’s too important to rush.”
After he’d put the phone down, Joe sat staring into nothing until the light turned to darkness around him. He had to be sure. Because Nour was right. Nicky deserved better than a half-hearted try before bailing when things got difficult or Joe got bored.
He deserved everything and more.