Work Text:
“is this your stop?” a hand pats shang qinghua on his shoulder. he nods sheepishly, rubbing his neck, he had slept on the bus again.
shang qing-hua works as an accountant at an average company, his wages aren’t that great, he makes it up by writing novels for incel men online. he’s a little bit on the shorter side, or atleast looks the part because of his slouched shoulders. he’s just an another man living his average 9-5 live, or to put it otherwise.
there’s nothing special about shang qinghua.
on the way to his apartment, he sees a poster of mobei-jun, “hi mobei!” he tells the image before walking home, swallowing every bitter memory which forces to replay itself in the back of his mind.
shang qing-hua comes back home, hand in his instant noodles, opening his word document to write another chapter, he has a handful of suggestions for the next chapter from the readers, a few mean comments too.
he stares at a particular document sitting idle, shang qinghua winces before clicking open. it’s another story- a story where he’s the same accountant who leaves at nine and returns at five but this time, when he comes back home he has mobei-jun to keep him company.
…
“who are you?” shang qinghua asks a girl, taller than him due to her heels. she’s waiting outside the school gates, it’s not often that he sees a pretty girl around an all boys high school after all.
“do you know mobei-jun?” she clicks, not looking away from her phone. shang qinghua nods in response.
“you’re his girlfriend?” he hopes he sounded less bitter than it came across in his head, the truth is shang qinghua doesn’t want to hear the answer for that. why would he be interested in the personal life of his school’s sports captain- no, roommate- no, friend- no, this straight boy he has a crush on?
“i’m sha hualing, and his wife,” she says casually, admiring her nails. shang qinghua’s mouth makes a wide ‘o’ in response to a loss of words. “w-wow when did you guys get married..?” he feels his throat get tighter by the minute. the girl glares down at him for a while and just huffs.
“i don’t see why you’re interested, get going.” sha hualing snaps, shang qinghua flinches and runs back to his seemingly empty dorm, wishing the girl had just lied. he has a lot of admirers what if she’s just one of them and wanted to shoot her shot? that’s when he realises that mobei-jun has already packed his things.
shang qinghua tries to convince himself mobei-jun didn’t let him know because he was too busy and stressed out with the preparations. although the possiblility of mobei-jun not telling him because he saw shang qinghua as a nuisance to his life was more likely. after all, shang qinghua couldn’t deny how he was clingy with the other boy always tagging around him like a little leech.
he finds his cheeks getting wet immediately, there’s a loud scream of his name down the corridor. it was mobei-jun, he’s sure of it he could recognise his voice anywhere. he can’t let mobei-jun see him crying and ruin his last day here, when the footsteps seem to be getting closer shang qinghua gets inside the empty closet to hide.
he hears the door open. he bites the inner corner of his cheek to stop from more tears spilling out.
“qinghua.”
“qinghua where are you?”
he peeks through the little opening of the closet, he bites his cheek harder almost tasting copper seeing mobei-jun in a tuxedo. lucky, sha hualing she could see him like this and probably kiss him even. maybe if he were a girl, mobei-jun would’ve liked him too.
“it’s getting late, sir.” shang qinghua sees mobei-jun’s butler call out for him from behind. mobei-jun takes one more glance at the room before leaving.
there’s nothing special about shang qinghua.
because if there was, mobei-jun would’ve liked him,
at least as a friend.
…
“congrats on your wedding” shang qinghua clinks their whiskey bottles together as they drink in his apartment.
“i can’t believe this is happening” shen yuan mumbles.
“very believable actually, you’ve been crushing on him for say..” “ten years.” shen yuan slurs chugging on one more bottle of vodka.
“loser” shang qinghua mutters slowly sipping on the bottle in his hand. he receives a loud smack on his head, a well deserved one. “you’ve been crushing on mobei-jun for the same.” shen yuan reminds. shame wraps itself around shang qinghua’s neck. he had nothing to refute this with, he was really really in love with that man.
“you know luo binghe is close with him? i could ask him-”
“no need” shang qinghua swats invisible flies around his face.
“why?” shen yuan asks, he knows he’s not going to get an answer this time again. shang qinghua as expected goes silent at that question.
…
“this is the best you’ve looked this entire week.” shen yuan remarks looking at shang qinghua’s tidy attire,
“does that imply i looked like shit during the other days?” shang qinghua asks faking to be offended over the words. it’s true shang qinghua doesn’t care about his appearance much, he had no reason to give it much thought.
shen yuan looks at binghe at the corner and immediately rushes towards him to the other corner of the room. shang qinghua thinks they’re sickly in love with other, their pda exhausts and he gets tired of third wheeling them all the time. sometimes, he wishes he could do the same with someone else (read: mobei-jun).
but love only works for people who are special
there’s nothing special about shang qinghua.
or so he thinks till he sees himself sitting right beside a six-foot tall man, from the side profile shang qinghua starts to think the guy has an incredible jawline. he only realises it’s mobei-jun when the man turns around. they’re now face to face with no idea what to say to each other.
shang qinghua lets out a meek ‘hi’ but he’s sure it came out a little squeaky. must have been this throat from drinking yesterday, of course. it’s totally not because his internal organs are screaming from nervousness or the fact the guy he’s totally not obsessed over is sitting by his left hand.
he gets a nod in return. shang qinghua also spots a small smile at the corner of mobei-jun’s lips but he’s sure it’s just the light tricking him or he’s delusional, his brain is making him see things he would like to see.
they sit beside each other for the whole ceremony, shang qinghua swears he could hear his heartbeat right up his throat. mobei-jun looked calm as usual, shang qinghua expected him to say something, ask how he’s been all this while. he also remembers how mobei-jun isn’t a man of many words.
shang qinghua gets up to leave, there’s a hand tightly wrapped around his wrist. he looks back, mobei-jun’s eyes look kind unlike how his wrist his held right now.
“what do you-”
“give me your number.” mobei-jun states. he doesn’t ask, shang qinghua hisses in pain that’s when mobei-jun remembers to let go of his wrist. they exchange numbers with an odd silence around. shang qinghua has a lot to say but he doesn’t want to bore mobei-jun by being chatty like he was back a few years ago. shang qinghua forces to keep most of his vision down on his shoes being unable to control how pink his ears are getting every time he makes a small glance at mobei-jun’s face.
“i’ll call you just let me know when you’re free i can- we can catch up” shang qinghua almost blurts all these words in five rotations of the clock’s longer needle. mobei-jun nods again, he seems to have understood what shang qinghua was trying to say that’s all that matters.
shang qinghua goes to bed squealing to his pillow mercilessly. he does almost tear it apart in happiness. he had met mobei-jun ! for the first time !! in seven years !!!
at night when he sleeps if his memory isn’t serving him badly he’s sure he dreamt of the exchange he had during the wedding.
…
when shang qinghua tells shen yuan about the exchange during his wedding all he gets is a “you’re so dense” in return. shang qinghua isn’t quite sure of what shen yuan meant by that at all.
it’s been a week since they both exchanged phone numbers, that’s a stretch it’s only been six days. shang qinghua has been counting it, he checks his phone alarmingly often to see if he has any new messages, from mobei-jun unfortunately nothing comes up.
maybe shang qinghua shouldn’t get his hopes up for a call after all mobei-jun has an entire company to run, a family to take care of he probably has kids too nothing shen yuan has mentioned but he would not doubt it. mobei-jun keeps his privacy heavily guarded; he wouldn't have let anyone know even if he did have children.
it’s day eight now, but shang qinghua isn’t too focused on his phone today doesn’t mean he forgot it, he’s just working late his mind entirely on the files he has to submit the next day.
his phone vibrates inside his pocket, there’s a ‘no calls at work’ policy in his office but since it’s after hours he hopes his boss wouldn’t mind that.
“hello?” he answers in haste, his right hand still on the mouse, trying to get his work done as quickly as he can.
“can we meet?” the voice is a bit soft but doesn’t lack authority, shang qinghua’s mind blanks out for a minute. who would want to meet up with him? three hours before midnight at that. that’s when he checks the caller id, it’s mobei-jun. mobei-jun asking him to meet three hours before midnight.
“uh i’m busy.” shang qinghua says rather pained by his own words, the truth is he doesn’t have a great sense of responsibility but right now he just had too much on his hands to think of anything else.
“i can wait.”
“i’m still at work.”
“not a problem for me.” mobei-jun says giving no room for argument, shang qinghua takes another look at the pending files and decides to do them as quickly as he can. by the time he’s done it’s 10:15 on his watch, an hour and fifteen minutes since mobei-jun called him up. he gets out of his office to return mobei-jun’s call.
“i'm done with work now! i know it’s pretty late but”
“good, i’m right behind you.” shang qinghua doesn’t need to be told twice, he looks behind like a dog on command only to find an empty pavement. “i can’t see you!” he says, it ends up sounding more like a whine instead.
“the car, qinghua.” shang qinghua quints he isn’t that great without his glasses sometimes, there’s a black car waiting behind him.
“i’ll be there!” he runs to the car. he takes a deep breath before opening the door by himself. “qinghua looks tired.” mobei-jun comments almost immediately, there’s a light tint of worry written in his eyes.
“hard day at work.” shang qinghua huffs relaxing into the soft car seat.
“if they’re overworking qinghua, he should quit.” mobei-jun says casually.
“that-that’s not as easy as you say it!” shang qinghua scolds, finally wearing his seatbelt, assuming that’s why they weren’t moving.
“why not?” mobei-jun asks, looking sincere.
shang qinghua almost rolls his eyes, ‘spoilt’ he mutters under his breath he hopes mobei-jun didn’t hear that. “do you have any idea how high the rent is here?”
mobei-jun blinks, of course it’s not something he’s ever had to concern himself with.
“does qinghua’s job pay him well then?”
“it’s manageable.” shang qinghua admits.
“you should quit.” mobei-jun repeats the second time.
“and you’d fund my job hunting for the next six months won’t you?” shang qinghua teases, laughing a little.
“you could work for me instead.” mobei-jun proposes, shang qinghua laughs it off. “wait- where are we going?” shang qinghua asks, noticing the car is moving in a very familiar route now.
“your apartment?” mobei-jun says a bit hesitant.
“you know where i live????” shang qinghua would’ve jumped higher if the seatbelt wasn’t stopping his movements. “i asked shen yuan” shang qinghua wants to say ‘you could’ve asked it a lot sooner’ but stops himself.
when they reach his apartment, mobei-jun has to crouch down the doorway to get into the living room. “ah i’m sorry for my manners it’s not very clean! i’d have fixed something if.. if i knew you were coming over.”
“it’s fine,” mobei-jun says and there’s a painful silence following it. “i’ll cook dinner.” he states, there’s no room for argument. he’s decided already. shang qinghua helps him navigate through the kitchen and shows him his cupboard hoarded with multiple different flavours of instant noodles.
“you eat this?” mobei-jun asks in a highly judgemental tone. “uh.. it’s all i can afford right now and i like noodles!” shang qinghua tells cheerily while mobei-jun continues to sport a very sour look on his face.
shang qinghua wishes he could have a much more normal reaction to having dinner with mobei-jun, in his apartment exactly like he’s envisioned him to be all these years. his hands felt shaky, his stomach was more focused on tingling ceasing the awful hunger pangs a few minutes ago.
“how have u been?” shang qinghua asks first this time.
“not good.”
“did something happen..?” shang qinghua asks very tentatively. mobei-jun nods. shang qinghua wants to prod more, he wants to know, he wants to ask. if mobei-jun is the one not telling, it’ll be rude to ask. shang qinghua keeps shut although his curiosity started burning him up from the inside. they keep talking, there’s a lot of things mobei-jun listens to, very few things he’s told so far but it’s ok shang qinghua is content more than content with this already.
there’s a manual clock across the room, that’s when shang qinghua notices it’s midnight already.
“don’t you need to get back home?”
mobei-jun looks surprised, “why?”
“your wife’s going to be waiting for you, won’t she be worried? be a responsible husband.” shang qinghua scolds, his throat tightening again when the topic of his wife arises. mobei-jun returns shang qinghua the most unreadable stare he can before replying,
“we got divorced,” mobei-jun says, like he expected shang qinghua to know it already.
“i-i didn’t know i’m sorry.” shang qinghua pretends to sound hurt, this feels wrong. he isn’t a bit sad for what happened, if anything his traitorous heart leaped at the thought of having a very small chance now.
“it’s ok, we didn’t like each other in the first place. i thought it’s better to let her spend time with her girlfriend instead.” shang qinghua just nods at the new information thrown at his face.
“what about you? does qinghua have any lovers?” mobei-jun prompts. shang qinghua gives a slightly offended look before responding, “i’m practically married to my work i have no time to date anyone.” he complains, placing his chopsticks down.
“does qinghua wish to then?”
“of course who wouldn’t?”
“who does qinghua prefer?” shang qinghua’s face immediately starts to drain at the question. how is he supposed to answer such a question! especially when the person he wants is sitting right before his face.
“anyone who can cook would suffice.” shang qinghua starts, it’s been so long since he’s had something mobei-jun cooked, he loves his cooking. shang qinghua hopes it isn’t that obvious.
“i can cook.”
shang qinghua’s face could be compared to a tomato at this instant,
“then.. what does qinghua think of me?”
shang qinghua swears he feels his heart flicker a few times before regaining its speed.
“we’re both men!” shang qinghua says faking to be scandalised, in fact he wanted to respond by saying ‘i love you’ but he was in too much of a panic to make clear decisions.
“i know you’re gay.” mobei-jun sounds dejected.
“if you don’t like me it’s okay to be honest about it.”
shang qinghua stands up in outrage, he’s surprised mobei-jun knew all this time.
“how did you know?” shang qinghua asks albeit rather meekly.
“qinghua always kept books he borrowed from the library under his bed, i’ve read them too.” mobei-jun gets up to check his watch, he must have something important the next day, shang qinghua doesn’t want to hold him up for this.
throwing every rational thought outside the window, shang qinghua thinks there’s nothing wrong with being selfish for once at least.
“mobei don’t leave.” shang qinghua stops him from talking another step.
“i didn’t mean it like that, i thought you wouldn't have known.”
“why did you never tell me then?” mobei-jun inches closer with visible fury.
“i like you. i like you a lot i-i don’t think i’d have been able to tell you without giving myself away that i was in love with you and then i thought you wouldn’t be okay with it and-”
“i’ve literally asked you to marry me before, what are you on about?” mobei-jun asks, sounding offended. very offended.
“you were seventeen!”
“and i meant it!!” mobei-jun returns loudly.
they return to silence, but this time it’s not uncomfortable. no, shang qinghua is not at ease, his heart is actively competing with the highest speed of sports cars taking laps in anticipation.
“so you’re willing to date me?” mobei-jun asks.
“i’d love to.” shang qinghua nods with enthusiasm.
“allow me to stay the night then.”
“of course,” shang qinghua says, leaping to wrap his arms around mobei-jun’s neck. mobei-jun smirks before leaning in for a kiss.
…
yes,
there is in fact something very special about shang qinghua,
he’s married with his childhood crush.
not everyone gets to say that.