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Toni wasn’t much for camping. Even though she didn’t mind getting dirty and hanging out in nature, she did enjoy the comfort of her own bed, warm water and takeout, -all of which you can’t really get in the middle of a nature reserve-, so when Leah proposed a girls camping weekend she wasn’t exactly ecstatic about it, although her mood did shift slightly when Shelby Goodkind said she would be going with them. That had been happening a lot lately and Toni wasn’t exactly sure why. When Shelby would walk into class, her blonde ponytail swinging behind her and her always visible smile in place, Toni’s eyes would look up without her permission, making her mouth turn into a shy grin and her heart flutter a little bit. She was quick to react and would immediatly turn her eyes back to her desk, focusing a little to strongly on any detail of the faux wood, or on one of the dumb drawings other students had left behind on it: school suckz. It does, indeed, her brain echoed while she tried with all her might to focus on the math class that was going on in front of her, but to no avail.
Suddenly a crumpled up piece of paper landed on top of her notebook in front of her. She looked up to decipher who it was from and saw Martha looking her way from a desk a couple rows back. Toni arched a brow and shot a puzzled look at her friend, opening the piece of paper. She was greeted by a poorly drawn frog. A very happy frog. The small amphibian had a text bubble coming out of her head that said: “what do you think about the camping trip this weekend? I’m excited! -Marty <3”, she sighed. Was she happy about the trip? The truth was that she was only going because she wanted to spend more time with Martha. Her best friend had been ditching her a lot, although not on purpose, to hang out with some new friends, and Toni had ended up getting close to the group so as to not have to eat lunch on her own; she could ´pretend she didn’t care about that stuff, but it still hurt her to be left behind. So every now and then she would just tag along to Martha’s new cafeteria table to hang out with the group. And that’s how she had been invited to the camping trip: one day Leah had arrived mid lunch with an old looking pamphlet and a photo album. She wouldn’t shut up about this amazing secluded camping spot not far from them and how her parents used to hang out with friends there in the summer when they were young. The story was accompanied by pictures and she showed everybody the brochure for the place. In a very late 80’s aesthetic, it showed some yellowed pictures of a pristine lake and some descriptions of a “beautiful and tranquil campsite, with a view of lazy treetops and starry summer night skies”, the site also offered cabins, all of this written in mustard yellow font laid over a dark green background.
Fatin shot a look at Leah that let everybody know that she wasn’t particularly fond of the idea, “Babe, I love you, you know I do, but I refuse to spend my weekend on some random forest with no internet reception and having to forage for my own food and walk on dirt and build my own house, or whatever”, she finished her phrase by looking down at her plate and taking a bite. The brief silence was broken by Shelby, “I think it’s actually kind of charming”, the grin on her face confirmed Toni’s suspicions that she would enjoy the crazy outdoorsy camping bullshit. “I agree!” Martha chimed in, acting quite chipper about the idea. Toni shot her a panicked look, but her friend didn’t seem to notice. “That’s great!” Leah smiled at Martha and Shelby before turning to look at Fatin who was still chewing on her food not wanting to be called out by her girlfriend “Babe, this brochure might be from the eighties but we’re not actually going back to camping forty years ago, you know? They must have running water and we definitely will be taking all the modern accommodations. I promise you won’t have to sleep on a tree and eat random berries you find around”, she trailed off before rolling her eyes. “If nobody else is against it, it’s settled. Camping trip next weekend”, the brunette looked around the table before having her gaze land on Fatin, who nodded and kept lovingly looking at her.
Toni snapped back into class when she noticed people around her were beginning to shuffle in their desks, putting things away and leaving the classroom. She shut her notebook, shoving it quickly into her bag and rushing to her feet. “Hey, you never replied to my note!” Toni looked up to see Martha's playful smile. “It was a lovely frog, Marty!” she teased, “and, oh boy, am I excited for the camping trip, you know? I just love hanging out with strangers in the middle of the woods!”, her faked perky voice was getting less realisting as the sentence went on. “Ha-ha, Toni. Very funny. They're not strangers, they’re our friends.” The pair was walking on towards the cafeteria, book bags in hand, and Toni noticed she was too hungry to have this discussion, “They're not, Marty. We’ve only been hanging out a couple weeks”. She noticed the girl’s face fall but she ignored it and pushed the door open, looking around for a table. But, before she began heading towards an empty spot in the corner, she noticed Shelby waving at Martha and she begrudgingly followed her friend, making a beeline towards the blonde, not knowing why her stomach had suddenly stopped feeling hungry and she was experiencing slight nausea.
“Hey guys! we’re just over here planning the trip for this weekend.” Toni couldn’t stop staring at her, even after she was done talking. “what?” Shelby shot a quizzical look at Toni, and the brunette suddenly remembered that staring at someone in that way was rude. And weird. “Nothing…” Toni blushed as she ignored the conversation going on around her. She knew they were just going to ramble on about random details that she wasn’t interested in, so she decided to do her own planning instead. Today was thursday, so that meant she would only have a couple hours that afternoon to get her things ready. And to mentally prepare for a whole weekend with all of Martha’s friends. Ugh…
“Alright, party people! Let's head out.” Dot spoke in a calm tone that didn’t really match the words that came out of her mouth. “Really? party people?” Fatin arched an eyebrow, “what are we, a cruise for eighty year olds?, are we heading out to the buffet and to do a conga line after?” Dot looked annoyed and didn’t reply. “Let’s calm down, okay? it’s gonna be fine!” Apparently nobody could bring Leah’s spirit down, she really was excited about the trip. Fatin’s expression softened as she glanced over at her girlfriend, noticing her enthusiasm.
The drive down was alright. Toni was squeezed between Shelby and Leah, as Fatin and Dot bickered on the front seats, and Martha hung out by herself on the pullout seat in the far back of the car. She could feel the warmth of Shelby’s thigh against heras and it was making her slightly uncomfortable to have her so close. Leah spent the whole trip staring out the window and requesting songs to Fatin, who would play them and add the newer ones to her “Leah playlist”, which, as she proudly announced, was over twelve hours long already. Dot faked a gag at the comment and the pair went back to her playful fighting.
Tony glanced up at Shelby with a confused expression, “huh?” The blonde laughed softly, repeating her previous question, “I was just asking about your day, but it’s okay if you’re distracted. We don’t have to talk” If she was being honest, her day had been shit so far. She had had a fight that morning with her foster mom about how much she was allowed to take daily from the house pantry, which had resulted in her having basically no food to bring on the trip, but the woman didn’t give a shit about that, all she cared about was the end of the month check she would receive from CPS for Toni and the other three “fosters” she had in the house. Shelby was glancing sideways at her, and Toni noticed she was now furrowing her brows slightly at her silence. “It’s been alright. What about you?”, she grinned “any run ins with the law lately?” The joke made Shelby's mouth curl upwards, “yeah, actually. I’m a runaway, I might just hide out in the forest for a while so the cops can’t find me in a while, and maybe they’ll forget all my crimes. I bet wild berries beat prison food anyways, how bad can it be?”
The car came slowly to a stop and the girls atrted pulling things out. Leah and Fatin were obviously sharing a tent, and the two thers had to be divided between the other four. “I’ll bunk with Shelby!” spoke Martha, “if that’s alright with you”, she looked over at the blonde who nodded her head softly. Ouch, so much for a friend's trip. “I guess we’re roommates”, Dot handed Toni a sleeping bag and the poles to put together the tent.
“How’s this spot?” They had walked about ten minutes and had come across a flat patch in the forest, under some very tall trees that let patches of sky be seen in between their branches. “Fine by me”, Toni let everything she was holding fall to the ground with a small thud and sat down on a tree stump next to it. She looked up to see Dot looking disapprovingly, “now all our stuff is covered in dirt.” She began to pick up the things, laying them out in a neat manner and shaking the bits of earth off them. Toni scoffed and closed her eyes. Apparently she couldn’t get a moment of peace. Not even in the middle of the woods. “Sheesh, I thought this was supposed to be a relaxing trip, mOM.” She stretched her legs and put her arms behind her head to demonstrate relaxation. Before she heard an answer from Dot Fatin interrupted the conversation, “Alright married couple, let’s stop the bickering and get to putting together the camp. Don’t you always say how important shelter is in those survival shows of yours, Dorothy?”
With the tent’s done and everything laid out, Toni decided to take a walk. She wasn’t really looking forward to sharing her space with someone. Of course she liked Dot, she was just the right amount of sarcastic and moody to fit perfectly with Toni’s personality, and she thought they could even make great friends in the future, but she still hardly knew her, no matter how much Martha tried to convince her that they were all friends. Shelby she liked. They’d shared some classes and she had at least had some conversations with her and even done some group projects, and at least she knew her name before they started hanging out. But now Martha was apparently head over heels over the blonde, and she was getting annoyed at being cast out. Her foot got caught on a tree root and she nearly fell face first into a patch of moss, “fucking forest, who the hell wants to walk on this bunch of sticks and weird grass. Everything is fucking slippery…” she trailed off and gave a kick in the general direction of the roots. There was a small giggle behind her and she turned her head to find Shelby leaning on a tree staring at her with an amused expression. “Am I entertaining to you?”, she scowled, her ankle pulsating slightly with pain as she began walking towards the blonde. “Honestly? Yes. Quite.” She reached out to help Toni over a big fallen tree trunk. “I should charge you for the show then…”, she took the hand Shelby was offering and felt a slight surge of electricity run through her fingers.
The pair walked slowly back to camp and Toni couldn't really focus. Not even her ankle was distracting enough to get the sparky feeling on her hand on the spots it had touched Shelby’s. “penny for your thoughts?” she raised her eyes towards the blonde, “wow, grandma, what a hip expresion” she smiled. “Oh, and the word hip is very young of you?”, the other questioned. “Touché”. After walking a little more she talked again, “my private thoughts are not for sale anyways.” The back of her hand brushed against Shelby’s, making the electricity very present in Toni’s mind again.
When they got back to the campsite it was already getting late. The warm night air didn’t really call for a bonfire, but apparently Fatin had said that if she was being forced to hang out in the woods she would at least be getting smores out of the deal and Martha had been all for it, so Dot had been in charge of making a small fire in order to melt the marshmallows and chocolate. “This is honestly not very eco-conscious…” She stoked the fire a little and little orange sparks flew upwards. “Yes, I bet Greta Thunberg is out there cursing you for your horrible contribution to killing our earth's forests”, Toni teased. “Don’t even get me thinking about it, wildfires are no joke and I already feel guilty.” Dot looked over at fatin, pointing at her with a burnt stick she had been using for the fire, “If your dumb need for smores makes me guilty of a climate crisis I will end you.”
After eating they had all laid down on the ground and were staring up at the night sky. The fire had already been turned off and Dot was more calm about the forest burning situation. “I bet we look like crazy hippies, stretched out on a patch of dirt and glancing at the sky and the stars, ugh”, Fatin spoke with a tone somewhere between truthful and playful. Leah let out a small laugh, taking her girlfriend's hand. “It's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight”, Toni mumbled, “I didn’t take you for an astronomy fan”, Shelby looked over at her with a soft expression on her face, not really expecting a reply. The truth was that she wasn’t, she had just taken care of checking the weather and the conditions of the place they were visiting and had been pleasantly surprised by the possibility of being an onlooker to the nightly phenomena that would be taking place. “Oh, don’t be surprised. Toni’s a big softy”, Martha spoke to Shelby, “She can seem tough, but she’s really into all the cute and sappy stuff. One time she even…” She quickly covered Martha’s mouth with her hand before she could keep talking, “Shut up, what are you doing? I’m literally right here”, she removed her hand shooting her friend a disapproving look, “your hand smells like dirt” she mumbled. Wow, maybe because I’m hanging out in the middle of the forest on a friday night. “Damn, I really wanted to hear all about Toni’s mushy side”, Dot commented and Martha shot her friend a sorry look.
The brunette couldn’t sleep. She kept tossing and turning, and all her brain could focus on were Dot’s soft snores and the sound of the wind shaking the tree branches. She opened the zipper of the tent and slowly walked out into the warm night. She didn’t want to wake anybody, but she thought a walk might help and Leah had mentioned that they were quite close to the lake, just following the sloping terrain straight downwards from the camp. She focused on feeling the ground under her feet as she walked, not worrying about tripping, as she was able to see the unevenness of the floor quite clearly with the help of the moon and stars. She quickly found the small body of water and was taken aback by the silver glow the moon was reflecting on it. Her shoes and socks were quickly disposed of as she walked straight in, letting the water reach her mid thigh. Biker shorts were coming in handy for her nightly dip so far. She felt the water on her skin and stroked her hands across it on her side. It was neither cold nor warm, the perfect summer temperature after the sun had hit the pond all day, it had absorbed enough of the heat, making the water delightful to walk into at this time of night.
Her thoughts rapidly shifted from the beauty and comfortableness of the place to her own feelings. She hadn’t noticed how tired her body was until now. The mental stress of her current living situation was clearly taking a physical toll on her. She also couldn’t get her mind off Shelby. She wasn’t sure why, but her smile kept flashing in her thoughts and it gave her a kind of peace she hadn’t felt before, a feeling which was quickly followed by a fluttering in her chest. She let herself sink deeper into the water, not really giving her wet clothes a second thought, and throwing herself backwards to float on her back.
Her eyes closed on their own and she could see the blonde girl in her brain so vividly as if she was standing in front of her. She trailed her with her eyes from head to toe, noticing her soft form. Shelby was slightly taller than her, and her blonde locks reached below her shoulders, shaping themselves into subtle waves at the ends. The figure on her mind stretched an arm out, as if to caress Toni’s cheek and she could almost feel the warm touch on her face. What was this? She had never felt so calm while thinking about another person. Actually, she had never felt this calm. Period. The Shelby in her brain tangled her hand on her hair and stroked her scalp slowly before letting her fingers run through the brunette’s soft mane. She was slowly getting closer and was now cupping Toni’s face with both hands and smiling at her.
Toni was suddenly made aware of somebody else’s presence by the ripple of a stone falling close to her. She quickly got to her feet and looked around only to see the blonde near the edge of water, giving her the same smile she had just been in her thoughts. “Hi”, she waved in an awkward manner before talking again, “couldn’t sleep and decided to take a walk, but it looks like you beat me to it.” Her voice was soft and calm, matching the ambiance of the place to perfection. She stared at Toni for a couple minutes before the brunette finally noticed that she had only been looking at the girl without replying at all. “uhhh”, she was unable to form a coherent thought for a second, but tried to quickly compose herself and spoke again, “Yeah. Something was keeping me up and I remembered Leah mentioning the lake, so… -yeah” she shrugged as to seem nonchalant about the whole thing.
“Looks like we caught the meteor shower after all.” Shelby was looking up and Toni noticed the falling stars that she had been too oblivious to see before, her view caught up completely on the blonde girl standing in front of her. Shelby looked back at her and spoke, “are you really as soft as Martha suggested?” The girl awaited a reply as she went back to looking at the sky. “Sometimes…” Toni trailed off. “Martha can exaggerate a little, but I do enjoy some ‘cute stuff’, as she called it.” She wasn’t sure why, but something was telling her that she could be vulnerable with Shelby. She turned her head up at the sky, still enjoying the feeling of the water around her. “Don’t you wanna come in? It’s really nice” She murmured, half hoping the girl wouldn’t hear her. “I don’t really see the appeal of walking back through the trees in wet clothes” Toni couldn't help her slight disappointment, she wasn’t sure why. “There’s always skinny dipping” She said before sinking backwards into the water and rapidly coming back up to make her hair be more orderly. “I promise I won’t look. I’m a perfect gentleman.” The comment was only part joke. She looked over at Shelby. “You make the water look so nice that I’m almost considering it…” That reply had felt slightly out of character, she had always regarded Shelby as a conservative girl, especially when it came to nudity. “Don’t tell me you’ve done it before!” she couldn't help the surprise in her tone. “Only once” Shelby seemed to be feeling just as comfortable as Toni with the vulnerability as she continued sharing. “I had this friend, Becca” she smiled as she said her name. “She was always the risk taker of us two, and one time I forgot my bathing suit when we went down to swim at the creek. Nobody was really there, it was a school day. And she ended up convincing me” she trailed off. “She always ended up convincing me” She raised her head towards the sky again and seemed to murmur something to it as she stroked the delicate cross necklace around her neck. The way she talked made Toni wonder what had happened between the two of them, but she didn’t want to pry.
She noticed Shelby’s expression change before she spoke, “turn around” Toni shot her a quizzical look. “Come on, turn around!” she spoke while laughing. Toni obeyed and turned her gaze to look at the outline of the mountains on the other side of the lake, she noticed the soft movement of the trees and the summery breeze. A few clouds looked like they were coming in but the sky above them was still clear and some falling shooting stars could still be seen. Toni felt the movement of the water behind her, but she decided to wait until Shelby told her she could turn around. Suddenly she noticed a hand caressing her back over her shirt. A tremor shook her and she felt goosebumps all over. Shelby swam next to her and locked her eyes with Toni’s. “Come on” The brunette was confused “what?” the blonde shook her head slowly. “I refuse to be the only naked person in this lake. Unless you're embarrassed?” She arched an eyebrow in a defiant manner.
Tony began pulling her tank top up over her head and threw it towards the shore, landing on a nearby rock. The rest of her clothes followed close by, and soon she felt quite free as she swam closer to shelby. “Where did you get that scar?”, a hand reached out and traced the faded line near Toni’s clavicle. A memory flooded her and she grimaced. “Eh, just regular stuff”, she didn’t want to bum shelby out with her depressing history of foster families. Shelby kept stroking the scar as if she thought her touch would make it fade away.
The night had gotten slightly darker as clouds passed overhead, and suddenly some drops began to fall over them, creating little dripples on the water. Both looked up at the inky sky. Toni smiled at Shelby. “I love summer storms” she murmured. “You really are a softie”, she teased before taking Toni’s hands and pulling her closer. “To be honest, so do I. There’s something about rain in summer-”. Toni couldn’t help what she did next as she pulled the blonde closer to her, quickly covering her mouth with hers in a soft kiss. She felt like time had stopped as she pulled away and looked down. “Sorry- I- I-”, Shelby pulled her back in and resumed the kiss, deepening it. “I’ve been dreaming about that, you know?” She leaned her forehead on hers as she felt her legs wobble. The rain was refreshing and it helped them regain their breaths.
Toni’s hand moved to get a strand of hair away from Shelby’s cheek and let it fall on her shoulder, slowly enveloping the girl into a hug. There was no exchanging of words, but they were both able to communicate their feelings through the embrace. They stayed that way for a while, the rain falling over them growing stronger by the minute. “I’m sorry to kill the moment, but maybe we should get out of the water before we get sick”, they separated slowly, keeping their hands intertwined, and Toni led the way towards the shore. “I only brought one towel. I wasn’t really expecting company”, she said, wrapping the soft cloth around her. Shelby smiled and caressed Toni’s cheek.
The brunette retrieved her clothes from the rock and began to get dressed. “Your clothes are wet, you’ll get sick”, she frowned. “Don’t worry about me, ten minutes in wet pants won’t kill me. I’ve definitely been through worse.” That didn’t really make Shelby’s mood settle, she worried about her life experience and couldn’t stop thinking about how she might not have been very taken care of as she grew up, but she left the topic momentarily and let Toni finish dressing in the damp garments and began to put on her own clothes which were also pretty damp from the sudden rain.
They walked hand in hand. Toni was wearing the towel as a cape to shield herself slightly from the cold. The raid was slowed to a soft drizzle and they were mostly protected from it under the green cover of the tree tops and their tight knit branches. They kept a slow pace the entire way back, which definitely took them more than ten minutes, with nothing but the comfortable feeling between them.
“Where have you guys been?” Fatin was sitting on a tree trunk in front of her tent. “The rain woke us up, and you were just gone”, leah came closer to them speaking with an overly worried tone “Yeah! We thought a bear ate you! or a mountain lion!”, which made Dot roll her eyes, “Again, Leah, neither of those are native to the area.” The remark was laced with playfulness. “You can never really be sure. Population migration, hunger, weather, many things can drive animals to different terrain and if they were in a-” she trailed off when she noticed everyone looking at her. “Okay, I might be overreacting, but it’s still the truth.” she scoffed.
Leah's gaze fell to Toni and Shelbi’s hands, still intertwined between them, “what’s going on?” she spoke suggestively, cracking a smile. Everyone else’s eyes followed. “Good for you Toni, but who would have guessed Shelbs had such low standards”, Fatin commented jokingly. “Hey!” Toni feigned offense. “I’m a great catch”, she pressed her unoccupied hand to her chest in an offended motion. “Yes you are”, Shelby looked at her. “Ugh, is it always gonna be this sappy from now on? Can’t believe I have double the couples as this morning to deal with. Great!” Dot was pretending to be mad, but she shot them a supportive smile.
The next days were followed by a happy ambiance in their campsite. Everyone, including Toni, was feeling comfortable and when it came time to leave on Sunday nobody really wanted to be the first to start carrying things to the car. It was as if they had always shared a space, they were starting to feel very familiar as a group.
The drive back was quiet but everyone was still enjoying the high the weekend had left them with. Toni held Shelby the entire way, leaning her head on her shoulder from time to time, basking in the feeling of her body against hers. WHen it was time to leave she didn’t really want to get out of the car.
As she walked towards the door of her house the car window rolled down and she heard Sheby’s voice “Hey, Toni”, she turned back and was met with a big smile from Shelby, who was gesturing for her to get close to the car. As she arrived at the window Shelby leaned her whole upper body out of the car, grabbing Toni by her shirt and pulling her in for a kiss. Both of them smiled as the rest of the group teased them from inside the car.
Toni smiled as the car left. For the first time since she could remember she couldn’t wait for Monday to come around the next day.