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fear blooms in the back of your throat, grows thorns, cuts your throat all the way down when you try to swallow it.
you are holding him so close, so tight, so frantic, in a way that you never have before, and the gentle trembling of his moonlit skin is sending rushes of despair through your veins.
your hands work up to his face, hold it gently, and even in the pale shine of the moon, you can see the dark stains of blood on your hands, dripping down your wrist, and it makes your stomach churn.
“i love you,” you mumble. it’s so hushed, so quiet, so rushed and frantic, but you’re really just thinking out loud at this point, no filter on your mouth, and this is just what’s on your mind. you love him.
your autonomy silences itself, goes out without so much as a clang, and you kiss him atop his head so gently and your chest tightens.
“i love you,” again.
one more kiss, on his cheek, just to be safe.
everything is moving too fast for you to see, to hear, to breathe, to understand- it all blurs together, a meld of muddled blue and grey tones and nothing to go by but the sticky feel of blood on your palms and the faint sound of his rapid breathing.
“i love you,” one more time, and you can’t help but feel like you’re being repetitive.
“(y/n)-“ the sound of your name on his wavering voice chills your spine in a way you’re not sure you like. you hate to see him like this. so afraid.
you kiss him on the tip of his nose.
“i love you.”
and again.
“love you” your words slur together, and you pepper soft kisses anywhere on his face you can.
…….again
“i love you,”
and again.
“i fucking love you.”
his hand reaches up to touch yours.
“(y/n).”
you freeze.
he leans in, presses your lips together, melts away your worry with the touch of his stupid tongue.
but he pulls away before you can feel the fireworks go off beneath your eyelids, and you feel cold the instant there’s space between you.
“i know.” he whispers.
tears blur your vision, though you’re not sure from what, and it’s not even a full 3 seconds before the cool becomes unbearable and you have to pull him back in.
this one is real. his arms wrap around your waist and everything, and your fingers are combing through his hair, and when it stops, you still only have three words to say.
“i love you.”