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Deathstroke's name is Slade.
You know because he told you himself.
It was almost mocking, the way he said it. You were on the verge of tears. Deathstroke doesn't have much patience for your tears. Deathstroke doesn't have much patience for anything you do.
"Fine, little bird," he said. "I'll throw you a bone."
You remember looking up at him from the ground, everything hurting. In that moment, you felt a glimmer of hope.
"My name is Slade." His voice was as mocking and cruel as you'd ever heard it. "See what you can figure out with that. Poke around a little. Maybe the Batcomputer has something."
You ignored his dig at the concept of a Batcomputer (which is fucking awesome) and picked yourself back to your feet, feeling invigorated. Just this little crumb of information could be enough to take Deathstroke down for good. Your shoulders feel so much lighter at just the thought.
Looking for answers on the web has limited results. There's hardly anything on anyone named Slade. What is there isn't substantial. It feels even more like he's mocking you. Your next step is to hack the Batcomputer. You see information on someone named Slade Wilson, but before you can learn much, Bruce catches you and grounds you from patrol. It sucks. So you adopt a new strategy.
Come morning, you enter the kitchen for breakfast to find Bruce already sitting there, drinking coffee.
"Nice night?" You ask him, still salty from being left at home.
"No." Bruce says shortly. You wait for him to elaborate. He doesn't.
There's silence as you move around the kitchen, getting cereal. Sometimes Alfred makes a nice fancy breakfast. Other mornings, like this one, are more casual.
When you sit down across from Bruce, you contemplate how to say it. This is an impossibly hard question to ask, especially because you don't want him to know anything about your apprenticeship. You don't want anyone to know.
"What do you know about Slade Wilson?" It just bursts out of you. You wish you hadn't put it so bluntly.
Bruce almost spits out his coffee. He gives you a stare that is somewhere between alarmed, concerned, and suspicious. That is exactly what you don't want.
"Why do you… want to know, Robin?" His tone is pretty normal. You give him credit for that. Batman has always been good at completely concealing his true emotions. Well, two can play at that game.
"I saw the name in the Batcomputer and thought it was strange."
"You weren't supposed to be on the Batcomputer."
" Slade Wilson?" You say whinily. "Please?"
"Well, he's…" Bruce hesitates. You can tell he doesn't really want to tell you about this. "He's Deathstroke the Terminator. We've fought him before."
You are entirely unsurprised. You nod. You don’t bother to feign shock. That would be more conspicuous.
“Dick?” Bruce raises an eyebrow. “You don’t seem surprised. Really, why are you wondering about this?”
“I heard the name recently.” You are not explaining this. Please, if there is any good in the world, don’t make you explain this. “I got concerned. Some bad guy or other namedropped him. I… wanted to know who he was. What else can you tell me about him?”
“I’m not going to make you tell me anything that you don’t want to,” Bruce begins. That is a good start, but you have a feeling it’s about to be followed by something you don’t like. “But I’m not going to give you any information unless I can be sure you’re not going to use it to do something stupid.”
Bruce stands up. Your shoulders slump in disappointment as he starts to leave the room. He hesitates just once, looking back at you.
“Make sure you have all your school things together, okay, Dick?” You make a lackluster noise of acknowledgement. “You can head straight to Mt. Justice after school today. You have training.”
You already know all this. He knows that. You’re pretty sure he’s just trying to be fatherly; he’s a little awkward about it. Bruce pats you on the head and leaves the room.
Before going to school, you change Deathstroke’s contact name in your phone to ‘Slay.’ You think that’s hilarious.
You’re a little off all day. Barbara is very annoyed with you at lunch for barely listening to anything she said. You feel awful, but it’s hard to focus on anything. It’s like Slade is consuming your every thought, which is terrifying because that’s exactly what he wants. You’re pretty sure. Probably.
Later, Wally, having no tact whatsoever, comments on your strange state almost immediately. You laugh it off, as you are so good at doing, and ignore the way your heart flutters at Wally’s closeness. The guy has no definition of personal space, which doesn’t work out great for you, because every time he’s near you you feel flushed and queasy and weirdly excited and you feel like you’re going to die if you don’t kiss him. (You never do.)
“C’mon, Rob,” he whines. “I’m worried about you! You’re being all- not Rob!”
“What does that even mean, dude?” You giggle at him. “I’m fine. Just a little lated.”
“And that means…?” Artemis leans over the back of the couch that you’re sitting on, eyebrow raised.
“Comes from elated.” You inform her smugly.
“Shouldn’t have asked.” She sighs and walks away. Wally is still beside you, brow furrowed.
“That sounds bad.” He says decisively. “Lation is definitely bad, Robin.”
“I think I’m just tired, Wally,” you say quietly. “I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”
“Well, if you need, I can march right up to Batman and tell him-!” Wally pauses, trying to think of what he would say to Batman. “Um, please let my best bro get more sleep?”
“It’s not Batman.” You stifle a laugh. “You don’t need to worry so much. I’m fine, really.”
You get a text on your phone right then, and you check it as Wally complains to you about how you’re always pretending you’re fine and not getting help and you’re becoming like Batman and hey why aren’t you listening to him- you aren’t listening because somebody sent you a text and that somebody is Slay.
Slay: have you figured it out yet ?
Dick: Slade Wilson?
Slay: good job… we should talk.
Dick: We are talking.
Slay: face-to-face, apprentice… tomorrow, Gotham Cafe.
Slay: after school of course.
Dick: Of course. You would never want me to miss my studies.
Slay: don’t wear your supersuit.
Dick: Why?
Slade doesn’t answer. Wally is still talking. “-hey, who are you texting, anyway? I’ve been talking for so long and you haven’t listened at all!”
“Sorry, something important happened.” You pocket your phone guiltily. You so wish you could talk to Wally about this, but then he’d get all worried and you don’t want him to worry because you can totally take care of yourself.
“Like important how?” Wally is suddenly really close to your face. You stare at his lips. Those are nice lips.
“Um-” You shake yourself out of the daze. “I have plans tomorrow. I’m going to a cafe. To meet somebody.”
“Who?” Wally stares at you. “You shouldn’t meet up with somebody that you met online. That’s stranger danger.”
“What, no- we’ve met before.” You shake your head at him. “This time is just… a little different.”
“Is it… a girl?” Wally ponders, and then his eyes go wide. “Are you meeting a girl?”
“No!”
“Oh. Oh… is it…” Wally’s eyes go even wider. “A boy?”
“It’s not a date, Walls!” You cross your arms grumpily. He laughs at you. “I’m not even really sure what it is. He just said he wants to talk.”
“But it’s not a date… so is it a breakup?”
“No! Wally! He’s like, 60, okay? That’s super old! Older than Batman!”
“Exactly! That’s way too old for you!”
“You need to get off this whole ‘gay Robin’ thing.” You give him a scathing look through your sunglasses. “It’s not that. This is something else.”
“What is it then?” Wally is staring at you expectantly.
You think about Wally, and how he’s always there for you, and how he truly cares about you and wants to make sure you’re safe. You know Slade Wilson’s secret now. Granted, he gave you half of it himself, but… what if he doesn’t let you leave tomorrow? He has that power. He’s delayed you before. You aren’t good at avoiding doing what he wants. If at least someone knows… and it’s Wally, your best friend, the boy you’re maybe a little bit in love with, that makes you feel a little bit better.
“Okay, Wally, I’m going to be honest,” You say cautiously. “But you can’t tell anybody, okay? Not even Batman. Especially not Batman.”
“Why would I tell Batman?” Wally gives you a confused look. “Why would I be talking to Batman?”
“Well, I don’t know.” You shrug. “You talk to the Flash, who talks to Batman. But anyway, that’s not important. I want you to know the truth so that in case anything happens to me, somebody knows what happened.”
“What would happen?” Wally looked increasingly frightened and suspicious. “Are you doing something stupid?”
“I’m meeting Deathstroke.” You say it as quietly as you can while still making sure Wally can hear you. You pray anyone else (especially Artemis) is far enough away to not hear you.
Wally is silent for a very long, very uncomfortable moment. When he speaks, he sounds so incredibly tired. “ Why? ”
“Because!” You take in a deep breath. Apparently he needs more information. “I’m his apprentice and I just found his real name and he wants to talk about it.”
“...can you repeat that?” Wally says, incredulous.
“I’m his apprentice and I just found his real name and he wants to talk about it.” You repeat, slower.
“His what?”
“His real name?” You are terrified. You know what he is actually asking.
“No.” He gives you a Look that would rival Batman.
“His… apprentice?” You say, throat dry.
“And what does that mean, Dick? ”
“Shhh!” You shush him. “Secret identity!”
“Answer the question!”
“I think it means he’s training me to kill.” You shrug nervously.
“What?” Wally is continually staring at you. “And you’ve accepted this offer?”
“Not… really?” You hug your knees to your body. “I told him I didn’t want to. He said that was fine and that he could mold my young mind like clay.”
“Do you not realize how creepy that sounds? How greatly disturbing that sounds?”
“No, I realize it.” You think of Deathstroke, in that creepy mask, looming tall over you. “I just don’t really know how to get out of it.”
“Just don’t go!”
“That would be a better choice, wouldn’t it.”
“Yeah! It would!” Wally glares at you. “Why are you still going? What’s your motivation?”
“He’s scary!” You throw up your hands. “And I’m sure there’s something I could learn from him!”
“He’s already doing his gross young mind molding, if that’s your answer!”
“I know!”
“Then just don’t go! Why not?”
“It’s not that easy!” You bite your lip. “And anyway, tomorrow I’m meeting him at a cafe. There’s going to be other people around, and I’m going in civvies. It won’t be… that bad. And I’ve already decided to go, so you can’t talk me out of it.”
“Yes I can.” You admire Wally’s determination. You have that too. And if it’s between listening to Wally and listening to Slade, Wally makes more sense. But Slade is in your mind making you all unfocused and you need to get focused. That’s not even an unword. He’s throwing you off your game.
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes. I can.” Wally crosses his arms. “I will. Right now.”
“I’m going home.” You stand up, starting to walk over to the zetas. Kid Flash does what Kid Flash does best and Kid Flashes in your way.
“A-ha!” He says. “You know that if you stay, I could totally talk you out of it!”
“Not true.”
“ So true.”
“Are you guys fighting?” Artemis is back.
“Yes,” Wally says at the same time that you say “No.”
“What?”
“I’ll tell you about it once Robin leaves.” Wally winks.
“No, you won’t!”
“Who can stop me?” Wally says smugly. “Certainly not you. You’ll be gone!”
“Then I won’t leave!”
“Perfect!” Wally zips back to the couch.
You stand there, stunned. You got so flustered, you’ve given Wally what he wanted. That’s never a good idea.
“I have no idea what’s happening right now.” Artemis is looking between you and Wally in pure and utter confusion. You feel sympathy for her.
“We’re busy now,” Wally says to her. “I need you to leave.”
“Rude,” she says. But she leaves anyway. Artemis respects privacy, probably because she’s used to having secrets herself.
“I think you shouldn’t go because you might get kidnapped and murdered.” Wally says as soon as she has left the room. “For one thing.”
“He’s not going to murder his apprentice!”
“Yet.”
“And anyway, I’ve been kidnapped before. I can handle it.”
“See, even then, you’d usually want to avoid being kidnapped again. Yes?”
“Well, I don’t want to be kidnapped.” You sigh, sitting down. “What if I text him and make him promise not to kidnap me?”
“People lie!” Wally says, exasperated. “Are you stupid?”
“I’m a mathlete.”
“But you’re losing the common sense competition.” Wally says, smugly. “I have more things. Has he threatened anyone you care about if you don’t go?”
Your eyes go wide. You nod, very pathetically.
“You didn’t mention that part.” Wally stares at you. “That should’ve come up sooner.”
“I didn’t wanna talk about it.” You shrug.
“Well, my next point was that he is definitely going to make you betray the team, and Batman, or something, but now there’s a real serious issue to address and you definitely should’ve led with that.”
You’re quiet. Everything he is saying is making a lot of sense. You just feel… scared.
“What are the threats?”
“He threatened to tell Batman, for starters.” You say hesitantly.
“You should tell Batman,” Wally says pointedly. “Get one step ahead. And it’s the smart thing to do.”
“I definitely cannot do that.” You can’t even think about telling Bruce. “I think I would get disowned.”
“You always think you’re gonna get disowned! Would you rather get murdered?” Yes. “Or have to turn against him?”
“I’d probably be disowned for that, too.” You have a clear defeatist mentality.
“You’re not gonna get disowned.”
“Deathstroke also heavily implied he could find my secret identity. And then he’d be able to go after Alfred, Barbara, Artemis… anyone, really.”
You stare at Wally pointedly. You have avoided ever bringing up Kid Flash to Deathstroke. But it isn’t like you being best friends is a secret. And Wally West and Dick Grayson are friends outside of the costumes. You think it’d probably break you completely if anything ever happened to Wally. That should definitely be avoided.
“Tell Batman.”
“No.” You cross your arms. “I asked him about Deathstroke this morning, and he got all weird. I really don’t wanna talk about this with him.”
“Yeah, that’s what parents do when you talk to them about dangerous villains, they get weird. It would be weirder if he wasn’t being weird.” He scoffs. “I cannot be lieve you’re making me be the voice of reason right now, by the way.”
“Yeah, something’s not right in the universe.” You smirk. “Quick, say something dumb.”
“Okay, this whole meeting up with Deathstroke thing is a really great plan that you should follow through on!”
“I agree!” You grin at Wally. “Listen, I can probably gather intel. Make him tell me his life story. Isn’t that useful?”
“Only if it works.”
“It will!”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I’m the sidekick of the World’s Greatest Detective.”
“That does not mean you have foresight.”
“It means I’m a strategist and I know interrogation tactics.”
“What if Deathstroke knows interrogation tactics?”
You shrug. “Batman is better.”
“Do you have any plans for if something goes wrong?” You think he’s starting to get desperate. “Contingency plans.”
“Well, now that you mention it…” You give KF a wicked grin. “I think I have somewhat of an idea.”
Wally stares at you for a solid minute as you continue to grin. He grips your shoulders tightly and stares you down. “ Only because I care about you so much.”
“Awesome.” You say weakly, feeling like you might faint. The room is heating up. You really hope he doesn’t notice.
You're pretty quiet at dinner that night. Alfred points it out, and you start talking a lot , greatly over-compensating. Bruce narrows his eyes suspiciously, but he doesn't say anything. To make up for last night, he takes you out on patrol for extra long, which Alfred disapproves of.
"Master Dick needs his rest for school tomorrow."
"Robin'll be fine. He loves it, doesn't he?"
You'd nodded eagerly and Alfred just sighed. You're relieved that he didn't push the matter. You wouldn't have gotten much sleep at home, and this was a nice distraction from the time ticking down to this meeting. Your body aches by the time you get home, but it was worth it. It was a good night of stopping crime. You're so exhausted that you're able to fall asleep immediately, which is very welcome.
You bring a change of clothes to school the next day. You don't want to meet Slade in your uniform, since then he'd be able to figure out which school you went to and that could potentially expose your secret identity. That would not be good.
Wally sends you a text before you’ve even left school to tell you that he’s already there, he wanted to get there early to be extra prepared and keep a watchful eye. This is very irresponsible of him, YOU think, because his school has not ended yet. Central City is a whole hour behind Gotham. Wally very strongly disagrees with you on the grounds of you being more irresponsible.
Alfred comes to get you from school, and you have to very awkwardly tell him you have plans. He gives you a very suspicious look and you almost crack. He seems to be okay with the explanation that you’re meeting Wally. It’s not even totally a lie! Alfred offers to drive you to the cafe. You tell him that you feel like walking, and you should keep your strength up anyway, for bounding across rooftops in the cover of night. He accepts this. You kind of wish he didn’t. Your body still aches.
It’s actually not far to Gotham Cafe, and it would almost be a pleasant walk if not for the fact that you’re going to meet Slade and you really do not want to see him ever. It’s a little pathetic of you to be dragging your feet on the sidewalk to make it take longer, but you can’t bring yourself to walk faster.
You enter the cafe with a neutral expression, easier to pull off with the sunglasses that hide your eyes. Scanning the area, you immediately spot Wally. With bright orange hair, it is hard to miss him. You have to hope Deathstroke does.
Speaking of Deathstroke… you’re not sure exactly what he looks like without the mask, but you try to figure out who he is before he spots you, to give you the upper hand. There is an old man sitting alone, he has white hair pulled back into a short ponytail and an eyepatch. In other words, he looks weird and evil. You are pretty sure this is Slade Wilson. You stand there awkwardly until he notices you and waves you over. You were hoping he wouldn’t be able to recognize you as Robin in your civilian clothes. He is too smart for that.
You slide into the booth across from him. “Deathstr-"
“Ah!” He stops you, holding up a finger. “Slade.”
“Right. Slade,” you murmur uncomfortably. "That's you."
"So you could tell who I was?"
You nod. "It was obvious. You look like a creep."
"You wound me, Grayson." Slade sighs.
You're frozen. You don't know what you're supposed to do here. You're supposed to know. Batman would tell you to laugh through it, feign ignorance. You're having great trouble saying anything. Slade raises an eyebrow at you, looking amused. You hate him you hate him you hate him you-
“W-What?” You finally stammer out. “I don’t- that’s not- I’m not- what?”
“You’re a bad liar, Dick.” Slade is enjoying this, a little too much for your liking.
“Are you… insulting me?” You regain part of your composure just in time to pretend to be rightly insulted.
“I’m insulting your lying ability.” Slade narrows his one eye. “I’ve known who you are for a long time, Dick. It’s not hard to deduce that the acrobatic ward of Bruce Wayne who lost his parents and became adopted shortly before Robin first appeared could maybe be…”
“Me,” you whisper. “Oh, god. You knew?”
“Nice to meet you, Richard Grayson.” Slade has a wide, mocking smile. It looks unnatural on his face.
You feel like crying. How many times has Batman told you to make sure that nobody, nobody, ever found out your secret identity? He’ll be so mad at you for letting Deathstroke find out. This puts everyone in danger.
“So… this whole time… you’ve just been toying with me?”
“Exactly.” Slade smiles wider, proudly. “You’re so clever, Dick. You make such a wonderful apprentice.”
“O-Oh.” You’re stunned quiet. Such free praise is… it’s nice. You don’t often hear nice words like that from Batman. He isn’t… good with expressing his thoughts. And you’re desperate to feel like you’re good enough, like you matter. Even though you know Slade is just manipulating you, it’s hard to not feel good about it.
You swallow nervously and glance in Wally’s direction, making sure he’s still okay. He is not being very subtle about his glaring at Slade. You wish he would be more subtle. You wish he was in a position to snap you out of your confused state. You shift your attention back to Slade, who looks bored.
“You said we needed to talk.” You are so glad for the sunglasses, because you don’t think you could bring yourself to make direct eye contact. “What did that mean?”
“It could mean whatever you want.” Slade shrugs. “I just thought you might have questions for me.”
Ha! You make a mental note to lord that over Wally later. Slade is offering to answer your questions. This is totally worth it!
“Okay,” you say cautiously. Caution is definitely the way to go here. “I can ask any question?”
“Nobody’s stopping you.” Slade isn’t looking at you. He appears somewhat bored. “I just might not answer if I don’t need you to know something.”
“That seems unfair.” You cross your arms and slump down in your seat grumpily. Slade looks like he is really holding in a laugh. “What’s the point in asking if I don’t get an answer?”
“You don’t know I won’t answer until you ask.” Slade glances over to the counter. “I’m going up to order something. Do you have any particular tastes?”
“What?” You are incredibly taken aback. “No. Why? I can get myself something.”
“I’m not saying you can’t, Dick.” Slade sighs. “I just think you deserve a treat. For being so smart and doing well in school. Mathlete, huh? That’s impressive.”
"I- yeah." You say nervously. Once again, Deathstroke has shocked you with compliments. He smirks and walks away from the booth, leaving you alone. You immediately whip your phone out and start furiously texting Wally. It's true that he is just across the cafe, but Slade would definitely notice if you got up and went to talk to some kid. So this is the best you can do.
Dick: hey Wall, are you hearing this???
Dick: that's a real question, I'm not sure if you can hear our conversation from over there
Wally❤: I’m not hearing much
Wally❤: You put me next to a speaker
Dick: oh yeah. sorry.
Dick: well he’s being… i don’t know how to describe this.
Dick: he knows who i am
Wally❤: That’s not good. How does he know that?
Dick: i don’t know!! he’s creepy and probably followed me around until he figured it out!!
Dick: which is really bad!! because it means i wasn’t careful enough!!
Dick: he also said it was obvious, which is even worse.
You’re having trouble breathing. Now that you’re putting it into words, you just want to cry. You can’t stop thinking about what Batman would say.
Wally❤: Well, I’d see where he’s coming from if I were a stalker
Wally❤: But yeah that’s really bad.
Dick: and now he’s buying me something
Dick: which is weird
Dick: he probably knows exactly what i like
Dick: that’s not the point though
Dick: stop glaring at him so hard
Dick: he will notice you
Wally❤: Well, I’m upset cause I don’t know exactly what you like!
Dick: well
Dick: ask him
Dick: that’s a joke please don’t go anywhere near him
Wally❤: Isn’t the point of me being here to go near him if something goes wrong?
Dick: yeah but i’d rather it didn’t come to that
Dick: he might hurt you
Dick: or worse
Dick: and if that happened i think i’d
Dick: nevermind
Wally❤: You’d what?????????
“Who are you texting, little bird?”
You jump, startled. Slade is back, and he is giving you a drink and a pastry. It looks okay, but you’re not sure you’ve tried this type of pastry before. Slade has a coffee for himself. You don’t like the fact that he drinks coffee. You need him to be more of a freak than that.
“It’s an apple fritter,” he tells you. “They’re good. Trust me.”
“I don’t trust you.” That being said, he has no motivations to lie about pastries. You think. With Deathstroke there’s always a chance.
“You will.” Slade, an amused look on his face, watches you examine the fritter cautiously. You decide it seems normal enough and probably is pretty good.
“It’s… okay,” you say begrudgingly after taking a bite. It is more than okay. You refuse to tell him that. “Thank you.”
“I’m sure it is. So, who were you texting?” Slade apparently is not going to let this go. You are incredibly annoyed by this. And embarrassed, because your cheeks are getting a little hot at the thought of Wally.
“Why do you care?”
“Just trying to be friendly.”
“Why?” you mutter, but you still decide to answer. “I was texting a… a friend. For advice.”
“...do you have a crush?” Slade asks after studying you intently for a moment. “You seem very… flustered.”
“W-What? Why would you ask me that?” You beg the booth to implode in on itself and suck you into the earth so you do not have to talk about this. The booth does not oblige. “You’re worse than Bruce.”
“No, I’m not.” Slade sips his coffee. “You don’t have to answer me. We talked about that earlier.”
“Yeah, well, I was texting Kid Flash, so,” you say angstily, sipping the drink Slade got you. Your eyes go wide at the creamy, chocolate taste. He got you chocolate milk. You don’t know whether to feel insulted or flattered. It’s really good. You’re mad about it. “Take that as you will.”
“Do you have a crush on Kid Flash?”
“No,” you say incredibly normally. You’re used to saying it. “That would be weird, Slade. He’s my best friend.”
“Hm.” Slade looks in the direction of Wally. “Well, there is a kid sitting over there who looks suspiciously like Kid Flash. What’s that friend of yours? Wally West?”
The way Slade looks at you, that expression he has where it’s clear he knows exactly what he’s doing, almost makes you want to just straight up kill him right there. You probably couldn’t. And Batman would disapprove. And it would technically be giving in to what Slade wants from you.
Of course Slade knows who Wally is. It would be stupid to assume he could know everything about you and not notice your friendship with Wally. Of course he’d want to know the identity of somebody who you’re obviously very close to, somebody who it would be very easy to hurt you through.
“Huh,” you stare at Wally as though you haven’t noticed him before this moment. “That does kinda look like Wally. Not him, though. I can understand the confusion.”
“You can’t possibly think I’m that stupid.” Slade is giving you his impatient face. You’ve never technically seen him out of costume but you feel intrinsically this is the face that he makes every single time you annoy him too much. You don’t enjoy it when Slade gets impatient.
“Can’t I?” That was a bad thing to say. You should not have said that. He is not going to be happy with that. You don’t say anything, instead just looking away and aggressively sipping chocolate milk. Slade seems to observe that you are regretting your words, because he just sighs in annoyance. That’s still pretty bad.
“I’ll ignore that because you know better.” You look back at Slade, who still looks pretty annoyed but a little less so. “No need to worry. I have no intention to harm Wally… for now.”
You nod, understanding the implications of Slade’s words. He’s threatening Wally because he knows it’ll get to you better than anything else. You can’t help but feel thankful that Wally will still be safe as long as you are… compliant, you suppose. If you thought your situation was bad before, it is definitely worse now.
“Now, I’m sure I’ve given you more than enough time to figure out what questions you have for me.” Slade’s face is slipping back into his bored expression from before. He still looks proud of himself, although that could just be your intense paranoia. “That is, after all, what we’re here for.”
“I can’t deny that I have a few in mind,” you say cautiously. Slade cocks his head questioningly. You’re silent. You’re not sure exactly how you should go about this. Wording is important.
“Well?” Slade drums his fingers on the table rhythmically. “I don’t appreciate being made to wait, Dick.”
“Yeah, I know.” You grit your teeth, frustrated. Slade is always putting so much pressure on you, just like Bruce does. The difference is that you feel like Bruce actually wants you to succeed.
You’re silent for another stretch of time, putting your thoughts together into words you can actually say. Slade watches you with growing impatience. He is so good at making you feel like a disappointment with just his face.
“I want to know the truth.” You shove down your nerves, the queasy feeling in your stomach. “I understand that you want a successor, but why does it have to be me? You’d have better luck convincing anyone else.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” Slade smirks. “After all, you keep coming back for more, and you lie about me. Mostly,” he adds, eyeing Wally again. “Obviously you told him something. I’m not too pleased about that.”
“I needed a contingency plan in case this was a trap.”
“We’re in the middle of Gotham Cafe in broad daylight.” Slade raises an eyebrow. “Honestly, Dick, what did you think I was going to do?”
“I don’t know!” You cross your arms. “It’s you! And you’re avoiding the question! Like you do every time I ask!”
“I don’t avoid it.” Slade says impatiently. “I just believe I’ve answered it enough times that I don’t understand why you still ask.”
“Humour me.” You narrow your eyes behind your sunglasses. It’s true he has given you reasons before, but it’s always so vague and it never feels like a sufficient enough explanation for… everything.
“Between your history in the circus and your training in more recent years, you are… a proficient fighter,” Slade starts. “Your acrobatic skills keep you light on your feet and you understand how to be covert. All necessary for becoming an assassin. Your main problem is difficulty following orders.”
Now you wish you hadn’t asked. You do not have difficulty following orders. That is hearsay. You just do what you think is best. It’s usually fine.
“You also have a… penance for avoiding death.” Slade continues. “While annoying, it could be quite beneficial. Does that answer your question?”
“No.” You have more questions now. What was that last bit about?
“Okay.” Slade sips his coffee. He does not offer up further information. You sigh and switch gears. You came to learn about Slade’s past, after all. There must be something he’ll tell you.
“Who is Slade Wilson?” Starting off strong. Admittedly this is not the best move, but it leaves it open for now. “And why does he do what he does?”
“Wow, kid, way to narrow it down.” Slade sighs. “I’m not even sure what you’re asking about.”
You shrug. You’ll narrow it down if he asks you to, but you’re curious to see where he takes this. He might give you something you can really use.
“I used to be in the military.” Slade says shortly. This is a fact that you didn’t know before but makes sense about him. Maybe that’s how he lost his other eye.
Slade doesn’t continue. You sit and wait. You are incredibly confused.
“Okay?” You prompt. “And?”
“I was put through a secret experiment during my time there.” Slade’s blue eye is clouding over, gazing at something far away and long ago. War isn’t easy for anyone, and you can’t help but feel bad for him for the things he must’ve seen and done. “It gave me heightened abilities. You may have noticed my agility, endurance, strength, my abnormal healing…”
Your eyes widen. You have noticed Deathstroke’s superhuman abilities, but you haven’t… you’d thought he just trained really well, not that he’s actually enhanced. This makes a lot more sense.
“Then I had this friend, who was also in the military.” Slade continues, seeming further away by the minute. “He was in danger. But my orders were to not go after him. I disobeyed my orders.”
Slade looks directly at you, gaze hardened. It’s so sharp that you almost feel like you’re making actual eye contact through your sunglasses.
“It was a thrill, Dick,” he says. “It started as a way to save my best friend, but it quickly became so much more.”
His words are pointed. You let them sink in. You realize what he’s insinuating and you feel sick. You’ve already done so much to protect Wally, and you know you would do a lot more. Slade has said it before, you’re a lot alike. You don’t want to believe him. You don’t want to be anything like Slade.
You’re quiet. Slade watches you pick up your partially eaten apple fritter and take the smallest of bites. You’re not sure you can stomach the whole thing right now, so you’d rather wait for your nerves to settle, but you don’t want to appear ungrateful. He did buy it for you as a reward, after all.
“Why do you think it’s okay to kill people?” You ask boldly. Slade actually looks surprised. You appear to have successfully caught him off guard.
“We’re getting into ethics now?” Slade easily regains his composure. Everything is too easy for him. “Why not? I get paid to do it, and it lets the world know I am something to be feared.”
“Batman doesn’t kill people,” you argue. “And he’s plenty feared.”
“With all due respect, I think I have a few things over your ‘mentor.” Slade nods in your direction. “You, for example.”
“You don’t have me.”
“Don’t I?”
You say nothing in response to that. To a degree, he does. But you think it doesn’t count unless he has total control over you, and you still have your free will. You still get to go home every night and be a hero and see the team and spend time with Wally. He threatened to take all that from you before, at the start, to make you a full-time apprentice. You begged him not to and you were so pathetic, he took pity on you. It was not your proudest moment.
“Why do I have to be a killer?” You return to the topic of before. “I’ve told you, I won’t kill anyone for you.”
“You say that now, but…” Slade smiles. “You’re young, little bird. You don’t understand yet the full picture. You’ve been influenced by Bruce’s principles, and I’d rather encourage you to think for yourself.”
“That’s not-”
“How can you decide you don’t want to do something if you’ve never tried it?” He says it as casually as one would if they were talking about a particular vegetable, or any undesirable food item.
“Because I- um- I don’t know!” You want to argue with that, but how? You can see the logic behind his words, but you know they’re wrong. You know that he’s wrong. You know that all of this is wrong.
“You’ll see it my way, little bird. Just you wait.” Slade stands up, exiting the booth. “Unfortunately, however, our time here is coming to an end. I have places to be and people to… well. You get the picture.”
You sit there, rigid, as Slade comes closer to you and puts a large, strong hand on your shoulder. You look at it, but make no move. It’s almost caring. The way he leans in close to whisper a low rumble in your ear is not. “Until next time, Richard Grayson. I trust you’ll do what is necessary to keep the boy you care so deeply about… safe and sound.”
Slade is gone. You’re still frozen. You’re trying to keep it together and not cry in Gotham Cafe where everyone can see. That would be truly weak and pathetic and you are not weak, damnit. You can take a few threats. You don’t understand why this feels like such a big deal. It’s not supposed to be.
“So, what just happened?”
You jump as Wally slides in across from you, noticeably sitting a little to the right of where Slade had been. He’s not directly across from you as a result.
“We talked.” You shrug, trying to appear impassive. If Wally finds out how much Slade got to you, he’ll totally think you’re in over your head. Which… maybe you are, but you’ll never admit that. “Then he left.”
“What did he say?” Wally is giving you a judgemental look. There’s concern there, too, which makes you feel guilty. You don’t want him to be concerned for you.
You take a deep breath and sort through your conversation with Slade in your mind. Some of his words you will never, ever, tell anyone about. You try to filter what you can reasonably tell Wally. Definitely not the stuff about having a crush.
“He said a lot,” you say hesitantly. “Um- he knows who you are, too.”
“Are you okay?” Wally gives you a wide-eyed look.
“Wally, that means you’re in danger.” You avoid the question. No, you are not okay.
“Whatever, you look like you’re freaking out.” Wally says in what sounds like annoyance.
“No, I’m not.” You pick up your apple fritter and take a bite that is way too big for how sick to your stomach you feel. You try not to grimace. “See? I’m fine and normal.”
Wally squints at you for a silent moment. You stare impassively back through dark sunglasses. Wally shifts back to a normal expression.
“So… what specifically did he say?” Wally asks in a tone that is casual enough but still clearly reads ‘you are not getting out of this, Robin.’
“He told me his origin story.” You say truthfully. “He used to be in the military.”
“Annnd?”
“Apparently he was enhanced in some way, and it gave him superhuman abilities. And he… he just became a mercenary after that.”
You don’t want to tell Wally the part about Slade’s best friend. It hits too close to home.
“But what does this have to do with you?”
“That part doesn’t.” You fiddle with your unfinished fritter. “He wants me to succeed him one day. He said a… lot of nice things about me.”
“Soooo?” Wally stares at you.
“It felt good. To be complimented.” You notice Wally’s skeptical look and quickly correct yourself. “B-But I don’t want to succeed him. He implied I’d change my mind, though.”
“Maybe you should tell someone.”
“I can’t tell anyone!” You raise your voice from the fear and panic. Wally looks shocked. “S-Sorry. But I mean it. I-I can’t. I’m still his apprentice, anyway. That hasn’t changed.”
“Maybe you should not be his apprentice.”
“I’m choosing to be.” You say defensively. “It feels good to be told that I matter and that I’m worth something. And he knows some tough moves that would totally be great for taking down bad guys. And every second he spends training me is another second where he’s not hurting anyone.”
“He’s hurting you.” Wally sounds so soft and caring and your heart is literally breaking in two. If only Wally knew how much of this was to keep him safe. But you can’t tell him. It would give so much away and he’d probably put himself in danger.
“I can handle myself.”
“But you obviously can’t!”
“I’ve been a crime-fighter since I was nine. I’ve been trained by Batman. Are you trying to say Batman doesn’t know what he’s doing?”
“I’m trying to say you don’t.” Wally’s beautiful green eyes look so sorrowful. “And do you really, really want to do this? Truly?”
You nod shakily, not trusting your voice. You feel so unsure, it’s not even a complete lie.
“I think you’re fantastic.” He’s uncharacteristically still. As still as he can be while still being Wally, that is. “I think that you’re smart and brave and a great fighter. You’re wonderful.”
“D-Do you mean that?” You don’t get it. People don’t say these things to you!! It’s not normal!!
“Yes.” Wally sounds like he might be about to cry too. You’re not sure though. “And I’m sorry that you don’t hear that enough, and I will say it every single day if I have to. Because you’re my best friend and… I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either.” It’s hard to speak. Your voice is coming out all choked up and sad. “That’s why- that’s why I-”
You’re crying in Gotham Cafe and it’s incredibly humiliating.
“You don’t have to lose me,” He reaches for your hand across the table. He is smiling in a comforting way, and you know it’s for your sake. “You don’t have to do whatever it is he’s telling you to do. We can figure something out. Stop him.”
Your hands are touching, which makes it hard to focus on anything else. You almost believe that what he’s saying is possible. You want to believe it, so bad. But you can still hear Slade’s voice in your head, echoing all his worst threats. Making it clear what could happen to Wally.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper.
“Is there anything else that you’re… is there anything you forgot to tell me about this? Or about what he said?"
“N-No.” You shake your head, feeling guiltier by the second. “You know everything.”
There’s silence from Wally, a rare occasion. You feel so bad. Maybe someday you’ll… probably not. Everything feels like the end of the world right now.
“I don’t want to sneak around behind your back,” you say nervously. “But I’m not going to stop being his apprentice, either. Not just yet, at least. Maybe I can find out more information, enough to take him down permanently.”
“Alone?”
“Well, I don’t think you’d let me do that.” You smile at him half-heartedly.
“You’re not giving off the impression of ‘allowing for assistance.’” He takes his hand away from yours and folds his arms together on the table.
“It’s a bad habit of mine. I think I get it from Bruce.” You shrug. “I do want you to help, but I won’t allow you to do anything that will place you in danger.”
“But you can place yourself in danger? And that’s just fine?”
“It’s not like I asked him to go after me.”
“I know. That’s why you should tell someone.” Wally crosses his arms. “Somebody who can help you better than I’ll be able to.”
“I’m already in trouble for telling you.”
“My point is that if you told somebody who can do something, you might be able to get out of trouble.” He isn’t really looking at you now. “I just… you’re going to get hurt.”
“I’ll bounce back. I’m the Boy Wonder.” There’s a reason they call you that.
“You don’t know that you’ll bounce back. I really wish you would let other people help you with this, Dick.” He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “My parents are expecting me home for dinner, so… I should get going.”
“Yeah, I…” You search for a way to communicate everything you feel to Wally. There’s nothing. “...Bruce’ll be expecting me. I have homework, anyway.”
“See you tomorrow then,” He starts to stand up. “I hope.” he adds, a little passive aggressively.
“Wally…” You start to stop him, but decide that that’s a bad idea. You deserve this. “Yeah.”
Wally leaves you there alone. You don’t stay for long after that. It hurts too much. You do finish the apple fritter before going home. It really does taste good.
Bruce doesn’t ask where you were, and you don’t offer up any explanation. Alfred probably told him you were with Wally, anyway. You don’t like lying to him, but you’ve been getting awfully good at it lately. He never seems to notice, beyond giving you occasional strange looks. He is a detective, after all. He probably knows more than he lets on.
You stare at your phone as you lay in bed that night. No patrol again, you told Bruce you were too tired. He didn’t press the issue. You wish Wally would say something, but you sure as hell are not going to say anything first. That would make you appear desperate.
The only message you get is a short one from Slade, a time and location all he gives you. Back to normal, then. You sigh and put your phone to the side. Now you’re regretting not going on patrol. It’s going to take you hours to fall asleep.