Archive of Our Own

For as long as he can remember, Steve Rogers hated celebrating his birthday. He’s not even sure why… perhaps it was because he came from a poor family; his Ma always struggled to make ends meet, so special occasions tended to be a particularly difficult time for them. Or maybe it was due to his frail health; while some people would claim that making it to another year should be cause for celebration, the pessimistic part of Steve always felt as if each passing year meant one step closer to his impending death. Dramatic, certainly, but it was hard to be optimistic when you’re deathly ill more often than not. 

Bucky Barnes, on the other hand, LOVED celebrating birthdays, his own and everyone else’s, but especially Steve’s. He loved everything about them; the party, the presents, the cake, the attention, finally being allowed to spoil the younger boy on the one day of the year where little Stevie couldn’t protest all the gifts Bucky lavished on him (his best friend would vehemently complain about receiving too many presents on Christmas, saying Bucky needed to save his money because he was buying for way more people than just Steve).

Since coming out of the ice, Steve begrudgingly attended every birthday event Tony threw him, the billionaire steadfastly ignoring all his griping about how he didn’t need a big party, Tony, please, I don’t even know these people, can we at least do something lowkey next year, god, Pepper, please save me, I hate clowns, does it really need to be a black-tie event, no, I don’t want a costume party either, please, why does this only happen to me, Natasha’s birthday was so peaceful, why am I the only one who suffers, Tony, I will get revenge, seriously, don’t laugh at me, you just wait, buddy, this is war.

As expected, this year was no exception to the constant chaos surrounding Steve’s birthday, though it took on a different twist than usual.

… and unfortunately, he couldn’t really blame Tony this time.

It began with a rather innocuous conversation.

“Bucky!” Peter whined from his position on Wanda’s living room floor, nestled amongst a pile of her comfiest throw pillows and softest blankets. He held his cell phone above his head, scrolling aimlessly through Amazon. “What should I get Steve for his birthday? I wanna get him something awesome, but novelty clothes are just so boring at this point since that’s what everyone does. Do you think he’d like a pony? Everyone likes ponies, I’m sure Mr. Stark could help me find one…”

Bucky laughed loudly from Wanda’s kitchen, where the pair, along with Peter’s boyfriend Caleb, were attempting their second batch of Pinterest-inspired cupcakes (the first batch… they took an oath to never bring those up again, though Peter was still banned from the kitchen for ‘everyone’s safety’). “Bit early to be searching for a gift, don’t ya think?”

“Well, it’s already the middle of June…” Peter trailed off, the hair on his arms standing up. Something was off, but he didn’t need his spider senses to tell him that.

“My point exactly,” Bucky snorted, shaking his head. “You have PLENTY of time to find him a gift, Peter, and Stevie will love anything you choose, I promise.” He pointed his spoon at Peter. “No ponies, though, unless it’s a Pegasus.”

Wanda, Caleb, and Peter shared an uneasy look when the former-assassin turned his back.

This was NOT good.

Instead of falling into a downward spiral of anxiety over how he should handle this situation, Peter decided to stick with his usual course of action for when he encountered an intellectual problem that he couldn’t solve.

“Mr. Stark, Mr. Stark!” Peter cried, toppling through the automatic door that didn’t open fast enough. “We’ve got a situation!”

“Christ, okay kid, put your head between your knees and take a few breaths for me first, yeah?” Tony instructed, awkwardly patting him on the back while Peter tried to force air back into his lungs. “Is it aliens? Wizards? Wizard aliens? Androids? Wizard alien androids? Android wizards?”

“Worse!” Peter panted, his hair askew from his full-out sprint through the Tower to Tony’s private lab, taking several long, obscure routes on the off chance he’d been followed. Bucky had a sixth sense for when Peter’s upset over something (likely in part because Peter’s terrible at lying, and his flimsy excuse of “I forgot to submit my homework that’s due at noon, I’ll be right back!” had Wanda shaking her head in embarrassment, possibly because he’s on Summer Break, and thus, has no homework to speak of), so he didn’t want to risk detection using the more common paths. “Bucky doesn’t remember Steve’s birthday!”

“Ah…” Tony murmured, rubbing his chin. “Not good, but also not horrible yet. We could just casually remind him? Should be easy enough to work into conversation since it’s very conveniently on July 4th aka American Independence Day, and Steve is Captain America.” He turned to someone behind him. “What do you think, Captain?”

Oh nononono, this is exactly what Peter was intending to avoid by coming down here. Steve was going to be so upset that Bucky forgot something so important, and even though they all KNOW it’s not Bucky's fault, it’s still a touchy subject. Besides, it’s extremely concerning for Bucky to forget such a major detail when Past-Bucky is always in his head filling him in on things he might not recall right away. He can’t tell Mr. Stark that part, of course, but Steve is very familiar with past-Bucky and Winter.

“No!” Steve shrieked in alarm, a light blush dusting his cheeks when Tony and Peter startled at the high-pitched sound. He cleared his throat, his expression smoothing out. “No, we can’t tell him, the psychologist says it’s detrimental to recovering his long term memories. He either remembers on his own, or he doesn’t at all.” Steve leveled them with his best ‘I-am-the-Captain-here-so-you-must-listen-to-me’ look. “There’s nothing we can do about it, so it’s best to let the whole thing go.”

“Well, Pete, you heard the man!” Tony clapped his hands together before gently nudging Peter back towards the door. “No outright telling our Bucky Bear when his lesser half’s birthday is.” His mentor stared unblinkingly at him when Peter opened his mouth to protest. “Your Spider Mother requested your presence over an hour ago, by the way. I’m sure Friday will happily help you find her, as Cap and I have some super dangerous armor testing to get back to.”

“It’s not dangerous!” Steve chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. He accidentally made eye contact with Peter who hoped his face conveyed how HIGHLY skeptical he was over that claim considering the insane amount of lasers pointed in Steve’s direction within the testing zone. The blonde’s shoulders slumped. “Don’t tell Bucky, please, he thinks we’re just painting the armor today.”

“I must not tell lies, Captain!” Peter chirped, skipping out the door…or at least he tried to; the random brick wall appearing directly in his path made his exit impossible, and Peter soon found himself in a sprawling heap on the floor. Stupid useless Spider Senses not working properly when he’s only being a danger to himself, ugh, he wished he could call customer service or something and get that malfunction fixed.

“Oops, sorry Peter.” Steve helped him to his feet with a sheepish smile. “But please promise me you won’t tell him when my birthday is…Buck’s been doing so well lately, and I don’t want to upset him with all of this.”

Personally, Peter believed Bucky would be more upset finding out he forgot Steve’s birthday when he showed up to the event Pepper and Maria have been planning for weeks thinking it’s a celebration for America’s Independence Day only to find out it’s also a birthday party for his boyfriend.

But what does Peter know?

… actually, probably more than Steve, considering the Super Soldier couple was notorious for their poor communication skills despite how long they’d been friends.

“I promise I won’t tell Bucky when your birthday is, Mr. America Steve,” Peter saluted with his right hand, his left hand held behind his back, fingers crossed.

Steve released the breath he’d been holding and clapped Peter on the shoulder, his smile soft and trusting. “You’re a good kid, Peter, thank you. We’re both beyond lucky to have you in our lives.”

“Oh, wow, thank you, Cap, the honor is ummm…all mine,” Peter stammered, unable to comprehend receiving such high praise from THE Captain America himself. He feels his entire body flush from embarrassment… and guilt, so much guilt. “Well, I shouldn’t keep Natasha waiting any longer, so, uh, thank you, bye!”

“Hey, Peter, what are you doing here?” Natasha asked from her favorite bubble chair attached to the ceiling, removing her headphones from her ears. “Everything okay?”

Stepping into her apartment, Peter swayed nervously back and forth, his hands in his hoodie pocket. “Uh, I just saw Mr. Stark in the labs, and he said you requested my presence over an hour ago, but I guess maybe he got confused…?”

“Always a possibility with Tony when you take into account his awful sleep habits,” she remarked, patting the space next to her. Peter shot a web to the bottom of the chair and swung himself up, taking a seat next to her. “And what did you go down to the labs for? Everyone knows Wednesday’s are for Stark and Rogers Bro Time, and interrupting their sacred ritual is highly frowned upon and potentially dangerous for all parties involved.”

Peter replayed the conversation with Tony in his head, almost face-palming when he finally understood that ominous sparkle in his mentor's eyes. “I’m pretty sure Bucky has forgotten Steve’s birthday, but Steve doesn’t seem to mind at all and says telling him outright would be bad for his memory recovery, but there’s something super suspicious about the whole thing, I got really weird vibes. And I don’t know what to do, so I think Mr. Stark sent me up here so you could help. That is, um, if you want to, of course, no pressure.”

Natasha nodded in understanding. “I'm always happy to help the Super Soldier Boyfriends... I'm sure we all realize by now that they need it. Are your Peter Tingles telling you something is up, or is it because you know Bucky and Steve so well?”

Peter shuddered at the way she so easily said ‘Peter Tingles’. “Please, stop hanging out with Aunt May, oh my god.”

“No can do,” Natasha shrugged, a smile tugging at her lips. “But that’s not an answer.”

He absentmindedly chewed on his bottom lip, considering her question. “Both, actually. Bucky doesn’t really forget things about Steve, and he has a weird knack for remembering birthdays. I can’t imagine he’d forget Steve’s if he remembered mine after waking up from terrible injuries a few months ago.”

“And?” Natasha prodded calmly, probably having her own spy sense that Peter was holding something back.

“And…” Peter frowned, trying to find an accurate word to describe what he felt and saw at the time. “Steve seemed… relieved when I agreed not to tell Bucky when his birthday was.”

“Did he now? How interesting,” she murmured, staring vacantly at the ceiling for a few minutes, lost in thought. Peter jumped when she suddenly started speaking again. “Alright, we’ll respect Steve’s wishes… to an extent. Here’s what we’re gonna do.”

“So,” Pepper started, grinning softly as James’s head jerked up, his cheeks stuffed with food - she was idly reminded of the hamster she had as a little girl. “Maria and I have been working on Steve’s birthday celebration, and we’d like to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind. We want to make this one as perfect as possible since Tony always throws whatever type of event he feels will upset Steve the most that year.”

“Course I don’t mind,” James said, glancing curiously between the two women. “How early do you plan these things, though, jeez?”

“We like to stay ahead of things to avoid any hiccups,” Maria answered evenly, respecting Peter’s plea that they don’t tell the former-assassin outright that Steve’s birthday was less than three weeks away.

“Makes sense,” James nodded. “Fire away.”

“First things first - it’s kind of a surprise, so you’ll have to pretend this conversation never happened,” Maria stated firmly. 

Truthfully, they didn’t want James going home and revealing to Steve that they were bringing up his birthday celebration in some clandestine manner. It was a delicate situation; they wanted to hint that Steve’s birthday was rapidly approaching while also avoiding Captain America finding out they were basically going against his express wishes simply by having this conversation. But to be fair, Steve made Peter promise not to reveal the date; Pepper, Maria, and the rest of the Avengers made no such vow.

“How can it be ‘kind of’ a surprise?” James asked skeptically.

“Steve has a party thrown in his honor every year, so that won’t be a surprise,” Maria explained with a laugh. “But we don’t want him to know in advance that this year will hopefully be one he actually enjoys, and not just because you’re there with him.”

“What are Steve’s favorite colors?” Pepper asked after James nodded in understanding, gazing down at her notepad. They were tucked away in a private room at their favorite Italian restaurant, Maria and Pepper taking it upon themselves to expand James’s culinary tastes beyond the taco truck he was obsessed with. “We thought making his birthday banner red, white, and blue would be tacky.”

“Cerulean and Wisteria,” James confidently responded without missing a beat.

“That’s very specific,” Maria noted in surprise while Pepper jotted the information down. She legitimately would try to incorporate as much of their newfound knowledge into Steve’s birthday event as possible, even if she needed to maneuver around Tony to get it done.

James shrugged, dipping his breadstick into the bowl of marinara sauce. “Stevie’s an artist, what did ya expect?”

“Indoor event or outdoor?” Pepper asked next.

“Definitely outdoor,” James answered with a nostalgic smile. “Fall has always been Steve’s favorite season, and since the temperature starts to cool down by then, he always wanted to be outside as much as possible while he could before it got too cold. The chilly air made his asthma worse, but I guess that isn’t an issue anymore.”

The two women shared a worried look, understanding Peter’s concern; they’re not sure what ‘fall’ that has to do with anything considering July is in the summer, and it’s definitely hot as fuck in New York during that time. It seemed like this was going to be trickier than they thought.

Maria’s phone suddenly went off with a booming ‘ca caw!’

At Bucky’s quizzical look, she laughed, somehow managing to keep a straight face. “It’s Sam’s text tone, but don’t tell him. I can’t be bothered to change it to something less obnoxious because it always makes me smile every time it goes off.”

“Understandable,” James snorted, gazing thoughtfully down at his own phone. “Will you teach me how to do that, please?”

Pepper hurriedly shoved her notepad and pen into her bag, snapping it closed just in time for Steve to come barreling through the door, the restaurant’s security team hot on his heels.

“Ms. Pepper, I am so sorry for the interruption, this man insisted he was invited, and he would not take ‘no’ for an answer -”

“It’s alright, Luca,” she remarked sincerely, waving off the man’s very unnecessary apology. Natasha warned them of this possibility, so they made sure to prepare ahead of time. “Steve is always welcome to join us.”

Steve smirked at the head of security, his expression screaming 'Ha! I told you so’ without him needing to say a word.

Luca scowled back, but when Steve eventually looked away, he raised an eyebrow at Maria who minutely inclined her head in response. Looking relieved, the head of security left the room with the rest of his team, shutting the door behind him.

“Hey, Stevie,” James greeted, blinking in surprise. He scooted out the chair next to him for his boyfriend. “We would have waited to order if we knew you were coming.”

“A last minute change of plans,” Steve responded nonchalantly, leaning over to press a kiss to James’s cheek. He picked up the menu, hiding his face behind it. “So, what are we talking about?”

“What type of restaurant the ladies are planning to take me to next week,” James smoothly lied, sending Pepper a cheeky wink when she couldn’t hide her impressed expression at his quick thinking fast enough. “I’m thinking Greek.”

Steve lowered the menu, his smile strained. “Well, I certainly love Greek food.”

“Since when?” James scoffed, rolling his eyes while still sweetly nudging the plate of breadsticks towards the other Super Soldier.

“Since my courageous boyfriend inspired me to expand my horizons,” Steve shrugged easily.

Maria and Pepper shared a knowing look.

Wanda hesitantly bit into one of their completed cupcakes, silently praying the fifth time's the charm. She almost cried in relief when the dessert not only tasted good but also looked professionally made; so far, either their cupcakes tasted like trash but were beautifully decorated, or they tasted phenomenal but looked like a kindergartener decorated them with their eyes closed.

It was especially important that this specific batch turned out correctly, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to enact her plan.

“These are so good, holy shit!” James cheered, already devouring a second one. Wanda couldn’t help but laugh on the inside when she noticed the streak of frosting in his hair. “We are fucking awesome.”

“They are delicious,” Wanda agreed with a nod. She waited a minute before snapping her fingers, pretending like a sudden thought just occurred to her and not as if she’d been secretly planning this exact moment for a week. “I just had the best idea!”

“And what great idea did you have, Wanda?” Caleb asked as awkwardly as humanly possible, at least in Wanda’s expert opinion. He quickly took another bite of his cupcake to avoid having to say anything else.

With great restraint, Wanda held back the very reasonable reaction of smacking him upside the head, knowing it would just confuse James further. Damn, maybe Peter would have been a better option to partner up with - at least he’s always somewhat awkward, so James wouldn’t be as likely to notice anything off about him.

“Well, Caleb,” she grinned, hoping James couldn’t tell how fake it was, “I think we should bake Steve’s birthday cake for his party!”

“That’s a great idea!” James excitedly agreed, blessedly not pointing out how weird either of them were acting.

“It is?” Caleb muttered, wincing when Wanda kicked his shin under the table. “I mean, of course it is, we should start planning out what we want to do right away!”

“No need, I already got it all figured out,” James declared, waving a dismissive hand. “Ooh, oh my god, let’s see if Pepper will let us use the July 4th party to taste test our creation with an audience! That way we’ll be able to determine early on if we need to make any adjustments. It needs to be absolutely perfect for Steve’s big day. He's gonna be 100 this year, ya know.”

“Good idea…” she faltered, sharing a panicked look with Caleb - this was not how the conversation was supposed to go.

“Chop chop, time to work, kiddos.” James fluttered around the kitchen, pulling a dozen different bowls and baking pans out of the cabinets. “Now, first we need to find some apples… a whole bunch of apples.”

Before Wanda or Caleb could question the need for apples in a birthday cake, the elevator unexpectedly dinged, yet she was somehow unsurprised to find Steve stepping into her apartment, an embarrassed smile on his face.

“I could smell your cupcakes from the opposite side of the Tower,” he meekly explained in response to their confused (exasperated) looks. Steve wasn’t outright banned from joining their baking parties, but he tended to give them their space since it became clear early on that James was 1000% more likely to get distracted when his boyfriend was around. “And they smell phenomenal.”

“Stevie!” James beamed, though he also seemed unsurprised by his boyfriend’s random appearance. “Just the guy I wanted to see.”

“Really?” Steve asked with wide eyes. “Uh, I mean, that’s great. Need me to taste test by chance?”

“Stay away from our cupcakes,” James growled, smacking Steve’s hand when he reached out to take one off the plate. “I need you to go to the store, buy me a bushel of apples, and then peel and slice them all.”

The blonde’s face fell. “Are you sure -”

“Yep,” James interrupted, kissing both of Steve’s cheeks before firmly leading him back towards the elevator. “The ones called Red Delicious, please and thank you. I’ll save you a cupcake for when you’re completely done.” He pressed the button for the elevator, shoving Steve in the second the doors opened. “Love you, mwah, bye.”

James watched the elevator for a few moments before turning around, dusting his hands off. He reentered the kitchen, and Wanda’s jaw dropped when he pulled out a huge bag of fresh apples after rummaging through her pantry. She wholeheartedly does not remember buying those, what the fuck. “Now, do you need me to teach you how to efficiently peel apples, or do you guys already know how?”

“But…Steve?” Caleb hesitantly asked, his eyes darting back towards the elevator.

“We’re gonna have to make more than one batch to make sure it’s perfect,” James shrugged unapologetically. “It’ll probably take him a while to get it done on his own, poor fella. But the good news is, we will get a good head start on the first attempt while we wait for him to finish.”

Wanda sighed but resigned herself to her fate.

“Bucky, thank god you’re here!” Clint cried, pretending like he hadn’t had Friday stalk the former-assassin's every move and report it back to him, waiting for the perfect opportunity to ambush him.

Bucky had convinced Steve a few months ago that the cats needed outdoor time in order to thrive, and being the worrywart that he was, Steve refused to let his boyfriend bring them up to the roof to play because ‘there’s no safety precautions at all, Buck, seriously, I know the babies are smart, but there are just too many terrible things that could happen out there. What happens if a large bird flies down and snatches one up, no Buck, don't laugh at me, I see it on nature documentaries all the time!’ 

So, being a man of action, Steve harassed Tony constantly until he finally built a huge balcony off the Avenger’s common area, complete with a top-notch enclosed ‘Cat Park’ plus several comfortable benches and tables for the Avengers to use if they decided they also needed some outdoor time. After Bucky showed Steve that even his sharpest knife couldn’t pierce the screening around the area designated for the cats, the Captain agreed it was a good solution to their problem.

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked, glancing up from his book, his expression worried.

With a huge sigh, Clint plopped down on the bench next to him. “Natasha volunteered us to handle the entertainment for Steve’s birthday party, and I have no idea where to even start. Do you have any suggestions?”

“I see,” Bucky hummed, closing his book after placing his bookmark in it. “Well, between us, he secretly likes that band Peter always listens to.”

“Which one?” Clint asked, his brows furrowed. Peter’s always singing music under his breath when he believed no one was around, so Clint could think of over a dozen different musicians Bucky could be referring to off the top of his head.

“Something about a direction?” Bucky shrugged, fiddling with his lip ring. “Steve hums their songs all the time in our apartment.”

“One Direction?” Clint snorted, shaking his head. “Too bad they broke up.”

“Well,” Bucky clapped him on the shoulder. “You’ve got plenty of time to encourage them to get back together, at least. It would really mean a lot to Steve if they showed up, he’s seriously a huge fan. But, worst case scenario, he also likes the circus.”

Clint frowned, watching Bucky walk off after collecting Grant from the Cat Park. Before the Super Soldier could reenter the Tower,  the double doors were suddenly thrown open, Bucky fortunately jumping back fast enough to avoid being painfully struck in the face.

Steve stumbled onto the balcony, bending over in half while he sucked in huge gulps of air. “I… I can’t -”

“Steve?!” Bucky rubbed his boyfriend’s back while the blonde attempted to regain his breath, Grant perched comfortably on his flesh shoulder.

The blonde finally straightened, only to point accusingly at the cat. “I couldn’t find Grant, tore through the entire apartment, and he’s been out here this whole time?!”

Bucky frowned, staring at Steve in concern. “I told you we were coming out here. You even asked if I wanted to take the babies, too… are you feeling alright?”

“Oh,” Steve winced, his eyes darting around the balcony. “Sorry, Buck, must have slipped my mind. I guess I’ve just been a bit stressed lately is all.”

Clint wanted to scoff at the brazen lie, but for Peter’s sake, he held his tongue. It gave him some peace of mind that Bucky looked just as doubtful, though.

“Alright, maybe we should take a nap, huh, Stevie?” Bucky amicably offered, wrapping an arm around Steve’s waist. “Can’t have you going senile just yet.”

“Sounds good to me,” Steve agreed, smiling lovingly at his boyfriend. 

Before the doors leading back into the Tower closed behind them, the blonde turned his head to glance back at Clint, his expression uncharacteristically smug - Clint was honestly surprised when Steve didn't stick his tongue out, though the archer still refused to hold back his own answering eye roll. 

Poor Natasha had her work cut out for her on this one.

As a last ditch effort, Natasha contacted Thor for help.

“Barnes, my good friend, I require your assistance if you happen to have time to lend!” Thor shouted into the phone, hoping the other man could hear him clearly. Midgardian technology was so finicky, but he doesn’t want to bother his brother over such a simple task.

“Good lord,” Barnes mumbled under his breath, and oops, maybe Thor spoke a bit too loudly. “What can I do for you?”

“You see, it has come to my attention that the good Captain’s birthday party is soon approaching,” Thor explained, still confused as to why he needed to have this conversation to begin with. But since the fearsome Spider Mother asked him to do so, he shall comply, because despite what Loki may claim, Thor does have some brains. “And it has also been brought to my attention that I am not the best suited to pick out appropriate gifts for the people of Earth.”

“THAT’S AN UNDERSTATEMENT!” Valkyrie cackled from somewhere outside.

“The Spider Child liked his Skrull Blaster quite a lot, thank you very much!” he yelled back before firmly shutting the office window with an indignant huff. It was a great gift in his personal opinion, it’s not his fault Tony and Pepper didn’t approve of the weapon. “Apologies, Barnes, Her Majesty is a heathen.”

“There’s still plenty of time until his birthday,” Barnes grumbled, and Thor winced at the sheer amount of frustration lacing his voice. “I don’t understand why everyone is so hellbent on figuring this all out now.”

“Loki says there’s always waiting lists for the best gifts,” Thor lied, figuring Barnes likely wouldn’t question a statement like that; Barnes and Loki got along like a castle on fire, and he was one of very few individuals who took Loki’s words seriously. “And I have to get the best gift for Captain Rogers since he got me a Midgardian Sheep for my birthday, and Seymour is amazing, I love him so much.”

“Fair enough,” Barnes chuckled, his previous irritation forgotten. “Well, okay, I’m only telling you about this one specific gift he wants the most out of anything in the Nine Realms. That way it will be guaranteed no one else will buy it for him, and you’ll win the gift-giving competition this year.”

“Okay,” Thor propped his feet on Valkyrie’s desk. “Lay it on me.”

“Steve wants a harpoon gun,” Barnes whispered, like he was sharing an important secret against his better judgment. “Like really badly.”

“Okay,” Thor mumbled, frowning in thought. “I thought Captain Rogers didn’t like to use any weapons besides his Shield?”

“He’s branching out,” Barnes readily responded with confidence. “Wants to try new things. Our therapist says that’s healthy for him, probably because a Shield isn’t a weapon, as most intellects would agree.”

“Alright,” Thor said cheerfully, wondering how he could acquire this ‘harpoon gun’ for his friend. He’s sure Heimdall will know where to look, or maybe Loki would be willing to offer his guidance. “Anything else?”

“Can’t think of anything off the top of my head.” Barnes sighed, and Thor smiled when he heard Barnes’s cat meow loudly in the background. “Though, he also wouldn’t say no to a Skrull Blaster, or perhaps there’s some other potentially dangerous trinket from across the Nine Realms you have lying around and were looking to part with. If it’s not too much trouble, of course.”

“I’m sure I can find something in my personal collection of weapons that Captain Rogers will enjoy,” Thor beamed, running a hand through his short hair. “This is perfect, thank you, Barnes, I will get started on this quest right away.”

“No problem,” Barnes responded brightly. “Will you be at Stark’s party tomorrow? He seems really adamant that everyone should be there, regardless if they’re American or not.”

Ah, so this is what the lovely Natasha was referring to when she called him earlier.

“Of course,” Thor chuckled, leaning back in this comfy Midgardian chair. Who knew humans could make something better than Asgardians? “We Asgardians love birthday celebrations!”

“Well, I’m sure the great country of America will be honored you’re celebrating her birthday,” Barnes laughed. There’s suddenly a weird sound coming from the device, and Barnes abruptly quiets. “Oh, hey, Stevie’s beeping in. I sent him off to the store again, but knowing him, I'm sure he's lost in the baking aisle, so I gotta go. But I will see you tomorrow, give the saber-toothed kitties my love!”

Barnes hung up, and Thor wearily rubbed a hand over his face; one, he had no intention of going anywhere near Loki’s savage beasts unless he absolutely had to, and two, he dreaded giving Natasha the bad news that he too failed in getting Barnes to remember the Captain’s upcoming birthday.

Natasha groaned when she hung up the phone after talking to Thor, dropping her forehead to her kitchen table. Stupid fucking stubborn Super Soldiers, why did they INSIST on making her life difficult all the time?

Without lifting her head, she expertly dialed a new number and placed her phone on speaker, ready to enact Plan E.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite former-assassin,” Sam greeted with a laugh. “I’m sure you’re not calling at this hour for anything good, though, so what’s up?”

She lifted her head and squinted at the clock, realizing it would only be 6AM in Louisiana. “Sorry Sam, but we’ve got a situation…how fast can you get here?”

While waiting for Sam to arrive, Natasha needed to ensure Barnes was well out of the way for Steve’s impending intervention. During lunchtime in the common area and with Peter's help (and unbeknownst to anyone besides Pepper and Maria, Stark’s designated bank account for charity donations), Natasha cornered the one Avenger besides Thor who had been to space, Bruce being the ideal candidate for her mission as Barnes was less likely to find any situation that the timid scientist was involved in as suspicious. She struck up a conversation with Bruce, loudly complaining that the local planetarium sent her three free tickets to their (first) annual They Walk Amongst Us exhibit, but oh no how terrible, they were due to expire today, and she would just hate for them to go to waste, they’re so difficult to acquire, gosh, it’s such a shame she opened her fan mail too late. As expected, Barnes shamelessly butted into their conversation and very eagerly volunteered to take them off her hands out of the kindness of his heart, not allowing Bruce get a word in edgewise. After some expert level doe-eyes from their little Spider Child eavesdropping from the couches, Barnes and Peter left the Tower within fifteen minutes from the start of her one-sided conversation with Bruce, dragging a resigned Caleb with them.

Natasha purposefully picked the planetarium farthest from the Tower for this particular mission; she hoped that by the time the trio realized the tickets were for July 13th instead of July 3rd, she’d have finished smacking some sense into Steve. Not even Peter knew the dates on the tickets were forged; she gave him triple the amount of pocket money she normally would have to soothe some of her guilt over the whole debacle. On one hand, Peter’s not THAT great of an actor, but she also didn’t want him to have to lie to Barnes anymore than he already was. Regardless of her intentions, Natasha is well aware of how upset Barnes and Peter are going to be when they return, but she’s hoping to pass the blame to someone else.

She checked her watch, heaving a sigh of relief when she realized Sam should be here any minute - getting Barnes out of the way was easy. Trying to get through Steve’s thick skull? Not so much.

“Did we have plans?” Steve asked quizzically, pausing the documentary he was watching when Sam and Natasha stepped off the elevator into his apartment. “Ah, since you’re both wearing your ‘I mean business’ faces, I’m going to assume I did not forget any prearranged plans…”

“Her face always looks like that,” Sam quipped, gesturing towards Natasha’s blank expression. 

“We both know that’s not true,” Steve lightly chided, shaking his head. He stood up, indicating they should take the couch together while he relocated to the recliner. “What’s up? Is Bucky okay? He did leave pretty suddenly, and…” He frowned, his eyes shifting calculatingly between the two. “Let me guess, you guys had something to do with it?”

Natasha shrugged. “I did. Figured you wouldn’t want him to accidentally overhear this conversation.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “And where exactly did you send my boyfriend off to?”

Natasha and Sam shared a look.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” she casually asked, peering down at her nails. “Funny how it seems like neither of you tell each other important things anymore.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean, Natasha?” Steve questioned, his tone polite, though Natasha could see how tense he was becoming under their unwavering scrutiny. 

They both presumed he was going to play dumb by this point, so Sam jumped in, taking over the ‘good cop’ role like they discussed earlier. “Steve, what Natasha is trying to say is that we’re concerned about tomorrow. And how Barnes doesn’t know it’s your birthday.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “As I told Tony from the beginning, the psychologist said it’s detrimental to his long term -“

“Bullshit,” Natasha interrupted, leaning forward to scowl at her friend. “Seriously, spare us all that ‘the psychologist said’ garbage. You only listen to them when you find it convenient. We want to know what you’re planning to do tomorrow when Barnes shows up to Tony’s July 4th party thinking it’s for Independence Day…“

“And he quickly comes to realize it’s your birthday…” Sam continued calmly.

“And while everyone is wishing you ‘happy birthday’ and giving you your gifts, he’s standing off to the side…”

“Feeling terrible because he forgot his best friend and boyfriend's birthday…”

“And no one had the forethought to MENTION it to him, despite knowing his history,” Natasha finished fiercely.

Steve’s face was expressionless, but Natasha knew him well enough to know he was listening intently.

“Steve, honestly, we don’t know why you’re being so weird about this, and you know what, we don’t need a reason,” Sam said, frowning at their team leader. “But I just want you to put yourself in Barnes’s shoes for a minute - how would you feel if you showed up to his birthday party that everyone knew about, but you forgot? How do you think Barnes is going to feel tomorrow with all those people staring at him? Not to mention, you know Tony always has people give speeches during birthday events. What will Barnes say for yours?”

Sam glanced over at her, and she inclined her head towards the elevator; they said their peace, now it was time for Steve to handle the situation.

“I never thought about it like that,” Steve mumbled, keeping his eyes focused on his lap. “I’ve been so selfish, haven't I?”

“We know you’ll make the right choice when it matters most,” Sam declared, trusting the Super Soldier completely. He clapped Steve on the shoulder as he headed towards the elevator.

“Barnes deserves honesty.” Natasha brushed her fingers through Steve’s hair, dropping a kiss on the top of his head before following Sam into the elevator. “He’ll forgive you, but tell him before it’s too late.”

Steve stood and watched them leave, his eyes watery. “Thank you.” He finally cracked a smile. “I’ll tell him as soon as he gets back from whatever adventure you sent him off on.”

Steve gazed fondly at his sleeping boyfriend, the youngest of their cat family dozing soundly alongside him. He glanced at the clock, realizing with a start that he only had a little under an hour until Bucky would be whisked away to New Asgard for the rest of the day. Their oldest cat, Grant, kept a watchful eye on Steve while he bustled around their bedroom; he swears the cat can sense he’s plotting something and is silently judging him for it. Which is fair, Steve’s kind of judging himself too, at this point, but he’ll make it right after Bucky returns from the trip he doesn’t know he’s about to take.

He hurriedly changed his clothes into something more appropriate before leaving the apartment to head to the common area; Tony always had brunch catered when there would be a party or event that evening, so Steve figured it would be a good idea for him to grab some of Bucky’s favorite foods while the other man was still asleep; he REALLY did not want to risk Bucky running into any of their friends today. Steve honestly doesn’t know what he’ll do if one of his fellow Avengers or friends reveal the info he’s spent weeks ensuring Bucky wouldn’t learn before Steve was ready to tell him.

Speaking of running into people, Steve is personally hoping to avoid Natasha and Sam until the party starts. He appreciated the thought behind their little intervention yesterday, but he had zero intention of telling Bucky the truth at the moment, regardless of what he said to the pair to get them to leave his apartment in peace. Besides, Bucky came back last night distraught from the adventure Natasha sent him and the kids on; apparently the tickets Natasha received were for an exhibit that was actually next week, and the planetarium security confiscated the altered tickets permanently while refusing to let them in that afternoon, even if they purchased regular general admission tickets. Peter fully believed someone was trying to prank Natasha, and while Steve stayed silent on the issue, he’s pretty sure Bucky realized he was the one who got played.

Stepping out of the elevator, Steve waved at a drowsy Peter, unable to stop himself from grinning softly - the teen definitely took after Bucky in the mornings despite the lack of shared DNA. Peter shuffled down the long line of food still clad in his pajamas, an endeared Caleb sticking closely behind him, likely in hopes of preventing his boyfriend from falling face first into the dishes. Spotting Thor near the windows, the Super Soldier made his way towards the Asgardian when the man suddenly turned around, revealing the last person Steve expected to see in the Tower today.

“Captain Rogers!” Thor bellowed, his face brightening. He waved at Steve, either not noticing his horrified expression or being polite enough not to comment on it. “What a marvelous day for a birthday, Valkyrie and I are quite excited for tonight’s revelries! It will be a happy day indeed.”

“Yes, yes, thank you,” he laughed fakely, his heart pounding. “Can I just speak to Valkyrie alone for a moment, please?”

Without waiting for a response, he grabbed the woman’s arm and dragged her into a corner of the room where they’d be hidden from prying eyes by a small grouping of potted plants, only letting go when she viciously slapped his hand. 

“What are you doing here?!” Steve whisper-shouted, ignoring her indignant glare.

“Why, hello there Captain Rogers, how nice to see you on this beautiful morning,” Valkyrie simpered, batting her eyelashes at him. She took a flask out of her coat pocket and took a swig before offering it to him.

“No thanks,” he declined, his jaw clenched. Steve doesn’t have time for anymore games, he’s been forced to play them for weeks!

“Probably for the best,” she shrugged, taking another sip and then putting it away. “You already seem a little out of it this morning. Did Thor send you an early birthday gift? We’ve almost completed the construction of a state of the art Asgardian brewery, first of its kind. Should be up and running by next month, we are all very excited.”

“I’m not drunk!” Steve hissed, placing a hand on his hip. “And that’s nice and all, but seriously, what are you doing here?!” 

“I was invited,” Valkyrie scoffed, staring at him like he’d grown three heads. “Along with Thor, so we traveled together since we come from the same country, in case you also missed that part.”

“Yes, I know you were invited,” Steve shot back, his body tensing at her continuing sassy attitude. He’d been around Bucky and Natasha long enough to realize he was seconds away from having a knife pulled on him. “But we talked on the phone last week, and we agreed you weren’t coming for… those very important reasons that we talked about. You can’t be here, Valkyrie! ”

Someone gasped loudly behind him, and Steve twisted on his heel to see Thor glancing between him and Valkyrie, looking utterly scandalized. “What is going on here, Captain?! How could you do this to Barnes? I am absolutely appalled, honestly!” He turned to face his fellow ruler, a hand covering his heart. “And you! I thought you were… you know… not into men.”

“Excuse you!” she yelled, and yep, there’s the knife. “I don’t know what is going on here, but how dare you insinuate there’s something untoward going on between me and him! He’s tiny! And a man!! And dating someone way out of his league, and clearly dumber than you, can’t believe I’d ever say that.”

Steve wants to be offended, but he knows he's tiny in comparison to Thor, and Bucky is WAY out of Steve's league, she's definitely not wrong on that account. He used to believe that he's way smarter than Thor, but since the God of Thunder doesn't find himself in these ridiculous situations, maybe she's right on that point, too.

Damn.

They’re interrupted by Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” suddenly blaring from the cell phone in Steve’s pocket.

“Hey Buck,” he greeted nervously without looking at the caller ID, his heart in his throat. All of his well thought out plans were crashing down around him, and he needed to figure out how to explain this to his best guy before he ended up with no guy.

“Steve, Steve, Steve!” Bucky shrieked, the excitement in his voice impossible to miss despite all the noise in the background. “Guess what!”

“You finally won the lottery?” he asked hesitantly, unable to think of anything else that would get his boyfriend so excited when he’d been sound asleep only minutes earlier.

“I will win the jackpot on a scratch off ticket one of these days, don’t mock me Stevie,” Bucky grumbled, and Steve can’t suppress a smile at how cute his boyfriend is. “But no! Valkyrie called and said the pregnant Pegasus is in labor, and she invited me to witness the birth, isn’t that great?! I mean, if you’re okay with me missing the party and all, you don’t have to come -”

“No!” Steve responded in a rush, turning his back on the other Valkyrie in front of him who was glaring at him with her arms crossed over her chest, clearly waiting for an explanation. He couldn’t deal with her right now. “You can go, Buck, it’s just a stupid party. Seeing a Pegasus being born is way more exciting. But you know Stark would freak if we both went.”

“I know,” Bucky sighed, and Steve could see his pout already. “And she said Heimdall will open the portal for me in five minutes, so I don’t think I’ll see you again until I get back.”

“It’s okay,” Steve said truthfully. He couldn’t face Bucky right now anyways, the guilt starting to weigh heavily on him. Is he going to have to do this every year? He can’t, he knows he can’t, he’ll have to tell Bucky the truth when he returns from New Asgard like he planned. Tomorrow. “I hope you have fun, Buck. I’ll miss you the entire time.”

“Gonna miss you, too, Stevie, but I’ll take lots of pictures!” Bucky squealed, and Steve knows his adorably nerdy boyfriend is basically skipping through the apartment right now. “Love ya, doll. Don’t forget to feed the cats, or they’ll kill you. Mwah, bye!”

“Love you, too,” Steve whispered, hoping Bucky heard him before the line disconnected.

“Hem, hem.”

Steve shut his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking a moment for himself. He knows the rest of this cursed day will be anything but easy. 

With a bright smile, Steve faced the two Asgardians. “Well, sorry for the misunderstanding, I will just be -”

“Not so fast, Captain,” Thor interrupted, shaking his head. He crossed his arms over his broad chest, his biceps bulging. “Care to explain to us why you’re making deals with my brother?”

Shit, no, he did not have time for this.

Besides, it’s not like he knew he was making a deal with Loki!

A thought suddenly occurred to him.

“Who’s to say she isn’t Loki?” Steve asked, mimicking the pair by crossing his arms over his chest and pretending like he looked just as intimidating as Thor…. or Valkyrie. Thank goodness Bucky wasn’t here to see this standoff, Steve doesn’t think his pride could handle it.

Thor’s eye darted towards Valkyrie, a considering expression on his face. “A fair point, Captain. If you’ll excuse me, I will be right back.”

Steve watched Thor walk off, fully intending to disappear long before his fellow Avenger returned.

“Uh, uh, uh,” Valkyrie taunted, blocking his path. “You’re not getting out of this one, Captain.” She raised a condescending eyebrow at him. “And for the record, I do not take phone calls.” Steve’s really not sure why she needed to put quotes around that, but he’s too mentally exhausted to ask. “If you want to reach me, you can send a raven like everyone else.”

“I’ll be sure to do that next time,” he lied. If he ever finds himself in another complicated situation like this, he’ll just come up with a plan that doesn’t involve New Asgard or anyone from there, thanks.

“Ah, here we are,” Thor chortled, weaving around the potted plants to rejoin their group. He angled his body to the side. “Guys, look who I found!”

“Angry girl!” Bruce cried, holding his arms wide.

“Hey big guy!” Valkyrie tightly hugged the Avenger, a broad smile on her face.

“So…Barnes is definitely with Loki,” Thor noted with a shrug. “But I’m sure it will be fine.”

'Do you think they’ll let us name one of the babies?’ Bucky eagerly asked his former-selves, forcefully reminding himself he still needed to speak to them in his head; he doesn’t want the Asgardians to think he’s crazy if they see him talking to himself. He’d absolutely cry if he got banned from coming to New Asgard over something stupid like that. ‘Or when they’re old enough, maybe we can get a Pegasus of our own? How many babies do they have at one time, have we ever asked that? This is just so awesome, I can’t even wrap my head around it.’

Bucky stepped into the portal Heimdall created for him in the living room of his and Steve’s apartment, grateful that travel between different parts of Earth was a lot less intense than intergalactic travel; he’d heard stories from some of the Asgardians on how the Bifrost worked when they were traveling between realms, and Bucky honestly doesn’t think he’d have the stomach for it.

‘Where would we put a Pegasus?’ past-Bucky laughed, standing behind him on his right.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Heimdall greeted solemnly when he arrived at the end of the pier.

“Hi,” Bucky smiled broadly, waving at the stoic guard of New Asgard. 

He quickly began the trek towards the village, hoping he hadn’t arrived too late to see the birth.

‘How are you both still so naïve?’ Winter scoffed on Bucky’s left. ‘How convenient is it that the Pegasus is suddenly going into labor at this very moment?’

‘I know the planetarium was obviously a set up,’ Bucky murmured, glancing over his shoulder to glare at his murderous former-self. ‘But Steve wouldn’t lie about something as important as this.’

‘And if he did, I call dibs on the confrontation!’ past-Bucky growled, crossing his arms. ‘We’ve let him get away with too much lately, and I will absolutely put my foot down if there’s no baby Pegasus being born today.’

‘I would honestly pay to see that,’ Winter smirked, tossing his hair over his shoulder like the secret diva that he was.

‘Let’s just hope it’s a coincidence.’ Bucky sighed, squinting against the bright sun. ‘I, for one, cannot wait until this birthday nonsense is over.’

‘Same,’ past-Bucky agreed with a snort. ‘Though, we still need to confront him at some point about everything, regardless of what happens here in New Asgard.’

‘I have been saying that for weeks since this started!’ Winter sniffed haughtily. ‘It’s about time you two took me seriously.’

Bucky briefly glanced over his right shoulder and shared an amused look with past-Bucky.

‘Nah,’ they cackled, ignoring Winter’s bitchy grumblings.

Bucky waved to a few familiar looking Asgardians he passed on the way to the stables, but all the strange looks he received in response were starting to make him feel self-conscious. He had visited New Asgard multiple times before today, usually with Peter, Wanda, and Caleb, but also a handful of times with Steve. Sure, it’s the first time he’d come on his own, but he doesn’t think that warrants the peculiar looks he was receiving. Bucky pulled his jacket tighter across his shoulders, deciding it would be best if he kept his head low for the remainder of the walk.

“Sergeant Barnes!” a voice called minutes later, and Bucky’s head jerked up in surprise.

“Loki?” he asked, his brows furrowing. His eyes darted around the area, finding no sign of Valkyrie anywhere.

‘How odd,’ Winter mumbled sarcastically.

“So lovely to see you as always.” The pair hugged in greeting, and Bucky took a second to internally squeal with past-Bucky over how they were friendly with a Magical Alien Space God, how fucking cool is the future, good lord?! “Quite a surprise though, I must say. Isn’t today Steve’s birthday party?”

Bucky blinked in response, his shoulders slumping. “The Pegasus hasn’t gone into labor, has she?”

Loki’s smile was sympathetic. “I’m afraid not.”

“Gah!” Bucky groaned, kicking his shoe against the ground. “This is the last straw, I swear, I am so done with this bullshit.”

‘Hate to be the one that said I told you so,” Winter hummed from behind him. ‘But I told you so.’

‘Not the time, Winter,’ past-Bucky chided, patting Bucky’s shoulder sympathetically. ‘Don’t worry, future-self, I’ll handle it when we get back.’

“Well, I’m sorry to bother,” Bucky muttered, his cheeks flushing. This was so embarrassing! “I’ll just be on my way.”

“Ah, if I may interject before you go,” Loki said, placing a hand on his arm. “I must confess; I was pretending to be Valkyrie when your Captain called because I was curious about what he wanted.” The dark-haired man held a hand up when Bucky opened his mouth. “But he was the one to ask her to call you here today so you’d miss the event.”

‘The deceit!’ Winter hissed, dramatically placing a hand over his heart like he’d seen people do in movies. ‘The deception!’

‘Do I have permission to make Steve cry?’ past-Bucky hissed viciously. ‘I cannot believe the lengths this man has gone to, and for what!’

“Did he say why?” Bucky asked curiously. He thinks he understood the issue, but he’s not sure why Steve believed Bucky was the one he should be lying to about everything. And like past-Bucky said... the lengths Steve has gone to lately to avoid the problem is atrocious.

Loki frowned. “He did not. Valkyrie had previously offered Captain Rogers one of the saber-toothed kittens when they are born in the fall, but he said declined. When he called a few weeks ago, he offered to take one of the kittens if Valkyrie called you away today for the day with no questions asked.”

“Well,” Bucky huffed, pulling himself to his full height. “Steve’s going to be answering MY questions the second I get back.”

“About that,” Loki chuckled, a mischievous grin forming on his face. “I may have a bit of experience when it comes to causing dramatic scenes - may I offer you my guidance?”

‘An intriguing offer,’ past-Bucky muttered, rubbing his chin in thought. ‘I am interested.’

‘Nothing comes for free,’ Winter solemnly reminded them.

“In exchange for what?” Bucky inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Loki smirked, not taking offense as Bucky knew he wouldn’t. “Why, an invite to the party, of course.” Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but the Asgardian hurriedly continued on. “Disguised. As your stylist, perhaps?”

“Deal,” Bucky agreed without hesitation, extending his hand.

Loki gently grabbed his hand, placing a featherlight kiss on it. “I look forward to working with you, Sergeant.”

‘Time to shine, gentleman!’ past-Bucky cheered, clapping his hands together. ‘This is going to be so much fun.’

‘Steve’s not gonna know what hit him,’ Bucky snickered, tucking a lock of hair behind his ears.

‘Good,’ Winter snorted, shaking his head. ‘Serves him right at this point.'

Steve stepped onto the stage Tony had added to the room, ready to give his ‘thank you for coming to the birthday party that I didn’t want to have in the first place’ speech. The only thing encouraging him to do it so relatively early in the night was the knowledge that he’ll be making a hasty exit directly afterwards. Sure, this event was technically for him, but he’s starting to realize how much of an idiot he’d been lately for thinking it’d be better if Bucky wasn’t in attendance.

Besides, it was annoying dodging Sam’s questions about where Bucky was and Natasha’s unrelenting judgment. They just don’t understand his reason for lying to his boyfriend, and yes, that’s also his fault, but he’s working on it.

“Hi, yes, thank you everyone,” Steve began, waving to a few random young people in the front he didn't recognize… a small part of him hoped they were friends of the kiddos, but he wasn’t holding his breath. They were likely interns of Stark Industries or random people Tony invited, probably off the internet or something. “I’m Steve Rogers, though I assume you know that already if you’re at my -”

There was a sudden commotion in the back of the room near the doors, and Steve tensed, ready to call his shield to him with the special device Tony created for him. But before he could, the crowd parted down the middle, and there stood -

“Bucky?!” Steve gasped, his mouth dropping open, both in surprise over his boyfriend showing up unexpectedly and how fucking amazing he looked. He felt the champagne flute he’d been holding for the sake of looking normal slip from his grasp; fortunately, Wanda quickly reached out with her magic to stop it from smashing on the ground, and with a wave of her fingers, dumped the entire thing into a potted plant off to the side of the stage.

His boyfriend donned a fitted navy blue suit with a white dress shirt, his shoulder-length dark hair done in stylish waves that framed his face. Bucky wore light make-up that accentuated his gray eyes, his skin smooth and clean shaven. Even from a distance, Steve could see how lusciously red his lips were painted, making the silver of his lip ring gleam enticingly in the lights of the ballroom.

Bucky swaggered towards the stage, and Steve knew immediately that wasn’t his boyfriend he was looking at, no, that walk belonged to Steve’s best friend since he was 5 years old. That was the walk of someone who knew how good they looked, knew how they affected the people around him, the walk of someone who welcomed the attention of others, practically bathing in it. But like the Bucky of the ‘20s, ‘30s and ‘40s, this Bucky only had eyes for one person; Steve.

Steve dropped the mic carelessly to the ground, not even flinching at the resulting piercing static sound that echoed through the room. He jumped down from the stage, crossing the room in a daze. “Buck, hey.”

“Stevie!” Bucky cried, taking one of Steve’s hands in his own and pressing a light kiss to it before entwining their fingers together. The blonde stared down at the shimmering red lipstick stain on his hand in silent awe. “Baby, I’m sorry that I’m late, got a bit held up in New Asgard.”

“You’re here now,” Steve murmured, his eyes wide. He felt like he couldn’t think clearly, his mind an endless chaotic loop of Bucky, beautiful, red lips, boyfriend, love, Bucky, kiss, beautiful, Bucky, lip ring, kiss, so beautiful, Bucky, lip ring, boyfriend, love, Buck, kiss.

Bucky leaned forward, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss; Steve couldn’t help but wonder if his own lips were painted red now. He hoped they were, but if not, he’d be okay with exchanging a few more kisses until the color of their lips matched. When Bucky pulled back, his smile was teasing, but as usual, Steve’s eyes were glued to the lip ring. “See something you like, pal?”

“You.” Steve used their joined hands to tug Bucky closer, bringing their lips together in a proper kiss, uncaring of the audience surrounding them.

“A photograph of the beautiful couple?” a woman asked, holding her fancy professional camera up.

Steve was going to decline, but Bucky looped his arm around Steve’s waist, posing confidently for the photographer.

“Smile, Stevie,” Bucky whispered, placing a delicate kiss just under his ear. “It’s a party, not a funeral.”

“Thank you!” the woman beamed after taking several shots of the pair.

“Dance with me?” Bucky asked, already leading Steve towards the dance floor. “I love this song.”

Steve’s never heard the current song before in his life, but he obligingly allowed himself to be pulled along despite his hatred of dancing. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders, swaying to the (thankfully) slow song, his thoughts still in a whirlwind.

“Let’s give it up for the birthday boy!” someone in the crowd yelled, and the whole room burst into applause.

Steve’s heart seized in his chest, his mind suddenly coming to a screaming halt.

“What are they talking about, Stevie?” Bucky mumbled, pressing their bodies closer together.

“I don’t know,” Steve responded dreamily, resting his chin on Bucky’s shoulder. Fuck, what happened to him in New Asgard? Did he get a makeover? Bucky’s already too beautiful to begin with, but this version was making his head spin. He literally smelled intoxicating, and Steve couldn’t resist tucking his face into his boyfriend’s neck and inhaling deeply. He's also hopeful that if he played dumb, Bucky won't ask anymore questions.

“There’s a banner above the stage that says ‘Happy 100th Birthday Steve Rogers’” Bucky pointed out, his voice losing its playfulness, and damn, there went Steve's plan right out the window. “You sure you don’t know anything about that?”

Steve leaned back, keeping his arms loosely around Bucky. “I can explain, Buck, I promise! We should just, um, go somewhere else, and I can explain -”

“Can you?” Bucky took a step back, crossing his arms over his chest. Steve dropped his own arms back to his side, anxiously sliding his hands into his pockets. “Because I’ve got a lot of fucking questions, Steve, and I deserve some answers after all the shit you’ve put me through over the last few weeks. And I want them NOW!”

Oh god, oh god, oh god, this was literally Steve’s worst fear coming to life.

Pretty much everyone in the room was staring at them. Steve tried to search for a familiar face in the crowd, but every time he made eye contact with an Avenger, they pointedly looked away.

“Okay, we can go -”

“No, Steve, you can tell everyone here why you didn’t want me, your boyfriend, at your own birthday party,” Bucky ordered, his voice steely. “You can tell everyone why you covertly arranged WEEKS AGO for me to get called away to New Asgard today just so I’d miss this little event in your honor.”

“I… I... um, there’s a good, um… I’m sorry,” Steve stammered, his shoulders hunching. He doesn’t know what to tell Bucky at this point, honestly. Nothing would make up for his inexcusable actions.

“Are you sorry, or are you sorry you got caught?” Bucky scoffed, the bitterness in his tone impossible to miss.

“Both,” Steve admitted before he could think twice about it. “But mostly the first.”

Bucky inhaled sharply like he was about to start yelling (or pull a knife, which truthfully, Steve knew he deserved), but to Steve’s absolute horror, he watched his boyfriend’s lip wobble, his eyes becoming glassy. “Are you… are you ashamed of me?”

“NO!” Steve screamed, trying to pull Bucky in for a hug to comfort him. He could NEVER be ashamed of Bucky, fuck, he was ashamed of himself more than anything.

“Don’t touch me!” Bucky squirmed out of his hold, several tears slipping down his face. He angrily brushed them away. “You lied to me about the Pegasus being born so I wouldn’t go to your party, you lied to me yesterday about the planetarium to get me out of the Tower… is this revenge because I forgot your birthday?” He sniffed loudly. “Looking back, people tried to remind me, but I guess I didn’t listen.”

“Buck, no, it’s not your fault,” Steve whispered urgently. “It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

More tears cascaded down Bucky’s cheeks, and Steve’s heart shattered at the sight. “I… m’sorry I forgot, Stevie, I didn’t mean to, I promise, I’m so sorry, I won’t forget next time, I can be a better boyfriend, please, please believe me. I don’t wanna lose you. I… I can’t lose you, I can't -”

“You didn’t forget, baby,” Steve murmured, unable to hold back his own tears when Bucky’s voice cracked brokenly, his boyfriend crying so hard he couldn’t speak properly. “You didn’t, Bucky, I swear, you didn’t forget, and you’ll NEVER lose me. Please, let me fix this, will you wait right here for a moment? I'll fix it.”

Bucky sniffed but nodded, and Wanda, Peter, and Caleb immediately appeared at his side with tissues and cuddles, the trio simultaneously fussing over Bucky while glaring daggers at Steve for upsetting their friend… again.

Steve took a deep breath, slowly letting it out through his mouth. He strode past Thor on his way to the stage, snatching the flask out of the Asgardian’s hand before he could tuck it back into his suit. Steve downed the contents of it, naively surprised by how much alcohol it contained. But whatever, it doesn’t matter - he needed all the liquid courage he could get for what he was about to do.

“Oh dear, that’s not gonna end well, Captain,” Thor muttered, patting Steve roughly on the back when he started coughing…dear lord, why would anyone drink that shit?

The Super Soldier meandered up the steps of the stage, blinking owlishly in the harsh lights. Why was he here again? He was doing something…

He peered out into the faceless crowd, his eyes immediately zeroing in on the beautiful man in the blue suit dabbing at his eyes with a tissue. Even after crying he was so stunning, wow, like a glowing star amongst a heaping pile of space trash.

Steve blinked, his mind suddenly recalling that the shining Star was his boyfriend. What a lucky life he lived, gosh.

“Uh, Captain, did you have something to say?” someone called from the crowd, and oh yes, Steve was here to do something.

Steve tapped the mic a few times to get everyone’s attention. “Hello, three hundred of my closest friends, colleagues, and my super sexy boyfriend in the blue, yes, an extra hello to you, darling.” He waved at Bucky who hesitantly waved back, a man Steve didn’t recognize whispering animatedly into his ear. Steve’s eyes narrowed at the pair, and he cleared his throat several times until the strange man literally disappeared. Excellent. “I have gathered you all here today to tell you all a secret. A big one.” He waited patiently until the confused/excited murmurings fizzled out. “For nearly seventy-five long, hard… hehe, years, the GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES HAS LIED TO YOU, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.”

He nodded his head in understanding when everyone gasped in surprise. He had been shocked at the time, too. “But I…” He tapped the microphone, frowning when it no longer worked.

“Let him speak!” a voice angrily yelled from the crowd. "The truth cannot be silenced!"

With a shrug, Steve tossed the microphone somewhere behind him and ignored the resulting crashing sounds. He raised his voice to ensure everyone would hear his dire message. “THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT HAS LIED TO YOU, MY FRIENDS, AND I WILL NOT BE COMPLICIT IN THEIR DECEIT ANY LONGER - “

“Alright, doll, time to go.” Some appeared out of nowhere and wrapped their arms around him, easily lifting him over their shoulder and walking backstage. Steve was going to complain, but when he saw the fantastic view he had been granted, he held his tongue… at least he would have, until he heard someone start talking over the speakers again.

“Well,” a deep voice uneasily laughed, “I guess that’s what happens when you let the senior citizens hit the open bar. Who’s up for some karaoke?”

Steve aggressively wriggled out of the tight hold the person had over him, the two hitting the ground with a painful oomph. Without waiting to see if they were okay, Steve scrambled into a standing position and lumbered back towards the stage, ripping the microphone out of the hand of some dark-haired lady.

“Sorry, dear, better luck next year.” He frowned at the flash of silver pointed towards him, but a vaguely familiar burly blonde figure nudged her away. Steve turned to face the blurry crowd, once again blinking in the blinding lights. Someone really needed to get those fixed, good lord almighty. “I’d like to dedicate this song to my best guy, Bucky Barnes. If you're out there, I love you, bro.”

“Not the ‘bro’,” someone in the audience groaned.

He squinted at the computer screen next to the microphone stand, jabbing furiously at it until the song he was looking for appeared.

Past-Bucky furiously picked himself up off the ground, ready to go chase down his drunk best friend slash future-self’s boyfriend. But when he heard Steve singing instead of attempting to spark a riot against the government, he decided to let the scene play out. Besides, even Drunk Steve sang beautifully, and it’d been a long time since Steve performed in front of such a large group of people.

“Cause all of me //  Loves all of you  //  Love your curves and that lip ring  //  Even if you had a BBL to get ‘em.”

“Peter, you're grounded!” Stark shouted from somewhere in the crowd.

“It wasn’t me!” Peter cried back. “I told him I didn’t know what it meant, I swear Mr. Stark!”

“That was my bad,” Clint grimaced, shrugging his shoulders when Stark turned his glare on him. “He saw it on Twitter, what was I supposed to do, lie?!

“Uh, yeah, obviously!” Stark screeched, and Pepper patted his shoulder consolingly.

“What’s a BBL?” Past-Bucky whispered to the person next to him. He thinks she’s Stark’s event planner, but he could be mistaken.

She winced. “A Brazilian Butt Lift. But don’t worry, dear, anyone who’s seen the wartime footage in the Smithsonian knows it isn’t true.”

Well, then… he’ll just take that as a compliment and not think too deeply about it.

Steve swayed to the music, his eyes closed while he continued to belt the love song out with its modified lyrics.

“Give your pickles to me  //  I'll give my tomatoes to you  //  You're my best guy and my boyfriend  //  If I lose, you cheated, you know it’s true  //  'Cause I give you all of me  //  But you still cheat at Monopoly, ohhh.”

“I do not!” past-Bucky huffed indignantly. Which is true, because it’s technically future-self who cheats at Monopoly with Winter’s help.

“How many times do I have to tell you? //  Even when you're scarfing down tacos, you're beautiful too  //  The world is beating you down, I'm around   //  Let's beat those bastards into a pulp  //  You're my downfall, you're my muse  //  My best distraction, my Bucky, my boo  //  I can't stop crying, it's blinding  //  I'm obsessed with you, oooh.”

He wasn’t lying either…even from his weird angle backstage, past-Bucky could see the tears rapidly falling down Steve’s face.

“My head's under water, but I'm breathin' fine  //  You're crazy beautiful, and I'm drunk out of my mind.”

And while past-Bucky was curious to see where Steve was going to go with the rest of the lyrics, it became clear fairly quickly that he wouldn’t be able to continue, the Super Soldier breaking out into loud sobs, mumbling Bucky’s name repeatedly under his breath.

“Okay, let’s get you home, pal,” past-Bucky murmured, coming to stand next to Steve. He placed a hand gently on his shoulder only for the blonde to violently shrug it off.

“Unhand me you swine!” Steve growled, squinting at past-Bucky through his watery eyes. “Or my boyfriend will beat you up. He used to be an assassin, you know. Best in the world, said so himself.”

Past-Bucky fondly rolled his eyes but obligingly dropped his hand down to his side. “I am Bucky, ya punk.”

“Oh,” the blonde sniffed, wiping at his eyes. “You’re a jerk, by the way.” Steve poked Bucky in the chest. “But can I talk to my boyfriend, please? I miss him.”

“I am your boyfriend, Stevie,” past-Bucky groaned. “Good lord, you cannot be that drunk so quickly, I refuse to believe it.”

Steve stubbornly jutted his chin out. “No. You’re my best pal. I want my boyfriend, please.”

 He’s just drunk, there’s no way he can tell…right?

“Steve, I am Bucky, your best pal and your boyfriend,” past-Bucky foolishly tried again.

“You’re not my Bucky!” Steve wailed, tearing up again. “My Bucky doesn’t strut. I know the difference, okay? I love you all, but give me my Bucky back. Or else.”

“Oh my god, jeez, no need for the threats, okay, hold on.”

Guess this was his karma for causing a public scene when he probably should have just told future-self to confront Steve privately.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes, allowing future-self to retake control.

“Steve?” Bucky whispered, opening his eyes. That was only the second time he’d given up control to one of his former-selves, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the feeling of watching his life play out like a movie in front of his own eyes.

“Bucky!” Steve cried, throwing himself into Bucky’s arms. “I missed you, did you like my song, should I sing another? Wait, no I’m hungry. Oh my god, Bucky, you’re here, hi.”

“Food is a good idea,” Thor said with a nervous chuckle, coming to stand next to them. “The Captain drank enough to get Her Majesty drunk so…”

Yikes.

“No, I want to keep partying!” Steve yelled, leaning back to glare at Bucky.

“How about we take the party to somewhere more lowkey?” Stark suggested, glancing pointedly at Steve. “Where there’s no risk of starting any more incidents.”

“Can Bucky come?” Steve pleaded, his eyes wide and his lips set in a pout. “Pretty please?”

“We would be honored to party with Barnes!” Thor placed his arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Come, Captain, let’s get you cleaned up so you can look your absolute best for your Prince, okay?”

“Bucky is a King,” Steve hotly argued, but thankfully allowed Thor to pull him along.

“So… has Cap ever been drunk before?” Stark asked, raising an eyebrow as they watched Thor lead Steve out to a waiting car. “I’m going to assume ‘yes’ since you seem fairly unbothered by this whole shit show.”

“He’s Irish,” Bucky scoffed before following the pair out the doors. 

The remainder of the party involved watching Steve inhale an impressive amount of food, drink gallons of water, and ‘accidentally’ break thousands of dollars worth of items in the Tower while Stark flittered anxiously around him, unintentionally causing more damage with his constant fussing.

Bucky ensured Steve didn’t injure anyone or himself but otherwise allowed the man to run free, relieved to finally see his boyfriend let loose after so long. Under Pepper’s watchful eye, the kids were allowed one glass of Asgardian alcohol each, and the tipsy trio spent over an hour teaching a drunken Steve various dances from something called TikTok. They tried to get Bucky to join, but he waved them off, too invested in his competition with Clint where they tried to sink the craziest beer pong trick shot (they asked Maria to judge, but she eventually called it as a tie, though Bucky believed she was just tired of watching them… or concerned over the dangerous situations they kept putting themselves in).

Valkyrie challenged Steve to a sing-off on the karaoke machine since he stole her turn at the party, but it quickly delved into a competition between Thor/Steve and Valkyrie/Bruce. Surprisingly, while all four of them had decent singing voices, Thor and Steve were the undisputed winners with a haunting rendition of “Queen of Mean” from some Disney movie Bucky mentally added to his ‘to-watch’ queue. 

Stark strictly forbade any mention of the word ‘birthday’ during the after party, a rule the guests took to heart. Steve appeared to have forgotten the drama from earlier in the evening and was nothing but smiles and laughter for the rest of the night.

But Stark’s declaration didn’t stop Maria, Pepper, and Natasha from cornering Bucky on his way back to the common area from the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” Maria whispered, the quartet standing closest together to avoid being overheard.

“We are really sorry about how everything went down,” Pepper added meekly. “We wanted to tell you outright, but Steve was stubborn.”

‘Pretends to be shocked,’ past-Bucky sarcastically scoffed from behind him.

“That’s Steve for ya,” Bucky smirked.

“And for the record, I was the one who lied about the planetarium, not Steve, he wasn’t involved in that at all,” Natasha said. She rudely shushed him when he gasped in outrage (and she didn’t know, of course, but Winter and past-Bucky echoed his outrage in perfect unison which forced him to smother down a smile). “I’m sorry, but I needed you out of the way so Sam and I could corner Steve for an intervention… not much good that did, though.”

Bucky grinned softly at the three women in front of him, touched by their concern. “Well, I don’t wanna say much until I talk to Steve about everything… when he’s sober, of course. But I’m not upset.” He laughed at their matching dubious looks. “I’m mad he lied about the Pegasus birth, yes. It’s childish, but I caused a scene because I was annoyed with how he’s handled the entire situation, not because I was legitimately distraught over it, if that makes sense.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “So, he’s a stubborn little shit, and you’re the drama queen who’s only dramatic for shits and giggles?”

“Basically,” Bucky shrugged unapologetically. “To be fair, I did not expect..” he waved a hand towards the common area where Steve was loudly taunting Thor over some drinking game (hopefully with watered-down liquor or actual water, otherwise Bucky’s gonna need to conduct his own intervention soon), “all this to happen as a result.”

“Karma works in mysterious ways,” Pepper giggled.

After checking the hall to make sure they were still alone, he leaned towards Maria who always had the scoop on the technology side of things. “How’s the fallout on the Internet? Did Stevie make new enemies in the Stark PR department?”

The three women smirked in response, and Bucky tensed, resisting the urge to take a step back. “Well, fortunately his little karaoke stunt right after has everyone assuming his interrupted speech was nothing more than the ramblings of a drunken man.”

‘If only they knew the truth,’ Winter cackled.

“But…” Bucky added, knowing there was more to the story.

Pepper shrugged nonchalantly. “We’re planning to make sure no one even remembers that part of the evening by the time this party is over. Now, I want to see you and Natasha face off with Tony and Sam in that dance game he bought ‘Peter and Wanda’ for Christmas.” She didn’t even need to use quotes around the kids' names; it’s common knowledge throughout the Tower that Tony not-so-secretly bought the game for himself. “Their egos are getting too big since they keep outscoring everyone else.”

Bucky and Natasha locked eyes, each raising an eyebrow in challenge.

“You better bring it, Widow.”

She snapped her fingers in his face. “Oh, it’s already been broughten, Barnes.”

Bucky grinned viciously, and she looped her arm through his. “Ready to make two grown men cry?”

Her answering smile wasn’t one someone would call friendly. “Always, Barnes. Always.”

Bucky heard Steve groan from under the mountain of blankets on their bed, only a tuft of blonde hair peeking out.

“You alright there, bub?” Bucky smirked, yanking the covers down so Steve’s face was visible.

“I feel awful,” Steve muttered, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Hangover?” Bucky asked with some surprise. As far as he knew, Steve didn’t drink anymore Asgardian liquor after the initial time, and between the sheer amount of water and food he consumed, his body should have fully processed the alcohol while he slept. 

Steve sat up and took a moment to consider the question before shaking his head. “No, I think I just need a scalding shower to wash the stench of alcohol and embarrassment off, and I’ll be fine in that regard.” He held his clasped hands in his lap and hung his head. “I’m mortified by how I acted, though, Buck, honestly.”

“I don’t think there are TOO many videos circling the internet,” Bucky grinned teasingly. “Peter got a good one of you doing some TikTok dance called ‘the Wap’... I haven’t seen the video yet, though. I was a bit distracted during the time when they were teaching you.”

The blonde frowned, tilting his head in thought. “They made me do so many dances, I don’t remember any specific one. But that’s not what I meant anyways.”

“Okay, well, how about we talk about it over lunch?” Bucky suggested, holding his hand out to his boyfriend. “I already had some things brought up for you, so everything is on the table. Ya know, assuming the babies didn’t eat it all already.”

Steve looked at Bucky in confusion but accepted his hand. “Why aren’t you mad at me? I’m surprised you can even look at me after what I put you through.”

‘God, he is so dramatic,’ Winter scoffed.

Past-Bucky snorted. ‘Uh, like you have any room to talk, pal.’

‘None of us have room to talk,’ Bucky quickly interjected before his former-selves could start quarreling. Again. ‘We’re all dramatic.’

‘Speak for yourself,’ Winter huffed.

‘I am, ha!’ Bucky cried, smoothly putting an end to that argument.

“Buck?” Steve called when Bucky didn’t respond. 

They sat down at the breakfast bar where Bucky had a variety of sandwiches and chips laid out from the catering service Stark had set up in the common area. The birthday presents from the party were all on the floor in the living room, and it physically pained Bucky to not open anything yet; the former-assassin agreed last night that the others should come over sometime this afternoon so they could all watch Steve open the gifts since he was too drunk to do it last night. He’s sure they also want answers, but Bucky wants presents, so he deemed it a fair trade.

“Oh, sorry,” he startled, shaking his head in an attempt to refocus on the conversation. “Got lost in thought.”

“No worries,” Steve smiled softly. “But can you please yell at me now, seriously, you’re killing my nerves.”

“I am absolutely appalled you lied to me about the Pegasus birth,” Bucky deadpanned, shaking his finger in Steve’s face.

“Ha, ha, you’re a real comedian,” Steve scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“No, but seriously, if you ever lie about baby animals again, I’ll attach weights to your shield and toss it out of a plane into the middle of the ocean near the site of an active volcano,” Bucky threatened, being completely truthful. "Good luck finding it, then."

Steve’s eyes widened, his face paling. “Duly noted.”

Bucky beamed. “Good, glad we got that straightened out. But Stevie, what were you thinking with this whole charade? I just can’t figure that part out.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked hesitantly, his eyes focused on the food in front of them.

The former-assassin scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Pal. I’ve known all along the July 4th party was also for your birthday.”

“What!” Steve gasped, his mouth dropping open. “Who told you?! It was Natasha, wasn’t it? I knew she was in on this whole thing.”

“Uh, highly offended he doesn’t think we can figure it out on our own,’ Winter snarled. ‘What the fuck!!'

‘Don’t take it personally, Winter,’ past-Bucky soothed. ‘It’s because he wouldn’t figure it out on his own if our positions were reversed.’

“Uh, no, Stevie. Twas the almighty Google.”

Steve blinked. “What.”

Bucky sighed, shaking his head. “Winter and past-Bucky said the kids got all weird a few weeks ago when we were baking… Peter asked me for ideas on what to get you for your birthday, and I laughed, saying it was way too early to be figuring that out. They shared an ‘oh no’ type look when my back was turned, and then Peter flew out of the apartment with the most ridiculous excuse ever.”

“He went down to Tony’s lab,” Steve muttered, chewing on his lip.

“Makes sense, he pretty much always goes to Stark when he has a problem he can’t solve,” Bucky nodded. “So, when the kids left, the others told me about what they witnessed. Naturally, past-Bucky was very adamant your birthday wasn’t coming up, and he instantly showed a decade worth of receipts as proof, as Peter would say. And while Winter was mostly on his side, he still felt like something was off about the whole thing. So, as Wanda taught us to do when we have a general question we can’t answer -”

“You googled it,” Steve snorted, shaking his head. He smiled adoringly at Bucky, placing his hand on Bucky's thigh. “You're so smart and savvy, Buck, good lord.”

‘You’re welcome,’ Winter growled - he’d been the one to suggest the idea in the first place.

“Yes, well, one of us has to be,” Bucky sniffed, lifting his nose in the air.

‘Yes, it’s me,’ Winter bragged. ‘Not you.’

‘You’re never going to let this go, are you?’ past-Bucky groaned.

‘Hmm, let me think about it,’ Winter hummed. ‘No.’

Steve lightly smacked his shoulder. “Uh huh. Surprised you didn’t confront me right then.”

“I was tempted, especially with everyone acting so weird all of a sudden… including you... especially you,” Bucky confessed. He accepted the tomato Steve held out to him, offering the pickle off his sandwich to complete the trade. “But, after a few days of pondering, we understood what the issue was and why it was an issue for you… what we did not realize at the time, though, was how awfully you were going to handle the whole thing.”

“I didn’t want you to lie for me,” Steve whispered, his voice small. “I knew I’d have to admit the truth at some point, but I thought if I could get through this one day, then I’d have less pressure on me to figure out how to handle everything without making it into a big deal. And Buck, I was just so embarrassed I let them change that aspect of my history, and I didn’t want you to judge me for not being able to stand up for myself. Which is ridiculous, looking back, but I panicked, and I’m sorry for how I treated you as a result.”

“Steve,” Bucky scoffed, bumping his shoulder against the blonde’s. “You’re so dumb sometimes, I swear.” At Steve’s affronted expression, Bucky could only roll his eyes. “Baby, I’ve been lying on your behalf practically since the day we met, and I certainly wouldn’t judge you over something I am sure you were pressured to do. And even if you weren’t pressured and it was your idea, I honestly wouldn’t care about something so silly.”

“You covered me for little small white lies here and there,” Steve countered, his eyes narrowing. “Not for something this big.”

‘He's… he’s joking, right?’ past-Bucky stammered. ‘Please, future-self, set this man straight, dear lord, he cannot be this dense.’

Bucky stood up and started pacing a line across the living room, listing only a small handful of the times he’s covered for Steve’s reckless ass. 

“No, Ma, Steve didn’t get that shiner from a bully. He got hit in the face during a pick-up game of baseball cuz the sun was in his eyes, and he couldn’t see the ball.”

“Yes, Father John, the curtains caught on fire out of nowhere all on their own, not because Stevie and I were playing with matches right next to them. It must be demons, just like Stevie said.”

“Hi, Mrs. Rogers, can Stevie spend the night? It’s not because we broke into my Pa’s liquor cabinet and we’re scared you’ll smell the whiskey on him the second he walks through the door, he’s just too tired to make his way down a few streets.”

“Steve Rogers didn’t have a reckless bone in his body until he got the serum, Colonel Phillips, I swear it. Must be a side-effect.”

“Of course, Morita, Rogers has definitely taken formal driving lessons like he said. He was twenty-five when he enlisted, dummy, it’s not like he learned how to drive from my Ma teaching him out in the country when we were visiting my extended family.”

“Yes, Natasha, it’s true that Steve learned how to hotwire a car in Nazi Germany, and not from sweettalking my Pa into teaching him ‘just cuz’ when we were teenagers.”

“No officer, I don’t know anything about a monkey stolen from the zoo. My best friend and I definitely didn’t steal it after sneaking in after dark with the sole motive to free the blasted thing from captivity.”

“Hey, that little guy was definitely being picked on and bullied by the others because he was the smallest!” Steve interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest. “And the zookeepers clearly weren’t giving him enough to eat, we did the right thing.”

Bucky came to a stop in front of his stubborn boyfriend. “He was a baby, of course he was the smallest!”

“Well, I beg to differ, but regardless, your Aunt Glenda loved Little Lulu until they tragically died in a house fire the following year.” He bowed his head. “May they rest in peace.”

“My point, Steve,” Bucky huffed, trying to keep his expression serious, “is that I would much rather lie for you than be lied to.”

“That’s fair,” Steve mumbled, looking down at the floor. He suddenly lifted his head, his eyes widening. “But what about everything you said during the party? Ya know… before I stupidly chugged Thor’s entire flask.”

Bucky smirked widely, shrugging his shoulders. “Past-Bucky was pissed about the entire situation, especially compared to Winter and I. So, he insisted it was his time to shine.”

‘Kinda pissed he stole my limelight, if we’re gonna be honest,” past-Bucky admitted with an aggrieved sigh.

‘You were decent,’ Winter complimented in his unique way. ‘Much better than Barnes would have done, but that was to be expected.’

‘Aw, thanks Winter, that’s sweet of you,’ past-Bucky obnoxiously cooed. ‘Definitely feel bad about what almost happened, though, thank goodness we stopped Steve in time. Can you imagine the fallout if he told the truth in front of everyone like that?!’

“And shine he did,” Steve laughed, pulling Bucky closer. "Though, I guess I should have realized he was putting on a show from the beginning. Recognized him right away, but I forgot how much he loved drama... and I definitely felt guilty enough over everything to eat it right up."

“Well, he does feel awful about the scene you almost caused as a result of his performance,” Bucky confessed, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck. He leaned forward, stealing a much-needed kiss. “If you want to keep pretending your birthday is July 4th, then that’s fine. If you wanna tell the truth about your birthday being September 4th, then that’s also fine by me… but if you ever decide you wanna come clean, you probably shouldn’t lead with ‘the government is lying to you’.”

‘But I was quite interested to hear that particular speech, though, make him tell it now,’ Winter complained irritably.

“Not my finest moment,” Steve blushed, running a hand through his already messy hair. 

There was suddenly a commotion in the living room, and the two jumped apart, blinking in confusion when they saw more than half the Avengers stepping off the elevator into the apartment.

‘Also, Barnes, for the love of yourself, please learn to pay attention to your surroundings!’ Winter snickered. ‘What is that phrase the kids say? The dog is out of the bag?’

‘It’s the cat is out of the bag,’ past-Bucky sighed. ‘Good luck, future-self, this oughta be fun. But hey, the cat is out of the bag, yay.’

“MR. CAPTAIN STEVE!” Peter gasped, walking out of the elevator and almost tripping over his own feet. He looked faint, his face rapidly paling. “What do you mean your birthday isn’t July 4th?!”

“Is this what you meant by the government is lying to us?” Wanda asked, her eyes wide.

Stark pointed an accusing finger at the blonde. “How are you not hungover! What is this sorcery?”

“Does this mean I should return your gift?” Thor questioned, rubbing his chin. “Or take it back to New Asgard and save it for your real birthday?”

“No!” Bucky shouted, Steve flinching at the loud sound so close to his ear. “Heh, consider how many birthday gifts he missed because he was in the ice. Or back in the day when he had no friends. It’s all very sad and tragic if you think about it.”

“Gee, thanks, Buck,” Steve grumbled.

“Shut up, Stevie, this isn’t about you,” Bucky hissed viciously into Steve’s ear. He smiled pleasantly at the others. “I’m just sayin’, he should definitely have two birthdays for the next few years to make up for the decades of birthdays he missed.”

“Wait, Pepper, who won the anonymous betting pool?” Caleb asked, and Bucky sent him a grateful smile for changing the subject and shifting the attention away from him.

“Not me,” Natasha groaned, leaning against Clint’s shoulder. “I really had my money on Barnes knowing July 4th was his birthday this whole time and deciding to troll us about it.”

“It was a good guess, hun,” Clint said, kissing her cheek. “I’m sure a lot of us thought the same.”

'She's technically right, too,' past-Bucky snickered.

“The winner is, of course, moi,” Stark boasted, raising his hand in the air.

Pepper peered down at her phone. “Actually, no. It’s you and Bruce.”

Stark’s mouth dropped open, his expression darkening. “I know how I figured it out, but how did you figure it out, Brucey?! Did Barnes tell you?”

Bruce frowned, his expression puzzled. “No, I used logic. How did you figure it out?”

“I hired a P.I.,” Stark said nonchalantly, like hiring a private investigator to win a bet was a completely normal thing to do. “After a LOT of digging, she found Captain’s original birth certificate. Now, please describe for the class how you reached this same conclusion using ‘logic’.”

"Are we all going to ignore how Tony cheated?" Wanda grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's not cheating if you win," Stark shamelessly retorted. "Please continue, Bruce."

“Well, for the simple answer,” Bruce responded, gesturing towards Bucky with his hand. “No one knows Steve Rogers better than Bucky Barnes. Bucky Barnes clearly does not believe Steve’s birthday is July 4th, hence, July 4th is not Steve’s birthday.”

“And the long answer?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Combine the simple answer with the fact that Captain America was created both literally and figuratively during a major world war, and what better way to make him appear more symbolic and patriotic than by having his birthday be the same day as America’s Independence Day? And, guys think about it." Bruce gazed imploringly around the room. "What are the chances the person who became Captain America was born on his country’s Independence Day? Out of 364 other days in the year, that’s honestly hard to believe.”

Bucky nodded firmly. “That was my reasoning, too. Also explained why Steve was acting so shifty about it all. I’m the only person alive who knows the truth of his birthday without a shadow of a doubt.”

“And why didn’t you just simply tell us the truth, Cap?” Stark asked, tilting his head.

Steve frowned and pointed at Peter, the youngest Avenger looking like he was moments away from bursting into tears.

“Oh, no!” Peter squeaked, his eyes widening when everyone turned to stare at him in concern. “I don’t care if Steve’s birthday isn’t actually July 4th… I just feel guilty cuz we’ve been treating Bucky like he’s the one who has been wrong this whole time instead of trusting that he knew what he was talking about.”

“Aw, come here, buddy.” Bucky held his arms wide, his heart swelling with fondness.

Peter rushed into his arms for a hug, resting his cheek on Bucky’s shoulder. “But can Steve open presents now? I finally found something awesome, and I can’t wait til he sees it.”

“An excellent idea, kiddo,” Bucky hummed, using his hair to hide his eager grin lest someone becomes suspicious over his intense interest over Steve's presents. “Come on, birthday boy, let’s get started.”

‘Our time has come,’ Winter all but whimpered. ‘Harpoon gun, you will finally be ours, and we will cherish you for eternity.’

‘What if Thor didn’t get Steve a harpoon gun after all?’ past-Bucky had the courage to ask.

‘We will order one on the google,’ Winter quickly countered. ‘I have helpfully put together a list of the top models in preparation for disappointment.’

‘Oh joy,’ past-Bucky mumbled.

‘Hush, you two,’ Bucky scolded. ' Pay attention.

“You good, Buck?” Steve softly asked when Bucky handed him the first gift. The former-assassin decided to go from smallest to largest presents, knowing he wouldn't pay attention if Steve started with the biggest first (either because he'd be too excited or too disappointed, impossible to tell just yet).

“I’m always okay when I’m with you,” Bucky murmured, kissing his cheek.

‘That’s nice and all, but… harpoon,’ Winter sighed forlornly, gazing longingly at the pile of presents. ‘Let’s not forget the mission, Barnes, keep your head in the game.’

“In time, pal, in time,’ past-Bucky promised, throwing his arm around Winter’s shoulder and pressing a firm kiss to his cheek.

“Boo!” their friends jeered from their positions around the living room, Stark throwing a rolled up piece of paper at them while Natasha pretended to barf.

“It’s my birthday, and I’ll kiss my boyfriend if I want to,” Steve sang, ignoring their protests and sweeping Bucky into a heart stopping kiss.

“Wow,” Bucky breathed when they broke apart, smiling dazedly at Steve.

'Pay attention!' Winter and past-Bucky mocked at the same time.

Thor hands down won the unofficial gift-giving challenge, easily taking the crown with not one but two harpoon guns.

"I thought you guys could use them together..." Thor hesitantly explained at Steve's confused look when he tore off the wrapping paper to reveal the weapons.

Bucky would have answered for him, but he was too busy crying into Peter's shoulder to formulate a response.