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Soobin had been to fancy galas, formal dinners, and even a pretty wild MAMA afterparty, but this was his first red carpet. It wasn’t even his red carpet, if he was being technical. It was Yeonjun’s but it was the first time Soobin was accompanying him.
It was a little (read: lot) scary to think about being in front of that many people—that many cameras. It wasn’t like his and Yeonjun’s relationship wasn’t public, it had been for almost an entire year now, but Soobin had actively avoided most high profile events such as movie premieres. As an idol, Yeonjun got invited to nearly every event under the sun, but he hadn’t been allowed a plus one to anything until just a few weeks ago.
Yeonjun had immediately asked Soobin if he’d be comfortable joining him for the movie premiere, and while Soobin’s introverted brain wanted to protest, his heart couldn’t deny his boyfriend of such an important ask. He knew what it would mean to Yeonjun if he went, he knew that his presence calmed the elder in times of high stress or vulnerability, and so of course Soobin granted his request.
Plus, he would never turn down an opportunity to see his boyfriend under the shining lights, glowing like the actual real life pop star he was. He also had never seen a red carpet in person, only through a screen, and he couldn’t lie, he was actually a little excited the closer it got to time.
Everything about Yeonjun’s life was fast. That was one of the biggest things that Soobin had only had an inkling of understanding about. He only experienced it secondhand after all, through Yeonjun’s storytelling, or the videos he sent, or the constant updates and changes to his weekly schedules. The sheer amount of rehearsals, fittings, interviews, networking events, and content creation the boy had to do made Soobin’s head spin.
He much preferred his quiet life of a third-year university student studying behavioural psychology and spending his nights in his cozy little apartment. He didn’t anticipate such turbulence being injected into his life when he met Yeonjun, but here they were, nearly two years later and Soobin was wearing cuff links.
The stylist noona that had been assigned to get him ready was doing a quick and efficient job, fluttering around Soobin like a hummingbird. She, too, moved very fast. Soobin had never felt prettier before in his life, his hair styled off his forehead and his cheeks glistening with something the stylist had called highlighter. Soobin only knew the type of highlighter you wrote with.
His suit was tailored to his form and he had never worn something so expensive before, save for a ridiculously fancy watch that Yeonjun gifted him on their one-year anniversary. He was wearing it now, and he smiled when he glanced down at it.
He hadn’t seen Yeonjun yet, but he knew that he arrived later due to his schedule. He kept checking his phone for updates, but the last text was from an hour ago and was simply Yeonjun exclaiming excitedly about how happy Soobin was going to be there with him on the carpet.
And that was the crux of it, really. While Soobin wouldn’t voluntarily go to a red carpet alone, he would do it for Yeonjun. To see Yeonjun so happy to have him, how could he possibly deny him? Soobin loved him, and Yeonjun did his best to be there for him in his big moments, and it was only right that Soobin do the same for the idol.
The nerves were simmering under his skin a little, but Soobin did his best to ignore them as he was dismissed and directed to Yeonjun’s dressing room. Soobin was used to being shuffled around—everyone had somewhere to be and everyone was apparently running five minutes behind at all times—and followed the staffer obediently. The wound through unfamiliar hallways and Soobin did his best not to gawk and gape at everything they passed.
There were a lot of famous people in the rooms he was passing, and it made his heart beat rapidly against his chest. He really hoped he didn’t break out in a sweat and ruin his stylist’s hard work.
Thankfully, the arrived at Yeonjun’s room and a blast of cool a/c air hit Soobin in the face as he walked in. He lifted his head and immediately found Yeonjun grinning at him through the reflection in the mirror. His back was to Soobin as his own stylist noona worked diligently on his hair. He looked beautiful, stunning even, enough to make Soobin’s thoughts glitch and fizzle out for a moment.
“Jesus, Soobin-ah, you should’ve become an idol,” Yeonjun said, breaking Soobin out of his reverie. Soobin blushed, shaking his head slightly as he walked up to stand behind the elder, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You look a-amazing, hyung,” he stammered, blushing even harder as he glanced at the staff members in the room.
Yeonjun grabbed his hand where it rested on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Soobin met his eyes again in the mirror. “You nervous?” Yeonjun asked. Soobin bit his lip, shrugging his shoulders. “As nervous as expected,” he replied. Yeonjun gave him an empathetic nod, before smiling again, sitting up a little straighter as the stylist stepped back to check over her work. “I can’t believe this is happening, Soobin-ah,” he whispered, pure, innocent excitement in his voice.
Soobin chuckled, caressing the back of Yeonjun’s neck. “What, you going on a red carpet? Isn’t this like, your seventh one?” he teased. Yeonjun rolled his eyes, reaching his hand around to pinch Soobin’s side. The younger dodged it, chuckling and taking a few steps back. “I can’t believe you’re here with me,” Yeonjun clarified, eyes sparkling in the reflection. Soobin decided he was tired of looking at Yeonjun through the mirror and moved around to stand in front of him.
Somehow, he looked even better, the mirror filtering out the gentle shimmer on his cheekbones and the brightness in his eyes. His stylist stepped aside then and Yeonjun rose to his full height, moving closer to Soobin. He reached out to run his fingers over his blazer, smiling softly. When he lifted his eyes to meet Soobin’s they were soft too. “You doing okay?” he asked quietly.
Soobin blushed at the tenderness, seeing the serious gleam in Yeonjun’s eyes. He was looking out for the other, checking in. It made the love Soobin felt toward him grow even stronger. “There’s a lot of people here,” he replied, laughing a little.
Yeonjun chuckled, resting his hand flat on Soobin’s chest as he lifted himself up to kiss him gently. “You’re going to be the star of the show,” he whispered. Soobin rolled his eyes, willing the blush on his ears to go down. “Pretty sure Beomgyu is the star of the show,” he said.
The elder giggled, slipping his hand into Soobin’s and kissing his cheek. “You’re the star of the show to me,” he amended. Soobin let him get away with it.
It was only a few seconds later that the two of them were being shuffled out the door, Yeonjun’s manager barking into a phone and haphazardly moving everyone along. There were dozens of people who apparently had the same idea as them and Soobin gripped Yeonjun’s hand tightly, afraid of getting separated.
Thankfully, the idol seemed to fear the same thing, and kept Soobin as close as he could without tripping him. He was used to the chaos, weaving through the crowd like water runs through a stream, and Soobin just did his best to follow. His heart was beating fast as he tried not to get too overwhelmed by all the shouting and loud music and hum of the crowd just a wall away it felt.
Being one of the tallest attendees meant that Soobin had a clear view of just how packed the event was. Even as people started to separate off to their own teams again, it didn’t lessen Soobin’s building anxiety at all. His hand nearly slipped out of Yeonjun’s grip, but thankfully the boy locked their fingers together, pulling Soobin over to where the stylists were waiting for last minute touch ups.
Soobin’s eyes swivelled around quickly as he tried to take everything in, tried to appreciate the unique perspective he was being granted, even though the only thing he wanted to do was hide in his apartment until his anxiety went away. He didn’t think it would be as bad as it was, given he was with Yeonjun, but it appeared that not even his boyfriend could calm him down.
He did his best to shove his feelings down though, because he was here for Yeonjun. He wanted to be a supportive boyfriend, and he knew how special this was to his own. As the stylists fluttered around them, he felt Yeonjun squeeze his hand. He instantly looked over at him, and Yeonjun gave him an encouraging smile. “Five minutes tops, and then we’ll be in the safety of the theatre,” he reminded.
Soobin nodded, not trusting his voice to stay steady, and readjusted his hold on Yeonjun’s hand.
They waited for a bit until they got the go-ahead, and then Yeonjun was pulling him along to the entrance of the carpet, pausing for only a moment to give Soobin a radiant smile. Soobin did his best to return it, smoothing out any signs of anxiety or fear from his face, and braced himself.
The first thing he noticed was the lights. They were actually blinding. He couldn’t see anything at first, and as he blinked, his ears processed the noise. It was so loud he swore the lights were shaking, causing his vision to blur a little as he somehow walked steadily with Yeonjun.
The sound of the cameras, the music, the shouts of reporters, and the cheers of fans all culminated into one ridiculously loud cacophony of sound that made Soobin’s entire body tense up. But this was not the time to have an anxiety attack.
He put on his best smile and just focused on Yeonjun’s back, following him to the centre of the carpet where they then stopped. Yeonjun spun to smile at Soobin, and he looked so happy that it actually made Soobin forget about his anxiety for a second. He smiled back, genuinely, and let Yeonjun move him until they were standing side by side. Yeonjun let go of his hand to loop an arm around his waist, and Soobin did his best not to fall over.
As the lights and cameras flashed, Soobin felt his brain start to turn off. He couldn’t register the words being shouted at him, he didn’t know where to look for photos, and he flinched when someone threw a rose in his direction. It was all so overstimulating, and there was absolutely nothing he could do.
Even the pressure of his boyfriend as they began to walk again didn’t help the way his mind was closing in on itself. It was too much.
As they exited the carpet, Soobin felt like his body wasn’t his own, his mind trapped in a pool of anxiety so thick he couldn’t find a way out. He moved blindly, unaware, until Yeonjun was pulled away from, that is.
Immediately, his head shot up and his wide eyes sought out his boyfriend, the only familiar thing to ground him. The elder was being directed toward a row of reporters, while Soobin was being pushed toward the theatre by staffers. “Hyung!” he called out helplessly. Yeonjun twisted to look at him, before quickly running over, much to the annoyance of the reporters.
“I have to give a few interviews, sweetheart, I’ll meet you in the theatre!” he rushed, leaning in to give Soobin a measly side hug before jogging back to the reporters. Soobin opened his mouth to protest, but before he could get a word out he was being forcefully pushed into the theatre. His eyes welled up with tears as he lowered his head, following a random staffer until he got to his seat in the theatre.
He sat down, exhaling loudly and quickly wiping away his tears, not wanting to ruin his makeup. The anxiety cascaded over him and he felt himself begin to shake as his brain finally tried to process everything it had just experienced. It was overwhelming, suffocating almost, and Soobin wanted to leave.
There was an underlying guilt too, a shameful feeling building in his chest. He couldn’t do what Yeonjun did. How was he supposed to be supportive if he couldn’t even survive a stupid red carpet? Was he that weak?
Or were he and Yeonjun’s lives just too different?