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"He needed more than me. I'm friendly and thoughtful and quite awfully pretty- But he needed more than me"
Sky was alone, sitting on the stairs in an alcove far away from where students usually walk. The all consuming fear of abandonment was seeping into his bones and made his entire body feel like a coil wound far too tight. His hands were shaking where they were running through his hair as he tried to soothe himself. It was getting closer and closer to the for his next class, but he couldn't will himself to go. He didn't want to face his friends, not when he was still a live wire of emotion.
"It's too early to be so loud- do you come with a mute button?"
It was stupid, he was stupid. It wasn't even that a deal- it was early and they had been drinking the night before. He didn't even realize he was getting to be that much, caught up in whatever it was he was rambling on about. They had a right to ask him to pipe down, and he shouldn't be so fucking upset by it.
Sky was used to getting on people's nerves. He was always too loud, too stupid, too much. He didn't go a day in primary school without getting reprimanded for talking in class. He knew he was annoying, it was basically his biggest personality trait. His friends thought it was funny most of the time, but even they got fed up with him- of course they did. He'd get fed up too. God why was he so fucking much?
He heard footsteps from around the corner and jerked up, forcing his bouncing leg to still and pushing down all the emotions that made him want to scream. Of course it was Jao, the one person he couldn't let see him like this, because the universe decided he needed to be punished.
"P'Sky?" He looked concerned, and boy if that didn't make Sky feel worse, "Are you okay?"
He shoved his shaking hands behind his back, trying to mask it by leaning back against them, "Course I am, I just.. uh. Didn't feel like going to class is all."
Jao did not look convinced, looking at him with those stupidly wide eyes. He felt himself squirm under his gaze, looking down at the floor to avoid his boyfriend's gaze.
"P'Sky.." he climbed the stairs to sit beside him, grabbing Sky's hand and holding it in his lap, "P'Sky you're shaking."
Sky looked up but as soon as he did he turned away again. Jao grabbed his other hand, gently rubbing his thumb over the tops of his knuckles. It was so fucking sweet Sky could have cried. He didn't deserve this, not when he was just being dramatic.
"It's fine, Angel, I'm just being stupid," he tried for a grin but it was tight and Jao was clearly not convinced.
"You're not stupid." It wasn't a question, but Sky still answered with a shrug. Jao tugged at his hands lightly, but Sky still wouldn't look at him. He was being so fucking stupid, he had to get control of himself. Jao was going to get annoyed and realize how much trouble Sky really was and then where would he be?
"Sorry," he said on reflex, squeezing Jao's hand in a vain attempt to stop the shaking.
Jao just squeezed it back, patient and gentle in a way that made Sky's chest ache, "you don't have to be sorry. Just tell me what's wrong."
He was quiet for a moment, and Jao just kept holding his hands as he waited. Finally, he pulled one hand back to run through his hair again, legs bouncing of their own accord. "There, uh, there was a game last night, I watched it on my phone at the bar- I told you we all went last night right? yeah, so anyways. I was gonna catch Nuea and Tor up since they missed it but, ya know, it's early and they're tired and I was just too loud. Fon made a joke about me needing a mute button and. I don't know. I just.."
He didn't know how to explain the stab of pain in his chest that came with those words, not without sounding like an idiot. He knew it was dumb, he'd been told way worse before and it never phased him. Jao didn't say anything, obviously waiting for him to continue. He didn't call him stupid or tell him he was overreacting though, just sat there holding his hand.
"I guess it just. I don't know. Like," he tugged on a small lock of his hair, trying to put his thoughts into words. It was hard, given how disjointed and frantic they were. "I guess I'm just worried that this is it. That they're finally fed up with my shit. I know I push my luck a lot and I get on their nerves and I guess it's just. I just got scared that they would finally decide I wasn't worth the trouble anymore."
"Sky-"
"I know- I know I'm being stupid. They weren't even mad at me or anything, like it wasn't a big deal. I just got this stupid fucking rock in my throat and I felt like- like I could explode- I know I'm being stupid-"
He didn't even realize the hand in his hair was still pulling at it until Jao grabbed it and gently tugged it away, "stop saying that. You aren't stupid."
Sky just shrugged, suddenly quiet after his jumbled excuse for an explanation. Jao jumped in before he even had time to think he was being annoying again.
"Your friends love you. Just because you're loud sometimes isn't going to make them suddenly disappear on you. You know that don't know?" He just shrugged again, and Jao tugged at his hands trying to get him to look at him, "you aren't stupid for getting upset. You aren't annoying, or dramatic, or whatever you think, and being upset, whatever the reason, isn't going to make us think less of you. Especially not me."
That's what finally broke the dam. Tears welled up in his eyes and he jerked Jao into a tight hug. He was getting his tears on Jao's jacket but the other boy just hugged him back, rocking him gently and running his hand through his hair.
"I don't know why I'm like this. I just- fuck."
Jao shushed him softly, "it's okay P'Sky. It's okay..."
He didn't know how long he stayed like that, shaking and crying while Jao hugged him and murmured soft assurances in his ear. When his tears finally stopped slowing he pulled away. The shaking in his hands and legs had ceased, and now he found himself exhausted from the weight of his outburst. Jao just wiped the tear tracks on his cheeks and grabbed his hands again.
"'M sorry-"
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Sky. We're boyfriends, remember? I wanna see all sides of you, even the ones that hurt," he cupped his face in his hands, smiling softly, "I love you. Even when you're loud or hyper or- as rare as it is- annoying. I still love you. That doesn't go away just because you do something small like this. Your friends do too. They've been your friend long enough to know how you are, and they love you for it- not despite it. Stop thinking you're on the edge of losing them. You're stuck with all of us."
Sky huffed out a laugh, turning his face to press a small kiss to his palm. "Thank you, baby."
"Of course. Now, let's go eat. I don't have class for another hour and these stairs are uncomfortable"
Sky laughed again, letting Jao help him to his feet and lead him down the stairs by the hand. Before they turned the corner, he pulled him into another hug.
"I love you too, Jao. Don't know what I did to deserve you."
"You didn't have to do anything."
That boy who's next to me, he don't know his worth in this town