Chapter Text
Eren will never forget the excruciating pain he felt before his death.
The gun shot that took his head. The power he was given because of it.
It was a future meant souly for him - an inevitable and tragic ending of a life that was given to him for the sake of others to move forward.
His older brother, Zeke Jeager, was the last man he would ever see. The last of anything and anyone he would ever interact with. He made peace with this long ago, and yet, despite everything, he couldn't ignore the overwhelming despair that insistently ate at him with every breath he took, and it all stemmed from that exact moment; from the moment they made contact, when queen Historia showed him everything.
His father's work - his planning, his family.
The Reise family linage and all their secrets, left to remain in hiding. Once forgotten, but eventually found - robbed from everything the moment he was born into this world.
Mikasa and her tears.
Armin and his rage.
The blood. The carnage he would leave in his wake.
He remembers those sleepless nights. The thoughts of everything that was and had yet to come tearing him down little by little. Fortunately for him, he had no more tears to shed, not that he should've anyways, because who was he to mourn the lives - the millions, and millions of lives - that would end by his own hand, from a war he alone would start. A war that would never cease.
'We are born free.'
That's what he would tell himself. To keep moving. To stick with the plan. Because it was all he had.
Eren Jeager gave up everything for the sake of such a cause. For the sake of their freedom.
Of course, it wasn't easy. Every moment he spent with his comrades- his friends, his family - he cherished them. From Sasha's odd hunger, Connie's witty comments, even Jean's unbreakable spirit (as shit as he was at times). He cherished them all. From Mikasa's warm attention, Armin's longing for the unkown- those ocean hues never once straying from the light of hope, no matter how dim it was. Eren loved it, he loved them. That's why he had to throw it all away.
'We are born free.'
He needed to stay focused. He needed to remember exactly what he was fighting for.
The rumbling was a success. A sea of red left in the wake of giants and their monstrous footsteps. A path that will one day wash away in favor of never ending green, becoming nothing but a memory to those who even bother to remember.
'We are born free.'
He hugs Mikasa one last time. Promising everything and nothing, a lie she will forever cherish.
He takes Armin's hand, showed him lands of ice, mountains of scorching red, and fields of sun that man had yet to fully understand. They were kids again, laughing and running. Freer than anyone. He held him one last time before saying goodbye.
His friends, now enemies, were either dead or monsters. And it's all his fault.
Because he was born free, and nothing, no one could ever take that away from him.
...
...
...That's what he thought anyways.
That's what he thought before Ymir decided to let go of everything, just like he did.
At least that's what he thinks happened anyways. Unfortunately, what had come next is something he will never be able to truly understand.
He was alive.
Eren Jeager was alive, and young, and standing alongside those he thought he would never see again.
It was the year 847. He was apart of the 104th training squad in the Survey Corps. He was... fighting. Fighting titans. But the pain was unbearable.
He couldn't feel his arms. They were gone. But instinctively, he knew the battle wasn't over. His adrenaline wouldn't let him stop.
More. He needed more. So he keeps fighting. Exhausted, but unyielding. He was itching a familiar scratch, a craving he could only quench through violence - through blood. Titan blood. So he takes down the first one he sees, and his itch suddenly becomes an indescribable ache, because this titan was a target he could not let escape-
Because that's the titan that killed Thomas.
He unhinges his jaw, sinking his teeth into the other giant's flesh, directly into the nape. He sees a memory. Brief as it was, it was enough. He sees a young man, an Eldian, pleading for his life before turning into the very thing that lay lifeless in his ruthless maw. He saw his fear, he saw and even felt his sorrow, and for a moment he cared. But then came another. It was slow, but ready to strike, so he swings the giant body, unhinging his jaw and taking out the approaching titan in seconds.
He's ready for more. Hungry for more, but suddenly parts stop moving. It's difficult to get himself to so much as lift a finger (if he had any anyways). Thankfully, nothing else around him seems to be a threat. A victory. His first. Somehow he manages just enough strength to let out an earth rattling cry, a tumultuous r o a r that he hopes rattles the bones of anyone else who even dared to approach him.
And that was enough.
Eren finally falls, and for the first time in years everything around him grows quiet.
"He wants to kill us-"
Eren wakes up to Armin holding him up, Mikasa up front guarding the both of them in defense against the many soldiers surrounding them.
He's seen this before...
They were... arguing with them. Scared of him more specifically. Despite their threats to fire the canons, Mikasa remained firm in her stance, promising them that her techniques were truly a site to behold when it came to cutting flesh, and of course, anyone was welcomed to help her demonstrate.
Eren slowly turned away from her to the blonde beside him. Armin Alert. Young again.
What the hell?
He can't hear the words around him, so he doesn't answer when they ask him what exactly he was - A man? A titan? Eren just stares. His carelessness almost gets them killed (again). Mikasa grabs and lifts him, making a break for the walls (again), with Armin right behind her. He see's the key around his neck, the one his father gave him. A tool long forgotten.
Then it clicks.
Danger.
His family was in danger.
He thrashes himself away from Mikasa's tight grasp, brings them both to his side, and bites down hard on the hand.
He manages to save them both, much as it had the first time they went through this. His titan, rotten with flesh and bone, catches the cannon fire. The reawakening of his titan startles enough to warrant another attack, but Armin saves them. His speech is heard by none other than Pixis himself, and it's because of his friends once again he gets to see another day.
Pixis pulls him aside to ask a simple question:
"Can you seal that gate?"
Ah.
Eren looks around him, he gets a real good look of who and what surrounded him. Everything was exactly how he remembered it. It was almost as if...
Something in his head throbs. He winces a bit, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. It didn't feel right. Something... was off. Something was missing. He looks up again, into the eyes of the older man before him. The commander lifts a brow curiously. "Well?"
Eren can only nod, slow but assuring, but that was enough to give his new mission a go. He isn't given the time to thank Mikasa and Armin, something he never was able to do before either. As he follows the commander he's offered his flask. Pixis watches in aw when he downs the alcohol in a matter of seconds, and thankfully doesn't say a word when Eren hands it back to him.
Hannes does, however, mutter to himself "What the hell?" to no one in particular really, just as Eren motions for him to mind his business and get back to work.
He never takes a swing at Mikasa. He never needs Armin to wake him up when he knocks himself unconscious.
The weight of the boulder broke most of his ribs, a weight so crushing he neglected to notice the blood dripping from his mouth as his jaw clenched with focus. The pain... it was much more severe than he remembered. Was he always this sensitive when he transformed? It was mind numbing. Eren wasn't sure how he was suppressing the bile rising from his throat, something he knew shouldn't be possible. His growing sense of dread worsened because of this, but he needed to keep going. They were counting on him again after all. Armin. Mikasa. Everyone. They-
"Marco's dead."
Eren almost starts, the crushing weight above him growing heavier with every step.
Marco Bott...
He almost forgot. He was...
"GO! EREN!" Armin screams at him, and he needs to focus again. The hole, it was right in front of him. He was almost finished. He grunts, taking a final step before letting out another final, gut wrenching roar before heaving the rock towards the ground, sealing the forged entry way of the wall permanently.
Cheers go all around as he emerges from his titan. He doesn't need any aid, that's why when Levi approaches him, he allows himself to be taken in without much of a fight. Although, he does have to reassure Mikasa that he was alright, and that everything was going to be alright. That they were all going to be fine.
He holds his tongue when he see's the bodies surrounding them, from titans and man alike.
He doesn't say a word when a body cut in half is spotted hours later during the clean up. Nameless, but certainly not forgotten.
Introductions go around with even more familiar faces. Levi remains silent while his former captain, Erwin Smith, asks him to bear with the process of whats going to happen.
The trial...
He recalls his merciless beating, and he must have made a face because a bout of uncomfortable silence are given from both men. It passes thankfully, but he mentally berates himself for loosing a bit of his guard. They don't know him. He's a monster. He needed to be careful.
Eren licks his dry lips, shifting in his chains before resting his head against the wall behind him. His eyes were drooping, exhaustion once again finding a way to get a hold of him, and he's drifting off before he can really convince himself not to...
CLANG!
Eren starts. Hanji Zoe shares her warm smile through the cold bars.
She cuffs him and leads him towards the courthouse, talking on and on about something or other. Eren doesn't honestly care, because whatever it is he already more than likely knows. Mike sniffs him, but the smile never shows. Hanji hums knowingly, but does decide to stop rambling the rest of their walk.
The doors slam shut behind him when he's escorted to the podium and chained to the floor, a gun pointing directly at him the entire way.
A gavel strikes the sound block, silencing the court.
His trial begins.
"We of the Survey Corps will accept Eren as an official member," Erwin starts. "We will use his powers to capture Wall Maria." The courtroom stills for a moment, waiting for more, but nothing else comes from his request.
It's enough to cause a stir.
The defense, of course, want's him alive. Everyone else wants him dead. It's as simple as it was before. Everything was panning out exactly as it had previously. They bring up his past with Mikasa and the case of her kidnappers, how he murdered them senselessly and the possibilities of the incident showing another side to him entirely, a deadlier one.
"This has nothing to do with her!" He shouted, probably a bit louder than he needed too, but he would be damned if he ever let someone compare Mikasa to a monster like him. Because that's exactly what he was, no matter the outcome to his trial. The court grows quiet, out of fear or curiosity, he didn't know, but he took it as an opportunity to continue the speech he made so long ago.
Eren never thought of his acting skills to be much, but it seemed to do well enough to make sure things moved along-
Ah.
Even though he sees the foot coming, he was once again unprepared for the amount of force that came from it.
Teeth go missing, something in his jaw and nose 'pops', and grunts of pain echo throughout the room as Levi beats him in front of everyone. Not "discipline" as he will later be told. He beat him, and of course the shit hurt.
But they win (again) because of it. Erwin apologizes for the fact that they resorted to such drastic measures, but reassures that it was necessary.
He briefly debates about healing himself as they look him over, but decides against it, only regrowing the tooth that went missing. He needed to stay a bit on the down low, at least for the time being. Finding out first and foremost what exactly was going on before trying anything. Not to mention planning his next move, to which he spends his first night under their roof doing just that. Locked and guarded in the very same room they threw him in before so long ago.
Now that he was given the time to settle down and actually think about what has happened - about what the actual hell was happening - he did his best to recall everything that happened.
Everything.
From discovering he had a brother, to his encounter with Ymir. Eren even started to wonder if this was some kind of illusion that she was giving, but that couldn't be the case. It shouldn't be the case. She was... She wanted revenge. She wanted to be freed from her prison. She wanted...
Eren looked at the palm of his hand, remembering her touch - queen Historia's blessing. Remembering the contact that almost sent him in a spiral of pure madness.
She showed him everything, from his past, to his future, to eventually his death. Eren was ready. He was prepared to finally let it all go and just let it all be. He was free. She was free. So why was this happening?
"Ah," He sighs, covering his eyes with his arm. Tired.
Eren Jeager was tired.
He was tired of all of it: Titans, enemies, traitors - war.
Turning on his side, Eren nuzzled himself comfortingly into the single pillow given to him. Deciding for the first time in a very, very long time, to just stop. To put aside any and all thinking for another day, because while he may not be sure what was going on, a part of him wanted to laugh at how quiet it all was for him. Quiet and still. And that was the only excuse he needed to close his eyes.
That was a good enough reason to finally rest.