Chapter Text
Gabi was crying.
Erwin could hear her sobs resonating through the door from where he slumped beside it, head resting against the siding. It was a pitchy, wavering sound. Sometimes her voice caught and made her go mute for a moment. At other points, she'd run out of breath. Regardless of the reason for the pause, it never lasted for long. She always started crying again before more than ten seconds.
A particularly loud gasp echoed through the hallway. Erwin's heart constricted at the sound, but he didn't dare move. Whenever he was watching her, the girl in that room was careful not to fall apart. All he ever got to see was a scarred child made of fire and fury. She didn't speak much, but he knew that it was because she thought a devil like him would find a way to do something dastardly with her words, not because she had nothing to say.
If he tried to comfort her, she would surely rebuke him. It would also stand to push his attempts to reach her back several steps back if she took offense or misread his intentions, which she surely would. That meant that he couldn't do anything but sit there and listen to her cry.
Gabi paused, then began to let out a series of jagged cries, high-pitched but soft enough that he could barely hear them. She was quiet enough that he wouldn't be able to hear her at all if he just walked away.
Erwin sighed and turned his gaze to the tiny window embedded in the far wall. Moonlight poured through it to form a puddle on the floor only a few feet ahead of him. It would have been a pretty sight under different circumstances. Right now, it just felt fittingly melancholy.
He supposed that he didn't have to listen to her crying. The queen had provided him with a lovely little house. It was close enough to the Survey Corps headquarters for him to keep in contact easily, far enough from the closest district for his new charge to have privacy, and close enough for him to visit town easily. He hadn't yet taken the opportunity to explore the property for the sake of exploring. If he had truly given up on sleep, he could go and do that. Or he could take the opportunity to finally peruse the lovely, temptingly-full bookshelf that had come with the house. There was a stable with a couple of horses in the back; he could go visit with them for a while. If he was feeling troublesome, he might even try to tend to them a little, see if he could come up with an excuse to dismiss the aides that visited daily.
Erwin did not have to sit there helplessly listening to a child cry.
Yet he could not bring himself to stand up and walk away.
*
"It's only been a week," Levi pointed out.
Erwin sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I know," he softly said. "I just don't know how many weeks like this I can take."
Levi scoffed. "Bullshit. You'll keep up with it for as long as it takes."
Erwin's lips twitched, tempted to curl into a smile. Unfortunately, that urge could not overcome the weariness and exhaustion that had settled deep into his bones. His expression did not shift as he stared at Levi, trying to think of something to say, only for a rare occurrence to happen. He came up short.
A sigh escaped his lips as he pulled his hand out of his hair and lowered it to the table, where he ran his index finger along the rim of the delicate teacup laid out in front of him. The white porcelain glimmered faintly in the sunlight streaming through the windows. The kitchen was one of the most well-lit rooms in the house and today was a sunny day. Erwin wondered if Gabi would want to go outside if she were a little more willing to leave her room.
Erwin lifted his head and dropped his hand back to his side. He cast a glance toward the hallway, just in case, and turned his gaze back to Levi when he failed to cast so much as a glimpse of his young charge. "...She's suffering, and I don't know how to help her," he finally admitted.
"You can't," Levi said, voice curt enough that it might seem cold to someone who didn't know him so well. "She was condemned to a fate worse than death for something that she didn't do. Her only surviving family is a traitor, and she's trapped on an island of "devils". It'll take time for her to process everything, and there's not a damn thing you can say to make it happen faster or stop her from hurting."
Erwin glanced briefly down at his tea. He wanted to ask why he had asked him to take guardianship of Gabi if that were the case, but he knew the answer well enough. They needed an experienced soldier who could gain Gabi's trust and loyalty while taking care of her and making sure that nothing went wrong. Whether or not he could comfort her had never been part of the equation.
It was a flawed plan. Erwin was a tactician and a leader, not a parent. Someone who could play both roles was necessary in this situation, and no amount of experience as the former would guarantee that he wouldn't crash and burn while trying to be the latter. Yet he also knew that Levi had faith in his abilities, that he even thought it would be good for him. There was no point in arguing when his partner had made up his mind and he didn't yet have any solid evidence to prove him wrong.
Therefore, he took what felt like the wisest course of action. He looked Levi in the eyes and asked, "What do you think I should do, then?"
Levi frowned. "You know, you being retired isn't the only reason you're taking care of her and not me."
Erwin forced a tired smile, just to see the way Levi's eyes narrowed at the sight of it. "Yes, but I value your input."
The frown turned into a scowl. "I don't have any input on this," Levi said.
"You were giving me input just now; I'm simply asking you to continue. Besides." Erwin gave Levi a pointed look and pitched his voice a little lower. "You're the one who wanted me to take Gabi in. As my partner, it would hardly be fair for you to abandon me now."
Levi crossed his arms. "I'm not abandoning shit," he grumbled. "I'm just not the sort of guy who'd be any good with children."
"You did well with her returning from the mission," Erwin pointed out. "Besides, I'm not asking you to help with her directly. I just want some advice."
"You should ask Shitty Glasses. Or one of the brats who threatened to revolt for her."
"Maybe. But right now, I'm asking you."
Levi sighed and uncrossed his arms. That alone told Erwin that he'd won.
"You've always been patient; you tried to get what you want. That's what you need to do now," Levi said. "Wait for her to come to you. She'll probably be angry and scared, but I'm sure you'll find a way to work with that. Wear her down the way you do."
Erwin's gaze drifted toward the hallway. That was what he had been doing so far, but to what end? He had only actually seen Gabi a handful of times in the past week, mostly scurrying from her room to the bathroom and back. She had refused to leave her room to eat; he had been forced to leave her meals outside her door so she wouldn’t starve. He knew that he was a patient man, but given the circumstances, was it possible that she might be-
"Don't," Levi commanded.
"Don't what?" Erwin asked, looking back at him.
"Don't start worrying about how long it'll take. She's betrayed, heartbroken, and angry, and that's making her stubborn. But she's still a child. Eventually, she'll get tired and lonely, and then you'll have your chance."
"You make it sound like things will get worse for her before they get better."
"Yeah." Levi looked down at his tea. "That's how grief works. You need to hit rock bottom before you start working your way back up, let alone open up to someone you've already decided to hate."
Erwin flexed his fingers and stared down at the palm of his hand. A long, thin scar stretched across it.
"I see," he said. "Thank you, Levi. I think this will be helpful."
Levi snorted. "You could have come up with it yourself if you weren't so caught up in your own head."
This time, Erwin didn't have to force his smile. He looked back up at the same time as Levi. "Perhaps. Even so, I'm lucky to have you to set me to rights."
Levi crossed his arms again and looked out the window. "Whatever. Drink your tea before it gets cold."
*
After his conversation with Levi, two days passed without event. Day three saw Erwin puttering around the kitchen, trying to figure out what to make for lunch, when he heard the soft sound of footsteps. His first impulse was to freeze, but he forced himself to pretend that he wasn’t aware of any difference. The footsteps grew a little louder and closer as he opened a cupboard.
As he pulled out a package of bread - still soft, but likely to grow stale if he didn’t use it soon - he heard the sound of chair legs screeching against the tile floor.
He opened another cupboard and took out a board on which to cut the bread. There was shuffling in the background.
He removed the bread from its wrapper. Then, he opened a drawer and took out a knife. Clunky thuds sounded as the chair was drawn closer to the kitchen table.
Finally, as he brought the knife to the bread, a young voice demanded, “How did you lose your arm?”
Erwin’s breath caught in his throat. His mind flew to a dungeon deep in the Military Police’s headquarters, to the feeling of the cold edges of knives playing against his skin, hot tongues of flame being brought just close enough to play against his skin. He felt fire starting in his arm and spreading throughout his body as infection set in. That arm was long gone, yet for a moment, he could fill its dead weight and smell the stench of rot.
He closed his eyes.
Levi’s horrified face filled his mind. Erwin forced the image away and instead called upon the looks of concern and devotion that followed, love and loyalty that could sustain one through even the most gruesome of experiences. The gentle way he had touched him as he was healing. How he had hovered and fretted even after it was no longer necessary.
Erwin opened his eyes and pushed the knife through the bread.
“I lost it in the line of duty,” he said. It was a hideous oversimplification to say the least, but the full story was not one that he had any desire to tell a child Gabi’s age. Not even one who had endured the things that she had. Maybe even because of all the terrors that she had already experienced.
“A titan ate it?” she asked, morbid curiosity blooming in her voice. It was… perhaps not something to encourage, but it was also worlds better than what he had been getting from her so far.
It was progress.
There was a little pot of butter and a spreading knife sitting on the counter. Erwin grabbed it and set it down on the board, beside the bread. Roughly half of the loaf had been cut into slices. He grabbed the board it rested on as he turned around to face the table. Gabi was sitting pressed up against it, her feet pulled up on the chair. One of her arms wrapped around her legs. The other hand picked at her fraying yellow armband. Her expression burned with distrust, but it was not enough to hide the sparkle of curiosity buried beneath it.
Erwin set the bread down on the table. Gabi eyed it warily.
“No,” Erwin said. He paused then, a new conundrum presenting itself to him. Sharing the full story of how he had lost his arm was out of the question. Gruesome details aside, part of his job was to convince Gabi that this island wasn’t filled with inhuman devils. Telling her about how he had been brutally tortured would not do him any good in that regard. But he couldn’t avoid the topic of the uprising as a whole, could he? Such a large event that had happened so recently in their history, she was bound to find out about it eventually. Once that happened, there was a risk that she would suspect him of hiding important information from her.
No good ever came from keeping people in ignorance. The truth was a powerful thing. When it came out, and it always did, those who obscured it would have to answer for their misdeeds.
“The Survey Corps was involved in an uprising a little while ago,” Erwin said, words clear and careful. “I was badly injured, and my arm couldn’t be saved.”
“An uprising?” Gabi asked, brows furrowing.
Erwin nodded. “The former king of the walls wasn’t acting in the best interests of the people, so the people came together to replace him with someone better.”
Gabi’s expression faltered before settling into a scowl. She made a dismissive sound before tossing her head and declaring, “Sounds boring.”
Erwin smiled faintly. “Maybe so. But I promise that it-”
Gabi reached out, grabbed a slice of bread from the platter, jumped off her chair, and scurried out of the kitchen.
“...Wasn’t.”
*
Erwin watched as Levi idly ran a hand down the neck of the horse he was grooming. The light brown mare didn’t have a name yet. To name something was to get attached, and with everything that could go wrong in the Survey Corps, Erwin hadn’t been the sort to risk getting attached to his steeds. However, the pair in his stables would never go on an expedition. Perhaps that meant it was time for him to risk a little attachment.
Or maybe he should ask Gabi to name them. If she was an animal lover, it might get her to open up a bit.
The mare leaned into Levi’s touch. His lips twitched up for a moment, only for his expression to slip into something more serious. “You were going to tell her about the uprising?”
Erwin blinked. He hadn’t thought that Levi would want him to hide the island’s history from Gabi. It seemed out of character. It also wasn’t something that Erwin could agree with, even if he could see the argument for keeping her in the dark for a while longer. However, he wasn’t going to make assumptions regarding Levi’s intentions. Instead, he nodded and said, “That’s correct.”
Levi scoffed. The sound was half amused, half derisive, and entirely Levi. “No wonder she ran away. No eight-year-old wants to listen to some old bastard ramble about history.”
Erwin’s shoulders relaxed. “I loved learning history when I was eight,” he pointed out.
“That’s because you were never actually a kid. You were a grown man stuffed inside a child’s body.” Levi set the brush down on the railing of the stall and crossed his arms. “You need to reach her on her level. Don’t talk down to her, but don’t treat her like she’s a potential recruit or mini-Erwin either.”
Erwin smiled mirthlessly. “That’s harder than you make it sound.” He walked over to the stall, picked up the brush, and stepped inside. “Under those limitations, I don’t even know what to talk to her about.”
Levi started to lean against the railing, but caught himself before he could touch the grimy wood. “Let her choose the topic. That’ll help you figure it out eventually.”
“I did,” Erwin reminded his partner as he ran the brush down the mare’s shoulder. “She’s the one who asked about my arm.”
“Well, maybe the kid’s really into violence.” Levi shrugged. “It’ll fuck her up if that’s all you talk about though.”
“I can’t avoid her questions because they’re dark and violent,” Erwin said. “She’ll never trust me if she thinks I’m hiding information from her.”
“And I’m not saying you should do that. But eventually, she’ll slip up and show something else about herself. When she does, that’s what you want to focus on. Until then, entertain as many morbid questions as she can ask. Just don’t let her drown herself in them.”
*
Erwin was in the backyard when Gabi approached him for the second time.
It was a bright, sunny day, and when he found himself feeling too restless to sit still and read, he decided that he might as well try his hand at gardening. The problem was that he didn’t actually know the first thing about plants or how to care for them. That found him standing in front of the little flowerbed running along the back fence, staring down at the patch of rose bushes and tulips pensively.
Logic said he should consult an expert before trying anything himself, especially since he didn’t even know if there was actually anything to be done. Yet he couldn’t deny the thought of a trial by fire was tempting. It could end in disaster, but the stakes were acceptably low. More importantly, it was something that could keep him occupied in both body and mind. He wasn’t even a month into retirement and he could already tell that keeping himself from going insane with restlessness was going to be a challenge.
Erwin stepped over the line of rocks separating the flowerbed’s soft soil from the grass of the lawn. Carefully, he stepped around a handful of bright blue flowers to crouch down in front of a rosebush. The leaves were vibrant and the blossoms were bright and fragrant. When he reached out to gently rub a petal between his fingers, it felt soft and supple, like a cross between old velvet and fine leather. By all means, it looked like the bush was in perfect condition. That couldn't be the case though. There had to be something wrong with it. If not... Well, if not, he would search until he found something wrong with one of the other plants.
It couldn't all be perfect. There had to be something that he could do here.
Caught in his thoughts as he was, he didn't notice the approaching footsteps until they were only a few feet away. Again, he didn't dare turn around or do anything to show Gabi that he knew she was there. If she only felt comfortable approaching him if he didn't know she was coming, then he would not take that comfort away from her.
He released the blossom he was fondling and turned his attention to the next bush over. It sported white roses. They, too, seemed flawless. Could it be the work of the young men who visited every few days? It seemed likely. They already took care of the stables and cleaned up inside the house, he wouldn't put it past Levi to find help that could tend to the garden as well. He doubted that Levi would tell them to leave the garden alone if he asked him, too worried that Erwin would let it fall into disarray if left to his own devices, but... maybe if he went over his head and spoke to the young men directly? Levi wouldn't be able to complain if Erwin had already proven himself capable by the time he found out.
Gabi didn't speak up until Erwin was reaching for one of the white roses.
"You're really not going to kill me." It was worded as a statement, but her tone was laden with so much distrust and confusion that Erwin's heart sank several inches.
"No," he said, lowering his hand back to his side. "We're really not."
"Then what are you going to do?"
Erwin slowly turned around to face Gabi. She was looking down at him with her arms crossed and a storm in her brown eyes. The dark shadows beneath them spoke of how little she had been sleeping, the red rings around them of how much she had been crying. Erwin pretended not to notice either as he carefully said, "I'm not sure what you're talking about."
Gabi sneered. "Are you stupid?"
Perhaps Erwin shouldn't have smiled. However, at that moment, she reminded him so much of Levi that he couldn't help the faint upturn of his lips. "I prefer not to think so," he said. "It's just that I thought that the answer to that should be obvious by now; we aren't going to do anything to you."
Gabi's expression wavered. The feelings warring across her features were neigh unreadable, but if Erwin had to guess, he would say that she looked confused, angry, scared, hopeful, and guilty for being hopeful. She eventually grit her teeth, only to wrench her jaw open seconds later to say, "I'm not stupid either. I have the Colossal Titan. There's no way that you're just going to leave me alone."
In the abstract, it felt like it should have taken him a long time to decide on a course of action. In practice. It only took him a moment to decide what to do. Lying would do him no favors here, not when the truth was bound to reveal itself in time. However, if he told this girl the truth, even if she didn't like what he had to say, at least he would have proven that he wasn't a liar.
Erwin stood up. A dull ache started somewhere within his abdomen at the motion. He winced before he could stop himself, then found himself hoping that Gabi hadn't noticed. It didn't look like she had. Her tumultuous expression was exactly the same as it had been seconds ago.
With a sigh, Erwin cast his gaze around the yard. There was a large oak tree a few feet away from the flowerbeds. He considered sitting under it, but dismissed the thought when he considered the process that would be standing back up. If his injuries were flaring up because he crouched down for a moment, he didn't want to think about what would happen if he sat down on the ground. Instead, he ended up walking toward the steps that lead up to the porch.
He waited a moment before glancing back to make sure that Gabi was following him. She was, albeit slowly and reluctantly.
Erwin sat down on one of the porch steps. Gabi hesitated before following suit, arms wrapped tightly around herself and gaze pointed at her feet. She always seemed to have her arms crossed when she was around them. He wondered how long it would be until that changed.
"What do you think is going to happen?" Erwin softly asked.
Gabi glowered up at him. "If I answer that, I'll just be giving you ideas."
The tired resignation lingering behind her anger made his heart ache just enough for him to bite back his second inappropriate smile. But oh, the urge to smile was there. She really was a lot like Levi.
"Alright," Erwin said. "But you should know, we really aren't going to be doing anything with you for at least four years. Children aren't allowed to join our military until they're at least twelve years old, and then they go through three years of training. Even the youngest soldiers don't see active combat until they're fifteen years old."
It was not just a decision made based on morals; the unfortunate fates and faltering allegiances of Marley’s warrior children served as proof that it was a bad idea to use child soldiers under a certain age. But of course, Gabi didn’t see it that way. Bewilderment flickered across her face. She was quick to cover it up.
"So you're going to make me join the military," she said, sharp and accusatory. "You want me to fight for you devils."
It would be so easy to say no. This could go so much easier if he just said no.
But the truth always came to light. Always. Besides, something told him that he wouldn't have much hope of fooling this girl anyway.
"There may come a day when we have need of you," Erwin admitted. "But as I said, that won't be happening any time soon."
"But it will happen," Gabi pressed. She increased her grip on the sleeves of her shirt. "What if I still don't want to when it happens? Will you force me to?" Her grip tightened a little more. "You can't force me though. I have the Colossal Titan, you can't make me do anything I don't want to do. So will you kill me then?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," Erwin said. He knew it was a non-answer, but it was the closest he could get to telling her the truth without saying something that would get her so upset as to possibly undo any progress he had made with her.
He paused, a dark truth running through his mind.
If Gabi came of age and still wasn't willing to fight for Paradis, there probably wouldn't be anything he could do to save her. That was why, at the end of the day, his mission for the next four years was to convince her that she should fight for the island. Failure would mean that Gabi would die and they had taken a valuable asset out of commission for years for nothing. Success... the exact consequences of success would depend on Gabi herself, but at the very least, she would live a longer life.
Gabi could either die loyal to Marley or live as a weapon for Paradis. It was a cruel choice, but it was what it was, and in the end, one option was far more beneficial to her than the others. But how to get her to see that? He wasn't naive enough to believe that he could convert her in one conversation. There was a real chance that she wouldn't even believe a word he said in favor of Paradis. However, no matter how hard someone clung to ignorance, they couldn't completely close their eyes to a truth that they had experienced for themselves. That meant that there was still room for Erwin to make progress today.
Erwin looked out toward the garden. A red bird had landed at the bottom of the oak tree. He watched it as he spoke, voice clear and steady.
"You have been taught terrible things about Paradis. I do not expect you to cast all that aside or disavow your upbringing anytime soon. However, Marley sentenced you and your family to a fate worse than death for something you couldn't control. If they had been the ones to retrieve you, they would have passed the Colossal Titan on to someone else without a second thought."
He dared to cast a look at Gabi out of the corner of his eye. She was glaring dead ahead with her chin resting on her knees. One of her hands had moved to clutch at her armband, which strained and quivered under her abuse.
"I'm not going to claim that we are a perfect people," he continued, looking back out at the bird. "We are human, and that means that we are flawed. Some of the things you have heard about it might even be marginally true. Paradis has produced great people and terrible ones - just like Marley. The core difference between the two is that your life in Marley is over, but you have a chance to build a new one here."
A long silence stretched out between them. It was finally broken by Gabi's hoarse whisper of, "You don't know that. I was a warrior candidate. The top of my class. Mag- They might realize they made a mistake. They might come back for me."
Erwin did know. Gabi had been turned into a titan and sent off to participate in the siege of Shiganshina. The only way to bring someone back from that was by making them a titan shifter, and Marley would never intentionally give the power of a titan to an eight-year-old from a disgraced family, no matter how talented. Gabi Braun was dead and gone in the eyes of Marley.
He looked over at her intending to say as much, but faltered when he saw the glassy sheen that had come to cover her angry eyes.
He had been so certain that being honest with Gabi was the right move to make. In many ways, he still believed that it was. For the most part. As he looked at her, he couldn't help but think that in this instance, it might be better to say nothing at all. Time would pass, Marley wouldn't come, and she would be forced to face reality eventually. Until then, he could afford to let her cling on to her comforting delusion.
The bird flew away. Gabi's eyes followed its progress. When it had disappeared over the horizon, she looked up at Erwin. He met her gaze dead-on, hiding nothing in his sad expression and willing her to come to her own conclusions.
Gabi faltered. At that moment, he saw her delusion grow a little weaker and understood that she would not be able to cling to it for much longer at all.
She stood up and walked back inside without another word.
*
Levi watched Erwin with a dubious expression as he described his recent encounter with Gabi. When he was done, he shook his head with a heavy sigh. “You’re sure that blunt honesty was the right way to go there?”
“I’m certain,” Erwin said. “I know that I made progress with her. Besides.” The corners of his lips twitched up faintly. “It’s what you would have done.”
Levi’s mouth twisted into a grimace. “There’s a reason I’m not the one taking care of her.”
Erwin hummed, but didn’t comment. Levi’s certainty that he would make a terrible parental figure was something to be worn down slowly, not tackled all at once. He had to get him to actually meet Gabi before he could even start really trying to convince him to play an active role in her life.
“In that case, did you really think I would do anything else?” Erwin lifted his teacup off the table and gestured to Levi. “Honesty worked with you.”
He took a sip while Levi scowled at him. When Erwin didn’t react, he turned his gaze toward the kitchen window. Gabi could be seen wandering idly around the backyard, occasionally poking at one of the bushes with a big stick. Levi watched for a long moment before rising out of his seat and wandering over to the window.
“I doubt that kid is anything like me,” he eventually said.
Erwin smiled down into his teacup. He carefully set it down before bracing his hand against the kitchen table and standing up. Much of his grace had been robbed of him with his recent injuries; there was simply no way that Levi didn’t hear him approaching. Nonetheless, he kept his gaze aimed out the window as Erwin approached. He didn’t even look over when he placed his hand on his shoulder.
“Why don’t you meet her and find out?” Erwin gently asked.
Levi raised his hand to drape it over Erwin’s. His touch was soft and gentle, but his voice was low and rough as he said, “I think we should avoid springing any more devils on her for now.”
“And when she’s gotten used to this devil?” Erwin inquired. “Don’t tell me that humanity’s strongest plans on hiding from a little girl forever.”
Levi turned to shoot him a disgruntled look. “Watch your tone. I outrank you now, remember.”
Ah. yes. Retired Commanders were shown respect out of courtesy, but they did not supersede the authority of an active ranking officer.
“My apologies, Captain,” Erwin said, mirth gleaming in his eyes. “Perhaps I have a way of making it up to you?”
He bent down. Levi gave him an unimpressed look, but reached up to meet his kiss regardless. It was brief and chaste, but still enough to provide him with a fresh breath of life.
“Bastard,” Levi muttered when he pulled away. He shot a glance out of the kitchen window, then sighed heavily, shoulders drooping. “I’ll introduce myself to the kid soon. Just… not yet.”
*
Two days later, Erwin rose early in the morning, just like he always did. He briefly considered getting dressed, but ultimately opted to save it for after breakfast. It was not as if he had anything planned for the day. The thought was not as comforting as he suspected it would be. His sudden increase in leisure time was still novel, but there was an itch in the back of his mind that grew stronger as that novelty threatened to wear off. He knew that it would only get worse as time passed. If he did not find a productive way to occupy his time, it would come to be outright painful.
However, he had not yet grown restless to the point of resentment. He warded that off by holding on to the small things that his retirement afforded him, such as the ability to pad into the kitchen clad only in his soft, pale blue pajamas.
The first golden-orange rays of morning sunlight poured in through the kitchen window. Erwin felt his lips tug into a smile at the sight. He walked over to the window, intent on seeing something beautiful before brewing a pot of tea.
The sunlight was, indeed, beautiful.
He was unable to enjoy it when it was coupled with the sight at the base of the tree. Gabi, still clad in her nightgown, sat curled tightly in on herself, her arms wrapped around her legs and her face tucked into her knees. Although he could not see her face or hear a sound from the kitchen, the shaking of her shoulders betrayed her sobs.
Erwin's heart ached for the girl. It did not help him decide what to do. Gabi remained volatile and distrusting. Attempting to provide any sort of comfort could be a step too far too fast. She had always limited her breakdowns to the confines of her room; if he approached her the first time she expressed her grief beyond those four walls, and she took it poorly, he could undo what progress he had made. The safe choice would be to let her cry it out and pretend that he hadn't seen anything.
Unless... maybe she had wandered outside for a reason? Independent as she seemed, he couldn't see her readily asking for comfort, but that didn't mean that she didn't crave it, especially after spending so much time keeping her despair to herself.
God knew he could have used someone on his side when he lost his father.
...Perhaps his aching heart was of some use after all.
Erwin didn't bother putting on shoes before heading outside. The grass was cold and damp with dew. It muffled his footsteps, but not enough to render him completely silent. Gabi lifted her head to glower at him when he was a few feet away. Her eyes were ringed with red and the bags beneath her eyes had grown darker. The sight gave him pause as he wondered if she had degraded even further under her care, or if perhaps this was normal for a child who had undergone such a tremendous loss, if he had looked the same in the weeks following his father's death.
Probably not. Gabi's tragedy was on a scale that his own could not even begin to compare to.
Rather than moving any closer, Erwin chose to crouch down where he was. In an even, careful voice, he began, "If you want to talk-"
"I don't," Gabi growled, voice quiet and rough.
"...Alright," Erwin said. "But if there is anything else you need-"
"I don't, " Gabi spat. "You're a devil - I don't need anything from devils. You're evil, you're..." She dropped her hands to her side and stood up on shaky legs as her voice climbed up into a desperate shout. "You're the reason my family died! If you hadn't brainwashed Reiner, we would all be fine!"
Except Reiner hadn't been brainwashed. He had broken down under stress and guilt, yes, but he had not been brainwashed. Were she another person, he would have pointed that out then and there. However, as he watched fresh tears fall down the face of the broken child before him, he decided that the best thing he could do was stand there and let her yell.
Besides, there was already so much blood on Erwin's hands. He could shoulder the blame for one more family.
Gabi continued shouting, and the words washed over Erwin like rain. "I'm not like him though! It doesn't matter how long you keep me, I won't break!" A sob wrenched its way past her lips. "I'm not like you! I'm a good Eldian!" She raised a hand to grasp frantically at the tattered yellow band on her arm.
The worn fabric strained under her grasp, then tore free with a tiny snap.
Gabi's eyes widened in horror. Slowly, she released the armband and pulled her shaking hand back from her arm.
Gabi staggered backward. "N-No," she murmured as her back thunked against the trunk of the tree. She slid down along it, her gaze locked on her fallen armband. "I'm a good Eldian. I'm a w-" Her hand flew up to clutch at the empty space where her armband had been. She frantically shook her head as her voice pitched higher and higher, trying to chase away an insidious reality that had begun to sink in. "I'm not a devil! I'm not! I'm-"
Erwin reached his hand out and picked up the armband.
"Hey!" Gabi screeched, scrabbling back up onto unsteady feet as he stood up. "I need that!"
Erwin's gaze flickered between the hysterical little girl and the scrap of fabric in his hand. He had no doubt that it had once been a pristine decoration. Now, however, the fabric’s yellow had faded, Marley's white star was speckled with dirt, and the whole thing was threadbare with fraying edges. It was garbage. Yet when he turned his gaze to Gabi, she was staring up at it like it was a lifeline. "Why do you need it?" he asked.
"It's who I am!" Gabi cried, her shrieking voice wobbling ever so slightly. "Without it, how is anyone supposed to know that I'm not-" she snapped her mouth shut and look away.
Something ached deep within Erwin's chest. He wanted desperately to tell her that she was wrong, that a scrap of fabric had no bearing on her identity. She could get rid of it and be no less herself than she would be if she changed her shirt. He wanted to tell her that it had never meant anything good in the first place. All it meant was that Marley had once viewed her as a potential tool as well as a subhuman thing. By all rights, she should have been happy to get rid of it.
He would have said all of that if she were older or the situation was different. Alas, the circumstances were what they were. She was a child who had lost everything she ever knew and was stranded with a man who she considered a devil. Now, as she watched Erwin ponder her last remaining anchor to her past, her breathing grew rapid and her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
"We can fix it," Erwin finally declared. He stepped forward to carefully hand the broken armband over to Gabi. She snatched it out of hand and held it up to chest, eyes wild and frenzied, like she expected him to snatch it away from her.
It only lasted for a second. She sniffed, shifted the armband over to one hand, and used her other to wipe at her eyes. When she lowered her hand, she was staring down at the armband rather than Erwin. However, she peeked up at him for a moment as she whispered, "We can?"
Erwin nodded. "I doubt that it will hold up for very long if I just sew it back together, but I'm sure we can figure something out."
He almost held his hand out. At the last second, he redirected and put his hand in his pants pocket. "Come on," he softly said, jerking his head to the side and turning to walk toward the house.
He didn't let himself look to see if Gabi was following. Attempting to comfort her had already been a poor decision, he didn't want to push her too far for the second time in a day. If she chose to trust him with her precious armband, it had to be her own decision, made out of her own free will without any coercion or pressure.
That didn't mean that he wasn't happy to hear the sound of footsteps trailing after him.
He led her back into the house, down the hall, and over to a large closet by the kitchen. A bag overflowing with scraps of fabric was tucked away in the corner. He tugged it out and set it aside. It took a little digging around to find the sewing kit, but once he had it, he tucked it under his arm, grabbed the sewing kit, and walked back into the kitchen.
Erwin laid the supplies out on the kitchen table. Gabi eyed him from a few paces away. He could see the gears turning within her head, but did not say anything or move any closer. Not yet, anyway.
When he first moved in, he had doubted that he would ever have much use for a bunch of miscellaneous scraps of fabric, despite Levi's insistence. Now he was all too happy to have them. He sat down in one of the chairs and began pawing through the pile, searching for the scrap that would feel just right.
After a few minutes, Gabi sat down across from him.
"What are you looking for?" she asked, voice worn and wary, but not angry or accusatory. Not as broken as it had been only a little while ago.
"Something elastic," Erwin said. As he did, his fingers brushed against something a little rougher than the rest of the fabric. He twisted it between his fingers and found it to be firm, but flexible and pliant. With a pleased noise, he curled his fingers around it and pulled it out of the pile. It was a light brown strap that stretched when he tugged at it, but did not feel like it would snap. The texture, while not necessarily soft, did not feel rough enough to be irritating to the skin. Of course, it wasn't going to be exposed, so that part didn't matter very much.
"What do you think?" he asked, handing it over for Gabi to inspect.
She took the strap and turned it over in her hands a few times. "...It looks small for an armband," she finally said, holding it back out to him.
"That's because we aren't using it as an armband," Erwin said, accepting the scrap of fabric. "If we just patch it up, it won't be long before it falls apart again."
Gabi frowned. "What are you going to do with it then?"
Erwin considered smiling, but thought better of it. "You'll see."
Trust me, he silently pleaded.
Hesitation flickered across Gabi's face. She nibbled on her lower lip as she glanced between Erwin and the broken armband in her hands, clearly gauging whether or not to make that gamble. That was fine - she had a little time to think about it.
He opened the sewing kit and rooted through the supplies. Patching up torn clothes and broken straps had been a part of life in the Survey Corps. He wouldn't say that his abilities came anywhere close to that of an actual tailor, but it was enough to get by. In theory, it should be enough to handle this. He selected a needle with a large eye, placed it between his lips, and took out a spool of thread. Gabi stared at him with a look of blatant bemusement as he attempted to thread the needle. Erwin tried not to think about just how ridiculous he must look to garner such an expression, instead focusing on the task at hand.
It took several fumbled attempts and more time than he would have liked, but eventually, he threaded the needle and was ready to go.
Erwin set the needle down on the table and held his hand out to Gabi.
She hesitated.
"I promise you'll get it back," he softly said.
"How do I know I can trust you?" Gabi whispered, hugging the armband to her chest once again.
Because it had been Marley that condemned her and a Paradisian that dug her out of a titan's rotting corpse. Because they were taking a gamble that could cost innocent lives by keeping her alive, but they were doing it anyway. Because at this point, he would be hard-pressed to do anything worse to her than what had already been done. There were so many reasons, none of which he could explain to this child without frightening her even further.
So he went for the simplest truth that he could think of. "You'll never know if you can if you don't take the chance."
Gabi pulled her armband away from her chest and stared down at it for a moment longer. Then, with all the fragile hesitation of someone more terrified than words could hope to convey, she reached out and placed it in Erwin's hand.
It was, in a way, one of the bravest things that he had ever seen.
"Thank you," Erwin said.
He moved slowly and deliberately, allowing the girl before him to track his every move. The first thing he did was lay the armband flat on the table, design down, and place the strap in the center of it. Next, he flipped it over. Seeing that Marley's star wasn't centered, he adjusted it until it was, careful to keep the edges of the armband folded down against the strap. Once he was content, he carefully set it down on the table and moved to grab the needle.
At the last second, he hesitated.
"I'm going to need someone to hold it steady," he told Gabi. "Can you do that?"
Gabi stared at him uneasily for half a second before scoffing and tossing her head. Erwin took it as a good sign. If she was feeling up to putting on any degree of bravado, she had to be feeling better than she had a moment ago.
"Anyone can hold some cloth still," she said.
Erwin chuckled. "Anyone but me." He held his hand up and wiggled his fingers, drawing attention to his missing hand in the process.
The bravado faltered, hesitation creeping back into Gabi's expression. It didn't stop her from climbing to her feet, walking over to Erwin's side, and carefully taking the armband and strap by its edges.
"Perfect," Erwin said. "This shouldn't take too long."
And thankfully, it didn't. He worked carefully but diligently, sewing the damaged armband down onto the strap. Once the edges were done, he instructed Gabi, "Press the narrow ends together." She did.
After a few more short, diligent motions, Gabi was left holding a cloth bracelet. It was nothing grand or fancy. A few stitches did nothing to improve the overall quality of the fabric; it was still a faded yellow emblazoned with what had been a brilliant white star of Marley, now dull and patchy.
She stared down at it with wide eyes as she turned it over in her hands.
"What do you think?" Erwin asked.
Gabi carefully slid the bracelet onto her wrist. She turned it around a few times before adjusting it so that the star stared up at her. Her gaze remained rooted to it for several long moments before finally looking up at Erwin. There was uncertainty and disbelief in her expression. Considering all that she believed, Erwin couldn't help but find that to be a good thing.
Time stretched on, one of those moments that never seemed to end. Erwin had experienced enough of them over the course of his life to know better than to rush it.
In the end, it was worth waiting.
"Thank you," Gabi whispered.
Erwin smiled. "You are very welcome."