Chapter Text
Maya and Carina have been in London for nearly a month now and they have been having the time of their lives. On nights when Maya isn’t training or running in a race they are out exploring the city. There are some periods when they have a few days to themselves and it’s like mini vacation.
“Even though I am extremely nervous for tomorrow I have to say the past few days have been really nice,” Maya says from inside a pub her and Carina found on their first week there. They are having a quick dinner before going back to their apartment they are subletting for the month.
“They have been, I have always wanted to come here but we didn’t do a whole lot of traveling before coming to America.” Carina leans back enjoying the view of the street as she watches people pass by.
“Well I am glad we get to experience London for the first time together. The past month has honestly been amazing, it hasn’t really felt real. I can’t believe I run in my last race tomorrow and then that’s it, my whole career has lead up to this moment.” Maya says wistfully trying to think how it’s going to feel tomorrow on that track. She has run in two qualifying races to make it to the final race but this is different. This is the one that is going to result in her medal. She is a little anxious she doesn’t have what it takes but she is hoping if she tells herself enough times it’s hers, it will come true.
“I’m nervous actually, I know I am good at what I do, I have made it this far so I must know what I am doing. But I have worked my whole life for this moment and what if I don’t walk away with a medal? What if all the training and workouts I have been doing weren’t enough?”
Carina hates hearing Maya doubt herself like this, she knows Maya is a great distance runner and will be amazing tomorrow. She wishes Maya saw herself the way she saw her. She wishes Maya could see how great she is and that she is good at what she does.
“Winning isn’t everything Maya, I know that this is what you have been working your whole career for but if you don’t medal that’s okay too. You made it this far and that’s an accomplishment itself, be proud of yourself for that…With that being said, you’re going to kill it tomorrow. You’re an amazing runner and I know you are going to end tomorrow with a medal around your neck.” Carina says never looking away from Maya wanting her to know that she believed every word she said.
“You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better…I know that I should be proud of myself for making it here and I am, truly. But I want that gold medal so badly I can feel it in my bones, I know everyone in that race tomorrow wants it as bad as me. But there’s a little part of me that feels if I don’t win I am a failure, that tiny part of me that is still under Lane’s command. His voice is inside my head, the entire time we have been here and every time we have gone out and just relaxed I hear him in my head. Hear him tell me it is all a distraction and how I should be focused on the races. It’s harder than I thought to break that cycle of thinking.” Maya looks down at her plate feeling slightly ashamed she isn’t letting herself relax fully.
She has gotten good at it over the past four years and especially in the ten months her and Carina have been together. She has learned how to let all the anxiety wash off of her body and enjoy her life and she loves that she can do that. But there will always be the little part of her that can’t fully let herself relax.
“You’re not a failure if you don’t win Gold, I know how Lane engrained it into your head. I watched what he did for two years and that’s a hard cycle to break when that was your way of thinking your whole life. It’s not something that’s going to go away overnight, but you’re doing so much better at letting yourself live. At enjoying yourself in the present and not always thinking about the next race. I am really proud of how far you have come in the past four years; I am just as proud of you for that as I am of you being here.” Carina says a huge smile on her face, it is all true, she is insanely proud of how far Maya has come.
“Thanks, I guess I have you to thank for that, you have always encouraged me so much to live in the moment. It also helps that you witnessed what Lane did firsthand so you truly understand what it was like for me,” Maya admits.
Carina tilts her head to the side and gives her a sad smile knowing what she means, Maya can vent to her about what Lane did and Carina completely understands where she is coming from. She knows how much it means to Maya to have this kind of support in her healing journey. “I do have one question.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you think you’ll continue to run competitively after this? Will you strive to go to the Olympics again in four years?” Carina asks taking a sip of her wine curious if in four years they will be taking another trip to the Olympics.
“I don’t know, maybe. I don’t know if I want to make an actual career out of it or not. I like the idea of having a job and not always running. Don’t get me wrong I love it and it helps my anxiety but it feels like a job right now and I want to get back to when running was fun again.” Maya says a wistful smile on her face hoping one day she can get to that point.
“I can understand that, it now makes all the more sense why you are putting so much pressure on yourself. You don’t think you’ll have another shot at this so you want to make sure you put your all into tomorrow’s race.” Carina says as she finishes off her wine and Maya finishes her beer.
Everything clicks in Carina’s head about why Maya is putting so much on her shoulders, subconsciously she knows she isn’t going to come back. She knows that after today her competitive running career will be over.
“I guess so, I also want this so bad I can taste it.”
“That idiom has never made sense to me, what does that even mean?” Carina says making Maya laugh and all the nerves and pressure melts away from her body.
They spend the next hour or so in the pub talking and relaxing before finally leaving and going back to the apartment. They both go to bed early knowing the next day was going to be a long one.
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Maya is stretching on the sidelines trying to psych herself up for what’s about to happen. It’s a few hours before the race and all of the runners are starting to get there. She hears Carina’s voice in her head over and over telling her that it doesn’t matter what happens today. How she should be proud of how far she has come which is all that matters, hearing her voice in her head calms her heart rate. She wishes she was here right now but she wouldn’t be getting to the track until later. She was unbelievably grateful they were able to get her the right credentials so she could be down here.
Once Maya is fully stretched she decides to jog around the track a few times warming her blood up a little bit. It’s during this run that she steps wrong onto her right foot and rolls her ankle. She feels something pop and knows it’s sprained, badly. She can feel the pain radiating through her whole leg and she swears to herself knowing this wasn’t good.
She came to a stop in front of her coach and she can tell something is wrong.
“You okay Bishop? Your form was off the last quarter lap,” Alyssa her coach commented.
Her and Carina’s conversation from the night before comes to her mind, how this is her one shot at a Gold medal. She doesn’t plan on training for another four years, this is it. She makes the decision to lie, to tell her she’s fine and get a cortisone shot for the pain and then she’ll be good to run.
“Yeah, my ankle is just bothering me a little, a cortisone shot, some tape, and wrapping it should fix it right up.” Maya smiles hoping beyond all hope she doesn’t look too much into it. If she does she won’t be running in the race and then her career is over.
“Okay, we’ll get you in to see the physical therapist, hopefully it’s not something too bad.” Alyssa gives her a warm smile and Maya feels bad for lying to her but she knows what she will say. If she knew how bad it was she would tell her she couldn’t run. She would tell her that her overall health is more important than a race. Maya doesn’t want to hear it; she needs run in this race.
Alyssa has always looked out for her and has become a pseudo big sister over the amount of time she has been coaching her. She has been with her for four years and has benched her for lesser injuries in the past.
“Great,” it takes everything in Maya not to limp through the tunnels underneath the seats to get to the physical therapist’s office. With every step it feels like her ankle is on fire, she can feel the pain all the way up her leg to her hip.
They finally make it to the PT office and he checks it out, he notices the inflammation and asks her how it feels and she lies once again.
Embrace the pain.
Eyes forward.
It’s the mantra that’s stuck in her head, she knows how toxic it is but it’s what’s going to get her through this race. She needs to focus on the Gold medal at the end of this, focus on standing up on the podium with the crowd cheering. This is her one shot and she is not going to waste it.
The therapist gives her the cortisone shot putting some tape on it as well as wrapping it and Maya is relieved when the shot starts kicking in and the pain goes away. Her body relaxes and she breathes a sigh of relief.
She and Alyssa walk back out to the track and Maya spies Carina and she knows she is going to have to lie to her too. She hasn’t ever lied to Carina about something this big before and her stomach drops at the thought of it. She knows she is going to have to be on top of her game to lie to Carina, she knows her too well.
“There you are bambina, where were you?” Carina comes over to her and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“The physical therapists office,” Maya says choosing to tell the truth and twist it where she needs to.
“Is everything okay?” Carina asks concerned something is seriously wrong.
“Yeah I’m fine right now, I stepped on my foot wrong and my ankle got hurt a little. They wrapped my ankle and gave me a shot for the pain and inflammation, I’m going to be fine.” Nothing she said was technically a lie, she is feeling fine at the moment and they did give her a shot and wrap her ankle.
She figures if she tells a little bit of the truth Carina is less likely to see through the lie, and it works. If she doubts Maya’s words she doesn’t show it, the only thing Maya sees in concern and Maya feels like a dick for lying.
She also knows what Carina would say if she knew what was really going on, she would say the same thing as Alyssa. She would say that her overall health is the most important thing she would say this race isn’t more important. Carina is going to be pissed when she finds out Maya kept this from her, she knows she is going to encounter the rath of what Maya has deemed her “mafia anger”. That side of Carina is scary, very scary but at the moment she is willing to deal with it for this.
They don’t understand what this race means to her, they aren’t the ones running and competing. Both of them are on the sidelines watching her but Maya is in the thick of it and she needs this, she needs to win.
Embrace the pain.
Eyes forward.
“As long as you’re okay that’s all that matters bella,” Carina kisses her forehead and Maya sighs letting the tension out of her body. Being in Carina’s presence always helps her to calm down and right now is no different. Maya’s hands rest on Carina’s waist and gives her a smile looking into her eyes she sees the love there and lets it envelope her. Normally Maya isn’t a fan of pda especially in such a public setting but right now she doesn’t care, she needs this. She needs the comfort Carina is offering her.
“Bishop, get in line they are going to be starting soon,” Alyssa calls over to her.
“Believe in yourself bambina, you can do this and no matter what I am proud of you. Go knock ‘em dead,” Carina says her face lighting up with pride as a smile spreads across her face.
Maya smiles back and reaches up giving her a quick kiss feeling calm by the pride rolling off Carina. “Perfect time to use your first idiom Deluca.”
“I thought so,” Carina laughs and gives Maya a gentle shove towards where some of the runners are starting to congregate.
Alyssa ushers her over to her starting point and Maya feels her nerves coming back up.
Alyssa places her hands on both of Maya’s shoulders and looks into her eyes. “You got this, get out of your head, and focus on the run. You have everything it takes to win this race.” She gives her smile and goes over to the sidelines with Carina.
Maya stretches out her quads warming her body back up, this is it. This is the most important race of her life.
They all get into a runner’s stance and wait for the starting pistol to go off. Maya sits there in anticipation waiting to take off, sits there with a dull throbbing in her ankle but she pushes it to the back of her mind.
Embrace the pain.
Eyes forward.
The pistol goes off and all of the runners take off, Maya begins at a fast jog not wanting to waste her energy. They have 25 laps of this, she needs to preserve every ounce of energy she has in her.
She stays in the middle of the pack knowing that once the last few laps come she can cut by of all these girls and get into first. This is her strategy and has been every time, pacing herself and then at the last second surprise everyone by cutting to the front of the pack.
The first 15 laps are easy but it’s the last 10 that matter the most, Maya is on the lap 20 when the cortisone starts to wear off and she knows she is really going to have to push to get through this.
Embrace the pain.
Eyes forward.
It completely wears off lap 23 when she starts running faster and by lap 24 when she is pushing as hard as she can she feels a sharp pain every time her foot hits the track.
Carina notices the change in Maya’s demeanor, there’s a slight limp when she runs and she looks to Alyssa and she knows she notices too.
They watch as she pushes to the front of the pack at the last moment and as she pushes herself to run as fast as humanly possible. They wait on bated breath knowing that she’s going to do it, she is going to pull through and win this.
“Come on come on come on,” Carina whispers under her breath watching Maya run around the last curve. She rocks side to side needing to get some of the nervous energy out of her body. Tears come to her eyes as Maya has a significant lead on the rest of the group and Carina knows she’s going to do this. The tears start freely falling down her cheeks as she watches Maya run across the finish line.
Maya can’t fully comprehend what is going on when she crosses the finish line all she knows is that she is done and she can relax. She doesn’t even realize she just won Gold all she knows is that her ankle feels like it’s on fire and she collapses to the ground onto her hands and knees. It could be mistaken for her collapsing at the thought of winning her medal but it’s out of pure pain and the fact that she doesn’t think she can walk on her ankle.
Carina and Alyssa share a hug as both of them cry over Maya’s win, they look over at Maya and see that she is still on the ground and they both know something is wrong. Alyssa jogs over to Maya and crouches down next to her, she places her hand on Maya’s back in comfort.
“Is it your ankle?” Alyssa asks even though she knows what’s going on. She noticed the limp in Maya’s last lap and cursed herself for believing Maya when she said she was fine. She should have known that she would lie and do anything to get out onto this track today.
Maya nods not being able to talk only able to focus on the excruciating pain in her ankle. The tears start falling down her cheeks, she can’t keep it in as she begins sobbing not being able to move from the position she is in.
“Can you walk?” Alyssa asks already knowing the answer to this as well.
“No,” Maya shakes her head letting out a sob as the pain starts to get even worse. The pain is so sharp it almost feels like the pain she felt when she got shot.
Carina watches from the sidelines terrified and frozen in place, she is scared that Maya might not be able to walk and that she did permanent damage to her ankle. She runs her fingers through her hair as her heart stops and her tears begin falling for a different reason. The fear that runs through her system is something she hasn’t felt in a long time. The one question that keeps racing through her head is a simple one, is Maya going to be okay?
Carina takes a step to move towards Maya when medics rush over to her and Carina knows it’s bad. Maya is the type to resist going to the doctor for anything so watching her being loaded up onto a gurney sends a shock wave through her system.
Maya has to practically be picked up in order to get her onto the gurney, she looks around and notices for the first time she can’t see Carina in the rush of people around her. “Carina.”
Alyssa hears her and looks up finding Carina still glued to her spot and waves her over. Carina instantly jogs over to them instantly at Maya’s side.
“Hi, hold my hand bambina. You’re going to be just fine.” Carina grabs her hand and gives her a watery smile. Maya instantly is gripping her hand for dear life but Carina doesn’t mind, as long as Maya is okay then nothing else matters.