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“You don’t like the food?” Harry asks, as he shares a knowing look with his husband. They made lasagna, which is Teddy’s favourite food, but Teddy has taken no more than two bites of it. He keeps pushing it around his plate while staring at it - half-pretending to listen to Harry and Draco’s stories about what they’ve been up to since Teddy’s visit last week.
“No, it’s…” Teddy quickly says, forcing a smile. “It’s great. Thanks.”
“But?” Draco asks. “You’re not hungry?”
Teddy shrugs, knowing full well that he has been more quiet than usual tonight, and that it’s obvious that Harry and Draco know that something is up. He could try and tell them that he has a headache, or that he hasn’t slept well, but then he’ll be back here next week, ruining their next dinner too. Because he’s nervous, and he hasn’t been able to be himself all night because he’s been worrying about what he’s going to tell them. The plan was to tell them before dinner, but his nerves had gotten the better of him, so here he is, poking around his lasagna, and ruining the night for everyone with his foul mood.
“What’s wrong?” Harry asks.
Teddy lays down his fork, and he takes a deep breath. “I actually wanted to tell you something.”
Harry and Draco share another look, because with the way Teddy has been acting all night, this doesn’t exactly come as a surprise. After all, they have been here twice before, and it’s obvious how nervous Teddy is, with the way his face has been flushed all night, and how his hands are shaking.
“You know that things didn’t work out between me and Will, right?” Teddy continues, still keeping his eyes focussed on his plate to avoid seeing any kind of reaction - good or bad.
“Right…”
“I told you we broke up because Will took this job up in Ireland, but…” Teddy hesitates, and he has to take another deep breath before he can go on. “But we really broke up because I realised that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him. Well, not with anyone, really.”
There’s a moment’s silence, before Harry breaks it, saying, “That’s okay, isn’t it? You’re still young, and there is plenty of time to settle down when you’re older.”
Teddy sighs, and he almost leaves it for what it is. But he has come this far, and he doesn’t want to back out now. “No, that’s not what I’m trying to say,” he explains. “I mean that I’m not interested in being with anyone. Ever.”
“Oh…”
Teddy isn’t sure how to take Harry and Draco just staring - or the fact that there is no reaction, other than Harry half-heartedly trying to smile at him. So he starts to explain, or rather, he starts to ramble nervously.
“I wasn’t lying to you when I came out the first time,” he says. “When I said that I was bi… I mean, I am definitely attracted to people.” He blushes, feeling the words come out, but he is unable to stop himself. “But when it didn’t work out with the girls I tried dating, I figured I must be gay, you know?”
Draco opens his mouth to stop his rambling, but before he gets a chance to, Teddy already continues.
“But then it didn’t work out with Will either, and I realised I’m just not happy when I’m in a relationship.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet?” Harry suggests, finally able to cut in when Teddy has to stop so he can take a breath.
“No.” Teddy quickly shakes his head. “No, I’m just not interested in any of it. I really liked Will, and if anyone would have been the right person, it would have been him. But I just don’t feel…” He searches for the right words, feeling himself getting emotional, because this has been on his mind for so long. For so many years he thought that something was wrong with him, and just months ago he started to realise that there is nothing wrong with the way he’s feeling - or rather, with the way he’s not feeling. “I don’t want to be with someone, not like that. I wanted to be friends with him, and I wanted to spend time with him, but I never felt…” He mimics fireworks with his hands before continuing, “I wanted to be friends with everyone I tried dating. But I don’t want to do any of the things you’re supposed to want to do when you’re with someone, and I…” He sighs, feeling himself getting worked up. He realises that he is trying to justify his feelings, even though he knows that he doesn’t have to justify anything. “I just don’t want to be with anyone. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologise,” Draco quickly says, but before he can say anything else, Teddy has already continued - still too nervous and caught up in his emotions to realise that Harry and Draco are not judging him for what he just told them.
“I’m sorry, I know that this isn’t what you wanted for me, and that you’re disappointed, and…”
“Teddy,” Draco cuts him off in a stern voice, and Teddy finally looks up at him with a flushed face. “Breathe.”
“Why in the world would we be disappointed?” Harry asks.
“Because when I thought that I was gay, and I told you, you said that all you wanted was for me to meet someone and be happy. And now I’m…”
Harry sighs, before reaching over the table to grab his godson’s clammy hand.
“Exactly. All we have ever wanted for you is to be happy,” he explains. “And if being with someone isn't what you want…”
“It’s your life, Teddy,” Draco joins in. “And you have got to live it in whatever way makes you happy. Your happiness is all that matters to us.”
Teddy gives an embarrassed nod, because deep down he knew that they would say this - that they would love him no matter what. But there was always that little voice in the back of his mind that kept wondering ‘what if’, and the longer he put off telling them, the louder the voice became.
“So you’re okay with me being… you know…?”
“Asexual?” Draco asks, and Teddy’s cheeks and neck go even redder. “Or is it aromantic? I’m sorry, I don’t know wh…”
“Both,” Teddy quickly interrupts, unable to keep the shy smile from forming on his lips. Because this really could have been done when he got here tonight, and it could have been done in a minute or two, yet here he was, rambling nervously for minutes on end, making even more of a mess of things than he did when he had first come out to them.
“Come here,” Harry laughs, and he pulls Teddy up to his feet to give him a big hug. “Did you really think we’d be disappointed?”
Teddy shrugs, still unable to stop himself from smiling as Draco joins their hug. When he had come out to them before, there wasn’t much relief, because on the inside he had always still felt like there was a part of the puzzle that was missing. Something he was always searching for - something that he was yet to make sense of. But this time feels different. This time it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, because he knows that the puzzle is finally complete.
