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"Such a rare opportunity, better do your worst and amuse me— Master Zhongli?"
"Good evening, Master Childe." Zhongli greets, as per usual. His steps are light and steady as he descends the stairs deeper into the heart of The Golden House, where Ajax is now standing straight, entire body tense.
"I.. what are you doing here?" the Harbinger demands, his twin blades dissipating into thin air as he paces towards Zhongli. "You should leave. Now." he quickly adds. "Things might be getting dangerous for you so you can't stay here."
Zhongli shakes his head. "It's alright," he insists, maintaining a level tone and pace. Ajax is still tense, but the grip of his hands are loosening.
--
(Dear Zhongli,
It's been a while. I hope you're well.)
--
"What kind of trick are you trying to pull here?"
"There is no trick, I have told you nothing but the truth; I am merely here to.. have a chat."
Ajax blinks, then narrows his eyes. It's clear the gears in his head are going overload. Zhongli calmly watches as his eyes dart between his own molten gold and the door.
"I don’t believe you.” he decides.
“Ask me anything and I shall prove it to you.”
"Show me your Gnosis."
"I no longer have it with me."
"You said you're the Geo Archon." the curls of Ajax’s eyebrows pull tighter, one hand stretching towards him still. Challenging. "Then show me your Gnosis."
"Ajax."
"..huh?"
"Your name. Ajax."
Blue eyes widen in surprise, Ajax opens his mouth only to close it again. He pulls his hand and takes a step back, stance shifting into defense as he demands, "How did you know?"
--
(I understand despite everything, deep down there is a part of you that will never fully forgive me. And I will never ask you to. Still, I will always think of you as a friend,)
--
The man before him looks so.. young.
Sometimes Zhongli forgets that Ajax was barely in his twenties when they first met. So eager to challenge the world and throw his life away, all for the satisfaction of a thrilling battle. This Ajax has yet to fully grasp the art of hiding his true emotions behind multiple masks, it's so easy to read the distress in his eyes despite the angry lines twisting his face.
"All these time you've been using me!?" he demands, voice hitting a certain pitch that sets Zhongli on alert, every fiber of his being screams to jump forward and envelope the other man in his arms.
"Aja—Childe, listen to me—"
"No! Stay away from me!"
--
(There's some sort of anomaly, a leftover residue from the Ley Line down at the basement of The Golden House. The source seems to renew its cycle in a week's time. I suspect this item acts as a trigger.)
--
"Master Childe, I have something to tell you.”
"Tartaglia, it was all my fault.”
"Ajax, don't leave."
Zhongli has tried them all, but it always ended up the same. No matter what he said, Ajax would always run to the door and never return.
And Zhongli is getting.. tired.
He's been doing this for heaven knows how many times, he doesn't know what he's trying to do anymore. He wants Ajax to stay with him, to stay for him, but this Ajax has his loyalty as his highest priority. Zhongli can hold his hands and beg him to stay, but he always leaves and the dream always ends.
And he is yet again the only one left behind, standing alone amidst the ruins of what was once a majestic symbol of power bathed in gold.
--
(I admit this is not the first time I have encountered this sort of item, and that this revelation did come from personal experience. There were moments when I have been weak to the temptation of what ifs.)
--
"Fight me."
Ajax gawks.
"I.. what?"
"I want you to draw your blade and fight me." Zhongli repeats. His polearm materializes to follow his order, the familiar weight settles within his palm as combinations of black and gold and intricate Geo patterns weave into a solid existence. This is his last trusted companion, the only one who still remains by his side after the countless wars they fought.
Ajax is halfway to the door, mouth agape, confusion written all over his face.
"You may call upon your Delusion and summon your Foul Legacy. There shall be no other rule, we fight until we both deem it done, until either one of us yield. If you win, you may do whatever you please."
"But Master Zhongli—”
"If I win, you stay here with me."
Forever.
--
(I have seen how grief corroded even the strongest of gods, but I trust that you would use it properly, perhaps even see it as a temporary remedy for hard times, or get rid of them as you saw fit.)
--
Their duel lasts forever.
"Do you yield?"
"Never!"
There's a hungry glint in Ajax's eyes, a sparkle that makes them alive.
A nostalgic pull tugs at his heart.
For once, Zhongli forgets everything else,
and they have fun.
--
(But more than that, I hope this can give you closure, and help you heal.)
--
A heavy thump.
Zhongli asks again, for the ninth time that night;
"Do you yield?"
The grotesque Abyssal creature beneath him lets out a string of cackles. Ajax spits out the blood on his lips, splattering darkened red and midnight blue onto the earthy dark marble below them. His mask is already half broken from the first twenty minutes of him summoning his so-called last trump card, but it can’t hide the way his eyes are oh so blue.
Zhongli resists the urge to raise his chin to make Ajax return his stare.
"..fine." Ajax grumbles, as if the answer is dragged out his throat against his deepest will. "I yield." he adds after another set of wet coughs.
Zhongli waves his hand and dismisses his polearm. Kneeling down, he gives in and lets his hand course through messy red locks caked with sweat and blood, then down against a protruding cut on his left cheek. Ajax's breathing calms down at the gesture, and he relaxes further under the soothing movement.
Everything is quiet.
Everything is alright.
--
(Take care, my friend. And thank you for everything.
Farewell.)
--
"You're not my Zhongli, aren't you?" Ajax asks after what seems to be an eternity later.
"Hmm?"
"You're not.. him." Ajax clears, turning to catch Zhongli's eyes. He has allowed Zhongli to carefully nudge his head to lay it on his lap a while ago. "I don't know who you are, or how you got here, but you're not the Zhongli I know."
"And how did you know?" Zhongli asks, gentle, hand still repeatedly threading through Ajax's blood-matted hair. The movement soothes him. Grounding him. A routine from once upon a time.
"The way you fought." Ajax crosses his arms, or at least making an effort to, a small huff leaving his lips as what was probably a bruise blooming on his left rib making itself known – the Harbinger had thrown himself against one of his pillars in a last-ditch effort to dodge a blow around their fourth round earlier. "I'm not talking about being able to read my moves, you actually expected some of it. I've never fought you, and have never shown anyone some of those routines, and yet you managed to predict my movements every single time.
"No soul has ever faced the Foul Legacy and lived to tell the tale, but you weren't only unfazed after seeing my transformations, you followed every single one of my movements precisely. You even managed to call all my bluff!"
"Is that so?"
"And you slipped and almost called me Ajax once." Ajax smiles, as if he has finally won the prize. "That was the final nail on the coffin for me."
Zhongli only closes his eyes and hums, a small smile tipping the corner of his lips. Ajax makes a delighted sound and settles back down.
The silence between them is familiar.
--
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
"How.. how did I die?"
Zhongli stills. It takes a while for him to find his voice. He had expected the possibility that he would have to face this question sooner or later, and had known it was only a matter of time the moment he decided he's stepping into what was left of The Golden House.
He takes his time to answer.
"A war broke out between Teyvat and Celestia.” he begins slowly, voice low under the dim lighting. “It was something that has never been before, a grand battle that lasted for months and months. The sky grew dark, and the world burned to ashes, leaving scarce patches of land between the scorched earth. None could put a number to the lives that were lost, for there were hundreds and thousands of casualties from both sides.
“It was nearing the end, the very last wave from the Celestian Army. Everyone was on their last legs, but none held back. We all shared the same thought, that victory was clearly within our grasp, however—”
Zhongli stops. Amber eyes blinking a few times. Even his breathing comes out shaky.
"Did I die protecting you?" Ajax asks, his voice barely above a whisper, and yet it remains calm, not wavering. His hand reaches out to Zhongli’s own, the warmth spreading through into his core, and oh, how odd it is as if he is the one comforting Zhongli despite the very matter they are currently talking about.
Zhongli stares at him, takes him in whole — his face, his eyes — the way the dull torch lighting up the chamber is reflected in those ocean deep eyes.
And for a second he's back in that god forsaken field. Back under the unforgiving red sky, heat searing his skin, sand in his tongue, blood in his hands, staring at the very same eyes — lacking life behind them, forever staring into nothing.
"Zhongli.." he can hear Ajax calling him, his calm voice coaxing him back, gently behind the cracked blood red mask. "It's not your fault."
And Zhongli knows, oh he knows it's not his fault. It's not Ajax's fault. It's not anyone's fault, it's not even the Traveler's fault, but it makes everything worse. Because he wishes he has someone to blame, someone to hurt, someone to pay, but there is none because—
"You died protecting him!" The accusation slips past his lips before he could hold it back, his voice echoing in the empty dome, surprising both himself and Ajax. He wills his hand up, but it’s like his body has a mind of its own. He can’t stop now, his mouth just keeps on going, more accusations spilling down his tongue. "You took the blow for your partner and spared his life!" he spits the word out, the bitterness stings raw still, despite time.
Suddenly he's livid.
He's angry.
He's hurting.
(Perhaps he's always been, ever since that day.)
"He was The One." Zhongli seethes, snarling at the words as if he despises the very concept of it. "The destined fallen star; the prophecy foretold, the overseer who will one day overrule the laws of Teyvat. You saved his life, and he saved everyone's life, but you lost yours —we won the war, but I lost you."
He stares at his hands, watching them shake as the emotions overcome his entire being. It feels like falling, it feels like sinking. He remembers reaching out and grasping at nothing; remembers the way the scene plays as if it is in slow motion, his picture perfect memory replicating those seconds when a dash of light tore through Ajax's body and brought him down.
(When Ajax had turned at him — somehow always knowing exactly where he was no matter the distance between them
reaching out a hand in a voiceless scream—)
Zhongli remembers he had never felt so powerless, never felt fear striking him so deep it shook his very core, as if the world was crashing down on him. He remembers how it felt as if the projectile pierced through his own chest instead, and how he wished it truly had.
Remembers willing his legs to push him further, to move faster, for time to slow, for everything to wait,
but Ajax still falls.
"I tried to reach you." he grits out, the words were sands against his teeth, his hands gripping into fists so hard the nails bite into the skin of his palms despite the barriers of his gloves. "You were so far away, and I tried. I tried so hard—"
(”Zhongli.." Aether's voice was shaky, timid amongst the battle cries. In his arms was Zhongli's most beloved; expression frozen eternally in a blank stare, his own blood splattering down his handsome face. The very same face Zhongli held and gazed upon this morning as he vowed to come back safely, his laughter clear bells ringing in his ears. And Zhongli thought he must have screamed. He must have, because his throat was dry and his whole chest hurt and his eyes stung, but nothing came out. The war was still going all around them, but the world was silent save from the heavy thumps of his own heart beating.)
"Oh Zhongli.."
"I tried so hard. And yet.. and yet I didn't even get to hold you when you—” he chokes, throat tightening at the thought of saying it out loud.
Because saying it out loud makes it true.
"Shhh." Ajax raises his hand to cup Zhongli's face, gently thumbing near the corner of his lips, that Zhongli only now realizes is wet with tears. "Shhh, it's okay. Things are going to be fine."
But how can it be when his other half is gone and will never come back?
He hears Ajax sigh. He must have answered it out loud.
"Is that why you're here?" the redhead finally says after a moment passed between them.
Zhongli doesn't answer.
--
There was one time when Zhongli ran to Ajax the moment he materialized, his fingers shook as they buried into the meat of Ajax's upper arms.
"M-Master Zhongli..!?"
"Why?"
Ajax froze, confusion clear from the way his hands hung midair, not knowing whether to push Zhongli away or pull him further in as he sinks down to his knees like a devotee to his god.
"Why—” did you do it?
Why did you give your life for him?
Why did you break your promise?
Why did you leave me?
--
"How many times have you.. visited this place?"
He doesn't know anymore. It was easy to count the first ten, a challenge for the next hundred, but time dilutes easily when your years are infinite.
Still, Zhongli would never deny his beloved anything. "I have lost count."
Another sigh. Another moment passed. Zhongli wonders until when can he drag this; this other borrowed time of theirs. Ajax always leaves before the sun rises, but this time Zhongli has him trapped under his Vortex, and he's prepared to do his worst.
"I wish.." he hears himself say, "I wish I could really turn back the time. I wish this truly took place. I wish.. I could stop you this one night."
Ajax shifts his head, inquiring.
"Because you would get to know the truth." Zhongli answers, closing his eyes, a bitter smile on his lips. "This is the night where everything would change; the night where you would carve your first true friendship and experience your first heartbreak. Come morning you would tell yourself you hate the world — you would despise your Archon for sending you here, and you would curse my existence for thinking I had taken you for a fool in my play; nothing but a mere tool to be discarded past your use.
“But,” he pauses, remembering the memory of days long gone. Of a smile, and his own smile, and days he wishes he could replay over and over instead. “You would grow to love everything back. You would find in yourself to forgive me because that is how kind you are. You would give me a chance.. a trust — a part of you that you should never have given to anyone. And you would venture out on more journeys with the Traveler and come to forge a deeper bond with him; one that is interchangeable no matter what, one that ties your fate permanently to his..
"And I.. can’t let you do that. I wouldn't let you do that. I am fine with us never mending our relationship should I be given another chance. I would rather keep you away from this life, watch you from afar as long as you're safe and sound. As long as you’re alive. As long as you'd never be at the same place during that fateful day. Someone else would take your role, for that is how the fate of the world would always go, but you.. at least you would be safe. I would take your place in a heartbeat—
"Ajax,” he vows, “I would condemn myself into the deepest pit of the Abyss for your happiness and well being."
Ajax sighs, but there's a glimmer in those beautiful blue, a certain kind of fondness that reminds him of those times when his Ajax found something ridiculous in his argument – his ‘definitely not mortal brain thinking’ as his beloved once claimed – and was about to explain how his reasons don't make any sense.
"Zhongli, you.. you can't keep doing this," he tells Zhongli —pleas, Zhongli could even say, his tone most gentle. "I'm sure.. your Ajax wouldn't want you to keep dwelling in your own grief."
"But yo—"
"You know very well I won't. I..” the young man shakes his head, then directs his stare above. “I don't know what lies beyond me after this.. whatever this is ended. But one thing for sure, I know in my heart that even only by the short year we've spent together, I do care about you. I care about you a lot.
"It would probably take me a few more days to truly place a name on this feeling," Ajax continues, smiling prettily as he places his hand over his heart. "But you're important to me. And I too want you to be safe.. I want you to be happy."
"My happiness is knowing you're safe." the answers slid easily down his tongue, for it is the truth.
Ajax gazes at him with sadness in his eyes. And a part of Zhongli wants to reach to him and tell him don't; because the last thing he wants is to make Ajax sad. But another part of him rejoices, because Zhongli misses this.. will always misses the way Ajax stares at him and only him.
And perhaps for one selfish moment, deep in the safety of his heart, Zhongli lets himself admit the one thing he wants most – his true happiness is having Ajax by his side.
Because he belongs with Ajax.
Ajax is his home.
And he’s been away for so long.
--
"Ah, looks like my time is up." Ajax chuckles as he raises his hand, which Zhongli realizes is now growing transparent from the tip.
Golden eyes widen in panic. His ears catch the sound of early birds chirping, the telltale of a coming morning.
Ajax stayed the entire night.
But it's still not enough.
This isn't supposed to happen.
Zhongli reaches for his hand, but his fingers grasp on empty air. "No, no, Ajax—”
"Promise me?" Ajax asks, his deep sea blue eyes boring into his own melted gold, unyielding, seeking. "I need you to promise me you will stop doing this once and for all."
Zhongli opens his mouth, rejections on the tip of his tongue, but instead his memories take him to that one evening long forgotten; they're in his realm, his golden abode high above the clouds, near a cliff overlooking the eversunset. His other half was sitting across him with a relaxed smile, having just declared the small pavilion his favorite place in the whole realm.
He told his Ajax he would give him anything he asked for.
"Then, I want you to promise me that you would go on living your life to the fullest after I'm gone."
That froze the light smile lingering on Zhongli's lips.
"My love?" he asked, pulling Ajax's hand into his own, then over his chest where his heartbeat rises in a crescendo, wishing Ajax could reach into the cavity of his ribs and into his heart, calm him with the warm touch that Zhongli has grown so dependent on. "What is this all about?"
"Promise me," his Ajax said instead, and he was so, so beautiful, the soft glow of the setting sun against his skin, the gentle wind playing the fiery red of his hair. He was the prettiest being Zhongli has ever laid his eyes on, the most beautiful soul ever graced Zhongli’s life; this is his one and only, the only one that matters, Rex Lapis Morax's most precious treasure of all.
Zhongli vowed to never let any hurt touch him.
"Promise us."
Zhongli stares at the last visage of 'Ajax', of his kind stare fading, of the familiar gentle curl of his lips, and closes his eyes, letting one last tear fall down, down, down..
"I.."
--
"Such a rare opportunity, better do your worst and amuse me— Master Zhongli?"
"Good evening, Master Childe." Zhongli greets, as per usual. His steps are light and steady as he descends the stairs deeper into the heart of The Golden House, where Ajax is now standing straight, entire body tense.
"I.. what are you doing here?" he demands, his twin blades dissipating into thin air as he paces towards Zhongli. "You should leave. Now." he quickly adds. "Things might be getting dangerous for you so you can't stay here."
Zhongli shakes his head, forcing a smile on his lips. "It's alright." he says, advancing towards Ajax as the other man stops and takes a few steps back.
"Everything will be fine."