Chapter Text
it all fell down, it all fell down, it all fell down,
and all i gave you is gone…
It all started three days after Hope’s humanity came back.
“That’s what he said?”
“Yes!” Lizzie exclaimed, pacing around the room, moving her hands in exasperation because she just couldn’t believe it. She needed to keep ranting about what she’d talked with her father just minutes ago. “I told him no, obviously, and that if he had a problem with me being here then we would move out and then he said that wasn’t necessary, but maybe it is, you know? He was just so determined to send me off to Europe with my mom like I’m some kind of confused little girl. I mean, I understand he’s worried and all but you’re back! The real you, and you apologized over and over again for what you did to him! It’s not my fault he can’t forgive you yet and –”
“Stop…”
“ – I’m not a kid anymore! And like, when I told him we’d be sharing the room? He almost passed out! And I was like, ‘chill dad, it’s not like I can get pregnant or something’ and you should have seen his face, that was actually funny but then he started going on and on about how you were still dangerous and how you killed me and how you –”
“Shut up!” Hope screamed angrily.
Lizzie stopped her walking and turned towards Hope, her face falling. Hope looked at her then, eyes growing wide to realize she’d just yelled at her. She opened and closed her mouth multiple times and even gulped before she got the words out;
“I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to say that or – yell at you.”
Lizzie crossed her arms over her chest. “But you did,” she pointed out, because it wasn’t the first time she’d done that ever since she was back. Hope had snapped at her last night when she was in the bathroom of her room – Lizzie thought she heard her talking to someone there and when she knocked on the door to ask if everything was okay, Hope yelled at her to go away. She apologized after, saying she’d be out in a minute, but it was done. And now she did it again. Something was wrong, she could feel it. “Hope. What’s going on?”
Hope stared at her in silence, her eyes moving for a moment to the corner of the room before they settled back on her. She took a deep breath and gave her one of her fake smiles, as if Lizzie couldn’t see right through her.
“Nothing’s going on, I’m just… a bit nervous with all my emotions back in. I’m sorry.”
Lizzie didn’t feel like she was lying, but there was something else.
“Hope, you know, I’m new to this kind of… thing, like, a relationship, but I do believe that there has to be trust and communication,” Hope blinked at her and then slowly looked away from her, back to the corner of the room. She groaned and shook her head. “Can you at least look at me? What did I even do?”
Hope sighed, closed her eyes, took a deep breath and looked back at her. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Lizzie. It’s not you. It’s me.”
Lizzie gulped, feeling her heart racing. “Are you… trying to break up with me?”
Hope’s eyes widened as she jumped off the bed. “What? No! No, I’d never break up with you. I’m not trying to do that.”
Lizzie let out a long sigh, placing a hand on her chest for a moment. “Damn you, Hope. You almost gave me a heart attack. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’? That’s something you say when you’re breaking up with someone!” She took a breath and stepped closer to her girlfriend, reaching out to take her hands in hers, trying to have her full attention. As soon as she did that, a small smile curved Hope’s lips, forming one on her own. “You know you can talk to me. Please, Hope.”
Hope’s gaze drifted away for a moment before it went back at her, a new relief in them. “I’ll tell you, but you have to stay calm, okay?” That was surely a great way to start. Her nervousness grew a bit, but Lizzie bit her tongue and nodded nonetheless. “It’s… my dark side. She’s not really gone. She… appears sometimes out of nowhere and tries to convince me to let her out, it’s like that there are moments in which she gets stronger and tries to make me switch back.”
Everything clicked into the pieces now. She remembered MG telling her that her dad had snapped Hope’s neck because she was freaking out over them after they won the simulation against Ken… she’d threatened them all and seemed to be talking to someone that wasn’t even there.
“And you can see her,” Lizzie concluded, remembering the way Hope would look over her shoulder in the past days, how she was looking at the corner of the room just moments before. “Is she… here right now?” Hope didn’t need to answer her with words; the way she glared at the corner of the room for a moment told her everything she needed to know. She didn’t want her to focus on her, so she took Hope’s chin and made her look back at her. “Don’t listen to her. Why did she show up?”
Hope took her time to answer, but kept her eyes on her at least. “I think that… when I’m feeling threatened or scared or hurt… whatever bad emotion I can have, she shows up.”
Lizzie frowned, trying to register what could have triggered her dark side now. She remembered how Hope was peacefully reading a book when she was the one that stormed all angry into her room to tell her about her fight with her dad.
She’d told Alaric that she and Hope were together, as in a relationship, and he kind of freaked out on her and even tried to tell her that she was going to go to Europe to her mom and her sister, to get away from Hope, as if she couldn’t have any say on it.
She knew what was wrong in an instant.
“Hope… I’m not going to go away. I’m not going anywhere.”
Hope smiled lightly to her and was about to say something to her, but she glared to the corner of the room and closed her eyes as her hold on her hands grew stronger. It was clear her dark side was saying something to upset her… Lizzie wished she could just make her go away – there had to be some kind of spell – but she couldn’t think of any of them right now.
If she couldn’t make her go away, she could make Hope focus on something else.
Lizzie pulled Hope closer to her and crashed her lips against hers, letting go of her hands to move her own to Hope’s cheeks, her thumbs gently caressing her skin as relief filled her when Hope kissed her back, her arms wrapping around her waist to keep her close.
She broke the kiss after a moment but rested her forehead against Hope’s, smiling slightly to see the softness in Hope’s blue eyes – there was no darkness now. “Better?”
“Much better.”
Lizzie’s smile grew a bit but it suddenly fell. “Next time she shows up, you tell me, okay? We’re going to find a way to get rid of her… there has to be some kind of spell.”
“There isn’t. Why do you think I’m reading so many books? It’s useless. And she already told me… if there was a spell for it, she would have gotten rid of me when I was the one haunting her.”
Lizzie raised an eyebrow. “And you believe her? She’ll say anything for you to give up and let her win. You can’t believe anything she says… no matter the situation, no matter what happens, don’t let her get to you.”
“I know,” Hope gave her half a smile. “I’m trying.”
Lizzie smiled and gave her a peck on the lips before taking her hand and walking back to the bed. “Now I know a perfect way to keep her away; cuddles, kisses, movies, food,” she felt happy to see Hope playfully rolling her eyes as she cuddled against her side, her arm crossing her stomach and holding her close. She could feel the tiredness coming off of her so she placed a soft kiss on her forehead and whispered, “I love you, Hope Andrea Mikaelson.”
Hope leaned more into her and whispered back, “I love you too, Elizabeth Jenna Saltzman.”
“Lizzie? Lizzie, wake up! Lizzie, please… please don’t do this to me. You said you weren’t going anywhere! Lizzie!”
Hope snapped her eyes open as she sat straight up, heavy breathing. She swallowed hard, cringing to feel how dry her throat was. She looked next to her to see Lizzie peacefully sleeping, her chest slowly rising in calm breaths.
She was fine. It was just a nightmare.
A twisted memory, actually… the memory of her killing Lizzie, except that in her nightmare, Lizzie wouldn’t wake up – she kept her eyes opened, lifeless, with a broken neck.
Was she ever going to stop dreaming of that moment?
“No, you’re not.”
Hope’s eyes shot up to see herself – her dark self, sitting at the end of the bed, near Lizzie’s feet. She was about to tell her to go away but she remembered Lizzie’s comforting words from nights ago, when she first told her about this… hallucination she was having. She shouldn’t listen to anything her dark self had to say. She had to ignore her.
Hope was about to just that and cuddle next to Lizzie again to try to get some good sleep, but her dark self’s voice sounded again. “You know I could make it happen again, don’t you?” Hope glared at her but reminded herself; she couldn’t let her get to her. But this was the darkest part of herself; she did know how to get right through her. That was why she saw red when her dark self’s hand fell on Lizzie’s foot. “Such a pretty neck I would be snapping… again.”
She was sure her eyes flashed yellow. “Don’t touch her.”
“Why not?” A smirk rose on her dark self’s lips as her fingers played with the blanket right above Lizzie’s foot. “After everything I’ve done for you, the least you can do is share. We both know she wouldn’t mind.”
Hope took a deep breath. “Go. Away.”
She thought she’d done something when her dark self stood up, which was rare, because she never went away whenever she told her to. And she was correct about this too, since her no humanity self walked around the bed to now sit right behind Lizzie, not at her feet.
Hope kept her glare at her, daring her to go on – but she had to remember this wasn’t real. This was a hallucination; whatever her dark self wanted to do to Lizzie, she wouldn’t be able to do it.
“Are you sure about that?” Hope frowned and groaned after a second, remembering she was her. Of course she could know what she was thinking. “Yeah, that’s correct. You really think I can do nothing? I can show you if you want.”
Hope clenched her jaw. She wasn’t going to give in. It was not real.
Her no humanity self smirked up at her as the dark veins appeared under her yellow eyes, her fangs emerging. Hope gulped; it wasn’t real. It was fine. But the anxiety was growing as she watched her dark self moving part of Lizzie’s blonde hair away from her neck to lean in, ready to sink her fangs into the skin.
“Stop!”
“Hope?”
Hope blinked and looked up to see that her dark self was gone… and she was the one leaning into Lizzie’s neck. She even felt her fangs out. Hope moved away horrified, the fangs restricting in, watching as Lizzie sat up, looking at her through sleepy eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
Hope felt her heart beating with fierce. What was she going to do? No, it wasn’t her – it was her dark self. She saw her. She was the one about to try to bite Lizzie… and that wasn’t real. It was a hallucination.
“Was it?” Her dark self appeared again sitting behind Lizzie, looking at her with a smug smirk on face. “It seems I’m stronger than you think.”
“Hope,” Lizzie’s voice made her look back at her. But she couldn’t help her eyes looking back and forth between the blonde and the other invisible brunette in the room, who had her eyes fixed on Lizzie’s neck. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“She’s here,” she whispered as her dark self gave her a look; traitor. “Right behind you. She… she was going to bite you. I thought she was going to bite you and then you woke up and I realized… I was the one in your neck. I’m so sorry, Lizzie, I’m so –”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Lizzie gently put her hand above hers and squeezed it. “I know you’d never hurt me.”
“That’s the problem! That wasn’t me, that was her and she’s taking more control, she’s stronger and I was going to –”
“But you didn’t!” Lizzie intertwined their hands together, holding on to them. “You’re not going to hurt me, Hope.”
“But I will,” Hope looked back at her dark self, seeing her smirk growing. “If you don’t let me fully out… I can hurt her. I will hurt her.”
“What’s she saying?”
Hope swallowed hard, eyes moving back to Lizzie. “She… she says that if I don’t let her out she’ll hurt you.”
“Like hell she won’t,” Lizzie shook her head. “She killed me, Hope. And I betrayed her. I’m pretty sure that if you let her out, she’s going to come for me first.”
“Good point,” her dark self nodded with an indifferent shrug. “But since I don’t feel anything, I can’t even feel her betrayal so I’m not mad.”
Hope frowned at her. “So why do you want out?”
“Like I said, after everything I’ve done for you, the least you could do is share. It’s not fun being in the shadows seeing you so weak. And I know she prefers me anyway,” she shrugged lightly. “You’re kinda boring, kiddo.” Hope glared at the way that her fingers brushed against Lizzie’s bare arm, though the blonde didn’t feel a thing. “And she knows I’m not.”
“Don’t. Touch. Her.”
“Hope… let’s just try to sleep, okay?” Hope blinked when she felt Lizzie’s soft hand on her cheek and focused on her eyes. “She’s just trying to use me to get to you. Don’t let her.”
“I’m not trying to use her,” her dark self answered instead. “I want her. And sooner or later, I will have her. You’ll see.”
Lizzie leaned closer to her, blocking her view to her other self, and rested her forehead against hers. Hope felt her heavy breathing starting to slow down as she stared into her blue eyes in silence.
“Your eyes were getting a little yellow, which is a bit hot, but I don’t want her getting into your nerves.”
Hope sighed. “She already got in my nerves. She knows how to.”
“What does she want now?”
“You.”
“Yeah, right, to get my neck snapped again?”
“No… I don’t think it’s like that. She says…” she blinked up at her, feeling the warmth on her cheeks. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not letting her take over.”
“That sounds more like the Hope Mikaelson I love.”
Hope’s smile fell if only a little bit, enough for Lizzie to not notice as she kissed her lips before settling down back on the bed, pulling her down with her. Hope looked up to see dark self wasn’t around anymore. She sighed in relief and snuggled more against Lizzie’s side, enjoying her arms wrapping around her.
“I’m not going to sleep again anyway,” she whispered against the blonde’s chest. “If I do, I’ll have another nightmare, she’ll show up again.”
“Okay, I wasn’t planning on sleeping either,” Lizzie moved her head to look down at her, a smirk breaking on her face. “Have any ideas what we can do instead?”
Lizzie didn’t give her time to answer that she was already kissing her, her legs tangling with hers as she pulled her closer. Hope kissed her back, but her own voice couldn’t stop ringing inside her head;
“And I know she prefers me anyway. You’re kinda boring, kiddo.”
Lizzie finished putting on her oversized white shirt and walked back to bed, seeing the electronic clock on the nightstand marked ten p.m. She took her brush as she walked back to the mirror, starting to comb her wet hair down.
Soon Hope would be here after defeating the daily monster and Lizzie made sure to have everything settled for a good, resting night. Her laptop was already opened on Hope’s desk with the sneaks she stole from the kitchen. It’d be a good night movie with cuddles.
She finished combing her hair and took the laptop to then sit on Hope’s bed with it in front of her. She had to look for a good comedy movie – she certainly didn’t want a dramatic one, afraid that would trigger something inside Hope and make her dark self appear again.
But Lizzie was starting to think Hope had managed to defeat her, because she hadn’t showed up for five days by now… or so Hope told her, but Lizzie believed her, because she didn’t glance over her shoulder anymore, she wouldn’t glare at any invisible spot in the room, she wouldn’t be talking to herself.
It was good.
The door snapped open, but Lizzie only glanced over to it to verify that it was indeed Hope, and looked back at the laptop, already used to her girlfriend’s dramatic entrances.
“Hey babe,” she called, concentrated on trying to find the movie MG had recommended her days ago. “I’m trying to find the movie that –”
Lizzie didn’t get to finish her sentence that Hope was already in front of her, a hand on the back of her neck to pull her in for a kiss. Lizzie was a bit taken back but kissed her back nonetheless, thinking that maybe it was a rough fight with the monster. She was about to bring her hands up to Hope’s face, but then Hope leaned more into her, deepening the kiss and making her fall on her back on the bed.
The kiss was so intense that left Lizzie breathless as Hope’s mouth parted from hers and started trailing kisses down her jawline to her neck. She had to bite her bottom lip to keep the moan in as Hope sucked into her skin, one of her hands sliding down her thighs as a chill ran through Lizzie’s body.
“Not that I’m complaining,” Lizzie tried to steady her breathing. “But is everything okay?”
Hope stopped her work on her neck for a moment as Lizzie knew there had to be a hickey. She’d have to get one of her scarfs out for tomorrow. “I just missed you.”
Lizzie giggled. “Clingy.”
Hope was still for a moment, only a moment, before she went up to her face again to catch her lips in a kiss – a very passionate kiss. Lizzie wanted to place her hands on Hope’s face, but Hope was faster and moved her hand from under her shirt to take hers away and up her head, intertwining their fingers.
Lizzie frowned slightly, because then Hope took her other hand and moved it away from her other cheek too, to place it right above her head as well, next to her other hand.
It reminded her of the way Hope would pin her hands above her head when they had sex in the motel rooms… back when she was all hungry kisses and rough touches because she didn’t have any emotions on.
It all clicked in when in the middle of their kiss, Hope bit her bottom lip till it drew blood, and ran her tongue over it, licking it off.
Lizzie let out a small groan as she broke from her. “What are you doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
Lizzie looked at Hope’s eyes then and knew her theory was confirmed in a second. There was nothing of the softness and warmth Hope would have in her gaze whenever she looked at her… it was all gone, now there was only darkness, a mix of coldness and lust.
Oh no.
Lizzie wanted to reach out to touch Hope’s face but her hold on her hands was stronger. “What did you do?”
A smirk slowly rose on Hope’s lips. “You said you weren’t complaining.”
She leaned in to kiss her once again but Lizzie moved her face away, Hope’s lips finding only her cheek. She thought she heard a small grunt coming from her girlfriend before she hid her face in her neck again, deciding to place her hungry kisses there.
Lizzie closed her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek, because as much as she sure liked it, she needed answers. She had to bring her Hope back.
“Hope, stop.”
Hope did grunt then as she removed her face from her neck and looked up at her through a glare. “You seriously want me to stop?”
“Yes. I don’t want to do this. Not like this.”
“You never minded in the motel.”
“Get off me. Now.”
Hope rolled her eyes as she let go of her hands and moved to the side to where Lizzie thought her laptop was, though there was nothing now there. She sat up straight and looked down at the brunette next to her, staring up the ceiling with a smirk on her swollen lips.
“It’s good to be back.”
Lizzie tried her best to not freak out. If no humanity Hope wanted to kill her, like Lizzie thought she would want, she could have already done it, but instead tried to get it on with her.
“Why are you back?”
“Weak little girl couldn’t handle the monster of the week, apparently,” Lizzie shivered to hear her cold laugh. “It was pathetic, really. It seemed this monster was one to show you your deepest fears and your deepest regrets. I saved the day in the end. You should give me some credit for that.”
Lizzie didn’t know what to do. Hope had told her how hard it was for her to overcome her dark side in her mind. They even had a physical fight and all, with “good” Hope stabbing her dark self.
And yeah, her dark self hung around them for the next days after that… but she didn’t actually believe that Hope would let her take over again. What kind of pain had she been in facing that monster that she decided to do this? She should have been there. She could have stopped her.
Lizzie blinked when she felt Hope’s hand back on her thigh as the brunette moved closer to her. “Don’t I deserve a prize for saving the day?”
She knew she had to do something about this. She had to bring Hope back somehow.
Lizzie leaned down to her and kissed Hope, her – dark – girlfriend’s hands staying on the sides of her hip to pull her body more into her. Just as Hope’s tongue was about to break through her lips, Lizzie pulled away.
“Please let her come back.”
Hope’s face hardened. “No.”
She tried to go in for another kiss, but Lizzie shook her head. “Why aren’t you trying to kill me then?”
“I should,” Hope’s voice dangerously lowered, one of her hands moving up to Lizzie’s face to remove a blonde lock from her cheek in such a gentle way it reminded her of her Hope. “But I can’t. I am back, but she’s still somewhere holding me back. It doesn’t matter. I’ll have full control in the end, and once we’re done, I might be able to do it.”
“You won’t.”
“I sure will,” the smirk was back on her face as her dark blue eyes fell on Lizzie’s lips. “Unless you give me reasons not to.”
Lizzie didn’t know what to do. She was glad that this Hope gave her that piece of information, not knowing how much it meant to her, because if that was true – which it was, considering she wasn’t dead yet – it meant she could bring Hope back, easier than before. The no humanity Hope she’d known before wouldn’t have doubted in snapping her neck… this one, even if she was cold and dark, had some of Hope’s feelings inside her… enough to not kill her.
Hope had to be somewhere inside there trying to get back.
But as this Hope leaned forward to kiss her once again, Lizzie moved back, knowing she didn’t want to. She wanted her Hope back, with her kind eyes, her gentle touches, her soft kisses.
“Fine then,” Hope answered unbothered, moving away from her to sit up. “I’ll find someone else to entertain myself. One good thing about this shitty town is there are tons of pretty blondes.”
Lizzie frowned, because she knew she meant it. Her Hope would never, but this one would just sleep with anyone she could get her hands on just to satisfy her needs and to hurt her, since she couldn’t kill her… yet.
Before Hope got off the bed, Lizzie took her arm and pulled her right back in, sitting on top of her stomach. “Not so fast, Mikaelson. You know you won’t find anyone as pretty as me.”
Hope arched a daring eyebrow to her. “Entertain me then.”
Lizzie narrowed her eyes. God she forgot how much this Hope annoyed her. “Entertain you? I’m your girlfriend, dark or not, so show some respect.”
“Earn it.”
She rolled her eyes and was about to lean down to kiss her, but Hope was faster and changed their positions, throwing her against the bed and sitting on top of her. Lizzie’s lips curved into a tiny smirk, remembering this Hope’s need for dominance.
“That’s better.”
Lizzie opened her mouth to ask her if she was that afraid of not being in control, but she didn’t have the chance that Hope crashed her lips against hers.
It was going to be a long night.
And it was.
Lizzie was pretty tired out; she didn’t even want to check what time it was, but it was deep in the night. She was trying to keep her eyes open but it was getting really hard… but she was suddenly very much awake once she saw Hope fully dressed, sitting on the bed’s end trying to look for her shoes.
Lizzie reached for her white t-shirt and put it on before sitting up. “What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
“What?”
“I’ll come back to kill you once I’m done with my humanity side, don’t worry.”
Lizzie struggled to get off the bed once Hope stood up. She used her vamp speed to stand in front of her, blocking her path.
“Wait, no. I’m not letting you go.”
“Why?” She let out a humorless chuckle. “Do you really think that meant something for me? Sorry to break it to you, but you’re just a pretty distraction, Lizzie, that’s all.”
Lizzie stepped closer to her and took her hands in hers. “I know that’s not true. You love me, and I love you, Hope. You have to fight harder, please.”
Hope tried to move her hands away but Lizzie held on to them. She glared at her through her dark gaze. “Stay out of my way. I might not be able to kill you, yet, but I can always hurt you.”
“Prove it then,” she stared right into Hope’s eyes. “Hurt me.”
Dark veins appeared under Hope’s yellow eyes as her fangs came out and Lizzie waited for it, never letting go of her hands. She kept her stare on her and waited… and waited.
Nothing happened.
It seemed Hope noticed it too, because there was a bit of real frustration on her face.
“You can’t hurt me,” Lizzie interrupted the heavy and tense silence that settled around the room. “Which means my Hope is stronger right now.”
Hope’s yellow flashed once again as she broke hold of their hands, one of her own moving up to try to do something on her, but it was held up – as if she physically couldn’t move it towards her.
Lizzie took her chance then. She closed the distance between them and caught Hope’s lips in her own, but in a gentle kiss. She moved her hand up to her cheek to cup it, thumb softly stroking the skin on it.
“Please come back,” she whispered on her lips, resting her forehead against Hope’s and watching as the other girl kept her eyes closed. “Hope, come back to me.”
Hope frowned deeply, seeming to be in distress about it and truly fighting it. But then she opened her eyes, and that was all Lizzie needed to know she was back, with that softness in her gaze.
“Lizzie.”
They crashed each other in a whole different way now, in a tight hug, holding on to each other. Lizzie sighed out in relief to feel Hope’s warmth breath against her neck as her arms wrapped around her.
“Don’t do that again,” Hope whispered before moving away from her to look up at her. “Don’t dare her to hurt you.”
“I knew she wasn’t going to… and that if she did hurt me, you’d come out to stop her.” She smiled at her and placed a hand on her cheek. “Is she… gone for good?”
“I don’t think so. I can’t see her right now, but I can still feel her with me,” Hope blinked, new tears shimmering in her light-blue eyes. “I have to go, Lizzie. I’m so dangerous… she can get over again and –”
“You’re not going anywhere, Hope, so stop –”
“But I have to!” Hope interrupted her, letting go of her hands to step back and give her back to her. “I could have hurt you. I could have hurt everyone. I… I can’t fully control her and now it’s getting out of hands. I have to get away from all of you before I do something I’ll regret.”
Lizzie sighed to hear the small cry coming from Hope. She walked closer to her and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder.
“I’m not going to let any of that happen, okay?” She held on to her, glad that Hope leaned more into her as her sniffing stopped. “You’re not going to hurt anyone. We’ll keep her in check.”
“I can’t ask you to keep doing that,” Hope shook her head. “You can’t be with me 24/7, Lizzie. It’s not fair. I have to go, so please…”
“So you want to leave me?”
Hope turned around in her embrace, frown deepening. “I don’t want to. But I have to.”
“You’re not going to play the hero complex again, Hope Mikaelson. You don’t have to do this alone. We’re still trying to find a way to get rid of her.”
“And we found nothing and she took over tonight! Yes, she defeated the monster, because she didn’t have any other choice and because I was still there somewhere, but what if she comes back stronger and I don’t have any say on it?”
“Leaving and being alone isn’t the solution, Hope,” Lizzie took a deep breath and reached down to take her hands. “We have to keep looking, but we’ll do it together, okay? Promise me you won’t leave. If you really love me, promise it.”
“Lizzie…” but Lizzie arched an eyebrow to her and waited; she was not going to back down on this. There was no way she was going to let her go. It was not happening. “Okay. I promise I’m not leaving… but if I hurt anyone, I will.”
“I know you won’t hurt anyone, but if you do and you want to leave… I’ll go with you,” Hope opened her mouth to fight against her, but Lizzie kept on. “We’re in this together, Hope. Till the bitter end, remember?”
Hope stared at her and probably gave up knowing she was very serious about this. Whenever she went, Lizzie was going to go with her, too. The brunette eventually nodded as Lizzie stepped closer to her and hugged her again, enjoying the warmth of Hope’s body as she rested her head against her chest and wrapped her arms around her.
“And I promise you,” Lizzie whispered against her head before giving a quick kiss to it. “Everything will be okay.”
Everything was not okay.
But there was a progress.
Her dark side hadn’t taken over again since what happened that night last week, which was a clear progress… though she kept showing up, and most often than not. Hope was having nightmares almost every night; she was sure it was her dark self putting them there to try to break her once again, but she wasn’t giving in.
She’d been stupid enough to give in when she faced that monster that showed her deepest fears and regrets. She had to be stronger, but she couldn’t take it; she had to watch her parents dying all over again, she had to watch how she broke Lizzie’s neck again, she had to watch how she thrusted the sword into Landon that night. And then her deepest fears… she’d seen all her friends murdered by her all around her, and she’d lost it when she saw Lizzie’s bloody body right at her feet, and she realized she was holding her heart in her hands.
The monster was going to suck the life out of her, hadn’t her dark self appeared right next to her.
“Let me out. Now. I am not going to be devoured by this Dementor wanna be. Their magic can’t work on me if they have no emotions to appeal to.”
Hope had known that to be true, so she let her out.
But it wasn’t like last time, when her no humanity side had complete control. She wasn’t in full control this time; Hope’s emotions were inside her, but darker – much darker, and Hope had enough strength to keep her from hurting Lizzie, which was something.
In the end, when her dark side had tried to hurt Lizzie, Hope knew she had to step up.
Hope took a sip of her drink, eyes moving around, neck cracking a bit to find the loud music so annoying, but she needed the fresh air and the distraction. It would be no good to stay in her room, alone, with her dark self feeding into her securities.
So that was why this night she found herself in a party in the Old Mill, along the many kids that were having a good time there with drinks and music and dancing and all. She was sitting on an old couch in the corner of the place, though, all by herself… no one would dare to approach her, except for her friends and girlfriend.
If everyone had been wary of her for her Mikaelson name, after her no humanity era, there were no words to describe how everyone felt about her.
Not like she cared, anyway. But it was a bit annoying the way everyone would worriedly glance over to her or whisper to each other, which, thanks to her supernatural hearing, she could listen to.
She’d learned to ignore them, but after hearing the first whispers, she had to deal with her dark side showing up to stand by her side all night, apparently.
“You should just show them what you can do.”
Hope rolled her eyes and took another sip of her drink to have her mouth occupied in something and not answer her dark self, sitting right next to her.
“Where is our prettiest distraction, anyway? It’s really embarrassing how fast she always is to leave you behind when in groups.”
As if Lizzie could hear her, her laugh sounded through the place… or that was only Hope’s vamp hearing. She turned her head to see the blonde a few feet away from her, in front of the table that had snacks and drinks, with the petite redhead god Jen, laughing with each other.
She looked away, feeling the spark of anger growing inside her. She tried to push it away, because it was stupid. It was very notorious that Jen had a crush on Lizzie, but she trusted her girlfriend. She shouldn’t feel any type of jealousy.
“Told you so,” the invisible brunette said next to her. “She’s going to choose her, you just wait. Or… you could let me control the situation and kill that the little god before she attempts at anything. Oh, maybe that’s too late now.”
Hope turned her head back to her and she didn’t want to, but by the way that Jen had stepped closer to Lizzie, she couldn’t help her vamp hearing;
“So dude, have you thought about it?” Jen asked.
“What do you mean?”
“The coffee that I invited you when we were in the car? Yeah, it’s been a month now, but since there’s no really danger anymore, I was thinking…”
“Oh, coffee… right. Uh, yeah, sure. If it’s as friends, sure thing.”
Hope looked away quickly to see that Jen’s eyes were moving towards her. She was kind of glad that she heard that; not the part of a girl asking her girlfriend out on a date, but that Lizzie clarified that she’d go if it was just as friends. By the way that her dark self rolled her eyes next to her, she knew it was a good sign.
Hope grimaced at the sound going louder. She was going to get a headache soon if she didn’t get out of there. No one else seemed to mind, though, so she knew it was probably her lack of sleep playing tricks.
She was about to stand up, but someone flopped down next to her, right where her dark self was before. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it was; the scent of lavender hitting her sold the person out.
“Hey, going somewhere?”
Hope turned to look at Lizzie, “The music is a bit too loud.”
The blonde giggled, her blue eyes sparkling. Hope could tell she was a bit tipsy. “You’re going to be twenty forever and you’re complaining about the music? Such a grandma,” Hope rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless when Lizzie leaned in to kiss her. “You wanna go somewhere else?”
Hope was about to answer her, but through the music whispers started to sound very much clear.
“I told you Hope Mikaelson and Lizzie Saltzman were a couple now! Didn’t you see them kissing?”
“But how? I mean, didn’t Hope like, kill her? Isn’t that the whole reason Elizabeth is a heretic now?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know, maybe she got her under a spell or something. I heard that’s what Dr. Saltzman believes.”
“I’ll show them what a spell looks like.”
Hope grabbed Lizzie’s wrist when she stood up; ready to go over to the pair of girls that were whispering to each other. It seemed the action, and glare that Lizzie sent them, was enough for the girls to realize they’d heard them and running off.
“Lizzie, it’s fine,” she didn’t need her girlfriend getting into another argument with girls or boys that were whispering behind their back. She’d done that already twice – that Hope knew of – since their return at the school. “They’re just girls.”
“Stupid girls,” Lizzie corrected her as she looked down to her and pulled her hand up, making Hope stand as well. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
Hand by hand, Hope and Lizzie walked out of the Old Mill and deeper into the woods. It was half-moon, but the sky was clear dark with the shinning stars and the moonlight. Once they reached a part where the music couldn’t be heard anymore, Hope sat down in front of a tree and rested her back on it, opening her legs for Lizzie to sit between them.
Once Lizzie was sitting against her chest, Hope wrapped her arms around her waist and held her close, appreciating the silence around, the warmth of her girlfriend’s body against the chilly night… and the fact that her dark self was nowhere to be seen.
It felt like… peace.
“I’m used to the whispering behind my back, you know?” Lizzie’s quiet voice said after the long silence. “I just hate that they talk about you. They’re all so ungrateful. We saved the school from a damn god! You’d think they’d be a little more respectful. And my dad thinking you have me under some kind of spell? That’s so ridiculous! As if you’re some kind of Disney villain that –”
“Well, for the record, maybe you’re the one that has me under some kind of spell.”
She couldn’t see it, but she knew Lizzie rolled her eyes as Hope kissed her cheek. “Ha, very funny, Hope. But seriously, they’re going to have to stop or –”
“Baby, can we stop talking about it? I really don’t have the energy for it.”
Lizzie sighed deeply and nodded, leaning more into her body. “Right. Sorry. I have to control my anger, I know.”
Hope couldn’t judge her on that – she was the last person that could say anything about it, so she didn’t. They fell into a comfortable, quiet silence. Hope placed her chin on Lizzie’s shoulder, their heads resting together as the blonde kept caressing her hands with her fingers.
She wished she could have this kind of peace every day… just cuddling with her girlfriend in a peaceful space, and if it was the woods, even better. They had some history there; she remembered how Lizzie helped her deal with her emotions in telling her to scream into the woods.
“So buckle up; we’re in this till the bitter end.”
Lizzie did stand by her words. After everything Hope had put her through, she was still with her, she still loved her. Hope had put her dad into a coma, she’d killed her, she almost forced her to kill someone… and in the end, Lizzie still chose her.
She couldn’t understand how she couldn’t see her when she was right there the whole time; she’d been too focused on Landon for so long, till she knew it became a bit unhealthy… it got to a point it wasn’t love but obsession on the idea of love. But once Landon was gone and her humanity was off, looking back, she’d realized she had feelings for Lizzie back then too… even if she couldn’t feel them at the moment.
Another thing she regretted; kissing Lizzie for first time without her humanity. Their first time being in some random motel room while they were going after Aurora.
“Hope. What are you doing?”
“Like you don’t want it. You told me you love me.”
“Yes, but this isn’t you…”
“I loved you, for what it’s worth. I didn’t see it before, but once I was clear of my emotions I could see it. So, if you want me to stop, just say it. Say it now, Lizzie, because there will be no coming back from this.”
Hope wondered if her dark side could see what she started. It was all because of her after all; without her emotions, there was nothing holding her back from going after Lizzie in the way she’d always wanted and never dared to acknowledge. And once her humanity returned… it was all so clear.
That was why the first thing she’d done when MG let her out from the cage was going to find Lizzie, who had been avoiding everyone since she returned, hiding in her bed.
“For the last time, dad, I don’t want to talk!”
“It’s me, Lizzie.”
Lizzie pulled the covers down then, blue eyes widening as she sat straight up to see Hope standing in front of her bed. “Hope?”
“Yeah. I know I’m the last person you want to see but… I had to see you.”
Hope hadn’t had the chance to say anything that Lizzie was using her vamp speed to almost tackle her in a hug. There were much crying, and sorry’s, and I love you too, and surprise, and soft smiles and a very much needed gentle kiss.
They hadn’t separated ever since then. Hope knew they’d never be separated again.
She, herself, not her dark side, would kill anyone that dared to take Lizzie away from her. She was not going to lose another person she loved, and Lizzie… she smiled as the blonde changed her position and sat on her side, moving an arm around her shoulder as she hid her face on the other side of her neck.
Hope could feel her breathing slowing down, meaning she was falling asleep. She stroked her arm and moved her head a bit to place her lips against Lizzie’s forehead.
“We should go back to our room. You’re cold.”
Lizzie shook her head very lightly, cuddling more into her. “No. It’s fine. You’re warm.”
Hope kissed her forehead gently and looked down for a moment to see Lizzie’s eyes closed, a peaceful expression on her face as she used the crook of her neck for support. She looked forward again and only wrapped her arms around her a bit more, trying to warm her up as much as possible.
Lizzie was much more than another person she loved. Lizzie was her sun, the only light she needed to make the darkness inside her disappear. Lizzie was her anchor, when the hero complex as she loved to call it got too much inside her head. Lizzie was that butterfly clip that she still had saved, because it reminded her of the pure love she’d felt for her ever since they were kids. Lizzie was so many things in her life, and all of them brought out the good in her.
She didn’t know what could be of her if she ever lost her.
Hope blinked when she saw her dark self leaning on the tree right in front of them, arms crossed over her chest and a knowing smirk on.
She closed her eyes and rested her head against Lizzie’s forehead, focusing on her slow breath in her neck, on the sound of her beating heart.
Hope opened her eyes again, seeing her dark self was gone.
Lizzie kept pacing back and forth around the room.
“So Hope, it’s not big deal, really… she just… kissed me, but I pushed her away! No, gods, that’s horrible,” she shook her head for the tenth time, turning around to keep walking around. “So… Hope… don’t be mad, and just hear me out, okay? She didn’t mean anything by it, she’s just very confused, so she may… have kissed me, but I told her right away that I didn’t feel the same, so it’s all cool, right?” She stopped walking and rolled her eyes, bringing her hands to her head, wanting to actually rip her hair off. “Who the hell will be cool with someone kissing their girlfriend? Get it together Saltzman and find the damn right words.” She kept walking, taking deep breaths. “So babe, something happened. It’s really not big deal because I have everything controlled but… I had coffee with Jen and she just… misunderstood things, and kissed me, but I stopped it as soon as she did it and nothing else happened, I swear. I love you, and only you, and please don’t be mad at her, Jen is really sweet and kind and took her shot and –” Lizzie groaned once again as she stopped walking. “No, Elizabeth, you cannot say that the girl that just kissed you is sweet and kind to your girlfriend, Jesus Christ. Okay, so Hope…”
She was about to keep walking to try to get the right words to explain to Hope that she’d had coffee with Jen today and somewhere in the middle of their conversation, the petite god had kissed her – and Lizzie moved away as soon as she did, and explained to her that she loved Hope and was in a very happy relationship with her. She really didn’t want to break Jen’s heart, but she thought she was clear that she was going to have coffee with her as friends.
It seemed it wasn’t that clear.
Lizzie was a bit startled when Hope stormed into the room, cheeks flushed and yellow eyes on. Lizzie froze in place, panicking for a moment… thinking that Hope had found out on her own and had the half-truth or was thinking the wrong thing.
The yellow in Hope’s eyes disappeared as soon as they landed on her. She parted her lips to speak, but no sound came from. Instead of the softness that there was always in Hope’s light-blue eyes, Lizzie found nothing but coldness.
Hope slammed the door shut behind her and walked over to the wardrobe to take a suitcase out. Lizzie frowned deeply.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving.”
“Wait, what?!” Hope started throwing her clothes without care inside the suitcase. “Hope, if this is about what happened with Jen, you need to hear me out, okay? She kissed me and I stopped her!” But the brunette kept filling her suitcase, moving to her desk next to start taking her things from there and getting them inside a backpack. “Hope, are you serious right now? It was literally a two seconds kiss, Jen is just confused about her feelings for me but I made it clear I love you and no else!” To see that Hope wasn’t truly listening to her, she walked over to her and took her arm, making her turn around to look at her. “You are seriously not leaving because of this, Hope Mikaelson. We’re going to talk about this like the grown people that we are, so cut the dramatic show.”
Hope got rid of her grip, glaring up at her. “I don’t care about that stupid kiss… you can have more from her if you want, I do not care.”
Lizzie was too shocked to speak; she could only frown as Hope turned back to the suitcase and the backpack. She quickly connected the knots then and before Hope could take hold of the backpack with her free hand, since the other was already on the suitcase, Lizzie took it from her.
“What did you do, Hope? Why did you let her take control again? Because of the kiss?”
Hope looked at her confused for a moment, but then realization sunk in. “I’m not her. I’m still me. And you don’t really want to know why I’m doing this, so just drop it, Lizzie. I have to go.”
“Are you out of your mind? You really think I’m going to just let you go? And of course this is your dark side that has taken control, I’m not stupid! What happened, Hope?”
“Lizzie, this is me, and I don’t want to do this so please –”
“Tell me, Hope, or you’ll have to hurt me to get through that door because I am not letting you go.” Hope stared at her, a few tears starting to build inside her gaze as she quickly looked down. A thought crossed Lizzie’s mind then. There was only one reason for Hope to be so ready to leave. “Did you… hurt someone?”
Hope was silent for a moment, till she took a deep breath and answered her. “I saw you and Jen having coffee. I saw you two laughing and having fun and all, and I saw her kissing you. Yes, you stopped it… but you know what I felt when I saw it?” Lizzie didn’t want to answer to that, only saw as Hope looked at her through teary eyes as if she was trying so hard to hold back the tears. “Nothing. I felt… nothing. Not anger, not jealousy, not sadness. Nothing. And that’s when I knew.”
Lizzie was truly confused. “You knew what?”
Hope looked down. “I don’t love you anymore. I don’t think I ever did in the first place so… I’m sorry, Lizzie. I – I should have never made you believe that I… returned your feelings.”
Lizzie let out a nervous laugh. “You’re joking, right?” To hear no response from Hope, the smile on her lips fell. “You’re joking, Hope.”
“I’m not,” Hope gulped, eyes still on the ground. “I’m just… very ashamed that I let it come this far. I don’t think I… ever stopped loving Landon. I was still grieving him when I thought I knew my feelings for you and I confused them so… I’m sorry.”
Lizzie was so lost; she couldn’t help but feel as a dagger went right through her chest to hear those words, but something was very wrong. She knew it. “And you expect me to believe that? You won’t even look at me. What’s going on?”
“Lizzie… I’m telling you: I don’t –”
“Then say it to my face!” Lizzie yelled at her, because she lost her patience. Whatever stupid joke this one was, it wasn’t funny. And if it wasn’t a joke, she didn’t understand where this was coming from… she knew Hope was lying. “Look at me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me, Hope.”
A few seconds passed before Hope moved her head up, staring right into her eyes. “I don’t love you. I never have.”
Lizzie frowned deeply, her fingers gripping at the backpack she was holding. Her brain – and heart – took their time to register what she was hearing. But when she did, she gulped hard and shook her head.
“I don’t believe you,” Hope sighed and looked away, starting to look annoyed. “You’re lying, Hope. You think I don’t know when you’re lying? What the fuck happened? You have to tell me, we said that there was going to be trust and communication and –”
“I don’t love you, okay?!” Hope cut her off with a scream, anger flashing through her eyes. “I do not love you, Lizzie; you wanted me to say it to your face so that’s what I’m doing! What other proof you need?!”
“I don’t need your fucking proof, Hope! Just tell me why you’re lying!”
“I’m not lying! It’s not my fault your ego is so big you can’t wrap your head around the fact that I don’t love you!”
That did hurt. Lizzie gasped and closed her lips in a tight line, starting to feel tears building up in her eyes. Hope looked as surprised as she was to her own words; her eyes moved past Lizzie, as if someone else was there.
“She’s here, isn’t she? She’s telling you to tell me all this? Why are you even listening to her?”
“She’s not telling me anything,” Hope glared back at her. “You were just a distraction from Landon, I’m sorry to say it like that, but you have to understand that this is over, Lizzie. It should have never started.”
Hope took the backpack from her and put it on; Lizzie was too shocked to react. She didn’t understand what was happening… because it couldn’t be true. Hope had to be lying; there was absolutely no way that what she was saying was true.
Lizzie knew Hope loved her, in the way she would simply look at her with a softness reserved only for her. In the way she’d watch over her when she fell asleep, telling her that she loved her when she thought she was asleep. In the way she would tickle her till both of them were laughing so much their stomachs and throats actually hurt. In the gentle touches and sweet kisses.
It couldn’t be all a lie. Could it be?
Lizzie blinked when she realized Hope was heading to the door. She ran to her and stood on her way, shaking her head.
“Hope, you have to tell me what’s going on.”
“Get out of the way, Lizzie.”
“No! I know something is wrong and you won’t tell me. If you wanna leave, you’ll have to get through me.”
She didn’t flinch when the dark veins appeared under Hope’s eyes, yellow covering blue, because she knew Hope would never hurt her. That was why she didn’t react when Hope held up her hand as Lizzie was raised in the air, trying to breathe, feeling fingers burning her skin… she was chocking her.
Hope moved her hand around and threw her off to the right wall; the ground shaking once Lizzie fell on it, groaning to feel the pain on her whole body. She looked up to see Hope on the doorway, looking back at her with regret and pain, but also anger.
“Goodbye, Lizzie.”
Lizzie tried to get up but Hope moved her hand towards her again and all Lizzie could see was darkness as she felt her body falling back on the ground.
The next thing she knew, she was lying down on something comfortable. Lizzie slowly opened her eyes, moving her head from side to side, hearing someone calling out for her.
Once she fully opened her eyes, she saw MG and Cleo sitting at her side. She looked around, seeing she was in her room, on her bed. She was confused for a moment, but then she remembered everything.
Hope.
Hope packing her things.
Hope telling her she didn’t love her.
Hope attacking her.
“Where’s Hope?”
MG sighed. “How are you feeling? You’ve been out for a few hours now and –”
“Where is Hope, MG? She broke up with me, told me… horrible things and just attacked me! I think her dark side took over again and –”
“She’s gone, Lizzie.”
Lizzie’s eyes grew big. “Gone? What do you mean gone?”
“She left… hours ago. I tried to stop her, but she threatened to kill me. And… I don’t think her humanity was off, she was a sobbing mess.”
“We tried talking to her,” Cleo softly spoke up. “After what happened with Pedro, we told her it wasn’t her fault but she ran off… we thought you were going to calm her down.”
Lizzie frowned. “Pedro? What happened with Pedro?”
“We were in the woods fighting a monster,” MG started explaining to her. “It was just Hope and me… and we were taking forever to destroy that monster, but then she finally defeated it. And… started yelling to herself… to her dark side, I think,” the boy looked almost scared to keep going. “She started using magic on the air, and I tried to stop her but she attacked me for a moment. And then… Pedro appeared and she was so blinded by the anger that she really didn’t see him. She snapped at him with her magic, threw him off to a tree and knocked him unconscious. He has some… broken ribs and his left arm is broken, too.”
Lizzie tried to take everything in. “Is he… is he okay though?”
Cleo nodded. “Yeah. He’s awake already. A little bit scared, but he’s fine.”
“I knew something was wrong,” Lizzie felt the tears coming back to her eyes. “She started telling me that she realized she didn’t love me when she saw Jen kissing me and…”
“I was there when we saw you,” MG nodded. “She was a bit angry, but we both saw how you stopped Jen and we heard what you told her. She was fine then. But your father called us that there was a new monster and we had to go.”
Lizzie blinked to remember what MG told her. She’d been unconscious for hours… Hope had left hours ago.
“Promise me you won’t leave. If you really love me, promise it.”
Why would she do this? Why would she leave her behind? They’d said to each other that if she did hurt someone and wanted to leave, Lizzie would go with her… because they were together, till the bitter end.
How could she do this? Hope had pushed her away… too much, to the point Lizzie couldn’t – literally – follow her since she attacked her and knocked her out.
She’d told her she didn’t love her. She’d hurt her. All to push her away so she’d let her go.
Lizzie didn’t realize the many tears running down her face till MG sat closer to her and hugged her. She buried her face on his shoulder, feeling the sobs ripping through her throat.
Hope was gone.