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It had been four months since y/n disappeared. She tried. She tried so hard to be apart of the team, but she couldn’t be the hero they wanted. She could feel the stares, the disappointment as she walked down the halls of the compound. Regardless of the apologies and comforting talks they had all given her, she knew that they still didn’t forgive her for the past. Nat was the only one to treat her like a person, like a lost kid, who made a mistake. But in the end it wasn’t enough to make her stay.
Nat could remember the day very clearly. She went into the young teens room to bring her to training, and found it empty. All of her clothes and personal belongings were gone, all expect a small letter addressed to the team. It spewed out all of her self hatred and gulit for what she had done. Nat lost it after she read it aloud to the team. She blamed all of them for not understanding, for not welcoming the teen with open arms. They all just stared at her, dumbstruck, some shaking their heads.
Wanda was the first to help Nat search for y/n. They spent weeks walking up and down the streets of new york, checking behind dumpsters and abandoned buildings. Slowly, other members joined: Sam, followed by Bucky, Steve, Rhodey, and finally Tony. They spent hours everyday, searching first through homeless shelters and camps, then ER logs and morgues, just hoping they would catch a glimpse of her long y/h/c hair that they all came to recognize like it was burned in their brains. They just wanted closure.
Slowly, the search parties grew smaller, the walks between boroughs and neighborhoods became shorter, and the compound grew quieter. They had all lost hope, all expect for the former assassin. She would never give up, not on y/n, not on the young girl she had grown to love in the six months she had known her. Nat was unreachable, spending hours of the night scanning satellite feeds and missing persons reports, just hoping she would find the y/e/c eyes she missed so much.
Then the tapes starting arriving. First a small cassette tape was delivered to Tony in his lab, containing a video of y/n. She was far skinnier than last they had seen her, her shoulder blades protruding from her back, ribs casting a grid like shadow across her chest. She looked like a ghost. When they had first seen it, the team was shocked. The rough voice behind the camera only insinuated that it was her former captors, shouting and spitting obscenities in her face. Bucky threw a chair across the room, shattering a glass door. Tony and Rhodey each swore under their breath, full of regret for letting her leave. Tears brimmed in Wanda’s eyes. Nat stood there like a statue, as each new tape displayed y/n get skinnier and weaker, bloodier and bruised. She could feel the acid burn with each frame.
The team snapped out of their denial that she was gone and refocused every priority on finding her. Failure after failure, they would storm known bases that the organization kept, hoping that they would find her and take her home. But they never did. They were losing hope again.
One month after the first tape came, They got an alert. Another base, higher in the alps, more fortified than anyone they had ever encountered. This was their last chance. As Nat walked through y/n’s empty room, she hoped that if they didn’t find her, she was dead. She couldn’t bear to watch the tapes anymore, each time y/n looking closer to death as she screamed and fought against the guards; torturing her, starving her, and in the worst ones, using her.
The ride was quiet. Everyone was too worried to talk about anything else. Wanda walked over to the former assassin, noting how her eyes got darker with every night, her hair duller. She squeezed her hand.
“We’re gonna find her.”
“I know, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if we don’t.”
They split into teams, slipping through the bases corridors, fighting off every guard they encountered. Nat, Bucky and Wanda turned a corner when they found it. A room, lined with cells, each one covered in dirt and blood. In the very corner, a small girl laid unconscious on the floor, a large pool of blood collecting beneath her.
Two guards stood above her and turned as they sensed the three heroes in the room. Wanda and Bucky quickly fought them off, throwing them across the room with a sickening crack. Amiss the chaos, Nat ran over the young girl, hoping and praying she was ok. Her breathing hitches and her vision narrows as she recognized y/n’s long y/h/c hair.
Blood covered her dirt and tear stained face, trickling out of a long cut that slashed across her forehead. Her torn clothes barely covered her bruised limbs, each littered with dozens of bleeding cuts. Blood poured from y/n’s torso, a stab wound taking up most of the young teens stomach. Nat picked the girl up, cradling her in arms and rubbing the pads of her thumbs against her red cheeks.
“y/n? y/n, please wake up for me,” she said over and over again, feeling for a pulse and smoothing blood stained hair off of her face. Bucky rushed over, pulling a cloth from his pocket and pressing it against y/n’s stomach until she started to squirm in pain. Her eyes lazily opened, rolling unfocused in her head.
“Nat?” she whispered as tears poured down her face. Her eyes began to flutter close again.
“y/n? Hey, hey none of that, it’s Nat you’re gonna be ok. I need you to hold on though. Keep your eyes open.” she whispered, panic surging through her as she tapped harder against the young girls cheeks.
“But i’m so tired.”
Nat turned to Bucky and Wanda, fear plastered across her face. “Help me! Please! We need to get her to Tony,” Nat pleaded to her friends. Wanda placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder. Her eyes were brimming with tears.
“Nat..,” was all she said but the former assassin knew what it meant. No. She hadn’t come this far, spent this long trying to find y/n just to give up on her now. The room was silent expect for y/n’s pained whimpers.
“No, no don’t say it. We can still save her, I have to save her,” Nat choked out, holding the young girl tighter, frantically whispering encouragement in her ear. Nat was snapped out of her fight when a small cold hand grabbed hers.
“Please,” y/n whispered out, voice laced with pain. Nat stared down at the young teen, tears staining her face. Her heart broke in half. Bucky gave his teammate a solemn look before standing up to give the pair some time. Him and Wanda slowly walked to the corner of the room, whispering their updates into comms.
Nat shook her head. “No, I’m so sorry y/n. I need you to hang on,” she sobbed as she cradled the barely conscious teen in her arms. She could almost feel her heart beat slow.
“It’s ok,” y/n paused, “Let me go.” Nat’s heart ached with despair, but she knew what she had to do. y/n wasn’t going to make it, but she could hold her and comfort her until she said goodbye. She wiped her nose and nodded.
“Ok, it’s ok, you can go. I’m right here, you can go,” she whispered, stroking the young girls hair. She grabbed her shaking hand and held it tighter, rubbing the pad of her thumb against it. After a few moments, y/n stopped whimpering and her eyes fluttered close for the last time. Nat held back her sobs, not wanting y/n’s last view to be of her mourning. When she finally felt her go limp, Nat lost it. She sobbed and yelled for the young girl who she had spent months looking for.
She failed her.
She rose to her feet, carrying the young avenger in her arms; despite the gasps of her teammates or other agents, despite Steve’s insistence on letting her get checked out. She didn’t let go until they arrived back at the compound, back at the only home y/n had ever known. When they buried her, Natasha spent hours kneeling by the stone.
The final memory of y/n etched out across stone.
y/n y/l/n
friend-avenger-daughter
Nat thought she would never be a mother, but she realized she already was one when it was too late.