Work Text:
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
Johnson: And now six select players of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team will perform their rendition of “The Samwell Tango.”
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
ALL:
They had it coming
They had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
Holster: I betcha you would have done the same!
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!
Dex (Spoken):
You know how people have these little phrases
That really GET to you
Like Nursey
Nursey likes to say “chill”
Yeah, not “relax”...”chill!”
So I came to the Haus this one day
And I am really irritated
And looking for someone to bitch to
And there's Nursey laying on the couch
Drinking a beer and relaxing
No, not relaxing...chilling
So, I said to him
I said, "You tell me to ‘chill’ just fucking once..."
And he did.
So I grabbed two empty beer cans
And I threw them--at his head!
ALL:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same
Bitty (Spoken):
I met Betsy the SMH Haus Oven
Early my freshman year
And she seemed stable enough?
And we hit it off right away
So, I started bakin’ with her
I'd go to class, I'd come to the Haus
I'd fix up a quick pie, maybe make dinner
And then I found out
"Stable" I thought?
"Stable," my behind!
Not only did she burn my cobbler!
Oh, no, she burned six pies!
One of those decades-old ovens, you know
So one night, when I came over
I tried bakin’ somethin’ as usual
You know, some ovens just can't handle one batch of cookies!
ALL:
She had it coming
She had it coming
She took his flour
In its prime
And then she used it
And she abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
Shitty (Spoken):
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
Idly caressing my flow before dinner
Mindin’ a bruh’s business
And my asshole dad calls me
In some kind pompous rage
"You need a haircut!" he says
He was crazy and he kept screaming,
"Get a dang haircut!"
And then I told him to fuck off.
I told him to fuck off ten different ways!
ALL:
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would have done the same
Jack (Spoken):
Pourquoi suis-je là?
On dit j’ai consommé trop de drogues et chu un échec.
Mais ça n’est pas vrai, j’ai un futur!
Je ne sais pas pourquoi les analystes de sport
Ont abandonnés moé.
J’essaie d'expliquer dans mes interviews
Mais personne n’comprend.
Shitty (Spoken): Bruh, you can't possibly think there's anything to that bullshit, though.
Jack (Spoken): Uh uh! Not hopeless!
Holster (Spoken):
My best bro Ransom and I are basically a double act
Particularly when it comes to wheeling
Now, our favorite wheeling method
Is offering to read-slash-act out hockey RPF
Starring our very own Jack Zimmermann
Coffee shop AUs, high school AUs, gender swaps
Soul bonds, Alphas, shapeshifting, all that stuff
So this one night after a double date
We’re up in our attic, three of us, boozin'
Havin' a few laughs while I do some laundry
So I go down to check the dryer
I come back, look at the door, and there’s a jock on the handle!
He had a quiz the next day!
Well, I was in such a state of shock
I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing
It wasn't until later when I was folding my laundry
I even realized I’d have to interruptus the coitus to put it away.
Holster: They had it coming
Boys: They had it coming
Holster: They had it coming
Boys: They had it coming
Holster: They had it coming all along
Boys: They had it coming all along
Holster: I didn't do it
Boys: He didn't do it
Holster: But if I done it
Boys: But if he done it
Holster: How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Holster: They had it coming
Boys: They had it coming
Holster: They had it coming
Boys: They had it coming
Holster: They had it coming
Boys: They took The Bro Code
Holster: All along
Boys: At its best
Holster: I didn't do it
Boys: And then they used it
Holster: But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Nursey (Spoken):
I want Haus dibs more than I can possibly say
I’m a chill artistic bro...sensitive...a poet
But I’m always looking for an “in”
I’d go over to the Haus trying to earn dibs from one of the seniors
And my competition is Chowder, Ollie, Wicks, and Dex
I guess you can say Dex and I have artistic differences
He thinks he needs to work harder and I think he needs to chill!
ALL: He needs to chill, chill, chill, chill, chill
Gotta find more chill, chill, chill, chill, chill
Boys (Group 1): Life here at Samwell
Boys (Group 2): Life here at Samwell
Boys (1): Is pretty swawesome
Boys (2): Is pretty swawesome
Boys (1): It has its moments
Boys (2): It has its moments
Boys (1): But that’s life
Boys (2): But that’s life
Boys (1): 'Cause a few moments
Boys (2): 'Cause a few moments
Boys (1): #NBD
Boys (2): #NBD
ALL: Our team can handle a little strife
Boys (1): We got a great team
Boys (2): We got a great team
Boys (1): “Got your back” on and off the ice
Boys (2): “Got your back” on and off the ice
Boys (1): If you're at Samwell
Boys (2): If you're at Samwell
Boys (1): Then come on over
Boys (2): Then come on over
ALL: And you can have some of Bitty’s pie!
Dex (Spoken): You tell me to "chill" one more time!
Bitty (Spoken): "Stable" my behind!
Shitty (Spoken): Ten different ways!
Jack (Spoken): Informez le média j’ai un futur!
Holster (Spoken): There was a jock on the door!
Nursey (Spoken): Artistic differences!
Dex: “Chill”
Bitty: Six
Shitty: Flow
Jack: Uh uh
Holster: RPF
Nursey: Haus dibs!