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Why did he have to pass me the jade blade? He could've won and not… disappeared. I don't want to think he died but it's more believable than anything else. Maybe if we had resolved the argument sooner… I told him to take it and win, but he didn't. Jay's eyes are glazed over in tears, threatening to bubble to the surface and flow down his face. Jay decided to sit up and walk to his balcony, looking over the night time scenery. Jay wants to shout, scream until his throat is raw. Something, anything, to distract from the ugly emotions bubbling in his soul.
I was more upset about losing you. Jay's eyes widen as he remembers the words he had yelled during the fight. He didn't think about what they meant to him during the fight but it was impossible not to with his thoughts so loud in his head. Jay leans against the railing and rests his head on his crossed arms. He sighs deeply. He stands up straighter, still leaning over the balcony but less slouched.
Jay lets out another sigh, shakier than the last. He doesn't stop the next few tears that spill over. It's barely been 6 hours. I miss him so much and he's not even dead… During the argument Jay would sometimes find himself in a similar scene at night time, a feeling of self-loathing and something else in the pit of his stomach.
He had missed Cole throughout the entire argument even if they were still next to each other, Jay had felt like they were miles apart during the argument. They had barely talked or hung out. He was beginning to regret that. Silent tears stream down his face.
I should've thrown the jade blade back at him. It happened so fast I didn't realize what he did until it was over. Jay puts his hand on his face and rubs away some tears, not caring to stop himself from breaking into a full sob when he walks back to his bed. He just wishes he hadn't been so petty.
Did he even really love Nya? He suddenly stops sobbing so hard as he thinks. If Nya were to never ever ever love me in exchange for Cole back and safe, I'd pick Cole. Jay's eyes widen when he realizes the weight of that. It causes him to sob again. He buries his head in his pillow and feels like screaming.
Jay didn't sleep that night.
In the morning
"Woahhh Jay are you okay? You look like you didn't sleep at all." Lloyd asks, concerned. Jay's face feels like it's still covered in dry tear streaks but he knows it isn't as he washed his face in the morning so he just smiles.
"Perfectly fine." Jay says, mustering up as genuine of a smile as he can. Lloyd and Kai simply frown at him.