Work Text:
Declan Lynch was currently sitting on the bleachers at Matthew’s DC high school. He sat several feet away from the group of soccer moms whose names he all knew. Their eyes were heavy weights on the back of his head, and Declan was sure he could hear them quietly say his name to each other once or twice. Matthew had said practice was ending at four, however when he arrived he had learned it was not actually ending until four thirty. It was a cool late November day, and the soccer season was gratefully almost over. He watched his youngest brother's blonde curls bounce as he hurried up and down the field. Ronan came to sit beside him with a Coca-Cola from a vending machine. Earlier that day Ronan had shown up at the townhouse with no explanation. “ Do I need a reason?” He had remarked snidely. Matthew had shouted in delight when he had seen Ronan arrive with Declan.
Declan was still suspicious.
“You know.” Ronan said as he worked the tab of his drink open. “I bet you there’s at least one Ashley among those mothers over there. Or do they consider you one of their own?”
Declan did not dignify any of this with a response. None of them were named Ashley either.
Ronan took a gulp of his drink and then drummed his fingers against the side of the can. His shoulders were tight and he tapped his foot. Declan watched out of the corner of his eye as Ronan seemed to be working himself up to something. He was always trying to posture himself to seem unreadable and dangerous, but Ronan’s body language betrayed him more than he’d ever know. Declan looked away again and remained quiet, bracing himself for whatever Ronan was going to dump on him this time. It couldn’t be worse than just over three weeks ago when he had told them their mother died. Matthew glanced over and saw Declan watching him. A big smile crossed his face and he gave his brothers two thumbs up before returning to his practice. It was four twenty now. Ten more minutes, although Declan knew Matthew would spend at least another twenty talking with his team mates afterwards.
“So, I’m gay.” Ronan suddenly said beside.
Declan’s whole body froze, despite not having been moving before. For half a second he felt himself about to chastise Ronan for being juvenile enough to joke about something like that, but Ronan was not joking. He had been to obviously anxious. Ronan also did not lie. This was a parental figure moment he hadn’t seen coming. He tried to remember if any of the parenting articles he had ever read said something about coming-outs.
“Okay.” Declan said simply.
“That’s it? Are you not at all fucking surprised?”
Yes. No. Maybe.
“What do you want me to say?” He finally settled on.
Ronan let out a frustrated huff and looked forward again with a sharp turn of the head. “Whatever, man.”
“Ronan, what do you want me to say? Alright. Noted. Good to know.”
His words looked like they were only pissing Ronan off more and more.
“Whatever.. I’m only saying it now because I’m kinda dating someone.” Ronan grumbled.
“Okay.” Declan said again carefully, trying not to sound surprised. “Is it Gansey?”
“It’s not fucking Gansey.” Ronan rolled his eyes.
Thank God, Declan thought.
“It’s Parrish”
“Oh.” Declan forced his eyebrows to stay in a neutral position. That was astonishingly more surprising. “Adam Parrish?”
“No, his mother.” Ronan’s voice was full of vitriol. “Of fucking course Adam.”
Declan tried to remember every moment he had ever seen Ronan and Adam in the same place. He tried to imagine them together as a romantic pair, then quickly stopped. He didn’t know much about Adam Parrish, other than the fact he gave Declan the creeps in an uncanny sort of way. What did Ronan see in him? Parrish was strange and stubborn, like Ronan, which was something he supposed. But otherwise they seemed like polar opposites.
“Well.” Declan finally said. “Alright. Thank you for telling me.”
“Eat shit.” Ronan replied, although Declan could see that the tension his shoulders held moments ago had now disappeared, and he was back to his normal easy apocalyptic disposition.
The two of them sat in silence as Matthew finished practice and then a whole bottle of Gatorade white he conversed with his team mates. Finally he sprinted over and smiled brightly. “Hey pal!” He said to Ronan. “I can’t believe you’re here! Are you staying over tonight?” Ronan hated DC, and if Matthew hadn’t asked, Declan was sure Ronan would have made the drive back home after dinner despite the fact he had dropped out of school officially two weeks ago and it being Tuesday made no difference to him being home before tomorrow.
“Yeah.” Ronan said. “I’m staying.”
The three of them headed to Declan’s Volvo and got in. They had just finished arguing over what fast food place they were going to and the car went silent as they waited in line at the drive thru.
“Matthew.” Ronan said, causing Matthew to look up from the game on his phone. “I’m gay.’
Matthew’s mouth opened. “Like, gay gay ?”
“Gay gay.” Ronan confirmed.
“That’s cool! That’s really cool!” He smiled brightly before his expression faltered. “Hey... why did you just tell me? Did Declan already know? That’s not fair!”
“I’ve known for less than an hour if it’s any consolation.” Declan said.
“You always get to know everything before I do…” Matthew pouted.
“I’m not done.” Ronan interrupted, “I’m also dating Parrish.”
“Adam!? No way! Hey! I like Adam.” Matthew smiled brightly again, betrayal already forgotten, and his enthusiasm earned a grin from Ronan. Declan felt like no matter how he had reacted, he would not have earned a grin from Ronan. It was fine, he had reacted with cool acceptance and he felt that was what Ronan probably needed out of him specifically anyways.
“Yeah, he’s alright I guess.” Ronan said.
“Actually, I think Parrish could do better.” Declan spoke slowly as he started pulling up to the drive thru speaker. “Do you both want fries?”
Matthew’s eyes went wide before he caught on to the fact Declan was joking and laughed.
“Was that a joke?” Ronan scoffed. “Did it hurt? Do you need to go lay down now?”
“I want fries.” Matthew said.
“Why are we picking Ronan up and not meeting him at the Church again?” Matthew asked before slurping at his obnoxiously bright iced drink.
Declan, as if killing the sweetness off his own tongue, took a sip of his black coffee. “Because apparently Parrish’s car broke down again and he’s using Ronan’s.”
“It breaks aaalll the time.. Can’t Ronan just dream Adam a whole new one?”
“I’m sure he could.” Declan said and left it at that. He had managed to get Ronan on the phone last week in order to talk about this particular church visit in Henrietta, having something he wanted to talk to Ronan about which he already felt would go poorly, and somewhere along the lines Ronan had said “I could meet you at church if someone would let me dream them a fix for their shitbox.” in a voice that got louder and louder as he spoke. Declan couldn’t make out what Adam had said in return, but whatever it was had Ronan making an exaggerated sound that gave Declan the feeling they had been arguing about this already that day. He hadn’t asked about it.
His thoughts were interrupted by Matthew trying to get the last drops of his drink out of his cup until his straw was making that awful air sucking noise.
“Matthew..” He began.
“I knew I should have gotten a large.” Matthew sighed and glanced at the back seat. “Can I have a cinnamon bun now?”
“Not until we’re there, you’re going to get icing all over my seat.” and dashboard, door handle, etc.
Matthew looked disappointed only for a moment and then continued prattling on until they reached the old farmhouse. Declan noticed the presence of the BMW as he pulled in beside it. He got out of the car and grabbed the box of treats from the back seat. He watched as Matthew got out and immediately became distracted by the hand cat, and he began to head towards it.
“Don’t get your church suit dirty.” Declan said before he left Matthew to visit the dream creature while he headed inside.
Declan carried the half a dozen cinnamon buns into the kitchen. It was already sweltering even for a summer morning, and he was not particularly looking forward to sitting in an old church with no air conditioning. He set the box on the round kitchen table and looked at the surgery buns with disgust. Matthew had insisted on the way that they stop to grab cinnamon buns for breakfast before church. Declan however had already had his breakfast of antacids, so he would not be eating one. How Matthew was going to eat one of these after already downing that sugar monstrosity of a drink, he wasn’t sure. Either way, Declan made a note to pick a healthier lunch option for the three of them later.
“Ronan! You better be up and dressed.” He called into the house. It only took a moment before his middle brother was thumping down the stairs, his shirt un-tucked and his tie loose around his neck.
“Yeah, yeah I’m up. Quit yelling, you're going to wake Parrish.” He postured himself, leaning against the door frame of the kitchen with arms crossed and looking as friendly as the barrel of a gun. He only kept it up for a minute though, before he strode forward to pluck a cinnamon bun out of the box on the table. “Where’s Matthew?”
“Outside.” Declan said before glancing past Ronan towards the stairs. “Is he sleeping in my room? I was going to go grab something I forgot in there.”
“No, he’s in mine.”
Right. His brother had been in this relationship now for eight or nine months, so that was to be expected. The whole thing was an incredible feat, really. Declan had never quite been able to picture Ronan in a long term relationship. For the first few months after he had told him about it, Declan had been steeling himself for the fallout of an eventual breakup. But they hadn’t. He still wasn’t sure what to make of Adam Parrish, but he was obviously very serious about Ronan, and that was something.
And because it had to be said, due to his status as a parental figure, he signed and forced the words out. “You know, I hope you’re being safe.”
Disdain washed over Ronan’s features. “Oh for fuck– are you really trying to have this conversation?”
“I’m not going to give you the birds and the bees, I’m only saying–”
Ronan interrupted, clearly not wanting Declan to be only saying anything. “What, you think I’m going to get him pregnant?”
“For the love of Mary.” Declan pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. “You know what? You’re right. If there’s one little thing on this entire planet I don’t have to worry about, it’s you knocking someone up.”
Matthew had walked into the kitchen half way through that last part and his mouth and eyes formed large, alarmed circles. He looked like he was about to say something, then he snapped his mouth closed. He opened it again, but his voice was only a whisper. “Did Ronan get someone pregnant?”
“No.” Declan and Ronan both said very quickly at the same time.
“You do remember months ago when I told you I was gay, right?” Ronan scoffed, although it was a more of an affectionate scoff, if one of those existed, towards the youngest Lynch brother.
“Yeah, doy.” Matthew said, grabbing a cinnamon bun and taking a large bit before he continued to speak with his mouth full. “But you know, during sex ed this year we learned about how gender is a spectrum, and how there are men that can get pregnant.”
Neither Ronan nor Declan knew what to say. It wasn’t that Matthew was wrong or anything, but they didn’t exactly want to bring the conversation back around to Ronan’s sex life.
Declan had enough of this entire topic. He had said what he felt he was obligated to say. “We should go, or we’re going to be late. Matthew, grab the paper towels if you’re going to finish that in my car.”
Matthew shoved the other half of his cinnamon bun in his mouth and headed out the door. “Is Adam here? Declan said he was using your car!” It was unbearable to listen to him speak with his mouth so full.
“He’s asleep, but he has to go to work before I’d get back.” Ronan said as he followed suit.
God, Declan hoped they hadn’t woken Parrish so he could eavesdrop on that. He glanced once more at the staircase to make sure it was empty. He’d grab what he wanted later. With a sigh he picked up his paper coffee cup again and headed out the door to the Volvo.
They had only been on the road for two minutes when Declan said “Matthew, headphones.” Matthew obliged immediately. Ronan was now looking at Declan with pinched, angry brows and a snarl.
“I’m not talking to you about–” Ronan began.
“I want to talk about September.” Declan interrupted. “I know Gansey and your other friends have already left for their road-trip, and while Adam is at Harvard you’re going to be alone at The Barns.”
He gave Ronan a moment to say something, but he didn’t, so Declan continued.
“I thought you might consider finishing highschool online, or even just studying then doing the GED. No. Don’t start, Ronan. You’re going to be there all alone and you might as well have as many things as possible to keep you occupied. I didn’t fuss too much when you quit last year because of everything that went on, but it might be time to think about just finishing. You don’t have to go back to Aglionby or even leave home to do it. It won't kill you just to have a highschool diploma under your belt”
“Fuck.” Ronan said. “Off.”
Conversation over.
Ronan was staying over at the DC townhouse that weekend. It was early October, and Parrish was at Harvard now. Declan knew his brother was having a hard time with it, but they were evidently not talking about it.
Currently Declan was sitting at the kitchen island on his laptop, reading an article from an art magazine he was subscribed to. It was three in the morning, so the only light was from the single hanging fixture overhead. He was on his third cup of coffee. There was no way Declan was going to sleep tonight. The thought of Ronan dreaming in the guest room upstairs made him too anxious to even lay down. It was different in the DC townhouse if something got out of hand.
He heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and his heart spiked as he assumed his fears were about to be confirmed. He turned and saw Ronan in the shadows behind him. “Did you dream something?” He asked.
“No.” Ronan said in a low voice. He looked tired, Declan was pretty sure then that he hadn’t actually been sleeping. He turned back to his laptop, but watched Ronan as he crossed the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge. After Ronan had chugged down half the bottle, he sat down at the kitchen island with a heavy breath. Declan closed his laptop. Ronan had that tension in his shoulders again.
“I..” Ronan started and stopped then started again. “I was thinking.. about going to Cambridge..”
“Aren’t you already planning on that next month?”
“No I mean..” Ronan put the sides of his hands on the counter, fingers stretched apart and thumbs pointing towards the ceiling. “I mean like living there. Like getting an apartment and shit. Like..” He trailed off. “I think I could do it.”
Declan’s mouth pressed into a firm line. That sounded like a horrible idea. “Ronan, you have to be realistic. With your dreaming? The nightwash?”
“I know!” Ronan growled, low and rough. “You don’t think I fucking know? But I’ve been doing fine with dreaming when I come here, and I can drive back to The Barns a few times a month to dream there too, or even just out of the city might work. I could be careful about it.”
Careful was not a word Declan normally associated with Ronan. But here was Ronan, thinking about being careful, thinking about how he could do something safely, for Adam Parrish. He didn’t want to put a stop to that, but he also had to be the realistic one because Ronan was not. What was realistic? Ronan living in an apartment, doing whatever Ronan would get up to in the city, seemed like not the worst thing in the world. He’d probably annoy neighbors with his loud music, but Ronan hadn’t gotten in any car or alcohol related trouble in a year. Declan also thought about Ronan living alone in an apartment, dreaming with much less control or choking on nightwash due to his lack of proximity to the Henrietta leyline. Could enough trips home a month offset it all? He wanted to believe that it could. Declan did not want to hold Ronan back from going out and living while also trying to be careful for Adam. His brother’s boyfriend as a whole seemed like the best influence he could get. That was something. He didn’t want Ronan to continue on being isolated, trapped back home, lest he regress from the last year of progress. Maybe it could work.
“Okay.” Declan said finally.
Ronan finally turned his gaze up from the counter top and looked back at Declan.
“Okay.” Declan repeated before opening his laptop again and started typing ‘apartments for rent cambridge massachusetts ’ into the search bar. “We can look at apartments this month, and then next month when you’re supposed to visit we’ll make some appointments and all go up together. If it goes well then you can pick one.”
Ronan stared. Declan continued.
“We’ll need to budget it all out. Even if you have a lot of money we might as well be safe about that too. Millions of dollars can go surprisingly fast if you’re not paying attention. I’ll make a spreadsheet tomorrow. In the meantime – hmm – this one would be good.” He clicked on an apartment that caught his eye and flicked through the staged photos. “I’ll have to emphasize the importance of thick walls to the rental managers, no one wants to hear your stereo system.”
He looked back at Ronan, who was still just looking at him.
“Ronan. It’s a yes. We’ll see how it goes.”
Ronan nodded slowly, although the look on his face betrayed that he still didn’t quite believe Declan was agreeing to this, allowing this. “Okay.” he said, then added. “The place has to have a pool.”
“I thought swimming was Gansey’s thing.”
Ronan snorted. The two of them spent the next couple hours bent over the laptop looking at potential apartments, arguing back and forth about what Ronan was looking for. It was five when Matthew came down the steps, rubbing one eye with the heel of his palm.
“Is something happening?” Matthew asked through a yawn. “I got up to pee and I heard you both talking.”
“We’re looking for apartments in Cambridge. Ronan is thinking of renting there.” Declan said and flinched as he looked up. His neck was brutally sore from bowing his head all night. Beside him Ronan’s arms stretched high in the air and a bone popped in his back.
Matthew gasped. “Really? Can I have my own room there too?”
“It wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a spare room..” Declan thought out loud. They had been looking at one bedroom places all night.
“No way. You two can get a hotel.” Ronan got up and ruffled Matthew’s curls despite them already being a mess from sleep.“Go back to bed. Don’t you have to get up for shitty school in two hours? C’mon, I’m fucking beat.”
Declan watched his brothers ascend the stairs back to their respective beds. After a moment, he closed the laptop and followed them up to get some sleep as well. This could work.