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“So, what do you think, mini-TK?”
TK looked over to where his little brother was in Marjan’s arms, eyes wide and smile even bigger, turning here and there to take it all in.
“It’s sooooo cool!”
“Yeah? You like it?”
“Uhuuu,” Jonah replied, eyes still scanning their surroundings. “There are so many colors!”
They all chuckled as they slowly moved along with the crowd, Jonah getting passed around the group of friends because despite being a bit on the scrawny side, the just-turned five-year-old became quite heavy after a while. Still, whenever it was TK’s turn, he would hardly admit it, not wanting to give up an extra second of cuddling his brother.
He had missed him like crazy these past few months, and he missed the time his mom and Jonah had stayed with them here in Austin. Ever since his parents’ second attempt at a relationship had failed, it had been him and Jonah who suffered the most. He wished he could’ve saved him from this fate – just like he wished he’d been there for him when their mom and Enzo had split up – but all he had been able to do was take the kid with him to the 126 hangs, or to Carlos’ place whenever it got to be too much in the Strand home.
Not that TK was thinking about Carlos right now, obviously.
Taking a deep breath, he hugged Jonah closer before letting Nancy have a turn. He couldn’t deny how much he loved seeing his little brother be so close to all his friends, the entire fire fam his designated aunts and uncles by now. But that didn’t change the fact that Jonah kept asking for his favorite of all of them.
Carlos.
It had only been a few weeks since TK had made what was possibly the biggest mistake of his life, and given his track record, that was saying a lot. Most of his friends had stopped bothering him about it – mostly because they were too busy still trying to save their firehouse – but Nancy was being relentless.
Maybe he shouldn’t have handed Jonah to her after all; he had a feeling his partner was a big instigator of him asking for Carlos so often.
But TK wouldn’t let his precious time with his baby brother be overshadowed by his tragic love life.
Two days ago, his mom had suddenly shown up at their doorstep, together with Jonah. She said it was only because Jonah kept asking for his big brother and because August was such a nice time to visit Texas – Yeah, sure, if you like heat – but they all knew it was also because she wanted to check in on TK. Which was totally fine by him, as long as he got to have his mom and his brother around. And as long as no one continued to ask why he and the love of his life had broken things off.
To get his mind off of things, TK had decided that the 126 as a team should join the Austin Pride Parade and after some begging, Gwyn had agreed that TK could take Jonah as well. After all, there were so many of them, there was no way Jonah would get lost, right?
Of course, he was right.
It wasn’t much more than half an hour after they’d arrived that TK was proven horribly wrong, and if his mom would ask him later what exactly had happened, he wouldn’t even be able to explain. He just knew this; they had stepped off the street and away from the parade to get some food and soda from the trucks lined up there. Not being the only ones with that idea, there was a long line – and only a short time before Jonah got fussy and asked to be sat down.
TK knew for sure he had told him to stay right by his side, had even taken his hand – and then there had been a woman choking on something and TK had handed him over to Marjan as he and Nancy sprinted to assist. On duty or not, they were still first responders. But then people hadn’t made room and there was some quarrel two tables over, so Paul, Marjan, and Mateo had stepped in and helped, and… suddenly Jonah was just–
“What do you mean, he’s gone?” Nancy was looking at him with wide eyes while Paul was already scanning the area far more calmly than TK could in his wild panic.
“I don’t know,” he almost yelled, fear choking him up. “I held his hand like a second ago and then handed him to Marjan–”
“You never did,” Marjan called almost as frantically, her eyes scanning the crowd just as wildly. “I thought Mateo had him.”
“No, I didn’t–”
“Guys, guys!” Paul called them to order. “It doesn’t matter. We lost him. Doesn’t matter who had eyes on him last, what matters is that he’s not here.”
Within seconds, the group was fanning out, calling for Jonah, only to meet back up shortly after, all of them empty-handed.
TK was about to lose it. How? How could he have lost his little brother in a crowd like this? How could he have lost him at all? What kind of terrible brother was he? What would he tell his mother? She was never going to forgive him. Never mind that – he would never forgive himself.
“Hey, don’t do that,” Nancy told him firmly, her voice forcefully calm. “Don’t blame yourself.”
If he had any more presence of mind, he would’ve been impressed by how well she was able to read him. As it was, all his thoughts were solely on his brother… and maybe a little on his mother and his panic of telling her that he had lost her youngest.
“We should go and find an officer,” Paul spoke up, the voice of reason as he already looked around the immediate vicinity again. Marjan nodded and quickly replied, “Good idea. They can call for reinforcement.”
“Uhm, I think an officer just found us,” Mateo threw in, pointing to somewhere over TK’s shoulder.
Spinning around so fast he almost gave himself whiplash, TK’s heart was lodged in his throat, pounding, the feeling of throwing up still present – all until his eyes suddenly landed on none other than a smiling Jonah high up in the air, babbling a mile a minute by the looks of it.
“Oh God,” TK wheezed out, bending over as he put his hands on his legs, nearly fainting from relief before trying to control his breathing. “Oh thank God.”
“Or, you know, thank Carlos,” Nancy quipped.
The comment had TK’s head snap back up. He’d been so focused on his brother, he hadn’t even noticed whose shoulders the kid had been on. And yep. Sure enough, there he was.
Instantly, TK’s heart was back in his throat and this time for an entirely different reason. He watched as Carlos drew closer, smiling up as Jonah leaned over his head, his legs securely held by Carlos’ big hands. The picture alone had TK’s heart breaking – they both looked so happy. And Jonah obviously was happy. When the boy caught sight of him, his beaming smile turned wider and he took one of his hands away from where they were securely hooked underneath Carlos’ chin, only to wave at them.
“TK, TK, looook. Look, I found Carlos.”
“You sure did, buddy,” TK mumbled, barely loud enough for his brother to hear.
It didn’t seem to deter Jonah from babbling on.
“You were all busy but I saw him so I ran over to him, but he kept moving so I had to run fast but he stopped when I called for him. And I know he’s working because he has his uniform on, and I know I shouldn’t bother him when he’s working but he offered to bring me back. Is that why Carlos isn’t with us today? Because he’s working? Is it Carlos?” he asked, this time bending over Carlos’ head again to speak to him directly. “Because you’re saving other people?”
“Yeah, cariño. That’s the reason,” Carlos whispered, his eyes only briefly lingering on TK. “But you know I’ll always have time for you. No matter what.”
“Yay, that’s good,” Jonah exclaimed excitedly before his face turned solemn. “But you should also always have time for TK. He has been grumpy because he can’t see you–”
“Okay, Jonah,” TK interrupted loudly, reaching out to take him off Carlos’ shoulders.
It meant getting close to the man. Closer than he’d been in weeks, and as Carlos tried to help him with Jonah, their bare arms brushed against each other, goosebumps rising all across his skin. There was no chance for him to suppress the shiver running all through his body at such a simple touch, or the butterflies in his stomach when Carlos moved his head and their gazes met, far too close together.
Not stepping away, TK set Jonah to the ground. “No running away again, alright? Now go to Uncle Paul.”
“Okay,” Jonah called out, running ahead. Only to stop halfway toward Paul and turn around. In seconds, his arms were wound around Carlos and he hugged him tight as he looked up at him with big, big eyes. “I’ve missed you, Carlos. I love you.”
Standing this close, TK could see Carlos swallow while he brushed a hand over Jonah’s hair. “Missed you too, cariño.”
“Can you come over for dinner tonight?”
“Oh, uhm…”
Carlos wasn’t exactly looking at him for help, but TK still felt the need to intervene – after all, it was his fault that they were in this position in the first place. He could understand if Carlos never wanted to talk to him again but he also knew the man was too good a person with too big a heart to break Jonah’s trust like this.
“Jonah, I’ll talk to him about it, okay?”
“Okay.”
Seemingly appeased by that, Jonah ran over to their friends, who had stepped away a bit, probably to give them some semblance of privacy.
Or as much privacy as they were able to have in the middle of Austin Pride. Though honestly, privacy with Carlos was probably the last thing TK could stand right now. He knew he’d fucked up and he knew Carlos would probably never forgive him – probably shouldn’t forgive him to be honest. Looking at the man he still loved… looking at him and seeing all the love and kindness that had once been there being replaced by resentment and hurt…
Still, TK had to at least thank him. Taking a deep breath, he turned to Carlos.
“Carlos, I–”
“Don’t worry about it,” Carlos interrupted. Not loudly, not even in an angry voice. It just sounded… tired. Dejected. “I know you don’t want me there.” – What? – “Just tell him… I don’t know, tell him I still had to work or–”
“Carlos–”
“Seriously, it’s fine,” Carlos emphasized, finally looking back at TK.
The pain in those eyes was even more than TK imagined. It felt like an actual physical blow to his gut.
“Like I said last year, if it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be.”
His words rooted TK to the spot, rendering him speechless. It wasn’t until Carlos began to move away, mumbling something about getting back to his shift, that TK finally unfroze. Without thinking, he reached for Carlos, catching him by his wrist.
“Carlos, wait. Please.”
“TK, just let it go.”
“I can’t,” TK whispered, knowing that he was being selfish but also unable to let this man walk out of his life for real. “I just can’t.”
“I’m in the middle of a shift,” Carlos reminded him, looking anywhere but TK.
TK didn’t let it deter him. “I know. I’m not gonna make a scene. Just… please come to dinner tonight?”
Instantly, Carlos stopped trying to pull away and looked at him, eyes wide. “What?”
TK was unable to stop himself from responding truthfully. “Jonah’s right, you know? I miss you. So much. And you probably hate me, and that’s okay, I fully understand. I’m not asking you to forgive me but… we all miss you. And Jonah did nothing wrong so… if not for me, would you… could you–”
“TK,” Carlos interrupted, stepping closer again. “Why on earth would you think I hate you?”
Baffled, TK needed a moment to make sense of this question. “You– why… wait, what? Why wouldn’t you hate me?”
“Because I love you?!” Carlos silently exclaimed, his voice low enough to not draw attention but still shocked enough to show TK the depth of his bewilderment. “Because I’ve been waiting for you to give me a sign since the moment you left me?”
“I thought that would be exactly the reason why you hated me.”
“Are you insane?” Carlos asked, stepping even closer. “TK, please tell me you didn’t ignore my calls because you thought I wanted to tell you to get lost.”
Pressing his lips together, TK feverishly searched for words – any words – that wouldn’t make him sound so stupid. Because… yeah, that was exactly what he’d been thinking. A moment later, Carlos seemed to get it as well as he let out a humorless laugh.
“You idiot,” he huffed out with no real heat. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up, to talk to me. Maybe give me an explanation of where exactly I messed up. But all that can wait because the only thing I really want is for you to come back to me. TK, I would do anything for you to come home and I–”
That was as much as TK could take before closing the last few inches between them, catching Carlos’ lips in a bruisingly sweet kiss. Carlos made a little noise of surprise but was quick to catch on, pulling him closer with a hand on the small of his back, the other cradling the back of his head. There were a few catcalls around them from the passersby, but TK paid them no mind and given the way Carlos kept holding him tight, he didn’t either.
Eventually though, they both came back to their senses – and mostly to the fact that Carlos was in uniform and in the middle of his shift.
“Ty…”
“Come to dinner tonight,” TK begged, clinging to him for a moment longer. “After that, we’ll talk, okay? And I promise not to run away.”
Carlos’ breath played around his lips as the man huffed out a little laugh before catching his lips once more, briefly. When he leaned back, he nodded. “I’ll come by after my shift, okay?”
“Okay.”
He wanted to add an I love you but something told him they needed to have that conversation first before he had any right to say those words again. He needed to earn that right. So all he did instead was say the closest thing he had right now.
“Be safe.”
Carlos’ smile widened and by the way he squeezed his hand for a brief moment, TK was sure he understood the true message. Squeezing back, he only let go when Carlos stepped back into the crowd. It wasn’t long until he was out of sight, leaving TK standing there, wondering if this encounter had really happened.
The sudden calls of joy from his friends pulled him back to the present and when he turned and saw them standing there, beaming and clapping and generally elated for him, he knew it truly had happened. Turning around one last time to look in the direction Carlos had left, TK smiled to himself and then joined his friends again. He took Jonah in his arms and squeezed him tight.
“Is Carlos coming to dinner?”
His brother’s question pulled a laugh from him and it was as if a dark cloud finally lifted.
“Yes, Jonah, he is. Thank you for chasing after him.”
And if after this, he bought his brother way too many sweets as a thank you, no one needed to know exactly why.