Actions

Work Header

And if They Never Find Me, I Want You to Know

Summary:

A handful of letters have been left in place of an obituary.

Notes:

The end begins in Duscur. It is dawn, it is beautiful, and I make sense of the colors sometime long after, when I taste the dirt, the rust (the red), and that is when I realize: oh, this is what they mean by a glorious end. It is not dawn; I am in the cradle of the pyres.

Someone calls my name, and I remember I never did finish writing that last page. It is not my name. I tell myself it is. My name is the sound of wood cracking open. I hope it is not the sound of metal melting, not the sound of (someone rushes past me, it is life in the soles against gravel and bodies, I think it could be pronounced ‘G’ if I imagine hard enough) crying. Why would you cry at dawn?

Dear Felix, Father, Mother, Your Highness, dear Ingrid, dear lady at the gates of the castle who sells the sweetest pastries (raspberry red), dear kid who knocked me over in your haste to see the royal carriage,

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

 

Garland Moon 1174

Dear Father,

I promised I would write you letters, so here you go, your letter for the moon. Business at the Officer’s Academy is no different from last Moon—I enjoy my classes, I have kept up with swords practice, and I make sure to visit the Cathedral during Saint’s Days. Every single one, I swear on it. Don’t fret, Father, I am even eating three meals a day, even though the food here has none of the Fraldarius’ charm (how is the harvest looking?), but I have had the chance to try many other cuisines. I suppose that is one of the greater positives; Fraldarius suddenly feels very small, and Fódlan very big, and whatever is out there, bigger yet. How is Felix? I hope you let him keep that new sword he wrote to me of. He will cry, but if you refuse to let him graduate from training swords he will be thirty-and-five before he can cut anything at all. Tell Mother I will write her a personal letter soon, too. For now, I’m going to return to the training grounds; my friend is waiting for me there, and I don’t like to keep friends waiting.

Your son,

Glenn

 

 

 

Blue Sea Moon 1174

Felix,

Mother told me you’ve been sulking. You know that whining about things will get you nowhere, don’t you? Make sure you practice even without me there to make you—how are you going to beat me otherwise? I’m sure His Highness would be delighted to spar with you; I don’t think there are a lot of people around who want to, anymore. You can be that person for him, can’t you? At least while I’m gone. I know I can rely on you. Also, I told Mother you lost your white gloves. She’s not upset with you and said she will fetch you some new ones. Your big brother looks out for you even from all the way in Garreg Mach, I’ll have you know!

The Greatest Knight-to-Be in Fódlan (and the Greatest of Fraldarius),

Glenn

 

 

 

Wyvern Moon 1174

Dear Felix,

I heard from Father that your swordsmanship has been rapidly improving! Of course, you will likely still find that even knocking me off my feet is a challenge. Not that it should deter you. I know you can do better, though—how about I issue a challenge? If you can hit me even once when I return home to spar, I will buy you whatever pastry you wish from the bakery down by the town square. Quite generous of me, is it not? It has been far too long since we went together. Tell His Highness that he will soon employ one of the most capable men in Fódlan. Tell Father I ran out of ink. There’s not much for me to say to him right now, but I doubt he would believe me.

With honor,

Glenn

 

 

 

Red Wolf Moon 1174

Prosperity upon the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus!

Dear Father,

Thank you for the gift you sent me, however, I would like to assure you that I have plenty of ink at this point in time. In fact, I have so much of it I have taken to writing journals. Considering this terrible affliction, I request that you stop sending me ink. I will be better about sending you letters from here on out. I miss the early Faerghus winters; say, has the cold dragged over Fraldarius yet? If Felix loses his gloves again, I keep a couple of spares in my room. He is free to use them as long as he keeps them safe. It is strange to think I have barely half a year left until my graduation, and then onward to Fhirdiad. When I return home before that departure, though, I believe we should talk about Felix, I don't particularly worry, but he seems restless in our letters. He has a lot of potential, are you paying close attention? I think he would like it here, too. Is he still attached to His Highness? He rarely writes about other people, except for you and Mother, and Sylvain and Ingrid. Is she well, too? I should write her, I know. Why is it so difficult? What do I say to her, knowing I will leave again as soon as I have settled my business in Fraldarius? Do you think I am ready for this? I know you are proud of me, but will that be enough?

Your son,

Glenn

 

 

 

Ethereal Moon 1174

Your Highness,

My sincerest well wishes on your birthday! Perhaps by the time we reunite, you will be as tall as I am. Felix informed me that you broke another training sword—impressive! I’m sure that sort of strength will help you serve Faerghus well once you rise to power. What could be better than a mighty King, capable of protecting his people? You are working hard, I know it. Thank you for looking after little Felix. The Blue Sea Star will fade this moon, but do not forget I will be there soon, and until then, and likely beyond, Felix will stay with you. Don’t let Ingrid and Felix bicker too much, please. I am sure Sylvain’s mediator skills are adequate, but he deserves some rest, too. Send him my regards, and no, I will not be forwarding any letters he happens to direct to me. If he wishes to speak with the female students, he will have to attend himself.

Your Loyal Knight-to-Be,

Glenn Govan Fraldarius

 

 

 

Day 4, Guardian Moon 1174

Dear Ingrid,

I am sending you my best well-wishes this birthday, I

Day 10, Guardian Moon 1174

Ingrid, I apologize that it has taken me so long to write

Day 22, Guardian Moon 1174

Dear Ingrid,

It has been quite hectic here, and so I am sending you a very late congratulations on your birthday. I trust that my family has extended their sincerest wishes as well, especially Felix. I will bring your gift with me when we meet next, as I think sending it through mail takes all of the fun out of gift-giving. After all, I would like to see your face when you unwrap it. Did you know that the Officer’s Academy offers quite extensive lectures on Pegasi? I think you would enjoy it here—I will bring it up with my Father should it be of interest to you. Perhaps when I return we can talk about it. I don't think they are quite as pretty as the ones crossing Faerghus during the winter moons, but I suppose that’s not their purpose, anyways. I will try to write again, soon.

Yours,

Glenn Fraldarius

 

 

 

Pegasus Moon 1174

Dear Little Brother,

I wish I was there for your birthday. Father told me you’re growing taller, but I don’t believe so—you will have to prove me wrong next time we meet. Did you like the gift I chose? Well, since I picked it, I have no doubts. After all, who knows you better than I do? I think His Highness would enjoy looking at it, too, but that sword is for practice, not for parading around. Use it to hit things, is what I’m telling you, don’t let Father hang it on some mantle in your room. A good sword is worn down until it is no longer serviceable—that’s when you put it to rest. Use this one well and I might even consider getting you another one. Of course, our bet from earlier still stands, as well. I am glad my gloves fit well. Make sure to keep them in good condition until I return home. Do you still like your pastries sweet? I have them at the corner street here, sometimes.

Father is likely going to ask to read this letter, but this one is for you only. I miss you, too. And I miss Mother, and Father a little bit, too. And, of course, I miss Ingrid and His Highness. But winters are not as fun without you crying about the cold, and Garreg Mach is not as pretty as Fraldarius, and time here moves too fast and too slow at the same time. Does that make sense? I think I am ready to go, to serve His Highness as I am meant to do, but I still don’t quite know what that means. Father likes speaking of shields and duties, but I suppose those are things I will come to understand in their entirety once I am by his side. I wish someone would hand me a book with all of the requirements for being an excellent Fraldarius, rather than offer me vague guidance. I know Father does his best in this regard, but the decades he has spent by His Majesty’s side must have made it more difficult, and not less, to explain what it means to be in service to the King. I want to do a good job. I know I am an excellent knight—I have more than proven myself! No doubts there, of course. But I don’t think His Highness needs a knight. You should remember that.

I am glad you have good friends, Felix. I hope you spent your birthday eating well and enjoying the winter snow.

Happy Birthday, again.

Your very capable and knightly older brother,

Glenn

 

 

 

Lone Moon 1174

I don't particularly believe time flies anywhere, but I wonder where mine has gone. Fraldarius winter must be over at this time; by late spring I will be back. I told Father I’m ready to assume my duties immediately—he said there will be an official ceremony to induct me into the Royal Guard during the Blue Sea Moon. I’m not particularly fond of festivities, but I suppose this once will be acceptable. Felix wrote to me and said he was excited to watch; perhaps it is worth putting in the effort of appearances for once. Mother will be there, too, she promised. I hope the weather stays cool in Fhirdiad, because I cannot think of anything worse than the metal armor of the Royal Guard in sweltering heat. They might as well send me off barefoot into the Valley of Torment. Is this meant to be my life for the remainder of it? For some reason, I don’t quite hate it. I think I might even prefer it to the stuffy office my Father used to insist on dragging me into. I have to speak to Felix. I guess, more than anyone, you might understand where I am coming from.

Hey, Sylvain—you would look after them, wouldn’t you? A job badly done is better than not at all, for once, I suppose. Not to imply you would be awful at keeping an eye on them, but I would say you have other talents.

Still, thank you. I will see you in Fraldarius. Keep my brother (and yourself) out of trouble—and try to be a little bit of a role model, at least. Keep your lance sharp for when I return, I want to make sure you have been keeping up with training. You are coming here, after all, are you not? Thank Sothis I have avoided the menace that would be your classmateship, at least this time.

Glenn

 

 

 

Harpstring Moon 1175

Dear Felix,

I will be back within the fortnight. Keep your sword on your person—I won’t go easy on even you. I look forward to the pastries.

Your brother,

Glenn

 

 

 

Verdant Rain Moon 1175

Little Felix,

I recently returned from an expedition, accompanying His Highness. I’ve been told you cried when he left—Father might scold you, but I know you cannot help it. Still, it is okay to make him worry a little, we have to give him something to keep him spirited, after all, and there is little reason to worry about me! I go undefeated amongst the new knights, did you know? It should come as no surprise to you considering our last spar, but I promise I will give you another chance next time I return to Fraldarius. It seems His Majesty will be making the trip there during the Wyvern Moon—ask Father and he might convince him to bring His Highness. Naturally, I would accompany them. Keep your head high and your sword sharp in my absence, or else you will have to wait another few months before trying for pastries—remember, a Fraldarius is not phased by failure, nor is he daunted by hard work. Strength will never falter when you need it, should you practice enough. Come visit me here when you can so I can see your progress. Hope to see you soon.

The Great Knight,

Glenn Fraldarius

 

 

 

Verdant Rain Moon 1175

Dear (the word is smudged),

I know you were not expecting many letters from me after graduation. I suppose that I was not expecting to write that many, either. Fhirdiad is cold and miserable at night, even though we are high in summer, and at daytime I sweat half to death. At least they don't make us wear the armor except for ceremonial duty. Do you know how difficult it is to calm a prince throwing a tantrum in a full suit of armor? Not as if it provides any protection. Don’t misunderstand—His Highness is perfectly courteous as always, it is the people around him I worry about. Yesterday he broke two swords in half and proceeded to apologize until I thought he would run out of breath. I have not figured out what sort of comfort I am meant to give him. Before all else, I am his knight. I think he is plenty (perhaps too) kind, but I wonder, do kind boys make good kings? The rain here is awful this year, but it feels a little more like Fraldarius. Usually, at this time, Father and I would survey the grain fields in the surrounding areas. Felix usually begged to come with, but he was never any good at staying on a horse and whenever he came along, we would return early. I loved those fields, though. Did you know? When you see them reach the horizon, you can almost imagine Fraldarius being the entire world. Even now, Fhirdiad is a stranger to me. I hope, eventually, I can look at the city gates and feel the same way I do about them as I do about the wheat fields. Next Verdant Rain Moon, I will ask to spend some time home, if only to take Felix across Fraldarius’ territory. I intend to ask Father to make his succession explicit, so that Felix can come to terms with it at his own pace, rather than have it thrust upon him. When that time comes, I wonder if His Highness will be ready to ascend to his power, too.

Your successful rival in wit and power both,

Glenn

 

 

 

Ethereal Moon 1175

Dear Father,

No, I have not forgotten to write to you, it merely happens to be that I have become quite busy as of late. His Highness has decided to take up the lance over the sword, and as I am sure you are well aware of, there are few knights around suitable to be his training partner. And by that I mean, none who refuse to coddle him or who tense at the sight of his weapon spearing metal like fresh-baked pie. Of course, I have nobly taken up this pursuit. Yes, I am conducting myself as is befitting of a first son and the right hand of the king-to-be. His Highness is still young—he does not need me to be his royal advisor yet. You and His Majesty’s bond will not be replicated; in time we will settle into something that works for us, and then, when the time comes, Felix and he—nevermind.

I hope you have been cutting Felix some slack. Last I heard from him, you had greatly upset him. Felix is not me—let him cry if he needs to. He will toughen up alongside the sword, but we are not made of the same metal. His Highness is a good influence in turn; he speaks of Felix very fondly. Tell Mother I will return for the Pegasus Moon, but leave Felix out of it, should my plans happen to change. I don't want to disappoint him. I will be at the gates of Fhirdiad to greet you when you arrive at Fhirdiad for His Highness’ birthday celebrations.

Your son,

Glenn

(And no, you should not come visit me in the Royal Guards’ quarters, stay where you are welcome, in the Duke’s quarters. I overheard His Majesty mention your interest. Felix can come.)

 

 

 

Lone Moon 1175

Dear Felix,

I enjoyed getting pastries with you, but if your tastes have changed, you should say so, else that bad habit of accommodating will continue to worsen. In fact, I hope that the next time we see each other, you act a little more forceful, if only with me. If you cannot do so with words, then you can hit me with your sword—I am more than capable of handling it. I hope you enjoyed your birthday; soon you will be old enough to squire in battle! A few words of wisdom: never trust a man who claims to be undefeated to have your back. Rarely does he do anything but cover his own arse. As for your gift, don’t tell Father I gave that to you, I am sure he would disapprove of me parting with something so important to a knight, but I would like for you to hold on to it for a while. Nothing could be worse for me than losing it, right? So better I leave it with someone trustworthy until I need it again. There are talks of a visit to Duscur by springtime next year, so it is likely both His Highness and I would be away for quite some time. I’m sure you will look after it well, whether it be a month or a year, or until you receive your own. Let the weight of it encourage you during your training!

Your brother and trustworthy advisor,

Glenn

 

 

 

Harpstring Moon 1176

Dear Father,

His Majesty has assigned me to be His Highness’ personal escort for the Duscur trip. Though I know you still harbor doubts of my earnestness when it comes to my position as a Royal Knight, I hope you quiet those words in Felix’s presence. I am capable, and you know this. I would not let harm befall upon His Highness, as you once protected His Majesty upon the battlefield. Please allow me to walk this path independently, for once. Have faith in the goddess’ blessing upon my sword and the might of Seiros to guard my spirit. Even a minor crest is a Fraldarius crest nonetheless. When I return, I agree—I would like to speak of Aegis with you. However, I suggest you speak to Felix about the reality of his succession, soon, else I will do it when I see him next. He is not so weak as you sometimes convince yourself he is; with His Highness by his side, the both of them are sure to do well. I have no qualms about my future in the Royal Guard. I can visit Fraldarius even during those circumstances.

Yours,

Glenn Fraldarius of the Royal Guard

 

 

 

Garland Moon 1176

Sylvain,

I would have liked to spend your birthday with you, but duty called. I’m sure you understand—whether you like it or not, nobles will always carry the family name before the birth name. I’m sure the celebrations were unbearable, but I heard a whisper that Miklan has left Gautier territory, so hopefully it was less awful than the last couple of years. It makes me wonder where he took off to, though. Should I by any chance catch wind of his location, I will write to you again, unless you prefer I don’t. And if I happen to run into him personally, well, consider it your belated birthday gift. Have you put any more thought into attending the Officer’s Academy? You cannot tell me you did not read those books I sent, because Father told me he caught you with them, dog-eared and all. If sorcery is not for you, then at the very least pick a different weapon up. I’m sure your father has similar expectations of you, but should you bring it up to him first, perhaps he will be a bit more lenient with you until your departure. Don’t let your head hang too low with all those flower crowns I’m sure you have charmed your way to; your posture was terrible enough last time I saw it. Happy birthday and to better days.

Glenn

 

 

 

Blue Sea Moon 1176

Dear Felix,

This might be the last letter for a while as delivering letters from Duscur might prove more trouble than anticipated. Fortunately, your brother is quite considerate, and so I have prepared some guidance for you to read in my absence. I hope you take this advice to heart, and then pass it on to those dear to you, assuming they are half as clever as you are and a third as good with a sword. They likely will not be.

If someone asks to spar with you, always say yes, and always win. Should you happen to lose, ask for a rematch. If they turn you down, ask them at a later time, or taunt them into accepting. Your chosen approach should depend on your opponent. For example, wait for Ingrid, and feel free to taunt Sylvain as much as you can bring yourself to do. Your recent hard work in your swordsmanship tutelage has not gone unnoticed (Father told me in passing), so now it is time to make use of it for the sake of helping others improve. If possible, that is.

Don’t pretend to like food when you do not. Sincerity is integrity, unless you have to lie because someone is being bothersome, in which case feel free to disregard sincerity in favor of self-preservation. Should that fail, opt for the sword. This is not an instruction to pull a sword at Father should he try to make you eat a dish you dislike at family dinner. If you do, I will be the one in trouble, and I say he bothers me plenty already.

Remember to ride by the wheat fields, but look past them, too. If you cannot take a horse, then walk on foot. ‘Fraldarius’ is not the family house nor our name. This extends to you, as well. If you are not sure what to make of that, don’t worry, you will have months to think on it before we meet again, and then we can discuss. I don’t typically take it upon myself to lecture others in good faith, but I will make an exception for you.

Do not neglect your weapons. I am aware you and His Highness have a fondness for fine weapons that end up strung to a wall, but even those require occasional maintenance. As for the ones you wield in your training, they should be cared for three times as often. Swinging a battered sword is no better than trying to put a saddle on an invisible horse.

Listen to Father and Mother, even when you don’t want to. Sometimes, they do know what they are talking about.

Your dutiful older brother,

Glenn

 

Blue Sea Moon 1176

Dear Felix,

I decided to write another letter in haste, so this one will be short. We are crossing into Duscur later this evening, but for now, we are enjoying a brief stop. One of the local mercenaries promised me he would post this for me, though he demanded a hefty payment. The sun is bright here even as we approach evening, but fortunately, the warmth is not unbearable, which means I can always rope a fellow knight or two into some sparring. So much travel on horseback makes the muscles awfully stiff, and I can’t have that. His Highness has not left the cart even though we have been unmoving for hours, so I think I will try to convince him to spar with me, next. You should write him some letters, too, I think he feels quite lonely at the castle. Tell Father to send me fewer of them. It is unfortunate I will not be able to make the rounds with Father again this Verdant Rain Moon—you should accompany him in my place. If you find you have the time, chase the wheat fields to the horizon and see what lies at the edge there, and then write to me about it.

Sorry, little brother, it seems I’m out of ink and time both. Sparring will have to wait until our next stop.

Yours by blood and the sword,

G

 

 

Notes:

That's mine. Thank you for finding it.