Chapter Text
Soul marks were something everyone had. The flower of your soulmate etched across somewhere on your body and when your soulmate touched you, they would bloom.
It was said to be a magical moment to share with your soulmate but with how people changed, the moment would not always be magical.
Finding your soulmate whilst you're in the midst of a fight. Someone holding you back and you feel the sensation across your soul mark. Or worse you find them to be the one you're fighting. Working in a hospital and finding your soulmate as you help them up in bed to care for them.
Some people found them too late and mourned their soulmate and others didn’t want to be bound by them.
But James lived for it.
Ever since he was young, he would trace the black lines across his arm. He was one of the rare ones, the flowers extended from his collarbone and trickled down to his wrist.
It was a larger span than most. But he supposed it was perfect for him. It showed him much love he had for his soulmate.
He was never deprived of love either. His parents were soulmates and doted on him eagerly.
Soul marks had nothing but a positive sign in his life. His parents the ultimate display of it as well as many of their friends and family.
In his first year at Hogwarts, he met Sirius Black, and it was the first time he had learnt of soul marks in a negative light.
James had never been one to hide his soul marks or not mention them, but with Sirius, it was something he had to learn.
The difference in how they treated their own soul marks became clear quite quickly.
For James, his mark had never been something to hide. His sleeves often pushed up to show it curled around his forearm, his shirt often abandoned when the dorm rooms became too stuffy, loose shirts hanging off him, which revealed the curled stem around his collarbone and shoulder.
With Sirius, it was quite the opposite, not even daring to show his soul mark to him for months. He didn’t even have a clue of where it was until he had caught a glimpse of it when Sirius’s pants had ridden up to reveal blank ink.
Eventually, Sirius had shown him his soul mark though, it curled around his ankle as he had seen once and Sirius had compared it to a shackle. It had made James wince, the comparison of something so wonderful with something so terrible.
But Sirius was right in a way when he thought back to it that moment. Everyone was born bound to someone they didn’t know.
He didn’t find it too difficult to accommodate and listen to his friend even though Sirius struggled to tell him why he disliked soul marks.
So James learnt to not shove it in the face of others. Not everyone was averse to soul marks, but he quickly learnt there were other more important things and his other interests quickly took over.
It never dwindled the excitement to find his soulmate through. Multiple times he got to witness his friends finding their soulmates. Their mark lit up in a swirl of colour and flowers blossomed beautifully before their very eyes.
Funnily enough, Sirius was the first to find his soulmate between them. It was a few months into their first year and it was one of their roommates, Remus Lupin.
It had happened in their dorm room, Sirius complaining how all they did was study, and he had grabbed Remus’s hand and pulled.
The touch must have been strong enough because abruptly Sirius had dropped Remus’s hand as if he had been burnt, Remus letting out his own noise of surprise.
Sirius had pulled his pant leg up and Remus pushed his sleeve up to reveal both their soul marks had blossomed.
Curled around Sirius’s ankle were white and light purple flowers. The petals shaped almost like almonds is how James had seen it. Remus’s arm has been encircled by similarly coloured flowers, added with a pale purple and pink. They were longer, swirling around on his forearm, almost engulfing them.
He had to physically bite his tongue back from commenting on their beauty.
The two of them had stared at each other and their marks for what felt like hours.
All of them knew of Sirius’s dislike of the soul mark and it was no surprise when the dark-haired boy darted out of the room immediately.
It had made his own heartache seeing the look of sadness across Remus’s face but there was nothing they could do. It wasn’t anyone's place to force soulmates to get together, even the soulmate.
Eventually, the incident was forgotten. James didn’t know if the two had talked it out or chosen to look past it but no one ever spoke about it.
He never got a second glance at Sirius’s blossomed soul mark, the boy having circled bandages around it. The colour must have been too much to ignore.
But he couldn’t help but feel envious whenever he caught a glimpse of Remus’s soul mark. Beautiful bright flowers blossomed across his skin, whilst his mark remained a dull black.
Didn’t he deserve it?
-
In their fourth year, he came to learn finally why Sirius despised soul marks. His best friend had shown up on his doorstep, tears falling down his cheeks and a bruise forming on his face.
That day, he learnt what Sirius’s home life was like and why he was so adamant about never returning home again.
His own parents had welcomed Sirius in with open arms and James vowed softly to protect Sirius.
He truly would fight anyone to protect his friends, it didn't matter who.
He had almost been tempted to go out and ask why and how they could treat their kid like this but he hadn’t. Sirius had stopped him, not wanting anything to happen to James.
In the end, he had no choice but to listen. The worry and pain that flashed across Sirius’s face were enough to say that it wasn’t worth fighting those animals.
James was often told he wore his heart on his sleeve by both his friends and his parents.
Personally, he didn’t see the problem. He wasn’t one to keep his emotions locked up. Wasn't it better to show the world how he truly felt anyways?
It was clear when he was sad, clear when he was angry, clear when he was happy. It was always clear when things affected him. He saw no reason to hide it from the world.
James Potter wore his heart on his sleeve and had grown oblivious to how it could be his downfall.
-
The younger Black brother had always been a bit of a mystery for him.
Sirius never spoke much about him, aside from how he was his parents' perfect child. Regulus had never been very rebellious when Sirius had begun acting out even more; their parents created a rift between them.
In fact, he recalled the story Sirius had told them when Regulus came to Hogwarts a year after him. How his parents had made it clear to his younger brother that they knew he would be sorted into Slytherin and that they knew he wouldn’t disappoint them.
Unlike Sirius.
Sirius had never spoken ill about his brother but there was obvious tension there. About how Sirius left him behind and Regulus let their parents take control of his life.
Last he knew they hadn’t been on the best terms, after an argument on the first day back at Hogwarts. Regulus had given Sirius a message from their parents and Sirius had stormed off. Even James still didn’t know what it had been about.
Even before that their interactions had always been tense. Awkward glances between classes whenever they bumped into each. James always tried to say hello, Remus and Peter following suit but it never helped. Regulus would barely look at them, his eyes would linger on his brother before leaving silently.
Sometimes their little bump would affect their group. Sirius’s mood would grow sore and he’d become moody. It was hard to deal with a moody Sirius.
It was like walking on eggshells in their own living space. On the worse days, they’d find Sirius curled up anywhere but his own bed. At times he’d be sleeping down in the common room or their beds. One time Peter had walked in on him sleeping at his desk. The nightmares always seemed to get worse when he and Regulus weren't on the best terms.
It always left him feeling useless, unable to help, but Remus somehow always knew what to do. He would offer his bed to a silent Sirius or coax him upstairs when he was down in the common room. He would offer him some snacks or just sit near him, his hands weaving in and out of Sirius’s hair.
These things always had James biting his tongue, not that he would dare to say something when Remus was death-staring him across the room.
He wondered if Remus ever spoke to Sirius if considering their bond, but then again Remus wasn’t one to push. He preferred them all comfortable and themselves. Even if it hurt him in return it turns out.
Sirius never revealed how he felt about it. Would simply offer them all smiles and thank them quietly for dealing with him. He’d apologize sheepishly to Remus for taking up his bed space and eating the snacks they kept hidden in their drawers.
There were only two people to make Sirius’s mood change drastically. Remus and Regulus.
So Regulus Black was the last person in the world he would have expected to see in his dorm room.
Even Lily Evans would have been less unexpected.
“Regulus?” James spoke aloud, eyebrows raised as he shut the door behind him.
The dark-haired boy sat upright, wide-eyed at the sound of his name. Though the expression quickly fell, replaced by a neutral look of annoyance.
It wasn’t the first time he had seen it. Sirius had a similar expression he was used to.
“Potter.”
His name was spat out in a bitter tone and he felt a sigh leave his lips.
If he was honest to himself he didn’t know why Regulus despised him so immensely. Was it because he was best friends with Sirius? Or was it just the Slytherin touch?
James was pretty sure he wouldn’t ever figure it out.
“Is there something I can help you with…?” He asked slowly, moving further into the room and dumping his bag next to his bed. “Sirius is probably going to be gone a while, he’s with Remus and Peter.“
That granted him another annoyed huff from the younger boy.
So he was here for Sirius not that he considered anything else. But the question remained why? Had they made up without his knowledge?
“How long, Potter?”
James frowned, sitting down on his bed. “I don’t know. I’m not his keeper. Probably before curfew hits though.”
“Not his keeper? Are you sure about that?”
He knew where that jab was directed. Sirius had been living with him for a year now and the annoyance was clear. But there was a lack of snarkiness to his tone. He sounded tired, his eyes almost a dull grey.
“Sirius is old enough to make his own decisions, Regulus. Don’t make me out to be the bad guy.”
All he got in return was an annoyed huff, “I'll wait for him here then.”
James blinked. So both brothers were beyond stubborn too. “As you wish.”
This totally wasn’t going to be beyond awkward.
Just for a moment he considered sitting down and staring right back at Regulus with a similar glare but he decided against it.
There were better things to do.
Those better things consisted of staring down at his Herbology textbook blankly as Regulus decided to make himself home on Sirius’s bed.
Maybe staring would have been better than this.
James sighed, finally daring to glance over the other boy who was widely interested in his school tie, pale fingers stretching and tracing the tie hanging loosely around his neck.
He had never looked closely at the younger boy before. All he knew was long curly hair, pale skin, grey eyes and a distaste for everything around him.
It was hard to believe he and Sirius were brothers.
Would Sirius have turned out like this if he hadn’t been so adamant about escaping?
Another curiosity, did Regulus also have an aversion to soul marks?
James couldn’t help but let his eyes wander, a searching gaze. Any glimpse of blank ink across pale skin. But nothing was visible to the naked eye.
“Potter, I’d keep my eyes on your textbook. I’m not going to pounce on you. Or are you planning on doing so?”
He was snapped out of his haze, brown eyes locking with grey ones. “I’m not going to…pounce.” He muttered out, colour flooding to his cheeks.
Regulus scoffed. “Could have fooled me. The first time you let someone in your dorms?”
“More like you let yourself in!” James huffed, glancing at his textbook before back at Regulus who had a faint smirk on his face.
He didn’t hate Regulus, but god did the younger find a way to get under his skin.
“Well, I didn’t know you’d be prancing up here all alone. I thought it would be a quick talk with my brother and I’d be in my dorms already,” Regulus shot right back at him.
Prancing? “No one prances, Regulus.”
“How would you know? I’m sure plenty of people prance around.“
James blinked. Was this a real conversation he was having? Talking to Regukus about prancing.
“Do you prance?“ He wondered.
“Don’t be absurd, out of us you’d very much be the one to prance, Potter.”
Whether it was an insult or not was still lost to James. “Why can't you prance? Is it suddenly a bad thing?” He huffed pushing his textbook aside to pull off his sweater.
Regulus was silent for a beat too long as James looked back over at him. “You and your hap—“ but he abruptly fell silent again. The younger had looked his eyes somewhere else now.
He followed Regulus’s eyes down to his arm. His soul mark arm to be exact.
“Something wrong, Regulus?” The words were spoken stiffly as he fiddled with the collar of his shirt. Was Regulus going to have a similar reaction to Sirius?
Curiosity peaked as he observed Regulus’s face but he didn’t seem upset. Instead, he seemed interested?
“Why is your soul mark so large?”
Well, that was unexpected. James shifted, eyebrows furrowed as he glanced down at himself. Pulling his collar had exposed the ink curled around his collarbone that trailed down to his arm. Not all of it was on display but it was clear how large the span was.
It wasn’t common to have such a large one, his parents had explained, but that didn’t mean anything was wrong.
The question wasn’t comfortable nonetheless.
Frowning he pulled his sleeve down, covering the mark and pulling his collar closer to his neck.
It seemed to startle Regulus, grey eyes pulling away from his body to back to his face. To his surprise, there was a flush on his pale cheeks. “I—I didn’t mean it in a rude way—“ He rushed out.
But before he could get another word out, the door to the dorm was opening again. Sirius’s voice filled the room with Peter and Remus right behind him.
“Prongs you wouldn’t believe—“
He found himself tensing as the voice was cut off and Sirius zeroed in on Regulus’s appearance in their dorm.
“What’re you doing here?” The words were spat out rather harshly.
So they hadn’t made up.
“Regulus?” Remus questioned aloud, a slight furrow in his eyebrows as he stepped aside, raising a questioning look at James.
“He was here before I even got in, don’t look at me. Someone must have let him through.”
“Prongs?” Regulus voiced, tone curious, almost playful as he looked over at him, barely acknowledging the brother he had apparently been waiting for. Regulus never said Potter in that tone.
The tension in the air was almost painful. James looked from Regulus to Sirius who was shooting daggers into his brother's head who couldn’t have cared less.
James felt like he was going to burn under his gaze.
“Are you going to just tell him whatever you're here for?” He managed out, his words tangled together and his tongue feeling almost heavy. He didn’t want Regulus here any longer than needed.
Maybe his tone was a tad angry because it had Regulus backing off right away.
It also seemed to cut the silence of the room. “Fine. Sirius, I need to talk to you about our mother.” The lightness of his tone was gone. Regulus was back to the stuffy voice of his.
Sirius merely muttered something under his breath as a response, following Regulus out of the room.
And finally, it felt like he could breathe. He let out a deep sigh, wide-eyed as Peter and Remus flocked toward him.
“He was just sitting in here?”
“I wonder what he wanted.”
“Last time he made Sirius so angry we couldn’t talk to him for hours.“
What followed was a repeat of the previous week. Sirius came back to the dorms and offered them a smile and nothing more. There wasn’t anger on his face, instead, he also looked tired just like Regulus had.
It makes something twist in his chest. His best friend was struggling and so was his brother and the only thing in common was their parents.
On one hand, he wanted to tell Regulus to stop coming around and reminding Sirius of what he left behind but on the other hand that would leave Regulus with no one.
That too made discomfort settle in his chest.
But there was nothing James could do to fix this. To fix how Sirius and Regulus were treated by their parents. To help Sirius see the positives to soul marks. To show him Remus loved him so dearly.
In the end, James couldn’t protect his friends from everything.
The dorm incident had James seeing Regulus more often than he enjoyed. His presence suddenly became so much larger.
He caught himself glancing at the Slytherin table during meals one too many times. Eyes lingered on a certain dark-haired boy but he never stared long enough to be noticed. Or at least he hoped for that.
He would catch glimpses of Regulus in the hallways and occasionally headed down to the Slytherin dorms.
Had he lost the plot? Why was Regulus on his mind so often?
What also lurked in his mind was how Regulus had stared at his soul mark. It hadn’t been clear disgust, but it worried him nonetheless.
“Mate, are you okay?”
James was pulled out of his thoughts by Sirius, who had begun prodding his fingers into his ribs.
“Hm?”
“You keep zoning out these days.” Remus commented next, eyebrows raised, “Are you feeling alright?”
Somehow that felt impossible to answer. How did he explain to his friends that Regulus was haunting him as if he was some sort of ghost?
Could the living haunt people? If so, Regulus was exactly like that.
“Fine. Fine. Just didn’t sleep well.” The excuse left his lips with ease as a hand tangled into his hair, ruffling the messy strands. Maybe he should try and tame it in the mornings.
“You did wake up a little later than usual,” Peter murmured from beside Remus.
Had he?
“Were they nightmares?” Sirius had stopped prodding at his ribs, instead had his head tilted, looking at him with concern.
James shook his head. Even if they had been nightmares he didn’t remember them anymore. “I’m alright, really don’t worry. I didn’t have any nightmares. Probably just one of those nights.”
There was no way to explain what weighed in his mind. If he spoke Sirius would most likely be further upset with his brother and it would force him to acknowledge soul marks once again.
“You know it’s alright to tell us, James. I have nightmares, you know this.” Sirius added in a soft voice.
It was something they had encountered when Sirius had first moved in. They had decided to sleep in one room just for convenience and silencing charms never occurred to them. So when James had woken up to screaming and tossing and turning it had nearly given him a heart attack.
“I’m okay, really. Don’t worry.” He managed another smile. A genuine one because his friends had been so caring. He tried to ignore the look of concern from Remus.
When he glanced back at the Slytherin table the mop of black hair had disappeared, leaving an empty space between two other boys. Pulling his eyes away he dug into his breakfast. Maybe some food would snap him out of this haze.
It wasn’t until James was leaving the Charms classroom he spotted Regulus again and something pulled at him. Something in his head told him to go ahead and speak with him.
They hadn’t parted on the best of words but Regulus seemed to entertain him a little at least.
“You guys go ahead, I forgot my charms essay. I’ll meet you later.” With a slight wave, he didn’t find himself waiting for an answer from the others, darting off after Regulus.
“Regulus!” He called out, a few students glancing at him before looking away. It didn’t bother him but was he being ignored?
“Regulus!” Another attempt was left unanswered.
“Oh come on. Regulus! Reg? Reggie?”
The nicknames flew off his tongue without much thought and he didn’t even realize Regulus had turned to him at the last minute. He was a second away from walking into him when Regulus stepped back.
James was now faced with the very annoyed boy. “First off, don’t call me that. My name is Regulus only, and secondly, what is so important that it has you yelling my name in the halls like a lunatic, Potter?”
Soul marks. It was on the tip of his tongue, but the fear of upsetting someone once more weighed him down.
“Potter, honestly, I’m not letting you waste my time anymore. Unlike you, I don’t have time to just stare.”
Though Regulus was already upset. Did it even matter if he just was outright with it?
“James—“
“—Why did you ask about my soul mark?“
The world almost seemed to go quiet as the words left his lips. It was then that he noticed the empty hallways and he was sure he was going to be late for class.
If Regulus had been tense before, now was a whole other story. Arms had been crossed across his chest and he was standing rigidly. “I didn’t know it was sensitive for you.”
Sensitive? “It’s not. But the way you said it. As if there was something wrong with it.” James huffed, matching Regulus' stance, arms crossing his chest.
“If you say my question like that, I think you are sensitive about it, Potter. It was a simple question. I’ve never seen such a large soul mark. We both know it isn’t normal.”
Not normal.
There was that word again. Stupid normal. “Who are you to decide what’s normal?”
“Oh, come on, don’t blame me now. It was a simple question.”
But it hurt.
Except he didn’t want to whine his way into a conversation with Regulus. “So that’s all? You were curious?”
Regulus hummed, but there was something unreadable in his eyes. “I simply wanted to know why. Is there a reason for it? Did your parents ever wonder or give you a reason?”
James hesitated. His teeth sank into his bottom lip. His parents had offered him a reason and it was something he cherished deeply. It had made sense at the time and sometimes it still did. Now it became obvious it was something to calm him down as a child when he noticed his mark wasn’t like everyone's.
It displayed how much love he would have for his soulmate. Whoever it was.
At this moment it would sound nothing but childish, and Regulus wouldn’t stand for that.
“Well?”
“It’s—They didn’t give me a reason. They just told me it wasn't common, but I wasn’t the only one in the world.” The words fell into a whisper at the end. Regulus was the last person he wanted to have this conversation with.
Regulus hummed, “Well, it’s not ugly, so I’ll give you that.”
His head lurched up from where he had glued his eyes on the floor. “Not ugly?” Another attempt at some sort of compliment.
“Not ugly trust me, I’d know,” Regulus repeated as if it wasn’t odd at all.
It was something even if the normal comment dug in further than he would like to admit.
“What do you mean you know?”
Regulus’s whole presence shifted. “I’ve seen some…soul marks that are not the best.”
Their parents.
Was this why Sirius despised this? It had to connect back someplace and maybe Regulus would be the key to knowing why and then he could help Sirius and Remus.
Just maybe.
“If that’s all you had to say to me, Potter, I’ll be off.”
There wasn’t any other way to keep Regulus anymore so he simply nodded, watching the other turn and disappear around the corner.
Regulus didn’t despise soul marks.