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i.
It’s 3 a.m., or somewhere close. For all intents and purposes, Toya should be asleep like a normal person. He was asleep, actually, for a while, but it’s not like he’s ever gotten good rest here in a long, long time.
There are times where he just… wakes up without any warning or reason, and tonight seems like one of those nights, but something’s off. Like waking up a few minutes before his alarm, that sort of off. But it’s the middle of the night, so —
Bzzt!
The sudden buzzing coming from his nightstand startles him so bad he jolts upright, scrambling for his phone in a rush. Maybe he just set his alarm too early? It’s not like anybody ever… calls him.
The caller ID reads Shinonome Akito, and he’s so surprised he forgets to do anything else, too busy wondering what reason Akito would have to call him in the first place. They’d barely met a few months ago, and Akito just texts him if he needs to reach out. He’s never, ever gotten a phone call, so what if Akito was in danger or something? What if — oh. He forgot to pick up entirely.
… Shit.
He taps on the Missed call (1) notification before Akito can call him back — Toya has a feeling he wouldn’t, anyway — and it’s only a few seconds before the line connects.
“Hello?”
“… Toya,” he hears, and for some reason, Akito sounds out of breath. Tired beyond belief might be a better way to put it. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
Technically? “No, it’s fine. Is something wrong? You don’t usually call me.” Usually being never, but that’s beside the point. There’s a groan that follows, and he can practically see Akito dragging his hand down his face.
“I know, I just — well. I dunno,” Akito trails off into a nervous laugh. “I did it without thinking. M’sorry.”
A frown sets itself on Toya’s face. Akito’s avoiding the question. He might be impulsive, yes, but not often thoughtless like this. “I already said it’s okay…” The silence stretches between them awkwardly after that, quiet save for the occasional crackling of Akito’s breathing through the speakers. He hasn’t hung up yet, so that’s got to count for something. “Um… really, did something happen?”
Another sigh. “Just had a weird dream, I think. Or a nightmare. Don’t really remember.” Oh. That’s more honest than he was expecting.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
Yeah, that’s what he was expecting. This is great, Toya feels absolutely out of his depth. He has no clue how to comfort someone, especially not when that someone is Akito. Sure, people might say Toya’s the hard one to read, but Akito can be impressively cagey about himself.
He doesn’t really know what to say after that. But he doesn’t want to hang up, either. It’s as if they’re on the precipice of — something, though he’s not sure what, but he knows he’d be kicking himself later if he let whatever this moment was slip between his fingers.
“Toya,” Akito says again, and his attention snaps back to the call. There’s a bit of hesitation before his next words. “Can we talk for a bit? About anything.”
Not like he’s great at that either, but there’s something oddly vulnerable about the way Akito’s asking that makes him want to try anyway. For his partner’s sake. “Sure, we can do that. Um. Did you work out our next event with that one venue…?”
“Oh, yeah, no problems there. They just had a technical issue on their end, so…”
There we go. It sounds like the smile’s returned to Akito’s voice, so Toya lets himself fall quiet again, more than content to listen.
By the time the sun’s rising, Toya’s asleep again. His phone sits face-up on the nightstand where the screen reads Shinonome Akito, time still ticking up below it.
ii.
“Hey, Toya. Tooooyaaaa.”
“Mm?” He looks up from his book to see Akito peeking over at him from where he’s sitting on the bench, wearing a look he’d almost call expectant.
“Man, did you just notice? I’ve been calling your name for a few minutes now. You really like those things, don’t you?”
Those things being the novel he’s been working through for the last week. This one’s yet another mystery, based somewhere on the opposite side of the world, about an eccentric detective solving case after case no matter what it was laid in front of him. It was thrilling, so little wonder he got so easily absorbed in it.
“Ah… sorry.” He closes it after bookmarking the page, setting it down in his lap. “What’s up?”
Strangely enough, Akito blushes at that, quickly averting his gaze to the ground. “Uh. Nothin’. You can go back to reading.”
He knows a diversion when he sees one. “It was important enough for you to get my attention. What is it?”
“No, I just… it’s embarrassing.”
“Akito. It’s fine, just tell me. I won’t mind.”
It takes a bit more coaxing on Toya’s end and a bit more grumbling on Akito’s, but eventually he lets out a long huff and relents. “Fine, fine, I… well, I know we’ve been dating for like. A week at most. But, uh, I wanted to…”
Toya doesn’t say anything, just gives Akito the space to work through whatever he’s gotten himself into. It’s impressive how red he is without even doing anything.
“I — fuck. Can I hold your hand?” he sputters, still not able to make eye contact.
Oh. A slow smile spreads across Toya’s face. “You didn’t need to get so worried over that,” and before Akito can manage anything else, he slips their hands together. The flush on Akito’s face turns an even more brilliant shade.
“I just—! Didn’t wanna bother you when you were reading. And what if someone popped around the corner? Like An? I wouldn’t hear the end of it from her.” Akito’s somehow even more worked up now, which has to be some sort of feat.
“You picked this spot because nobody ever comes here, remember? Even if anybody did see us, I don’t think they’d care.” He starts skimming his thumb over Akito’s hand in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. “So it’s fine.”
Akito deflates a little at that, though the color doesn’t leave his cheeks. “I guess.”
“Mm,” is all Toya gives before he opens his book again. It’ll be a little awkward with one hand, but it’s worth it for the wobbly smile on his partner’s face.
iii.
They’re on the train back from the edges of Shibuya proper. Akito had wanted to visit a cafe that his sister had told him about, enticed by the promise of a half-price dessert menu.
She’d failed to mention it was a couples-only discount, and it was fascinating watching Akito flicker between several different emotions before settling on a very embarrassed resignation. It got worse when Toya had to order for Akito because the names were ‘too damn cutesy’ for him.
The train’s somehow empty aside from them, which Toya found a little strange given the hour — it’s late afternoon — but it’s not like he’s complaining. It means the usual mortification that would plague Akito from doing anything remotely affectionate is nowhere to be seen.
Akito’s currently pressed against his side, head leaned against Toya’s shoulder, other hand idly scrolling through something on his phone. Toya’s satisfied with watching the scenery pass by, seeing the trees and rolling hills give way to houses and then city buildings.
“Toya,” Akito says out of nowhere. “Can I kiss you?”
“Ah—?”
Right. Nobody’s here for Akito to feel embarrassed about, so he compensates by being bold in a way that always, always catches Toya off guard.
It takes a full five seconds for Toya’s brain to restart after that. He turns to look at Akito, who’s completely unfazed, still looking through something on his phone. Akito shifts a bit and sits up, smirking when he sees the red dusting Toya’s face. “That a yes?”
“I — yes, b—“ and whatever else he had to say is swallowed up by Akito’s lips on his, whatever else he was thinking stopped by a hand cupping his jaw. Everything else melts into nothing after that. Toya barely has the presence of mind to rest his hand on Akito’s arm, gripping onto the fabric of his hoodie.
When they part, Akito’s wearing the most triumphant look on his face. “You’re pretty,” he says, voice soft, and he seems insistent on not letting Toya talk before he’s leaning again, laughing when Toya takes more than a second to respond.
By the time their stop arrives, Akito’s grinning like he’s just won the lottery. Might as well have, because Toya lost count of how many times they kissed after the fifth one.
iv.
The Shinonome household’s always felt like more of a home than his own. It’s similar in some respects, with the pressure of a legacy lining the walls, but it feels so much more… lived in. Akito probably has something to do with that.
Speaking of Akito, he’s currently settled in Toya’s lap, wrapped up in his arms. Akito’s taken to playing with his hands, turning them over and over or drawing little lines on his palm that tickle.
Today’s an off day for practice, so they decided to spend the day as usual: together, relaxing in Akito’s bed and talking about nothing in particular. Business as usual, except for one thing — Akito’s not talking. He hasn’t said anything since they laid down, in fact.
It’s a bit worrisome. “Akito,” he says gently. “Something on your mind?”
Akito hums a bit. “I was just thinkin’, is all.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
There’s a beat, something like anticipation hanging in the air. “Yeah, actually. Toya…” he starts, and Toya knows that tone. It’s the one Akito uses when he’s playfully scolding him, when Toya gives out all of his gifts and forgets to keep something for himself, or when Akito asks him what he’d like to eat and Toya says whatever you want. “… You know you can ask me for stuff, right?”
Toya holds onto Akito a little tighter. “Yeah,” he answers a bit hesitantly. They’d promised that to each other, after all — to rely on each other at any time. To not struggle alone. “What makes you say that?”
“It’s just… I feel like I’m the one always askin’ for something out of you, y’know? And I know you’re always okay with it, but it still feels… I dunno, weird. ‘Cause you never ask for anything back.” Akito’s hands still. He must have been thinking about this for a while — longer than just tonight. “And I don’t wanna feel like all I do is take and take from you. I’ve had enough of feeling like that.”
“I don’t mind, really. You being happy is enough for me.”
It feels like the wrong answer and it is, because Akito squeezes his hands tight. “But I do! I care about you and I want you to be happy, too. I’m never gonna be mad at you for it. There’s nothing you could ask for that I wouldn’t want as much. You probably don’t even gotta ask.”
Toya finds himself at a loss for words again. How does he answer in a way Akito doesn’t already know about him? Growing up the way he did, he never had the chance or even ability to ask for anything, and anything he had was always at risk of being ripped from him. It’s a little understandable for him to be just a bit worried when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
But Akito knows that. It’s why he’s asking, after all. So he has to try — not just for Akito’s sake, but his own too. “… Okay. Then…” What does he want?
He looks down at Akito — or really, his hair — and tries to think. “Doesn’t have to be anything big right now,” Akito supplies. “But I mean, if you asked to move in together I’d probably still say yes.”
“No — well, yes, I’d like to, but…” Why does it have to be so difficult to think about what he wants? Right now…
“… can I … is it okay if I kiss you?”
Akito laughs at that, a bright thing. “Dumbass, of course it’s okay.” He sits up and turns around in Toya’s lap, looking at him with a kindness that almost makes him dizzy. Toya does the same, bringing his hands to rest on Akito’s shoulders. “Well?”
Mm, he’s starting to understand why Akito thinks this is so embarrassing now. He takes a slow breath, trailing a hand up from Akito’s shoulders all the way to his chin, and Akito’s confident, almost amused expression starts to give, a flush creeping up his neck.
“Y… You’re gonna kill me if you keep doing this. C’mon.”
No, but this is nice too, the way Akito’s voice has gone unsteady just from his touch, and that gives Toya the last push he needs. He tilts Akito’s chin up, watching as his eyes slip shut and his lips wobble, and then finally closes the distance between them in the sweetest kiss he can muster.
It couldn’t have been longer than seconds but it feels like years pass between them. The need for air forces them apart, but Toya only separates them as much as necessary, pressing his forehead against Akito’s. “Like that?”
“What the hell,” Akito manages to say, catching his breath. “I don’t know if I should’ve told you earlier if it means you’d kiss me like that. Or not told you at all, ‘cause… agh. Toya.”
Akito’s head thumps against his shoulder, and now Toya’s laughing, moving his hand to thread through Akito’s hair. “Hmm. Now that I know I can, I’m not sure I’ll stop. You’ll just have to get used to it.”
“Aggghh.”
“Mhm.”
After another moment’s thought, Toya decides on the next thing he wants — to lay down again, so he falls back onto the bed, Akito landing on top of him with an oof that forces another giggle from him.
It’s a long while before they get to sleep, Toya preoccupied with peppering little kisses over Akito’s face, much to his partner’s complaint, but it doesn’t matter much when they’re both smiling like idiots.
Eventually, the kisses let up and Akito’s breath slows. He’s nuzzled into the crook of Toya’s neck, and it’s a little difficult to support the full weight of one Akito laying on top of him, but, well — he did ask for that, didn’t he?
When Toya finds himself falling asleep as well, he thinks it might be the best he’s ever slept.