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It really irks Miyano to the bone whenever his friends or any people around him in particular give him a certain look that he doesn't know the meaning of. They are puzzling him and they make him feel uncomfortable throughout the day because he would want to find the real reason behind those looks. He doesn't like feeling left out about something or not knowing what's going on. It's one of the reasons why when he wants to know something, he would take a lot of time to search for it. Be it about his feelings or other things.
He doesn't know when exactly those instances started, but he's sure it has become more frequent whenever he's with Sasaki.
Kuresawa Tasuku
Kuresawa isn't a nosy man to probe his friends on things that seem like an uncomfortable topic for them, that's why most of the time, he just observes. But he's also not exactly a good friend to not annoy them—so he purposely does that from time to time, too.
What can he say? He loves drama and gossip that he can tell his girlfriend every time he visits her.
And it's really entertaining to watch his friends, particularly Miyano, these days. Recently, he is being followed (annoyed) a lot by a senpai that has saved Kuresawa from the school thugs that fought him. His name was Sasaki. He's tall, has piercings, and has a menacing stare. He's like a person that when you accidentally see on the streets, you'd rather walk from the other direction than meet him.
Don't get Kuresawa wrong, he's thankful that Sasaki has helped him that day or else he'd totally be beaten up and his girlfriend would be more mad at him that day, however, he still has reservations whenever he sees the ginger-haired student. It doesn't help the fact that whenever he does see him in the corridor, he's always scowling and his lips are always formed in a tight line like he'd rather be anywhere than school.
But all of those assumptions vanish instantly once Miyano's in the picture. He can't explain it but Miyano has this magic in him that makes Sasaki act like a different person with him. Or maybe it's just that Sasaki is someone who's really just fond of Miyano; it makes the man softer than he actually is. Or maybe he just really wants to be careful with him, too.
Really, Kuresawa's not entirely too sure about it.
He just knows that whenever he sees them together, there's just something he can't pinpoint. Maybe it's in the way Sasaki stares at his friend. Maybe it's in the way he always reaches his hand to touch Miyano but immediately retracts once he realizes what he's doing. Maybe it's always in the way that whenever Sasaki and Miyano are together—they momentarily forget that it's not just them in the room and someone might see them. Like Kuresawa himself.
It has happened a lot already where he catches them after their class finally ends and it's time to go home, but he'll find Sasaki in their room, still talking with Miyano. He could interrupt them but it just feels wrong to do so. Not when he sees Miyano look so excited talking with the guy even though he tries hard to deny it with Kuresawa. Not when they look so content just talking—nothing else—and it would still look like they own the world and it only revolves around them.
Kuresawa can't afford to disrupt that. So he waits for a while until Sasaki leaves.
He acts like he doesn't see Sasaki leave the room whilst running away when he enters the room as he asks Miyano, "Oh, pocky! Where'd you get that?"
"From Sasaki-senpai earlier," Miyano answers, covering the lid of its box to put it in his bag.
He raises his brow, "Are you going to eat it? Did you like that stuff?"
"Well…" Miyano falters, looking away before continuing, "he gave it to me. Of course I'll eat it, it's not like it's inedible."
Kuresawa narrows his eyes more at Miyano, kind of shocked and confused because he says that. He doesn't like sweets, does he now? "But you gave away the chocolate I gave you the other day, right?"
Miyano blushes then immediately defends himself, "But it was sweet!"
"Hmmm…I'm feeling a difference between his and my reception."
"It's the same!"
He opens his mouth to ask more but closes it again when he sees Miyano looking like he's conflicted with something while looking at the box of Pocky he's holding. He will just stay quiet. It would be better that way. He might cause more confusion if he continues to taunt him.
Eh. He'll figure it out.
Miyano's not that stupid anyway. He might be slow on the uptake but he'll get it in his own time. He'll understand it sooner. Well, he can just watch for a while. Both Sasaki and Miyano are not in a rush either way. Especially with how Sasaki preciously and carefully treats the guy.
Kuresawa has a gut feeling it wouldn't be just a one time feeling that would go away in a blink of an eye. It's a budding story that'll take a while to bloom, but once it does? They would be glad they took the time to wait.
Until then, he can just be on the sideline enjoying the show.
Tashiro Gonzaburou
He's trying to catch Kuresawa that afternoon because he still needs to pass his notebook to him when Tashiro notices Miyano's still in the same room as Kuresawa, writing something on his notebook.
He looks at his face first when he remembers the thing that he wanted to ask him last time.
"Miyano!" he cheerfully calls his name that made the guy lift his head and stop from scribbling on his journal.
"Yes?"
"I wanted to ask you something! Are you and that senpai that comes here all the time dating?"
Miyano's eyes widen as his whole face turns red, "W-w-what?! W-where did you even get that idea?!"
He looks up at the ceiling first as if thinking what to answer, "Well… this is an all-boy's school and he's always saying how cute you are…"
Miyano shakes his head defensively to prove that they really aren't dating.
"Oh, so you're just leading him on..?"
"No!" Miyano drops his hands on the table too hard than what he intended to do that it has created a noise, "We've just got a normal senpai-kouhai relationship!"
"Aahh…" Tashiro says with his mouth open while nodding. Well, maybe he really got the impression of them dating wrong. Judging by the looks of Miyano's blushing face—if it is because of shame or anger, he doesn't know—he doesn't like having this conversation at all, so he'll just drop it.
He then explains that he's just kind of worried about Miyano because that senpai really looks scary. Almost all the senpai that he knows is scary, so maybe he's just being too judgmental for that, but he can't help it. He just wants to help his friend just in case he's being forced to do something or anything he doesn't like to do.
Although he thinks Miyano looks alright whenever he's with the guy, anyway. Sometimes, he sees them talk in the hallway and that senpai will say something that will make Miyano flustered but he doesn't look like he's being entirely intimidated by the teasing. More like he's already comfortable with it that he just lets the guy tease him but still blushes because it still leaves him feeling shy. On the outsider's view like Tashiro, if he can describe that act in a simple way, he would say they look like they are flirting. That's why the thought of them dating crossed his mind in the first place.
"Well, if you really say that you're not dating… maybe your relationship is just extraordinary in that case?"
"Yup. Yup." Kuresawa butts in which earns a small grunt from Miyano.
"No. It's not 'yup, yup'!"
When he and Kuresawa decide to finally leave the room with only Miyano in there, they both see Sasaki walking in the direction where their class is. Even though they're still not too close with that senpai, they offer him a small smile while the guy only nods at them both. He continues to pass them and when it's safe to look back to see where Sasaki's going, indeed, they do see him enter their room.
Both Kuresawa and Tashiro share a knowing look with each other. They both shrug their shoulders but didn't say a thing about it.
Miyano might not be dating him now, but who knows? Maybe in the distant future, he might.
Hirano Taiga
"Is Hirano still here?" a voice from the door catches Hirano's attention so he looks up to see who it is. He lifts one of his eyebrows, it's just Sasaki.
He asks what he needs from him but when the guy sees who the other student is in the committee room, he immediately forgets the people in his surroundings or why he is there in the first place. Hirano doesn't know if he should be offended or amused. It's the first time he really sees Sasaki being like this—all sweet and attentive. It's a new image of him that Hirano's still making himself be used to seeing.
"It's Myaa-chan! Are you going home now, too?" his voice lilts. The voice he characteristically uses with Miyano only. What an idiot.
Before Miyano could answer, he interferes already because he knows he will be forgotten the longer he lets them talk. "Do you even need me here? I'm leaving!"
Sasaki's eyes dart in Hirano's way again, sporting an apologetic grin, "Wait! I do need you." He then offers Hirano the notebook he is holding, "This is from the teacher."
"Thanks. You're always playing the errand boy, huh…"
Sasaki throws him a knowing smile but doesn't say anything back. Hirano cringes internally. He has a gut feel what that smile could mean but decides not to comment anything. He also doesn't question why he's still not leaving the room anymore because it would be just like stating the obvious. He's not leaving yet because Miyano's still there. However, unlike the times where Miyano cries to him for help because of Sasaki, these days he finds the two significantly closer. Figuratively and literally.
Sasaki always wants to be around with Miyano. Hirano thinks that if it would be possible to attach his body around Miyano, he probably would've done it. But unlike before, the raven hair wouldn't bother to move away now. He will just look up to see his face as they talk about mangas while walking along the corridor. Sometimes he'll catch them laughing or smiling together. Oftentimes it's Sasaki giving off a fond smile to the younger boy. Other times he would see Miyano look so happy as he continued to talk to the other guy.
He doesn't know if they're just subjected to some sort of spell or they really get along well now, no matter how far their personalities are with each other. Miyano doesn't look like he's scared or annoyed by his friend now and Sasaki looks more cheerful than ever.
Whenever Hirano sees them, there's only one thing that always comes to his mind: They look like they're really enjoying each other's company.
Miyano looks more carefree and Sasaki talks a lot softer with him.
They really look happy when they're together.
Well, I guess there's nothing wrong about that…
Makimura Nao
She's buying her art supplies together with the other members of her Art Club when she sees a familiar face from middle school that she has wanted to draw ever since.
"Miyano?" She attentively calls for the guy whom she thinks resembles his physique, and when he turns, she smiles with relief as she gets it right, "Oh my gosh! It is you, it's been forever!"
"Makimura?" He answers, not sure and is still processing their accidental meeting.
She tries to butter him up into saying yes to be her model, but like before, she gets turned down again by Miyano without even having any second thoughts.
Makimura really thinks Miyano would look good as her muse. It doesn't matter if he wears masculine or feminine clothes because his features would go with anything. Miyano has an androgynous beauty that Makimura really admires. It's something she wants to capture in a canvas up to now.
It's quite making her sad that Miyano's not too fond about his look altogether, but then again, who is she to dictate to him how he should feel about it, right? She just hopes he could be more confident about it because he really is admirable. Looks and all.
She stares at Miyano once again and finds that he leans more on the masculine side now, he's taller than her and even the sizes of their hands might have bigger differences, too.
"Hold your hands up, Miyano!" She instructs him excitedly to see how much difference they have now.
Miyano looks puzzled but he still follows. Smiling as he indulges whatever Makimura wants him to do. Strangely, Miyano feels lighthearted and calm talking with her now. "Okay, okay."
"Don't." A distinct low voice cuts them as another hand—much larger, she notes in her mind—tugs away the hand of Miyano she is trying to reach. When she looks up to see who it is, the anguished face of a tall man and the shocked face of Miyano looking up at the guy are all she can see.
She never gets to say anything when the guy pulls Miyano away from her while all Miyano could say is an abrupt apology as he also says his goodbye.
W-what the hell was that face?! I have got to draw that!
Makimura is hopping excitedly on her feet as she goes where her other friends are, repeating in her head the scene that happened in front of her very two eyes. She doesn't know the name of the guy that has fetched Miyano a while ago but his looks are everything! And the way Miyano has also looked at him was definitely something else.
Are they lovers? Is he someone special to him?
She wants to see them again and maybe have a chance to draw them. She wants to see their reality be depicted in her art.
It's the first time he sees Miyano's eyes look that sparkly. She could swear he looks glowing, too! It made him even more… charming. She bets it would be a sight to look at if she gets to paint it.
Man, I would've really loved to sketch them someday.
Hanzawa Masato
It starts off as just a teasing for him because he likes to tease people a lot, but as Hanzawa quietly observes Miyano, the kouhai that he's really grown fond of, there might really be a high chance that the man is in love.
…or maybe he's still on a journey to finding out about his feelings? Seeing as he looks like he's always in a complicated state whenever the word "lovelife" or "love" in general has been brought up his way.
"Hey, Mr. President… what do you think it means to like someone?" Miyano carefully asks him, blushing as he covers his face with the folding fan that Hanzawa has given him to complete his costume he'll be using for the cultural festival.
Ah. He still hasn't figured it out then.
He hums as he quietly thinks for a while what to say to answer Miyano's question. "It's different for everyone… but maybe wanting to do stuff with them?"
Miyano whips his head up, kind of shocked with the answer. Hanzawa snorts at that. Did Miyano misunderstand what he's implying? "Like wanting to be together." he adds again to clarify.
The younger one sighs, relieved that he's wrong on what he thinks.
"Wanting to hold their hand. Wanting to touch them. To kiss them. To hold them close." He continues to explain while also cleaning the stuff they have used in Miyano's costume. "Like wanting to keep them all to yourself… Of course, there's also the idea—"
He gets interrupted by a student that needs his help so he lets Miyano be on his own for a while inside the room, together with the things he has said to him that he thinks describe what liking someone should feel.
Like he said, love is not something that is set in stone. It is not molded to be felt the same way by everyone. Some love may feel soft, some experience it hard. Sometimes they may say it's painful, others might also say it should feel like coming home. Like love is supposed to feel like it's not lost at all, it has just taken a long way and time to be found.
Maybe there are also people out there that do not want to feel it at all or people who find and find and find and still no matter where they look, they still can't see it.
For Hanzawa, love is both complicated and simple to explain. But if he could pray for a love that Miyano and his brothers could have—he hopes that love would be kind when it finally comes knocking on their door.
He comes back into the room and finds Miyano crouching on the floor, making a mess out of his hair. He chuckles at his current disposition. His hair has become extra erratic because of what he's doing.
Hanzawa asks him why he's not cutting it if it becomes that fluffy and ruffly all the time. Unless, of course, if he wants to hide his face with it.
"Uhm… I guess I'm not that hung up on it anymore," he says as he tries hard to fix whatever he could fix so it would at least look neat. "No one teases me about it now. Plus Sa—" he stops on his track when he realizes what he's about to blurt out and changes his explanation to something else.
Hanzawa isn't exactly slow on connecting two-and-two but he chooses not to prod the conflicted guy anymore about it. There's another day to ask him for it anyway.
"Hey, continuing our conversation from before…"
"Yes?"
He turns his head to him and smiles genuinely, "Love is when you can't stop thinking about the other person. Or so they say."
Hanzawa witnesses Miyano's expression change. His eyes widen and it flashes a look of realization still mixed with confusion—but ultimately, it's with the look like Hanzawa has hit a bullseye of what he has been feeling all along.
He plasters a smile again.
He really hopes the love Miyano finds is great and kind.
+1
Miyano Yoshikazu
If someone would ask Miyano what does love mean or what does it feel like — he can give you thousands of scenarios of thousands of stories he has read already that he thinks has greatly defined what love is. He can elaborate a whole manga, its good and bad side, and he can tell it all with confidence.
But if someone would also ask him what does love mean for him, he would probably just short-circuit in front of that person and wonder with them, too.
He doesn't know how to define it on his own. Sometimes he thinks he finally finds the exact definition that suits him, but then he'll doubt what he's feeling and he's all going back to square one once again trying to reason out what he really feels for his senpai.
It's nerve-wracking and fragile in a way because he wants his love to be the same as what Sasaki is feeling, too. He doesn't want to hurt him unintentionally just because he's clumsy in holding and taking care of his heart.
He wants to be really sure first.
Because he doesn't want to fuck up whatever thing Sasaki and him is sharing together. It's special and he doesn't want it to break.
They just got out of the cinema that he originally planned to watch alone (but he still ended up with Sasaki in a way) when the itchy feeling of bursting love comes again, crippling in his skin and urging Miyano to tell Sasaki his feelings.
Whenever he's with Sasaki, he feels relaxed and calm and yet it also leaves him confused and full of unnameable emotions.
It becomes a frequent situation now that this fragile feeling that is taking up all his heart feels so overwhelming and full when he's with Sasaki. Like today. He just wants to blurt it all out. Let it slip in his tongue. Tell Sasaki that he's in love, too.
But he's not sure yet. He's still not sure but God does he pray a lot of times that this feeling is really love.
He wonders. Could this be it? Could this feeling be the same love Sasaki-senpai has for me?
Because if the feeling isn't love… then what is it? Why does it want to burst out of his chest and is pushing him to tell Sasaki that he loves him? Regardless of the place they are in right now? Regardless of the people around the mall?
How should he name what he's feeling when all he wants it to be is love?
I want to love him. I want him to lean on me more. I want to take care of him.
God. I am really… in love with him.
Bonus:
Sasaki Shuumei
There are certain looks that Miyano sends his way and Sasaki will fall in love again with him like it's the first time he's feeling it. They are looks that Sasaki thinks might be love. Might be something that he can hope for. Looks that makes him want to dream as it makes his heart soar with so much emotions.
There are also times when he sees Miyano reach his hand, too—like he does with him—like he wants to touch him, too Like he wants to hold him, too.
Like he loves him, too.
He should think it's unfair how Miyano makes it easy to love and adore him when clearly—when it comes to Miyano—Sasaki's holding onto nothing but air. He promises to think it over but it's not a clear signal for Sasaki that he'll say yes. Miyano wishes for him to wait a little bit more but it doesn't mean his answer will lead to something Sasaki wants.
Sasaki thinks it should be unfair… and yet he still holds out. He still lingers with hope. He still waits with a bated breath until Miyano could tell him his answer.
There are a lot of times that Miyano will look at him with the same gaze Sasaki gives him. Tender, gentle, careful.
And Sasaki thinks…
He might not love me today.
But he might.
He might love me one day, too.