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Every time I see you, all I feel is dread. I fear for another fighting match over every little thing. But I can’t stop from starting a fight. Or have the guts to end it myself. Our safe space together now feels as if it’s going to swallow me whole. Where did it go? The love. That which we had once.
Laughter fills the corridor. Flamebringer can hear it from his shared apartment. The door clicks open and shuts.
The laughter disappears and the atmosphere tenses up.
Perfumer walks to her room but before she can unlock it, he says, “Why are you in such a bad mood once you return? I heard the laughter from before.”
She sighs and turns around. “I’m not in a bad mood. What’s your problem? My friends left so obviously I’m not laughing by myself.”
“What’s with the attitude?” He raises his voice.
“I’m not giving any attitude,” Perfumer snaps.
Another screaming match starts with a small kindling to spark the fire. They are always on the brink of a fight for even the tiniest of reasons. Why? Because the patience for one another is long gone and only bitterness is left. Resentment grows but they cannot part. At least not until the next year.
Perfumer slams the door close behind her after they finish their absolutely unnecessary fight.
Why do I fight over every little thing? It’s just the treatment I get from her and compared to the others that tick me off. I can’t help but give a snarky comment. I can’t help it. Or can I?
“Why are you never home?” Flamebringer asks.
“Because I don’t want to be here. We always end up fighting,” Perfumer responds.
She clenches her fists. The atmosphere is tense as always. The once peaceful and loving home is now a space they can’t get away from.
“Can’t we have a conversation without fighting?” Flamebringer pleads.
“Because you always make me angry with your tone and all your accusations!”
“Now you’re blaming it on me?”
“See, En! That is exactly what I mean. No, I’m not gonna stand here and fight with you. It’s not worth it,” She yells and goes to her room, locking it behind her.
Are we not worth fighting for anymore? Can we really not make it work anymore? Why do I always make things worse? Is this really how this will be till we are relocated? What happened to us? What went wrong? Where did I go wrong?
From constant fights to radio silence. The arguments ended but so did any form of communication between the two.
Flamebringer bangs on Perfumer’s door in an attempt to break the silence.
“Is this how you want to deal with this?”
No response.
He bangs some more.
“Come out and talk to me!”
Silence.
And that is their new norm. Perfumer shuts herself in her room when she returns late. Every time he tries to get her to react, he’s met with utter silence.
“Come on you hermit
You never fight back
Why don't you play with bows and arrows
Why don't you dance like
You're sick in your mind
Why don't you set your wings on fire”
Just what is this? First the constant fighting and now nothing. Did none of what we had matter to you? Why? Why are you giving up on us so easily?
Desperation fuels anger. Now, the bitterness turns into ugly hatred. He hated the fights but he abhors the silence with every fiber of his being. If they can’t even talk, nothing will ever be resolved.
“Come on you hermit
Why don't you play nice
Why don't you toy with sex and violence
Why don't you stare back
Into my huge eye
Why don't you set my wings on fire”
Just why won’t you face me? Why can’t we work this out?
Flamebringer knocks on Perfumer’s door once again. He knows she’s inside. It’s late at night.
No response as usual. He’s been getting the silent treatment for over a month now.
“Lena, please open the door…”
Nothing. Not a sound from inside.
“ I’m sorry…Say something. Anything. Let’s work this out…”
Yet again, he is met with silence. She isn’t responding to him at all.
Is this the end? Are we going to part ways like this? No resolution? Just like that. Was what we had not important to you? I know I’m to blame as well but please, let me see you and make this right.
Seasons change yet their relationship is just as sour. Nothing but radio silence. She won’t say a word. She avoids even looking at him when she can but if she can’t, she rushes to her room without a word. That is the only time he even sees her face. Her presence is a rare occurence and the smile she used to give him all the time is long gone, replaced by a sad, neutral expression. She refuses to look at his face let alone meet his eyes.
“Lena…”
“I’m begging you. Can you look at me, at least?”
“Can we talk?...”
Still no response but this time, he hears soft sobs. With that, he knows that she’s hurting as much as he is. Yet, she is firm with her decision because never once does she open the door for him.
“… Super silence in the quiet
Eye inside the storm
Water from your broken iris
Fall toward the floor
Everything, waiting, shaking as it drops
I tried for you and I, for too hard, for too long
Gave it all and everything for more time, but I lost”
If you didn’t want it to end like this then why can I hear the heartbreak through the walls that separate our rooms?
Now he wishes he hadn’t said a lot of things when they still would speak to one another. Their apartment that once had music and laughter playing all day is now replaced with cold silence.
No lights, no sound, no nothing. All that is left is the clock ticking as it gets closer to when they leave this place behind forever. With that, leaving each other forever. With no resolution as long as Perfumer refuses to speak to Flamebringer.
“… Ooh, I'm breaking down
Whispers would deafen me now
You don't make a sound
It's all so incredibly loud
It's all so incredibly loud”
Silence remains yet the heartbreak is so loud. Deafening. The only sound that remains in their desolate place that once nurtured their love. They used to be so happy. And that is why it hurts all the more.
In the end, they part ways with not another word to each other. When they had the chance to talk, they fought. And that ended all the chances of making up.
I guess this is how it all ends. I’ll regret everything for the rest of my life. I can’t even make it right because you won’t ever speak to me or even listen to me. I lost my chance and I won’t be getting another. I’m sorry to you. For everything. I can only hope you will be happier from now, away from me.