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Mark awoke to the sound of incessant ringing. It was practically the middle of the night, so he found himself wondering ‘Who on earth would be calling at this hour?’
Slowly, he brought himself to his feet and over to the landline. The caller ID indicated none other than the Torres residence. His friend, Cesar. There was a pit in his stomach for a moment, a strange gut reaction telling him he shouldn’t pick up the phone right now. Then again, if Cesar was calling this late at night, it must be for a good reason. Right?
He grasped the phone’s handle, bringing it up to his ear and unravelling the cord as it moved away from the receiver. “Hello?”
“Come over.” Cesar’s voice stated, flat and blunt almost as if it was an order at first before it softened just a little. “My mom died. Hhh-”
For a moment, Mark froze in shock. Mrs. Torres was dead? What--? A million questions spun around in his head for all of a split second, until he finally settled on one above them all. ‘...Did he just laugh?’
It really seemed as much. And all the worry he felt for that moment fizzled away into mild annoyance, “Hey, man, are you pranking me right now? It’s really late, and I don’t think now’s the time for jokes considering, y’know, the broadcast and everything lately… I got really worried for a second there.”
“I have to say,” …And there was a strange tone that Mark had never heard of that played as his friend spoke. A short sound, too brief to question aloud. You could even say it was... discordant in nature (Even though it wasn't, it was actually rather harmonious.) Mark wondered if it might’ve been the TV, or… fuck, who knows? The toaster? Washing machine? Was there some new model that made that sound? Either way, Cesar continued as if he hadn’t even heard Mark, “I have security cameras for literally no reason. You need to come turn them on.”
…What. “Uh… You mean the cameras you guys installed from when you got robbed?” Mark figured that there wasn't exactly ‘no reason’ to have security cameras after something like that. “Would you mind if I asked why?”
From what he could tell, he’d assumed that Cesar was pranking him at first, but then what if something really did happen to his mom…? He didn’t think Cesar was the type to make fun of such a heavy situation, but still. Why else would he need Mark to turn on those cameras for him? Especially considering he knew how Mark felt about Cesar’s house, so it’d have to be a hugely important favour to ask for Mark to come over there, alone, this late at night.
Puzzled, he waited for an answer, only to be met with a weirdly long silence until Cesar broke it with an, “Uhhhhhhhh…… Wait, I have to say, I think she saw a scary ghost in the room.” And then there was another stifled laugh.
“...A. A scary ghost.” Mark repeated in disbelief. He’d been ping-ponging on what to think of this call since the beginning, and now he could confidently settle on ‘Yep, Cesar’s got to be pranking me.’
Cesar’s voice began to break into outright laughter. “Hehehe! I’m not sus.”
Mark blinked. And then he blinked again. ‘Suspicious,’ he guessed…? Mark just stood there for another moment in silence before he spoke into the phone. “Ooookay. Night, Cesar. I’m going back to bed. See you at school.”
And he hung up.
Cesar, hearing the dial tone, stared at the phone in its hand as the being towered over the real Cesar’s mother’s corpse. “Well shit. I think he’s not coming over.”
Oh well. Now would be a good time to turn into a car and run him over in his own home, then.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the multiverse…
Cesar’s eye twitched. “Mark, please, my mom is literally unconscious right now. I just need you to turn on the-”
“--Who.” Mark interrupted.
The alternate steeled itself with a breath-- not out of necessity, but annoyance. Cesar repeated slowly, “My mom is-”
“Asked.” Mark finished, a grin obviously heard in his voice. The sound of airhorns being repeatedly blasted into the phone startled the alternate for a moment.
“I’m being serious right now, Mark, can you stop-”
“L + ratio + who asked + motherless behaviour + no bitches + stay mad + cope.” Mark recited a string of phrases that were utterly meaningless to the alternate and anyone who wasn’t in 2022.
“Mark, please, it’s 1992, Twitter hasn’t been invented yet.”
“What’s Twitter?”
To Mark, the sound of a facepalm complete with Cesar’s groan of suffering from the phone’s speaker was enough to keep his skin clear, his crops thriving, and his risk worth it .
Oh, for [REDACTED]'s sake. “Look, just… Please. I’m taking my mom to the ER. Turn on the cameras for me. That’s it. You can come in and get out, it’s fine.” Cesar practically begged at this point, if not begging to come over, the alternate was at least begging Mark to cut out his annoying Twitterspeak.
“Oh okay, but why did your mom die.” Asked Mark, voice flat and apathetic while Cesar panicked for a moment.
“How did you-- No! No, she’s not dead!” Cesar laughed nervously, “Come on now, she’s just passed out. That’s all I said. Not dead. I don’t know, she- I heard her scream right before I found her, maybe she saw something… Look, never mind that. The doctors can figure out what’s up with her. For the millionth time, just turn on the cameras.”
“Maybe you should turn on some bitches.” Mark’s voice countered.
“Excuse me??”
“Oh that’s weird,” Mark continued on, as if he hadn’t just destroyed Cesar socially, “I guess I’ll come over and turn on your security cameras. Even though I’m definitely afraid of your house and this has no plot relevance.”
“...Plot relevance?” The alternate struggled to understand the enigma that was Mark Heathcliff. Were all humans this weird, or just this one? Why did this stupid Cesar have to be friends with such a- “Uh huh. Okay. Fantastic, just… Just get the cameras. I don’t care. I’m driving now. Bye.” Of course, Cesar wasn’t actually driving. Just lying in wait for when Mark came to the house, but it was also a good reason to hang up the phone and avoid any more headache-inducing conversations. The alternate didn’t even know that its kind could get headaches anyway.
One hour passed, then two hours… No sign of Mark. The front door never opened.
It turned out Mark had driven all the way to Cesar’s house, walked up to the door… Then declared, “Oh wait, why am I even here? I can literally just leave.” And decided to do exactly that as he turned around and drove back home.
Oh boy, was Cesar going to personally tear that boy apart piece by piece. Violently. And physically; not by cancelling him on Twitter dot com. ...Okay, maybe a bit of cancelling.