Work Text:
Home...Again
“Home!”
‘Good! I’m hungry and this towel smells funny.’
Morse, while comfy in his box, is starting to get hungry, thirsty, and bored. It isn’t fun being stuck in a small dark space with nothing to do.
“Good day? What’s in the box? Not bringing work home are you?”
‘I’m in the box and no I’m not having a good day. Can’t speak for Inspector Thursday though. Am I work? I suppose technically I am. Oh, we’re moving again. When do I get to come out?’
“Hi, dad! What’s with the box? Not another box for the princess over here. Her head will explode at this rate. Terribly wrapped though.”
“Oi!”
‘Sam and Miss Thursday. Are we in the dining room? Where are you putting me? Is that bread? Wait, never mind the bread, is that cottage pie!? Hello? Christ, I wish I could talk; I’d feel less like I was talking to myself. I haven’t eaten since yesterday and I didn’t finish my tea this morning. Normally I’d be fine, but I don’t think hedgehogs share my metabolism. I can make noises though right? I must be able to.’
“Fred? The box? What’s all this mystery?”
Morse is out of his towel at this point. Perched miserably in his box listening to the voices around him as best he can.
“Yeah, dad what is this? Do we finally get to hear about work? It’s about time you realised we’re not 5 anymore. Or is it a cat?”
‘No, I am not a cat! Also, low blow Miss Thursday. He’s only trying to keep you safe and happy for as long as he can. I wish I’d had longer. Wait what?’
Morse tilts his head as he ponders the strange thought that just ran through his head.
‘Where did that come from?’
“Right. Just the basics. Some nut job has been turning people into animals. Morse got caught while catching the bugger. He’s in the box. As a hedgehog.”
‘That really was the basics. It’s taken us days to find the suspect. Days. You just turned days of work into a sentence.’
“A hedgehog!? That’s perfect! So Morse.”
‘Meaning!? Don’t laugh at me! This isn’t funny! What does everyone always laugh at me?’
“You’ve been keeping him in a box?? When did he last have water or food? Hedgehogs are omnivores if I remember, I’ll find him something. Poor lamb he must be so confused.”
‘I really, really am and thank you Mrs Thursday. You might be an angel. I can come out NOW????’
Squinting a little at the sudden light as his box is opened, Morse finds himself peering up at Thursday once again and tries to convey as much as possible with his face although he’s not sure how much he manages.
‘Let me out? Please? I’ll be good.’
“I’m sorry lad. Not off to a good start are we?”
‘Not really no, you should really know better but…oh I really need to find noise. Let’s see…’
Morse takes a few seconds trying different things before he manages to let out a few quiet clicks.
‘Oh! I did it! Is that water?’
“Pop him on here then. I’ll get him some food.”
“Right.”
Not being able to see much from his box, Morse is positively buzzing with curiosity while also being taunted by the smell of freshwater as Fred looks at him with something resembling caution.
‘Pop me where? I don’t really care, just curious. Go ahead and pop me anywhere. Hello? What are you waiting for? Why are you looking at me like that? I smell food. Are you doing this on purpose?’
“What are you waiting for?”
‘My question exactly.’
“Well…the constable who brought him to me said he wasn’t too keen on being handled and he gave me a slight stab earlier when Mr Bright startled him.”
‘Hey! You just said…I was startled! It was an accident! Well…the constables weren’t but they chased me round like I was a rat. They poked me with a spoon!’
“Oh for goodness sake! He was probably terrified when his colleagues were chasing him, and you just said he was startled when he got you. He looks perfectly calm now.”
‘Can you read minds? Can she read minds? I can smell beef. Oh, hands! Finally! Told you I’d be good.’
Morse stays intentionally floppy while he’s lifted onto a fresh towel, trusting Fred implicitly.
‘Hmm, new towel, is that lavender? I like lavender. Where’s that water? Nearly…nearly…bingo! Lapping…strange.’
Looking around for a second before going back to his drink, Morse starts to get the hang of his whiskers and which direction to point his ears for optimum sound.
‘I was right. Dining room. Hello everyone. Did she just squeak at me? Never mind…thirsty.’
“Sorry. I hadn’t realised how cute hedgehogs were. Look at his little ears!”
‘Cute!? And they’re not little! They’re perfectly proportioned ears! I think.’
“Never you mind how cute he is. Let’s get your cake cut and then we can work out how best to look after him.”
Morse zones in and out of the conversation for a while, only catching snippets as he tucks into his odd, but delicious, mix of meat, veg and biscuit.
“Don’t be silly Fred, there’s no way he can get himself on and off a bed or sofa.”
‘I don’t need any fuss honestly. I’m sure I’ll fit on a cushion.’
“You can go up to the attic and get the spare quilt. We’ll set him up in the living room with a couple of proper bowls.”
‘That…sounds lovely but there’s really no need. Oh, he’s already gone. Since when were carrots this tasty?’
“Er…”
“Sam?”
“Not to be crude or anything but what about when he needs to…you know…go?”
‘Oh….’
“Hmmm. Well, I suppose the garden will have to do for now. The first and last ones up can open the door for him. Other than that, he’ll just have to get our attention.”
‘In the garden? Like a dog? What if it’s raining? Or someone forgets me?’
This plan is put to the test once the family eventually head up for bed with Fred being the first volunteer for Morsehog toilet duty.
‘You’re not coming out with me? Ok…I suppose this is ok. I am a little desperate. Small bladder I guess. The night vision is certainly handy but why is everything so loud? What was that!?... a moth. False alarm. Ok…this plant pot will do. This is humiliating. What was that!? I want to come back in! Please don’t leave me out by myself. Ever.’
He’s quite happy to be carried to his new bed after his brief but sufficiently nerve-wracking adventure outside, it seems hedgehogs aren’t exactly made to be awake for this long anyway.
‘This quilt is lovely. It’s better than the one at home. Are you sure you want to use it for me? Not that I’m complaining. I can make a lovely burrow. What am I thinking? Burrow? Am I turning full hedgehog!? What? Oh, goodnight. Ok, first plan after sleep: experiment with sound. I’m sure I can do more I just need to puzzle out how I work. This is a really lovely quilt.’