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Sasaki looks down at his phone, trying to hold back the heavy disappointment in his chest as he reads and re-reads and re-re-reads the text message.
I can’t tonight I’m sorry, Shuumei-san. I have to study.
It’s the fourth day in a row that he’s gotten that kind of message from Miyano.
Even now that they have been actively dating one another for months, finding time together becomes tricky with Sasaki attending university while the younger continues with high school. The treacherous game of stacking blocks is hard enough in normal weeks, but in this past week, it’s been even more difficult. Miyano’s apparently been putting his nose to the grindstone to start preparing for finals. It seems kind of early - at least, for Sasaki, he definitely didn’t start preparing at this point last year. Some of his peers - pointedly Hirano - would be studying this early, which might be why success came easier for people like him. On one hand, he does admire his younger partner for being so dedicated to his final year of high school, but on the other hand, his heart aches from not being able to spend time with him for over a week.
Would this be how it is for the next month? Would he get to see Miyano at all, or would it be a contest of holding his breath until summer break?
The thought squeezes at Sasaki’s heart, but he knows he could handle waiting. It would hurt and it would be annoying as hell going through the motions everyday without so much as even hearing the boyfriend’s soft voice over the phone at night, but the older boy could do it. He could wait a whole year if he had to, as long as he knew that he’d be able to see Miyano eventually.
Besides, he knows he’ll see Miyano tomorrow. The smaller boy had promised time and time again with each day he declined invitations that no matter what, Friday would be spent together. “It’s important,” he’d insisted during their last phone call, though Sasaki shrugged to himself at that thought. It was just another day, no big deal. Still, it was nice to know the Miyano drought would be ending soon enough.
A sneaking fear persists in the back of his head, however.
Even when his academic life has been demanding in the past, Miyano never really spent this much time apart from him. Sure, they’d see each other at school back then, but Miyano would gladly take his time walking home with Sasaki or stopping with him at the bookstore. Never before did he completely ward himself off from the world for the sake of studying, especially not this far off from tests. Sasaki hopes it’s just because Miyano’s taking his final year extremely seriously, but he can’t fully deny the small-minded part of himself that’s worried about the possibility that his boyfriend may be using studying as an excuse to get time alone.
Sasaki knows he can be a lot at times. It was something he struggled with before his partner’s eventual confession - trying to balance the side of him that just wanted to be all over Miyano all the time, both metaphorically and literally. Many events came up where he worried he crossed boundaries, overstepped or spoke too much in a way that he couldn’t take back. The other boy’s confession was the sweetest relief he’d ever felt, knowing that in the end, Miyano had wanted him just as much, had loved him just as much. What if he’s finally gotten sick of it - the clinginess, the impulse to constantly protect him, the continuous flirtatious words? Should Sasaki scale back, take it more slowly, be more conscientious of his partner’s space? Did he have to flatten that side of him that wanted to be with his love all the time just so that he didn’t lose him altogether?
He’d have to talk to him about it. He couldn’t just make assumptions. He needed to be able to meet one-on-one and have that conversation soon.
With a defeated sigh, Sasaki drops his phone off to the side of his bed, staring up at the ceiling above until exhaustion takes him over earlier than it typically does on nights like these.
*
On the train ride over to Miyano’s home, Sasaki feels his chest buzzing, full of frantic bees as every second takes him closer to his partner. He’s never felt so nervous before at the prospect of seeing the other. It’s not as if this is even the longest they’ve gone without seeing one another - well, maybe the longest since they began dating, but not the longest ever . It’s just the combination of his worrying thoughts, the lack of reassurance that Miyano’s presence brings him, and the bizarrely cryptic messaging around today’s plans in the texts he’s received.
You’ll see when you get here.
That could mean anything .
As the stop approaches, Sasaki draws in a deep breath before sighing it out. It will be okay. He can deal with the nervous energy, he can deal with waiting as long as it takes, as long as in the end he gets to see him. All he ever wants to do is see him, see his large, dark eyes looking up at him from under his black lashes. How good will it feel to finally wrap his arms around the smaller boy, soft and warm and the perfect size to hold against his chest as he presses light kisses into his messy black hair? Sasaki loves him so much - so much that he’ll bend to whatever Miyano needs from him, as long as he can keep doing that.
The walk to his place from the train stop must only be about ten minutes - it’s a stroll that Sasaki has taken countless times by this point, but every step feels like a kilometer on its own. The buzzing in his chest becomes a more aggressive vibration as he thinks about his fears from the night before. Before, he didn’t really want Miyano to make a big deal about today, but what if now he’s annoyed having to take this time to focus on Sasaki? Not that he’d ever be irritable or mean - Miyano doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, but what if under the polite surface there's resentment?
Eventually, after the eons of ambling to his door, Sasaki arrives and gives a cautious knock. A split second later, the door swings open to a beautifully familiar face.
Every ounce of fear, every drop of anxiety coursing through his body melts away as he looks down at Miyano. The boy appears frantic - eyes wide and cheeks flushed a gentle red, but that’s not what draws his attention first. Miyano’s black hair that typically hangs low over his face is swept back behind a white bandana that covers most of it. He wears a light blue apron over one of his oversized t-shirts. There’s splotches of white powder and something red all over the front of the apron, with a smear of white powder on his cheek right next to the beauty mark under his eye.
Sasaki’s throat goes dry.
“Mya-chan, were you… baking?”
The faint red on his cheeks darkens into a fuller shade, contrasting the white powder even more. “I lost track of time, I - I didn’t realize you’d be here so quickly. I’m sorry. But I’m - I’m done.”
Sasaki blinks, unsure of how to process the scene in front of him. Miyano, his boyfriend who could make flour explode, was baking?
“Here, come in, and - uh, close your eyes, please.”
“Will you guide me so I don’t run into anything?”
Still blushing, Miyano nods and sticks out his hand. With an apprehensive smile, Sasaki takes his hand, squeezing the other boy’s cold fingers before closing his eyes and trusting.
The guidance isn’t perfect - Sasaki’s toes definitely bump into a few walls, but he makes it to wherever Miyano takes him in one piece.
“Are your eyes still closed?”
The taller boy chuckles. “Closed as can be.”
“O-okay. One more second, I just need to - to get something else.” Unable to see, Sasaki listens intently to the sound of the other rummaging through cabinets and a noise that sounds like a match being lit. The air smells sweet, too. Like vanilla and strawberries. He smiles softly as he hears Miyano’s gentle voice once more. “Okay, Shuumei-san, you can open your eyes.”
When Sasaki opens my eyes, he looks down at one of the counters in Miyano’s kitchen and spots the source of all the flour on his boyfriend’s person. On a large white plate stands a strawberry shortcake with one large candle holding a dancing flame atop. The presentation is sloppy at best - the whipped cream is excessively thick in some spots and the strawberries are unevenly distributed, but the sponge is perfectly cooked and it looks delicious. Beaming, Sasaki turns his head towards his partner, who retains the same blush as before.
“Happy birthday, Shuumei-san. Please blow out the candle before the cake catches fire. I want you to be able to eat this one.”
With a nod, the older boy turns back to the shortcake and the lit flame above it. He doesn’t make a wish before he blows out the candle. As cheesy as it may be to say, he has exactly what he wants right there beside him. Once he blows out the candle, he turns back towards Miyano and captures him in a tight hug. He stiffens in surprise at first but follows in suit by wrapping his arms back around the other.
“Miya-chan, it looks wonderful. Thank you so much.”
“Don’t speak before you eat it! I… I want to make sure…” Sasaki pulls back to look down at the other boy’s face. His eyes point downward towards the floor as he speaks further. “I’ve been working really hard all week. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, I – I wanted to surprise you and you always bake such nice things, so I wanted to… I wanted to actually learn.”
Leaning in, Sasaki presses a kiss to his forehead. Whether or not it’s actually showing on his face, his whole self floods with complete relief and then some swelling adoration for his partner. “You’re so cute, so I’ll forgive you.”
Miyano looks back up at me. “Y-you’re cute, too.”
It’s not a compliment they used with one another at first. Both of them spent some time getting used to this - the fact that they could find a boy as cute as they find each other. It feels nice, though, to say those words to him. Sasaki can’t think of anything else better to describe Miyano in moments like this. He’s completely adorable. Only someone as cute as him would secretly spend the whole week trying to perfect a cake recipe.
“I know you don’t like sweets, but will you have a bite with me?” I ask, pulling back to turn towards the dessert.
“But it’s your present! Well, most of it.”
“Most of it?”
“Do you want the other one now?”
With bright eyes, Sasaki nods. In response, Miyano turns away and scurries out of the room, returning with one of his trademark book store bags he stores his manga in when exchanging it. Biting at his lip, the black-haired boy offers up the bag to Sasaki.
“Are you loaning me something for my birthday?” the older asks, with a smirk on his face.
Miyano shakes his head. “No. This one’s to keep - if you want.”
As soon as he retrieves it from the bag, Sasaki recognizes the manga instantly. While he can tell by the lack of wear that this is an entirely new copy of it, the front cover shoots a familiar joy throughout his chest. It’s the first manga that Miyano loaned him almost two years ago.
“I thought you… might like your own copy,” murmurs Miyano, averting his gaze again.
Sasaki places the manga down on a free space on the counter before stepping close to the other. He places tender fingers on Miyano’s chin, tilting his head up so that their gazes could meet. “It’s perfect. The present, the cake - it’s all perfect.” Moving his hand up to cup Miyano’s burning cheek, he presses closer still to plant a feather-light kiss on the other’s lips.
Miyano returns the kiss, pressing back a little bit more, a little bit deeper for just a moment, before he whispers to his boyfriend. “Happy birthday, Shuumei-san.”