Chapter Text
Prologue
“Jade West, will you marry me?” Beck looked up at her from his kneeling position, waiting for her answer. It was the last day of school, graduation was two days away and Beck had chosen lunchtime, in front of their friends and most of the school, to propose to Jade.
Jade looked at her on-again, off-again boyfriend and felt conflicted. On the one hand, she didn’t want to embarrass him by rejecting his proposal, but on the other hand, she also didn’t want to marry him. Jade decided the best thing to do would be to say yes now then later, in private, let him down as gently as she could.
“I—yes.”
Beck smiled and slid the ring he had saved up for, for six months, onto Jade’s finger, so happy she has said yes.
Off to the side, Tori watched as Jade accepted Beck’s proposal and ring, her heart cracking open at the sight. For the last 8 months, since November of their senior year, Tori and Jade had been having an affair of sorts. It was more of a friends-with-benefits arrangement that they’d started following one of Jade’s breakups from Beck shortly after Halloween. Lately, however, Tori had been hoping for something more. Tori had admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with Jade, breaking the first of only three rules they had imposed on their arrangement.
Rule number one was no catching feelings, Tori broke that one about 5 weeks into their deal but Tori had managed to hide it well so far. Rule number two was that no one could know what they were doing, it was their little secret. That one was easier for Tori to follow, she didn’t want to be seen as the homewrecker who came between Hollywood Arts’ most popular couple…even if behind the scenes, there was trouble in paradise. Rule number three was another easy one to follow, no changing how they acted with each other around their friends just because their…friendship had changed.
Tori used that rule as an excuse to really practice her acting skills, it helped that at school, Jade was her usual mean self while hanging all over Beck. Tori knew that sooner or later, Jade would be texting her to meet her down the block from her house so they could go somewhere and be alone.
With those moments coming more frequently, and some of the talks they’d had afterward, Tori was starting to think that maybe Jade felt the same way she did and was just waiting until after graduation to do something about it. But, with Beck’s proposal and Jade’s acceptance…Tori knew that she was the only one of them that had fallen in love.
Tori left school right after lunch. It was the last day there was really no point in staying the whole day. Today was really just to get one last day in with friends before it all ended with graduation. Tori was done with it all and so she left the school. Tori had finally gotten her driver’s license a few months ago and her parents had given her a car as an early graduation present and Tori was so glad for that now.
Tori headed to the parking lot and was already in her car with the radio playing by the time she looked back towards the school and saw Jade running towards her. Tori shook her head and pulled away, not letting Jade get too close to her…she wasn’t ready to see Jade just yet.
Tori drove away but she didn’t go home, she knew it was the first place Jade would look for her so she went to the one place she could go for some peace and quiet, a place she had never shared with Jade so the other girl wouldn’t be able to find her there.
Tori drove towards the Hollywood Forever Cemetery to see her grandmother who was buried there. Tori had shared a special bond with her grandmother, made stronger by the fact that she was named after her and her grandmother had been a singer as well. It was where she got her talent. But her grandmother had never made it big, preferring to sing mostly in church and at home.
Tori never told anyone that she visited her grandmother’s grave at least once a month, and on both their birthdays, it was her way of being close to the grandmother she loved and a way for her to escape the noise of her life and just sit in quiet contemplation. She knew Jade would never think to look for her here.
Jade watched in helpless frustration as Tori drove away from school with a look on her face that would haunt her for a long time to come. She saw the hurt on the features of the girl she had fallen in love with but was too scared of her father to admit it. Jade’s father gave new meaning to the word homophobic, and she knew that if he ever found out she was in love with a girl before she was 18, there would be hell to pay.
Jade’s grandmother had left her a sizeable trust fund that would be released to her after she turned 18 and graduated high school. Luckily, her birthday was only two weeks after graduation, and she was already making plans for her future…with Tori. Beck’s proposal had thrown a wrench in her plans, but she was determined to make it a temporary speed bump and not a complete derailment of her plans.
Jade’s father was the main reason why she had insisted on keeping her affair with Tori a secret, it was the only way to have who she wanted without risking her father finding a way to keep her from getting her money. That money was her way of getting away from her father and starting a new life, preferably with Tori by her side.
Jade stood in the parking lot, thinking about where Tori might go, somehow knowing she wouldn’t go home. It would be the first place Jade would go to find her and the look on Tori’s face made it clear she was in no mood to talk to her. Jade sighed, there weren’t that many places that she knew of where Tori might go, and it was becoming all too clear just how little she knew about the other girl despite the change in their friendship.
Jade didn’t even notice someone walking up behind her until she heard his voice. “Jade, what are you doing out here?”
Jade turned to the voice and saw Beck standing there with a confused look on his face. She had run out on him as soon as she saw Tori get up and leave, choosing to follow her rather than stay there with him.
Jade sighed, “I…um…I noticed Vega leave and wanted to stop her.”
Beck frowned, “why? It’s not like this is a real day at school. It’s just a day for us to hang out one last time before the real world claims us. Maybe Tori just wanted to leave?” Beck didn’t understand why Jade was so concerned about someone she always claimed to hate and was mean to. He wondered if Tori was the reason Jade had been growing more and more distant from him as the school year progressed. Something was different and he couldn’t figure it out, but he hoped that getting engaged would fix it and they could get back to how things were before their last break-up around Halloween.
Jade nodded, knowing that she was dangerously close to spilling secrets that weren’t just hers to tell so she changed the subject, “maybe. Speaking of, wanna get out of here? Go somewhere more private?”
Beck smiled, eager to seal their engagement in private, “sure, let’s go.”
Jade led him to her car, and they got in. Jade drove away from the school, this was her way of getting Beck alone so she can let him down gently. She knew this was going to be the end of their relationship for good. There was no coming back from a rejected proposal and Jade was a little sad at the idea but not enough to change her mind. The only person Jade wanted to spend forever with had driven away from her a half hour ago and she was determined to find her and get her back as soon as she dealt with Beck.
Jade drove them to Beck’s trailer, figuring this way he would be home, and she could just leave when it was over.
They got out of the car and headed inside. Beck sat down on the bed/couch and waited for Jade to come closer, but Jade just stood at the other end of the trailer.
“Why so far away babe?” Beck asked, a smile on his face.
Jade started playing with the ring on her finger, subtly and slowly pulling it closer to the tip to slide it off, “Beck, we need to talk.”
The smile dropped from his face, “that doesn’t sound good, what about?”
Jade got the ring off and palmed it before she covered her left hand with her right, not letting Beck notice that she had taken the ring off, not yet. “About what happened back there, at lunch.”
“What do you mean? I asked you to marry me and you said yes…other than wedding planning, what’s there to talk about?” Beck was confused, Jade’s body language said something was wrong, but he had no clue where Jade was going with this topic.
Jade sighed, “that’s just it. You put me on the spot, asked me in front of everyone, and…what was I supposed to say at that moment?”
“You said it, you said yes. That’s all you had to say. What’s the problem?” Beck stood up, not wanting to have this conversation sitting down while Jade stood over him.
“The problem is that…I don’t want to marry you, Beck.” Jade’s voice became softer, not wanting to sound harsh or unfeeling because, while she wasn’t going to back down from this, she also didn’t want to hurt him. She was hurting enough for both of them, but she knew it would hurt him too once he realized what she was saying.
“What? Then why did you say yes?” Beck wasn’t controlling his voice. He couldn’t, not when he was so confused and trying to figure out what was going on while hoping he was wrong about what he was hearing.
Jade sighed, “because everyone was watching and…I didn’t want to embarrass you by saying no in front of everyone. But I can’t marry you, Beck…I’m not in love with you…not anymore. I’m sorry.” Jade extended her hand and placed his ring on the table next to her. She waited for his reaction, bracing herself for the anger, the hurt that was about to come.
Beck’s eyes followed her hand as she placed the ring on the table and her words started to sink into his brain. He couldn’t take his eyes off that ring just sitting there on the table instead of Jade’s finger where it belonged in his mind. After a long silence, Beck finally lifted his eyes to Jade, knowing the tears would be visible to her and not even caring if they hurt her, “since when?”
“A while now, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I wanted to find a way to get those feelings back but…they never came back. I’m sorry.” Jade’s voice broke at the end, her own tears threatening to break free at the sight of Beck on the verge of tears.
“So that’s it then, huh? We’re done?” Beck was holding himself together, not wanting to break down in front of her.
“Yeah.” Jade knew better than to suggest they stay friends. It was too soon, and Jade wondered if there would ever be a time when they might be able to be friends again. Beck had been a big part of her life for four years now, it would be like losing an arm if he cut her out of his life forever over this…not that she would blame him if he did, it would just hurt like hell.
Beck nodded, “okay then. Take care of yourself, Jade. You know where the door is, you can leave now.” Beck turned his back on her then, not wanting to see her walk out of his life. It would be painful enough to be alone in his trailer once she left.
“You too Beck. You know how to find me if you ever want to reach out and…maybe be friends one day again.” Jade turned and left the trailer. She knew there was nothing else left to say.
Jade got into her car and drove away, making it a few miles before she had to pull over to cry over the end of her longest relationship since she started dating. Beck was her first love but she knew there was someone out there that she needed to find…Tori, who if Jade was lucky, would be her forever love. She just had to find her first.
The two days that passed leading up to the graduation ceremony were hell for Jade. Tori had managed to avoid her completely and Jade had no choice but to wait until they were sitting next to each other at the graduation ceremony to see her and talk to her. Thanks to their last names, she knew they would be sitting together and that would be her chance to finally talk to Tori.
Unfortunately, on the day of the ceremony, Jade took her seat and frowned when Cat sat next to her where Tori was supposed to be sitting.
“Cat, you’re in Vega’s seat, move down one.”
Cat just smiled at Jade, “you didn’t hear?”
“Hear what?”
“Tori isn’t going to be here, she had to leave for New York, so the school gave her diploma and locker door to her dad this morning,” Cat answered, not realizing the devastation she was bringing down on Jade’s heart.
“What?! Why did she have to leave before graduation? And why am I just finding out about it now?” Jade wondered if Tori had left early for New York because of what happened with Beck.
“I don’t know why, but she said something about…um…needing a fresh start and wanting to get an early start on the drive.” Cat’s voice lowered as her fear rose. She thought for sure that Tori had told Jade about her plan. Andre, Robbie, and she had been told the day after Beck and Jade got engaged.
Jade sat in her chair, fuming over the new development while also trying not to show that her heart was breaking at the thought of Tori driving to New York without her.
Jade sat through the ceremony, trying to figure out how she could track Tori down and make her listen to her. When her name was called, Jade walked onto the stage and got her diploma and, per Hollywood Arts tradition, her locker door, and then walked back to her chair.
The locker doors were given to seniors to keep as a memento of their years at the school, fresh doors were put on those lockers so incoming students could customize their new lockers. Jade smiled at the memory of Tori’s locker door, and she was suddenly glad that she had gotten a picture of it before the end of the school year. Jade silently wondered if she would ever see Tori again, now that she had fucked everything up.
While Jade was walking across the stage to get her diploma, Tori and her mom were driving across the state line from California into Nevada. They were making great time considering they had left the day before and had only stopped to sleep at a hotel before starting off again in the morning. Tori spent most of the drive since leaving L.A. thinking about Jade and trying not to picture her in a wedding dress marrying Beck.
Somehow, Tori knew Jade wouldn’t want to wear the traditional white dress, so she kept seeing Jade in a midnight blue gown with white vines creeping up and down the left side of the dress starting at the waist. It was a dress she had seen in a store one day when she was out shopping with Trina and her mom. It had caught her eye because she could totally see Jade wearing that dress…she just never thought it would be to marry someone else.
As Tori saw the sign welcoming them to Nevada, she sighed, thankful that her mom was sleeping in the passenger seat…she didn’t want to have to explain why she was fighting back tears at the thought of never seeing Jade again. Tori had no plans to ever go back to California. She was going to make it in the Big Apple, or she wouldn’t, but she wasn’t going to come crawling back home…not when there was even the tiniest chance she would run into Jade Oliver. Tori shuddered at the thought of Jade taking Beck’s name and becoming his wife.
This was her chance for a fresh start, for a life without the memories of her first love trailing behind her everywhere she went. New York was her fresh start and Tori was going to make the most of it…even if all she felt like doing at that moment was turning the car around and driving right to Jade’s house and demanding an explanation. No, she was better than that and there was nothing Jade could say that would justify accepting Beck’s proposal.
Tori had changed her cell phone number and deleted her account on The Slap. She wasn’t going to let Jade call her or stalk her online. She wouldn’t listen to the lies. It wouldn’t be a fresh start if she kept her old number. Only her parents and Trina had her new number. Not even her friends knew she had done that yet. Tori had told her family not to give her new number out to anyone, no matter how much they begged. They had all promised.
Now, all Tori had to do was get to New York and start chasing her dreams…and forget about a certain dark-haired goth who had unknowingly laid claim to her heart.