Work Text:
Barcode never expected things to be easy when he had accepted the role of Porchay. After all, it’s his first time acting in a series - let alone one of this scope.
It’s been weeks since they started filming, and his mind still can’t embrace the fact that he’s working alongside actors with years of experience.
Despite this, he always tries to give his absolute best, juggling socialization with people on the set and practice of his lines.
He knows he’s lucky to work here, and that’s what pushes him every day towards the excellence he’s longing for.
However, despite the patience everyone keeps showing him daily, his stress and anxiety got to him more than once in the past few weeks, revealing a vulnerable side he wishes he had been strong enough to keep for himself all those times.
Barcode still remembers the first time he had a mental block in a scene.
It was during one of the first scenes he played Porchay, along with the actor playing Porchay’s uncle. He was so stressed that day that he kept forgetting his lines, causing everyone to do take after take.
At some point, the director suggested a break and this is when Jeff, who had been here the whole time, offered his help. It happened naturally, and Barcode, crushed by stress, didn’t question it all that much. He followed him to a corner in the room and heeded his instructions as he guided him through breathing exercises.
Barcode was able to film his scenes after that.
He wanted to thank Jeff after they were done wrapping up, but he had already left.
That’s why the very next day, Barcode rushed to him first thing in the morning and expressed his gratitude.
Jeff assured him that it was nothing and that he shouldn’t hesitate to come to him if he needed, a beautiful smile beaming down at him.
But Barcode didn’t want to take advantage of him, so he still refrained from asking for his help.
When they started to play scenes together, he was already more confident but whenever his stress surged back and halted his acting, Jeff would always offer his help. Barcode wound up accepting it, he didn’t want to be rude.
He isn’t sure when things started to change, but it eventually became natural for him to come to Jeff whenever his anxiety festered. Jeff would always make himself available to reassure him with gentle words and lately, with the warmth of his palm.
Barcode has the feeling that today won’t be any different.
He’s been trying to play this scene for the fifth time now, and he doesn’t know why he just can’t do it well. He’s supposed to act sad reading the letter Porsche left for him, but he’s unable to dive into his character long enough to appropriate his emotions.
The first time he messed up, the director played it off, obviously trying to reassure him. But now, despite his calm behavior, Barcode can’t help but think he’s annoying everyone with his mistakes.
This scenario is enough to plunge his mind into this dark place he tries to ignore but always reverts to at the slightest doubt.
He just doesn’t want to ruin the show and it feels like that’s what he’s been doing all day.
And when he spots Jeff’s eyes gazing at him, his fake confidence crumbles at once.
There’s no point in pretending anymore. He’s sure everyone saw him last week when overwhelmed with stress, he had burst into tears.
He quickly excuses himself and doesn’t make any effort in hiding his hurry when he rushes to Jeff. Jeff nods knowingly and without a word, they head to the back of the house.
The patio door is already opened when they arrive and they step outside.
The weather today is perfect. The sun is casting a pulsing light onto the ground and a sweet breeze is passing at times, offering a much-needed coolness.
Jeff sits on the narrow stairs leading to the garden, and Barcode imitates him.
A comfortable silence forms between them, only halted by the chirping of passing birds. Jeff gently strokes Barcode’s right shoulder, as he usually does to comfort him, and Barcode exhales deeply, relaxing into the touch. He already feels better, despite the way his pulse races, almost in rhythm with Jeff’s hand.
Soon, the familiar gesture turns into circles drawn on the soft fabric of his tee-shirt, and Barcode feels like he’s floating, his eyes enraptured by the green of the garden facing them.
It’s usually the moment Jeff starts asking questions, tries to understand what happened, and gives him some advice. But today he doesn’t speak, he only touches and Barcode likes it too.
The silence stretches between them, giving Barcode the space to think about the scene he’s failed to play.
He should have been able to play it. It’s not his first time playing a sad Porchay. Actually, he played a sad scene just yesterday, and he had no problem with that.
Earlier today though, as he had started to recite the first lines of his script, it was like tons of bricks fell upon him, reminding him of everyone’s silent expectations.
This feeling pushed him out of his character, and since then, he’s been unable to get back in, no matter what he tries to do.
Unfortunately, moments like this are nothing new for him. That’s why he doesn’t want to annoy Jeff with the same old problems. He needs to deal with that alone.
Though for now, he decides to lean further towards Jeff, his heart almost clawing out of his chest when a rich scent strikes right into his nostrils.
He closes his eyes, trying to decipher the composition of Jeff’s perfume when a certain anxiety starts creeping back into his body.
What if Jeff is too kind to say he’s uncomfortable?
It’s already a blessing that he agrees to help him at all times, but it needs to stop before Jeff starts to resent him and their performances get affected as a result.
He knows Jeff is a professional and wouldn’t let personal matters hamper his work that easily, but this thought does nothing in soothing the fear plaguing his chest.
There is still a huge probability that Jeff will never tell him if he’s uncomfortable with something he does or say, and he wants to avoid that at all costs.
Maybe being able to smell Jeff is a sign he’s getting too close.
As he starts to pull back, the grip on his shoulders suddenly tightens and Barcode looks up. Jeff offers him a smile, his eyes glinting with almost palpable warmth, and then gently nudges him back to his shoulder.
Barcode’s throat turns dry, his eyes flick left and right, searching for some kind of anchor. However, with the birds leaping here and there, he’s unable to focus on anything to save his life.
“I’m not made of sugar, you know,” Jeff says, his voice laced with a gentle irony for which he alone knows the secret. “You can rest on me.”
Barcode’s heart swells at the words, but he doesn’t trust his voice to reply, so he just does as he’s told. He fully leans on Jeff, slowly resting his weight on his shoulder as his scent keeps ravishing his nostrils.
A warm breeze washes over his face and Jeff’s fingers are back at drawing circles on his shoulder. After a while, they start to trace the shape of his collarbones, still through the fabric, spreading warmth along their path. They stop at the hem of his collar, a breath away from his skin, and goosebumps peppers all over it.
Jeff feels so warm.
Barcode closes his eyes again. He focuses on his breath like he usually does when he’s anxious, even though it’s a useless thing to do now. When Jeff had touched his shoulders, all the tension he held had left his body at once.
But a selfish part of him wants to relish this moment for as long as possible, which is why he’s been silent about this. He had decided he would have all the time to reflect on his behavior later.
Time passes like this, with Barcode almost falling asleep to the sound of Jeff’s breath when Jeff’s voice rises again, pulling him out of the realms his mind settled in.
“Do you need anything?” Jeff whispers, almost like it’s a secret no one but Barcode should know.
Barcode feels his lips curl into a smile of their own accord.
No, he needs nothing more than this — more than Jeff’s attention, with nature for sole witness. He can’t say that out loud, though, for reasons he should stop thinking about if he doesn’t want to ruin his mood.
“Can we stay like this a little longer?” he speaks instead, silently praying that Jeff will accept, even if it’s only for two seconds more.
“Of course,” Jeff says, his tone carrying his signature gentleness that never fails to turn his heart into mush.
Jeff is too perfect to be real while he is just...
His thoughts get halted by a warm breath tickling the crown of his head. Jeff has never been this close, and Barcode wonders what he’s looking at, his heartbeat picking up in pace. Ultimately, his thoughts refuse to delve into the subject, focusing back on the chirping birds surrounding them.
His thoughts always end up being about Jeff though, especially when the two of them are alone together, almost like being physically close will never be enough.
Barcode lets his mind drift back to the past, as he closes his eyes again, drowsiness washing over his body.
He will never forget the first time his eyes laid upon Jeff.
He had just learned that he had been chosen to play the role of Porchay, and naturally, the producer had offered to introduce him to the actor who would play the role of his partner.
Barcode had accepted, his heart pounding with a mix of fear and excitation.
When Jeff entered the room that day, Barcode's heart ceased to beat for a second, maybe two. He still can't remember to this day.
And yet, he still recalls how clammy his hands got when mocha-brown eyes started to look at him, swamping him in a surge of feelings he’s still unable to name.
Etched into his brain it is, this memory of himself resisting the urge to stare at Jeff's full lips as they offered warmth in the shape of words, igniting a fire within.
His silky hair looked especially soft that day and the urge to pass a hand through them completely took Barcode by surprise. The tank top and the jeans he was wearing perfectly highlighted the curve of his muscles, making Barcode feel dizzy.
When it was his turn, Barcode formally introduced himself, trying to ignore the beating of his heart, loud against his ears.
There is something with the way Jeff moves, with the way he talks, that captivates anyone around him.
He is special like that and Barcode couldn’t even be jealous of him, any trace of envy instantly turning into an inexplicable attraction.
It’s like an invisible force kept pushing him towards Jeff that day, urging him to gravitate around him and bask under his light.
Despite his first impression, it turned out that Jeff was very easy to talk to and that they even had common interests, despite their age difference. Building a friendship with him was easier than expected.
And now, practically pressed against him, Barcode realizes that he became very important to him in only a few weeks.
He became someone he would count on whenever he was anxious, someone he would come to if he needed comfort both on-set and off-camera.
He became someone who would always make a point of praising him the days he was on set, despite his apparent awkwardness.
He knew Jeff probably didn’t feel the same but some doubts started to emerge in his head regardless. Jeff was quick to chase them out, even if Barcode had never expressed them, constantly praising him.
Barcode wants to believe in his words. He wants to believe Jeff truly considers him as someone “with a lot of talent”.
So why does he feel so relentless around him?
Barcode isn’t sure he wants to know why.
☀️
The weather today is sweltering, and the sun, perched high in the sky, is throwing relentless rays of light distorting the air in waves.
Barcode has lost the count of water bottles he’s emptied, but he’s not alone in his predicament if the piles of empty bottles in various trash cans on the set are any indication of that.
After the team wraps up the filming for the day, Barcode starts to retrieve his stuff. He has the bad habit to scatter his things around on the set, and he doesn’t really have the time to dawdle. He needs to leave before—
“Barcode?”
Too late.
Barcode grabs his phone from the sofa and hesitantly turns around.
Looking into Jeff’s eyes feels impossible, and as much as he wants to do it, he settles on staring at his shirt...
... which turns out to be a bad idea. His shirt is transparent in some spots, probably wet from a mixture of sweat and water. Barcode saw the way Jeff drank his water during the day, and he didn’t seem to care about manners back then.
Barcode isn’t sure if he should laugh or cry about it.
“Yes?” he says, trying his best to keep his voice even. He shouldn’t leave anything out, not even the slightest change in his voice, because Jeff is especially good at reading his emotions, and Barcode isn’t sure he wants to deal with that today.
“Would you like me to drive you to the station?” His voice is quiet like a ripple on a pond, but his brows are bent in worry. A tickle of guilt filters over Barcode’s chest.
He must have imagined this expression.
Yes, he must have imagined it just like the lingering glances he’s felt all day whenever Jeff was near.
And yet, his inner voice keeps telling him how selfish he is to have refused Jeff’s propositions so many times in a row when it was still a crucial part of their routines as co-workers a few days ago.
It felt so good, being able to be alone with Jeff and talk to him about almost anything. But he ruined everything, just because of a single scene.
He needs to do better today.
“Yes, if you don’t mind, of course,” He hopes Jeff won’t sense the hesitation in his voice, and if he does, that he won’t take it for him. It was probably too late for that though and he could feel the guilt in his chest swelling up more and more.
“No, I don’t mind,” Jeff replies, the frown on his face vanishing as his face breaks into a smile. Barcode echoes the gesture, his heart skipping a beat. “Okay, I’ll wait for you at the entrance then?” he asks, voice shaking at the end.
“Yes, I’ll be quick.” Jeff smiles once more before turning back around.
Barcode gets the rest of his stuff and calls his manager, who hasn’t arrived yet.
Usually, he would have gotten a lecture about how he shouldn’t warn him at the last minute. Today though, he just agrees and doesn’t say more, almost as if he knows Barcode has been going through something lately.
Despite this, he has never pushed him to talk though, only asking him if he’s okay like he usually does, and Barcode is silently grateful for that attention.
After a quick chat, Barcode hangs up and heads towards the entrance, mechanically greeting everyone he passes by, lost once again in his thoughts.
Ever since they played the confession scene, his feelings became a mess.
Jeff had kissed him on the cheeks. It was such an innocent gesture and yet, it was enough to crush all the walls he had built. It was almost like they had never been there, and the shot of adrenaline racing through his veins at this moment had rendered him giddy. When Jeff parted from him and they hugged, as noted in the script, Barcode couldn’t ignore the longing that permeated his chest.
Almost like he was...
Is he in love with Jeff?
Barcode has already fallen in love once before, but his feelings back then weren’t near as intense as they are now.
In fact, what he’s feeling right now is something much stronger than anything he’s ever felt before.
Jeff’s voice is the only one his heart stops beating for, almost like it’s afraid of ruining a masterpiece Barcode needs to hear.
And his eyes… Barcode can no longer look at them with peace of mind.
He’s still able to dissociate himself from his character when he has to look at Jeff as Porchay, but once they’re done filming their scenes, Barcode never loses a second to avert his eyes.
He hopes no one has noticed this, along with the burning fire pooling in the pit of his stomach whenever Jeff is near, smoldering the last shreds of sanity he has.
And Jeff’s touch is the only one his body craves just as his lungs seek oxygen. His right cheek is still burning from the touch of his lips, so soft and yet so fleeting.
When stress becomes unbearable, his fingers still twitch, looking for something solid and warm to hold. He usually quenches the urge to reach for Jeff by rushing to the nearest toilet, using the breathing exercises the same he taught him.
It’s almost sad how he always ends up orbiting around Jeff in the end, even when he tries to detach himself and rationalize everything he has done for him.
These feelings... they just don’t disappear. They keep growing stronger, unforgiving, and yet so exhilarating.
In the whirl of his feelings, even if the producers and his co-actors keep praising his acting, the voice in his head remains louder as it keeps urging him to do better.
And the thing is, he just can’t tell his friends or family about this. Of course, they know how stressful this time is for him and how helpful Jeff has been, but they don’t know how he feels about him.
No one should know. Especially not Jeff, because telling him meant ruining the friendship they had, and it’s something Barcode won’t risk.
Barcode would have loved for it to just be a fleeting crush, but it’s been weeks now and his heart hasn’t settled down. In fact, it grows more and more restless as time passes.
Maybe he’s just condemned to be in love with Jeff like this, at least until the filming and all the events surrounding the series end? Weirdly enough, this possibility doesn’t sound bad and Barcode starts to think he might be doomed.
“Are you ready?”
Barcode almost jumps in surprise, startled by Jeff’s voice, but he quickly regains his composure. He almost rolls his eyes at the question. After all, he’s been the one waiting for him. Of course, he’s ready.
“Yes, I’m ready,” he simply says, glancing at him.
Jeff nods, a tiny smile drawn on his lips. Barcode’s eyes drift down to them, and he’s unable to stop his mind from imagining how soft they must be.
The fleeting thought that maybe he’s making a terrible mistake comes to his mind, but he lets it be.
They walk to the car without a word. Barcode had noticed that most of the time, Jeff’s manager was the one driving him home but sometimes, Jeff arrived at the set and went home alone.
Jeff’s manager had already driven Barcode back to his station, so that’s what he expected, but the manager is nowhere to be found.
He’s going to be alone with Jeff.
A warm feeling takes over his chest, and despite the shame seeping in through his pores, he opens the door and sits in the car.
They buckle their belt and Jeff starts to drive, some news playing on the radio at a low volume.
Barcode doesn’t pay attention to it, choosing to look by the window on his left.
The setting of the sun offers a beautiful view made of pink and orange hues blending along the horizon.
For a moment, Barcode almost forgets he’s sitting in his cru- co-worker’s car but then, the silence surrounding them becomes heavy. Barcode isn’t sure about how he should break it, and apparently, neither does Jeff.
There is a chance Barcode won’t have to explain himself, and a selfish relief washes over him. Jeff doesn’t deserve the way he’s been avoiding him for the past few days, but he also doesn’t deserve to bear the weight of... whatever feelings Barcode is carrying right now. They shouldn’t have existed to begin with but Barcode had given up on resisting them a long time ago at least, for now.
The light shades of the sky eventually darken and Barcode reverts his eyes back to the windshield, watching the coal-black color of the asphalt going by.
They eventually arrive at the station in complete silence and Jeff parks the car on the side of the road. From there, Barcode will just have to take a train for twenty minutes to get home. He’s never told Jeff where he lives, mostly because the plan has always been for Jeff to leave him at this station since it was on both their way home.
Barcode is grateful to the Jeff of the past because he’s not sure he could have survived another twenty minutes like this.
“Thank you so much,” he bows, joining his hand in front of him.
“Of course,”
Their eyes meet, and Barcode feels like he’s trapped. He manages to snatch his eyes away from the brown of his eyes and wishes him good night. He’s about to leave when a sudden warmth wraps around his wrists.
“Wait,”
A knot forms in his stomach and he gulps. He should have expected this.
He turns around, sitting back in his seat. The gaze Jeff gives him carries so many feelings; doubt, sadness, and guilt are painted all over his face, and the urge to erase them swamps Barcode at once.
“You sure you’re okay?” His tone is gentle, further feeding Barcode’s guilt.
“I- yeah, yeah, I’m okay, thank you.” He’s doing his best to sustain his gaze and he knows he won’t last long, but he has to make sure no doubt remains in Jeff before he leaves.
“Did I do something?” Jeff asks, his eyes glinting with soft resilience. “You know you can tell me if something I do makes you uncomfortable, right?”
Of course, he knows, but that’s not the problem. He is the problem but expressing that to Jeff meant...
“It’s about the kiss, right?”
Barcode’s lips instantly parts, but he’s unable to produce the slightest sound. He loves and hates how clever Jeff is, and how he always puts his fingers in the places he wants to hide the most.
He doesn’t have the heart to stop the sigh coming out of his mouth and his eyes start to burn with something he doesn’t want to address.
“I guess it is,” Jeff concludes. The sound of the radio becomes nothing more than white noise, and while it could have made for the best distraction, Barcode wishes it would just shut off.
But it’s not his car and Jeff is getting the wrong idea, so he has to be quick, or else he will tell the producer about it, because he is just that kind.
“It’s not,” he weakly retorts, his voice cracking at the end, almost like shreds of old paint.
Surprise passes across Jeff’s face and he turns off the radio as if he needed silence to process the few words.
Barcode realizes how calm the streets are despite the early-night hour and the people coming in and out of shops and restaurants. It’s like the world has muted itself for them, just like his heart does for Jeff.
A blaze starts burning in his stomach, sweat seeping out his palm. He risks a glance towards Jeff, only to meet the side of his face bathed in the red lights of the nearby restaurant.
Barcode watches the pain drifting across his face and he thinks that maybe, maybe it might not be a bad idea to tell him everything, right now, right here.
“Are you saying this for me?” Jeff asks after a moment, raising his gaze back to him.
“No, I’m not. It’s not that—”
“So there’s something,” Jeff concludes.
Barcode freezes. He can’t do this. It won’t end well, there is no doubt about that, so what’s even the point of telling him? It’s just going to break his heart into pieces.
Besides that, he knows Jeff will feel guilty knowing he can’t return his feelings, and their relationship will never be the same. This is exactly what he wants to avoid, exactly what he knows he won’t be able to bear.
He just wants things to be okay, but it feels like no matter what he does now, things will just go down the drain.
He’s ruined everything.
“I’m sorry,” Barcode breathes, lowering his eyes.
“Hey,” Jeff says, his voice tinged with softness. “You don’t have to apologize. I just want to know what's wrong.”
It’s not like he loves him.
Maybe it’s just that kiss. Maybe it’s just his lips. So if he can just...
“...You don’t have to keep everything to yourself—”
“Please, kiss me on the lips.” Barcode blurts, diving right into the brown of his eyes, his heart slamming against his ribcage.
There, he said it.
“What?” Jeff asks, dumbfounded.
“Please, just…” His voice is shaking like tree branches in the middle of a storm and the knot tearing down his stomach is so painful it feels like he will faint at any moment.
But he has to try.
“The truth is that,” I think I’m falling in love with you. “I’ve been really stressed lately with my role, with everything. And you’ve always been here for me, and I can’t thank you enough for that. But... when you kissed me on the cheeks during that scene, I... I felt so good like I hadn’t felt in a while. I... can’t stop thinking about it and how it would be to… I know it's disgusting, but I can’t help thinking about it.”
Jeff rarely lets on what he’s thinking, neither on his face nor in his words but right now, his inner turmoil is palpable, his face rippling with worry.
This sight alone is enough to make Barcode’s stomach drown in a sea of feelings he doesn’t want to acknowledge. He casts his eyes downwards, choosing to stare at the radio. His throat is so dry his vocal cords feel like they’re about to break into shreds. His hands are clammy, the deafening silence between them keeps stretching and he can do nothing about it.
He has definitely ruined everything. Of course, Jeff wouldn’t accept.
Their age difference, their worlds... they are different on so many points. Barcode had been selfish and he will have to pay the price for it.
Tomorrow, they will act as if nothing happened, while his heart will keep being crushed by a longing he will never be able to satisfy.
A familiar burn pricks at his eyes, and Barcode thinks it’s time for him to leave.
With newfound courage, he risks another glance up at Jeff, but before he can speak, Jeff’s fingers are holding his chin.
“You want me to kiss you?” Barcode can’t decipher the tone in his voice, but he nods nonetheless, rendered limp by the feeling of Jeff’s skin against his own.
A mix of red and white lights are dancing in his eyes and Barcode can’t help but dive into them.
He’s not beautiful, he’s ethereal and Barcode wishes he could engrave this sight into his brain.
When Jeff leans towards him, his eyes still gazing into his, his heart misses a beat.
He gulps, but the same odd force that had pushed him towards Jeff the first time they’d met urges him forward.
They are only a breath away when Jeff asks again.
“Are you sure?” he murmurs in a raspy voice, his hot breath reverberating on Barcode’s lips. Goosebumps rise all over Barcode’s skin and, he nods again, unable to speak, his eyes darting between Jeff’s lips and his eyes.
Jeff’s lips curl into a smile, and before Barcode can process anything further, their lips meet.
It’s only a graze, but it’s enough to make Barcode’s breath catch in his throat. His lips are softer than he had imagined, but before he can memorize the sensation, Jeff parts away.
Barcode doesn’t want to open his eyes, but he doesn’t need to as Jeff comes back, this time more assertive.
The brush against his lips is desperate now, almost like Jeff had wanted to do this all along. Barcode hasn’t kissed someone in age and he surely won’t be as good, but he still wants to convey what he had kept inside for so long.
So he moves his lips, trying to match Jeff’s pace. Jeff’s groan resonates between their flesh and a surge of heat takes over Barcode’s body. He grasps his shoulder, his heart soaring like a bird discovering its wings.
Jeff’s large hands find his face, cupping his sides like he’s made of glass despite the strength of their kiss. Barcode relishes in how calloused but soft his fingers are, exactly what he’d expected from a guitarist.
They part, only to find each other again, and when Jeff asks for permission with gentle nibbles on his lips, Barcode allows him.
Their tongues clash, like they had waited an eternity for this moment. They twirl around each other, swept into a dance, making Barcode giddy from their combination with salivas.
A heat takes over Barcode’s body in a blaze, and he presses himself further towards Jeff, earning a guttural groan. Barcode echoes the gesture, shameless, as he finally lets out the whines he had been containing. He wants to be closer and closer to Jeff until he can’t remember what it’s like to be in his own body.
They keep kissing like this as the sound of their mouths resonates in the car, shameless in their volumes. A familiar fire coils in the lower part of his body and that’s when Jeff parts from him, a string of saliva stretching between them before it finally breaks.
Their ragged breaths linger in the air as they gaze at each other, their hands still lingering on each other. Barcode can feel his heart beating against his ears and the heat surrounding them is suffocating.
The lights are still dancing in Jeff’s eyes, but the darkness of his pupils seems to have expanded. A few strands of wet hair are stuck on his forehead and Barcode gently slicks them back.
Jeff smiles and leans again, this time leaving a light kiss on his forehead.
Barcode’s heart flutters as he lets out a contented sigh. When Jeff pulls back, though, Barcode suddenly realizes the situation.
“I’m sorry,” Jeff mutters before he can speak, something akin to regret all over his face. “Do you feel better?” he adds, one of his thumbs running down Barcode’s Adam’s apple.
Barcode swallows against his finger. “I do.” he starts. “I really do, thank you,” he adds, trying to pour as much sincerity as he can into his voice because this is true. This is exactly what he needed: Jeff’s touch, in a more intimate way.
And now that he got to taste Jeff’s lips, and experience the way he kisses, Barcode needs more.
It was bound to happen, and maybe a part of him already knew that. In the end, he’s probably the one who doomed himself, but no matter how much he tries to find it in himself to regret it, he can’t.
And this exhilarating feeling seeping into his body is without a doubt similar to love, but Jeff doesn’t need to know that. At least, for now.
“Can we do it again?”
Jeff’s expression shifts to something indecipherable.
“Are you sure it really helped you?” Jeff asks, hesitant.
Barcode gives it a thought and almost laughs when he recalls how desperate he was during the kiss. He was far from calm, but at least, his mind is no longer riddled with anxieties about his performance, and this is supposedly why he asked for this kiss in the first place.
Jeff doesn’t need to know the details.
“Yes, it did.” He looks into his eyes, trying to sound convincing despite the adrenaline still traveling through his body and the dull fire still burning in his stomach. He doesn’t expect Jeff to believe him, but he still has to try.
Maybe he will agree, for a reason Barcode doesn’t think he would understand.
“I think you’re lying,” Jeff whispers, a light smile stretching his lips. “But okay, we will do it only when you want. Just ask,” Jeff punctuates his words with a caress on his neck. After a few seconds, he slowly pulls back and Barcode has to stop himself from retaining him, still stunned by his answer.
So Jeff accepts to... kiss him whenever he wants?
It feels weird, almost unreal, but Barcode doesn’t have the energy to rationalize anything. His brain is still drowning in dopamine and his limbs feel sluggish. He needs to go home. He has a lot of things to process alone.
Barcode still wants to make sure all of this is not a dream, though. He pinches himself, and the shot of pain makes it very clear he’s not dreaming.
He still asks, just to be sure.
“You’re not joking, right?”
A chuckle escapes from Jeff’s mouth before he replies. “No, I’m not. Were you?” He speaks, a hint of mischief lacing his words.
This time, Barcode rolls his eyes but still smiles. “I was not joking,”
“Then we’re good,” Jeff concludes in a soft voice.
They’re not supposed to be doing this, and Jeff must be scared of what could be said about them if it ever went out, but Barcode would never talk about this to anyone.
It’s too soon to reassure him about that though. He’s not sure he would be able to find the right words, anyway.
He slowly leans away and grabs the handle of his bag.
“See you tomorrow then?” he asks, more for confirmation than anything else.
“Yes, see you tomorrow,” Jeff replies, eyes gleaming, and Barcode swallows down the urge to kiss him again.
He opens the door and steps out of the car, waving Jeff goodbye before closing it. Soon, the sleek Mercedes disappears, enveloped in the infinite lights of the streets. Barcode lets his eyes lose themselves on the road but the sudden sound of a horn blast pulls him out of his thoughts.
He sighs and heads to the station, his steps getting more and more sluggish as time passes.
Jeff had kissed him, and he had kissed him back. Just thinking about it makes his heart race again. He’s not sure Jeff will keep his “promise”, but Barcode intends to find out tomorrow, despite the guilt poking at him.