Chapter Text
It is a truth universally acknowledged that asking someone you hate to pretend to be your fake boyfriend is a bad idea, but Jane Bennet thought it was too late to change her sister Lizzie’s mind. Lizzie was, after all, about to go to college soon so she should make her own decisions without Jane’s input.
“Wait, tell me again exactly what happened?” asked Jane. “I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this.”
Lizzie took a deep breath. “You know Collin Rosings right? Our neighbor? Short, odious, devoid of any romantic bone in his body? Kinda obsessed with potatoes?”
“Lizzie!”
“I call ‘em as I see ‘em,” grinned Lizzie diabolically. “Anyway, Collin decided he wanted to get a girlfriend before we started college so he wouldn’t quote-unquote “be looked down upon.” For some inexplicable reason, he decided I was girlfriend material. For him. Collin Rosings.”
“Are you not?” teased Jane, who was promptly hit with a fluffy pink pillow from Lizzie’s bed. Having been away at college for a year certainly meant Jane learned about developments at home a bit later than she would have liked, so she enjoyed opportunities to be Lizzie’s number one confidant again.
“I am not,” replied Lizzie. “He could not or would not accept that, so I told him I was already seeing someone else and that I was actually on my way to a date. Collin is definitely the type who would only respect a woman’s “no'' if there was another man in the picture. The lie makes sense, right?”
“I think so, yes. I understand your logic.”
“Okay, so I left him standing on our front porch and walked to Netherfield Café. It wasn’t until I was inside the café that I realized he was following me. Just to see if I was honest about having a boyfriend.”
“Yikes. Yikes. Okay.”
“I kinda panicked. I figured I would find someone our age, ask them if I could sit at their table just until Collin’s car drives off, and then think nothing more of it.”
“And you couldn’t have said you were stood-up either,” sighed Jane. “Oh, Lizzie…”
“Exactly,” groaned an exhausted Lizzie. “I would have been in trouble if there wasn’t anyone there. It was pretty risky, given that it was two in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Fortunately – or unfortunately – depending on how you look at it, the only single guy at Netherfield was Will Darcy.”
“Your nemesis. Mortal enemy. The sworn villain of your life’s narrative.”
“That’s very dramatic of you.”
“I’m only repeating the evil titles I’ve heard you use on Will Darcy. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a perfectly good guy. And I’m not just saying that because he’s Charles’ best friend and favorite Language Club junior.”
“He snubbed me, Jane! Just because I’m not equally fluent in French, Italian, Spanish, German, AND Latin? What else was I joining the club for if I already knew everything? That was just the beginning of a very fraught and antagonistic relationship.”
“Okay, okay… breathe in, breathe out. What happened next?”
“Well, I still saw Collin lurking around and I didn’t – didn’t really want to feel humiliated in front of him. I forced myself to approach Will Darcy, and I was like “Hi, I know we don’t get along well and you don’t have the best opinion of me, but I really need a favor. There’s a creepy guy outside who won’t take no for an answer, so can you please briefly pretend that you’re my date so he’d leave me alone? You’re the only person I know here right now.”"
“What did he say? Will doesn’t seem to be someone who’d join in on that kind of nonsense.”
“I was surprised too! He blinked at me, then said: “Sure. I have a younger sister, so I’m familiar with unwanted male attention. Do you want me to get rid of him?” And, you know, bad personality aside… Will has a great physique and is almost a head taller than Collin, so it would have been very intimidating. But then I said, “No, it’s okay. Just sit down, talk to me, and try to look at me with as much affection as you can muster? I think that would work.”
Jane had heard from Charlotte Lucas that Will was always staring at Lizzie, and she privately agreed with Charlotte that he may actually have a crush on her sister. Sadly for Will, he seemed to have no idea how badly he wounded Lizzie, who formed the worst first impression of him after that encounter at the Language Club back when they were freshmen.
“So… Did it work?”
“Yes! Will was so good at playing the part, Jane. I was so shocked. He started talking to me about the book I brought to read, and even got us coffee and pastries like a real date. He’s a very convincing fake boyfriend.”
Jane could have laughed at Lizzie’s obliviousness. Poor, poor Will.
“It worked quickly,” said Lizzie thoughtfully. “Collin was soon gone, but I didn’t really want to leave so we just hung out. We stayed for about three hours.”
“It sounds like a really nice fake date! Even better than some of the real ones you’ve been on.”
“Yeah, but he ended it on a sour note. When we were leaving Netherfield, he was like “Wait, Elizabeth… Um, what did you mean earlier about us not getting along? And me not having the best opinion of you?””
Jane snorted. “Serves you right for running your mouth. What did you say?”
“I know, I know. It was badly done. I reminded him about the whole Language Club fiasco, and I explained how I’ve always felt like he looked down at us because we went to private school on scholarship. Then I pointed out how we’re always bickering whenever we hang out with you and Charles. He went “Oh,” then got all quiet before dropping me off here. Which leads me to my next concern –”
“Mama saw you guys and invited Will over for dinner tomorrow night.”
“Ugh,” said Lizzie. “UGH. Now we have to keep this pretense up. Once Collin gets a whiff that we’re not really together – I shudder to think about it.”
“Did Will agree to continue being your fake boyfriend?”
“He was magnanimous about it. I asked: “Do you mind pretending for a bit longer? I mean, you’re going to Pemberley and I’m going to Longbourn by the end of the summer. We can say we broke up because of the long-distance college thing. It’d be perfect!” And he agreed. He even asked if he can call me Lizzie instead of Elizabeth, just so we’d look like a real couple. Isn’t that smart?”
“Clever, indeed. I think Will Darcy is going to make our summer interesting, to say the least.”