Chapter Text
When you’ve come from far away to look for a gallant knight, the last thing you want to hear is that he’s made the tavern his home. But White didn’t let that deter him. Neither that nor the horrendous smell in the questionable establishment he’d just entered. Seriously, he was still at the door so how did it already smell this bad?
White took a few steps further into the tavern, cautiously looking around. He was so out of place here. He wasn’t even wearing any fancy clothes, he’d exchanged them with a peasant on the road and then sold everything else he had in order to get to this town. And yet it was still so obvious he was out of his element. And it wasn’t even because he was frightened by the thugs playing cards in the corner. Or the ones having a drinking contest at the bar. Or… was this guy throwing knives at an apple on the other guy’s head? White could only hope at least the one throwing the knives was sober but knew that probably wasn’t the case.
Okay, he was a bit afraid. He was very afraid actually. It was the first time he was away from home, and he was all alone in a tavern and surrounded by heavily armed drunk men and women. Oh, how he wished Black was here. Black would have no trouble getting this task done. Why did he have to sacrifice himself so White could escape instead? Now they were all probably doomed. His brother was a real idiot.
White took a deep breath and made his way to the bar as confidently as he could. The girl behind the bar was busy with some sort of intricate drawing on a mug and didn’t even notice him approaching. White cleared his throat to get her attention.
“Oh, sorry! Didn’t see you there.” She grinned at him. The wooden nameplate on her dress read ‘Namo’. “What would you like?” She then leaned forward a bit. “I don’t recommend the ale. It doesn’t just smell like someone pissed in it but also tastes like it. I think someone really did piss in it.”
White shook his head. “I don’t want anything. I’m looking for Sir Sean. I heard he was here.”
Namo looked rather amused. “Sir Sean. I hadn’t heard that one in a while.”
“Is he here? I was told he would be.”
Namo pointed at a formless blob in the corner. “Good luck. You’ll need it.”
Her warning didn’t make White feel any better about this. He thanked her and made his way towards the corner, slowly and cautiously, as if he was approaching a wild animal. As he got closer, he started to distinguish some human features. What looked like a formless blob before was actually a human passed out on the table.
“Excuse me? Sir Sean?”
There was no reply.
Frustrated, White tried calling him again, this time louder. When there was still no response, he tried poking him, but it was to no avail. The person was sleeping like a corpse. Hell, White would wonder if he wasn’t an actual corpse if he couldn’t hear his breathing.
White was considering what to do next when the stranger woke up with a start. He was soaked and Namo was standing by the table with an empty bucket.
“There’s someone here to see you. I hope you haven't forgotten how to talk to people other than me.”
The man was still trying to find his bearings. Getting woken up like that would do that to you. And judging by the smell, White suspected he was also really, really hungover. When the man’s eyes finally focused on White, he looked confused.
“You need to lend me your strength. Please, I’m begging you. It’s a matter of life and death,” pleaded White.
Sir Sean needed some time to get himself together, but then the three of them sat at a table so White could tell his tale
“So now our kingdom is invaded, my parents and brother are being held hostage, and I’m not sure how long they have to live. And that asshole prince’s men are chasing me everywhere to bring me back. Without your help, we’re doomed.”
White finished his long, passionate explanation and observed Sir Sean’s face. He expected to see concern or determination there, but all he saw was indifference.
“No.”
“What?” White couldn’t believe his ears.
“I said no. I would ask if you understand human words, but you already spewed out so many of them,” he muttered in annoyance. “Namo, get me another ale. From the one you think they piss in. Nothing hits the spot quite like it.”
Why was he ordering more alcohol? He was hungover and literally passed out on the table not too long ago. Did he want to die from alcohol poisoning or what?
“But... Did you miss the part where I told you my entire family might be killed?”
“Sounds like a you problem.” Sir Sean leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the table.
White was going to cry. “How… how could you just…” A tear ran down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand. “I came here to look for you… because I’d heard stories about you and your adventures. Sir Sean, the gallant knight who always helped people in need and never turned his back on anyone, no matter who they are.”
“Sir Sean’s gone. Now it’s just Sean, the local drunkard. Ask Namo.”
White sniffled and narrowed his eyes at Sean. “What happened to you?”
“Unlike you, I don’t tell my tragic backstory to just anyone. But there are things you can’t come back from. The man you are looking for just doesn’t exist anymore.”
For the first time, White could see an emotion on his face that wasn’t annoyance. He felt for him but he was also desperate. He grabbed Sean’s hand just as he was about to pick up the ale Namo had begrudgingly brought for him.
“Please, I’ve travelled so far in order to come here. You really are my last resort.”
This seemed to be the last straw for Sean. He shook off White’s hands, finished the ale in one go, and got to his feet. He seemed to regret the sudden movement, likely because of the hangover, but made his way up the stairs anyway.
“Wait!” White yelled and ran after him.
He threw his good upbringing into the trash and rushed into Sean’s room upstairs before he could close the door. Now the other man looked truly annoyed, but before he could say anything, White had already thrown himself at his feet.
“I really mean it when I say you are my only hope. If you don’t help me, I don’t know what I’ll do. Please, I’m begging you. I’ll do anything.”
White dared to look up but couldn’t read Sean’s expression. He wasn’t sure what to expect when the other man leaned over, but before he knew it, he’d grabbed him by the waist and lifted him up like he weighed nothing. White squeaked and started struggling as Sean carried him over the threshold and put him down before slamming the door in his face without a single word.
“You’re terrible!”
White started banging on the door, throwing different profanities at Sean. He was already tired from his journey so it didn’t take long until he was completely out of energy. He leaned against the wall and slid down until he was on the floor. Now that there was no one looking at him, he could let his tears fall freely. No, even if he was surrounded by a huge crowd, he was sure he would have started wailing anyway. That was how lost he felt right now. He’d been serious when he’d said Sean was his only hope.
Suddenly, the door opened and Sean stepped out. When he looked down at White, his expression was unreadable, but the annoyance from before was gone.
“Get some rest. We leave at sunrise.”
White could only nod his head, too stunned to actually say anything.
***
Sean was true to his words. The two of them had set out at sunrise, leaving Namo and the tavern behind. Before they’d left, the girl had pulled White into a surprise hug and thanked him. White hadn’t had a chance to ask her to elaborate but he could make a guess. Surely she was happy to see her friend act more like himself instead of moping around in a tavern.
Their journey was extremely quiet and not for White’s lack of trying. He’d tried to keep some sort of conversation going, but Sean would answer with one or two words at best or simply not answer at worst. He only replied to questions he deemed important enough for their mission, but any attempt from White to bridge the gap between them failed spectacularly. And those weren’t even super invasive questions. He wasn’t trying to dig into Sean’s trauma, God no. But what was the issue with saying what his favourite food was or telling White how he’d met Namo?
Sean just seemed determined to keep the distance between them. But there was one thing that managed to loosen his tongue.
Once the sun started to set, they found a place to camp and then White had insisted they have a training session. Because while he had practically begged Sean on his knees to help him, he was well aware that the ex-knight wasn’t in the best shape and they needed to get him as close to that as possible by the time they reached White’s kingdom.
Had Sean not realised how out of shape he was or had he simply underestimated White and thought he’d easily obliterate this twink, even in this state? White wasn’t sure what the answer was, but Sean had very quickly realised he’d been mistaken. Because while White’s princely upbringing probably made him sort of ignorant and incapable of surviving outside of the castle for long periods of time (though he’d argue he wasn’t doing too bad so far), the same princely upbringing was the reason he’d been trained in sword fighting. He was damn good at it too and all Sean had been doing for the past couple of months was destroying his liver in a stinky tavern with ale someone may or may not have peed in.
White had his sword at Sean’s chest in seconds and with every new round, he kept winning and winning. Losing so embarrassingly over and over again seemed to break Sean’s resolve to stay quiet. And sure, it was mostly complaints and annoyed jabs at White, but he preferred this to the silence he’d had to endure the whole day.
As Sean ended up on the ground for the seventeenth time — because yes, White was a little shit and was counting; he was a little sibling so sue him — White decided the gallant knight had enough embarrassment for one day. He giggled and held out a hand for Sean. At first, he thought Sean would scoff at the offered hand and not take it, so he was surprised when he did. Only to regret it in the next moment because, instead of him pulling Sean to his feet, it was Sean who pulled White down, causing him to lose his footing and fall over.
Now, White tried not to complain too much about the less than desirable conditions he had to endure right now. But after that training session, he was sweaty and, now that he was on the ground, he had dirt and dust and who knows what else sticking to him.
“Seaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!” White immediately complained as he sat up and glared at the other man. “Even if you are annoyed because you got your ass handed to you seventeen times in a row, taking me down like this is so low. You’re unbelievable. Some knight you are.” He puffed his cheeks in annoyance.
It seemed like Sean didn’t appreciate the reminder that he’d been bested so many times so he pushed White back down and started rolling them around on the ground. If White had been exaggerating about being dirty before, now he really could say he was, especially when they ended up in a muddy puddle. Now he was sprawled on his back in the mud, Sean sitting on top of him and looking too smug for his own good. It wasn’t exactly a smile, it was closer to a smirk, but still, it was the most relaxed White had ever seen him. And he would have been more pleased about that if he didn’t feel like murdering the guy at this moment. He was lucky White needed his help, or he would have died in the woods and no one would have been able to find his body.
Instead, White grabbed a handful of mud and smeared it all over Sean’s face. “You’re a menace.”
Sean snorted and no, White didn’t care about that. He rolled them over so he was on top instead and got to his feet. This time, he didn’t offer Sean a hand and he never would again, he’d learned his lesson the hard way. At least when he’d landed in the mud, it had been on his back and not face first.
Sean sat up and leaned back on his arms. “There’s a lake nearby. Walk down this path and you’ll get there, Your Highness.”
Even if it seemed helpful, he’d simply pointed at a path with a signpost that White could have easily read himself and yet he was acting like he had invented the wheel.
White’s only response was to flip him off. Twice.
He stomped angrily all the way to the small forest lake. He would have probably appreciated its beauty more if he wasn’t covered by mud and dirt. He would have also been a bit shy about undressing in public like this in the middle of the afternoon. But considering the circumstances, all he could think about was getting clean, so he quickly took his clothes off and threw them on the shore before throwing himself into the water. It was very cold, freezing actually, but White couldn’t care less. He was very glad to scrub himself clean, it was all worth it, even in the icy water.
Once he was clean, he let himself float in the lake. He had already gotten used to the cold water and it didn’t even bother him. It wasn’t often that he got to wash up in big bodies of water like this. Usually, he had to make do with rivers or small waterfalls.
He was quite relaxed actually, floating in the lake like that. The past week had been the worst in his life and now was the first time since his kingdom was invaded that he let himself relax like that. He hadn’t realised how tense he was until now. When you were constantly on edge, things like that completely slipped your mind.
White would have liked to float like that in the lake for a bit longer, but his relaxing time was put to an end when he heard footsteps. He was immediately on edge, stepping on the bottom of the lake as he stared ahead of him, waiting to see who emerged from the path.
It was just Sean, the not-so-gallant knight. That menace.
Once White realised he wasn’t in any danger, he let out a sigh of relief. But as Sean neared the shore, he was overcome with another emotion.
White’s face started to flush. Then Sean started undressing and his face was completely red.
“W-what are you doing?”
“Washing myself?” Sean stared at him in confusion. “Did you think I’d just keep the mud on if I have an opportunity to wash it off? I might be a simple peasant and not a prince like you, Your Highness, but I’m not as dirty as you think.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you were thinking it.”
“Well, you seemed very happy to roll in the mud.”
“I was happy to roll you in the mud.”
White sent a nasty glare in Sean’s direction. “Yeah, because you are a sore loser.”
“No, it was because hearing you screech like that was music to my ears.”
“God, you’re a menace.”
“And yet you begged me on your knees to come with you.”
“Only because I had no other choice.”
Sean’s only response was to snort and continue undressing. And because White actually had some common decency, he turned around to give him some privacy. “Tell me when you’re good.”
“You’re this shy?”
“I’m just giving you some privacy.”
“I really don’t give a damn about that. Even Namo has seen my dick. It really isn’t a big deal.”
“Well, I’m not your girlfriend, so-”
“Namo isn’t my girlfriend.”
White had no retort for that. He had just assumed they were together since they seemed very close. But that was rather heteronormative of him, wasn’t it? Just because a man and a woman were close, it didn’t mean they were close in that way. “Well, I’m giving you privacy anyway.” White tried not to think about the smug look that was probably on Sean’s face right now.
He felt ripples in the water as Sean stepped in.
“You can turn around.”
White turned around and hurried out of the lake. He was happy he had one change of clothes because, with the sun starting to set, there was no way the dirty clothes would dry fast enough for him to put them on again. And he wasn’t about to sleep naked. He wasn’t Sean.
After making himself decent, White tried to wash the mud out of his clothes. He’d never thought he’d have to do something like this, but life worked in mysterious ways. It was a very difficult task with just cold water. And sure, the shirt hadn’t been pristinely white when he’d bought it on the road, but now it was even less white than it had been before. And it was all because of a certain asshole.
He looked up with the intention to glare at said asshole, completely forgetting the guy was naked in the lake. White had Sean’s naked back on display and… No, he totally didn't stare. He also didn’t blush.
Okay, maybe he did. But only a little bit. And it really wasn’t his fault, okay? Sean was a hot guy and a fiend. Those two things unfortunately weren’t mutually exclusive. And White had eyes. That was all. Sean’s hotness got cancelled out by his annoyingness the moment he opened his mouth anyway.
***
White was very glad they had a tent to sleep in, even if he had to share it with Sean. After he’d escaped the castle, he’d had to sleep out in the open and it had been a miserable experience. His cloak did nothing to shield him from the cold and he could barely fall asleep when he was so overcome by fear. He hadn’t realized how good his hearing was until he could hear all the sounds of the forest. The noises could be made by a little squirrel or a giant monster coming to eat White, and there was no way for him to tell which one of the two it was. So he barely slept.
Sleeping in the tent was still pretty uncomfortable because there was nothing between himself and the forest floor. It was also still a bit cold because the thin blanket and the tent couldn’t block the chilly night air entirely. But it was still better than being outside. And although White would never admit to it, he felt more at ease now that he wasn’t on his own. He could hear Sean’s breathing, his chest rising and falling steadily, and feel his warmth. Just him being there was reassuring and White managed to fall asleep faster than he had in a week.
Then White awoke in the middle of the night.
He was hearing noises and, at first, he thought it was danger coming from outside so he quickly had his guard up. But very quickly he realised those noises were coming from inside the tent.
White looked over to Sean’s part of the tent — because yes, they had indeed separated it. Sean was thrashing in his sleep, letting out quiet whimpers. His whole face was covered in sweat and there was a bead of sweat rolling down his-
No, that wasn't sweat.
Against his better judgment, White crawled over to Sean. He knew very well what it felt like to have nightmares. Even if he and Sean weren’t on the best of terms, he wasn’t going to leave him in their clutches. Especially not when they seemed to be affecting him this much. White put a hand on Sean’s shoulder and started gently shaking him. “Sean. Sean, wake up.”
But instead of waking up, Sean grabbed White by the arm and pulled him closer. White let out a yelp as his head landed on Sean’s chest and Sean wrapped his arms around him. White tried to struggle and free himself, but the more he did, the tighter Sean’s arms became, so he stopped. And maybe that wasn’t all of it. Maybe White stopped struggling because he’d never seen Sean so vulnerable before. He heard more of Sean’s whimpers and they broke his heart.
“The man you are looking for just doesn’t exist anymore.”
Sean’s words echoed in White’s mind and, for the first time, he actually thought about what they meant. He didn’t regret the way he had aggressively approached Sean, he’d truly had no other choice. But now he couldn't help but wonder what had happened to make him give up being a knight. Something so bad that it still gave him night terrors and made him crave human contact.
White placed one of his hands on Sean’s back and started giving him soothing pats. As Sean clung to him, he slowly started to calm down. The cries and whimpers were replaced by steady breaths. White was lying in a bit of an awkward position, Sean practically crushing him against his chest, and yet he didn’t dare to move. Not when Sean was finally calm.
And perhaps he also felt so warm and safe in his arms that he was quickly lulled to sleep as well. Perhaps.