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Caleb didn’t often let himself cry. He had gone through so much in his life that he always thought that he had dried himself out of tears long ago. The choice he had made when burning up what was left of the T dock still haunted him. He didn’t want to change his connection from the Nien, from Essek, but coming to terms he would never get to see his parents again after all the work he put into trying to make things right had him in tears. Caleb had snuck off for a moment alone and while he finally let everything out he should have known he wouldn’t be alone for long. He hadn’t meant for Essek to see him like this, but he couldn’t stop the waves of emotions that hit him, that threatened to drown him entirely if the drow hadn’t been an anchor point in front of him.
“Caleb-” he said, rushing up to him, “Caleb, what can I do?”
Essek’s hands stopped shy of touching him, hovering in a silent offer. The drow wanted to comfort him, but he wasn’t sure if it’d be welcome. Essek had been willing to help Caleb with his endeavor to right past wrongs, even if it meant losing the reverent warmth the other wizard had brought to his life.
Caleb moved just enough to let himself curl into Essek, trying his best to be able to speak through it. His words came out in hiccups of breath.
“I’m sorry.” He swallowed. Caleb hated that it was hard to speak through the tears. That he wasn’t collected enough to tell Essek it wasn’t his fault. The human gripped Essek’s clothes keeping him close.
“I just…” His body was still wracked with sobs as he let his head rest on the other’s shoulders.
As soon as Caleb leaned into Essek, the drow felt himself almost echoing the human’s emotions, not for his own losses but that Caleb had been through so much. With Caleb already against him Essek pulled him closer and let his arms go around the human, keeping him close.
“It’s alright, it’s alright. You do not have to speak.” Essek found himself humming softly. A lullaby he remembered from his childhood that he often had to use with Verin growing up when the younger of them woke up with nightmares.
With Caleb shaking Essek shifted the gravity around them till they sat on the ground, shifting slightly for a more comfortable hold on the distraught wizard.
Caleb wanted to explain what was going through his mind but the words couldn’t come out between the sobs. He didn’t want to keep crying but it wouldn’t stop. The human curled closer to Essek. His fingers clutched onto the other as he realized he was shaking. He tried to focus on the melody of Essek’s voice. He logically knew that somehow he was being given a gift of something from Essek’s culture or past but all he could feel was the raw gaping wound of grief split open again.
Esske knew this sort of crying, how it could lead to retching, trembling, and chills. The drow was doing his best to give Caleb enough comfort to keep it from spiraling too far into that. Essek could guess what had caused this. It was one thing to know the decision was right, and another to register that the option was definitively turned to ash. He himself had felt a drop in his stomach as the research turned to dust, potential scattered and never to be seen again. It must be hitting Caleb on an internal level that his parents were now buried for good.
“Breathe,” Essek coaxed, quietly and gently, “Breathe…” His fingers ran through Caleb’s hair, running against his scalp to try and give him a physical touch to focus on.
Caleb hadn’t cried like this since he was a child. The memory of his mother caring for him, humming soft lullabies, had him crying harder for a moment. He held onto the drow tighter trying to get control of his emotions.
The reminder to breathe had him realizing just how starved for air he truly was. He should be taking even one but instead, they came in gasps between sobs. Caleb’s fingers started to feel numb, and his ears were ringing. He was starting to feel empty, the tears slowing with the lack of energy to continue to do anything, let alone keep crying.
Essek was alarmed at Caleb’s irregular breathing, although his concern was somewhat alleviated by his dwindling sobs. Still, he turned his head towards him, whispering into his ear to cut through the haze of grief.
“Follow me.” Essek shifted one of Caleb’s hands to his own chest so that the human could feel his breathing and try to match it up.
Caleb did his best to follow Essek’s breathing pattern. The feeling of the other’s hand on him gave him something to focus on. It took a minute or two, but eventually Caleb’s breathing evened out.
He felt empty and exhausted. Caleb still hated that he hadn’t been able to explain why he had broken down like this. He suddenly felt cold and curled further into the drow.
Essek felt a rush of sentiment and protectiveness when Caleb nestled into him. The drow shifted so he had one hand free so that he could cast Mage Hand, undo his cloak enough, and sweep it around the other Wizard. Once this was done, Essek held him close again.
“If you want to talk about it, I am… more than willing to listen,” he said, softly, “And when you are ready to move, I can summon my Tower to get us a meal.”
He tightened his cloak around Caleb, using his body language to let the other know that they didn’t have to get up until he felt like it. Essek was now glad for the fact they had continued trading spells back and forth and that Caleb had trusted him with the creation of his tower, of course the drow’s version of the spell was different, but with how spent Caleb looked he didn’t dare ask for the human to cast anything right now. It was clear they were done for the day.
After several minutes Caleb finally spoke his voice horse from all the crying.
“I think I can move.” Caleb did want to talk about it with Essek, but he also felt cold and strung out.
Essek nodded at his words “Give me one moment.”Essek wished he could rush the spell, but the time was set. Still, soon enough a silver outline appeared on the wall. He put a hand to it, opening it down the middle before he turned back to Caleb.
“Do you need a hand?” he asked, reaching down.
He imagined Caleb was still feeling shaky. Caleb was shivering a little when he noticed the hand in front of him. He nodded as he reached up using the help Essek offered to steady himself to standing.
“Thank you for helping me.”
“Not at all,” Essek said, in almost a whisper. Seeing the shiver, he put a hand on Caleb’s shoulder to usher him inside.