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For the past 5 years, this house has belonged to them. It was perfect. The yard was spacious, the rooms were cozy, and the living room was their favorite spot. It had everything they would ever need, and yet, the house was crammed with boxes.
They were moving, or rather, he was moving. It was the first place Luo Binghe had been able to call home and would probably be the last. He took a box outside and loaded it onto the moving truck.
"A-Luo, do you need help with anything else?" Ning Yingying came up to him. She had a somber look on her face.
Luo Binghe shook his head and smiled at her. "That’s everything, but thank you, Yingying."
Their friends had come to help him move everything. Shang Qinghua stretched his arms above his head. "Is that everything?"
Liu Qingge stepped out from behind him. "Everything except the bedroom."
"I see," Binghe said. "Well, if that’s all that’s left, I’ll take care of it by myself. " He was saving that room for last, and for a good reason too. Not only was it full of personal items, but there would also be lots to get rid of. Most of which he wasn’t ready to part with.
Ning Yingying and Liu Qingge finished putting the rest of the boxes on the truck. Shang Qinghua awkwardly walked over to Luo Binghe. "Are you sure you’re gonna be okay doing that room all by yourself? I’ll help, only if you need me to, of course."
That was a lie, well, a half-lie. He was sore all over from earlier and was too tired to do any more lifting, but he still wanted to help. He felt bad about what happened. Even if all he could do was just sit there and watch Binghe pack, that would be enough. That would give him closure.
For a little while, Binghe remained silent. "You can help, but don't pry too much. Also, before you get rid of anything, ask me."
"I give you my word."
He turned on the light as they entered the bedroom. It was the same as it had always been; a giant bed with nightstands on both sides, heavy curtains to keep the sun out, one large closet, and four complete bookcases. It appeared to be the same, but it wasn't. Something was missing, and they both knew what it was.
With a box in his hand, Shang Qinghua approached one of the bookcases. It was full of manga and various figures. In addition, there was a paper fan. He stared at it for a while. “Binghe, I don’t think Bro would want me touching this.” His voice was small.
Luo Binghe knew exactly what he was talking about without having to look. “You can leave it there for now.”
Shang Qinghua started loading the books into boxes while Binghe was working on the closet. He started with the shoes and worked his way up. It was quiet the entire time. Mostly because they both knew if one of them said anything the other would start crying.
The sound of something falling broke the silence. Shang Qinghua looked over to see that a box had fallen from the top shelf. When Binghe went to pick it up, all its contents spilled out. It was full of unsealed envelopes. Lots of them.
“What’s that?” Shang Qinghua asked.
Luo Binghe had no idea. He’d never seen anything like this in his closet before. All of them had numbers written on the outside. He found the envelope with one on it and opened it.
Dear, Luo Binghe
If you’re reading this, then that means I’m gone.
Luo Binghe looked like a part of him had just shattered.
Shang Qinghua panicked and leaped to his feet. “What's wrong? What is it?” He rushed over and peered over Binghe’s shoulder.
You know, it feels kind of weird to write about my death. I mean, I know it’s going to happen but it still feels strange. Anyway, I just wanna start this by saying, I'm writing these as if I’m directly speaking to you. That’ll make it easier on both of us, but mostly me.
I'm still in shock, you know? I mean, they told me I had cancer. Right before my birthday too.
You tried to hide it, but I saw how much pain you were in. You just smiled at me and said ‘It’ll be okay.” But we both knew it wasn’t. You were trying to keep your spirits up so I wouldn’t feel bad. Thank you for that. You’re always making sure I’m okay, but you never check on yourself until it’s too late.
Like I said at the beginning, if you’re reading this then that means I’m dead. I know that this is hard for you. Even if you don’t like to admit it, you’re emotional, especially when it comes to me. I heard you crying last night, it breaks my heart to see you in pain. So please. Take care of yourself for me. I would hate for your health to go down the drain because of this. You mean the world to me, you know that?
I don’t say it as often as you do but, I love you Luo Binghe. Don’t ever forget that.
Love, Shen Yuan
Shang Qinghua looked up at Luo Binghe. His eyes were starting to water.
“He-” Luo Binghe was shaking.
Shang Qinghua patted his arm in an attempt to calm him. That didn’t work though because he was just as emotional. “I-Its ok, calm down. Let’s sit down.”
He shifted through the pile and handed the second one to Binghe.
Dear, Luo Binghe
I was thinking about how we met. It happened in my second year of high school if I remember correctly. Not only were you a first-year but you were a lot shorter back then. A lot scrawnier too. I ran into you in the hallway and you dropped everything you were holding. I felt bad so I helped you and walked you to your class. It sounds like something out of a shojo manga, huh?
You were also a lot quieter back then too. You didn’t say anything to me but you kept staring. I thought it was strange, but now that I know what you were thinking, it makes sense.
You should’ve seen the look on Airplane's face when I told him I was dating a first year. He flipped his lid and called me crazy. Apparently, he was against me dating someone who was a year below mine. That two-faced bastard. He turned right around and then dated Mobei-Jun, who was a year above him!
Anyways, I think you’ve grown a lot since our first meeting. Not just physically, but mentally too. At first, you stuck to me like glue. You needed my opinion or you couldn’t do anything on your own, and now, you’re strong and can take care of yourself, and once you make up your mind, it’s not easily changed. I like that about you. You have such a strong personality and an amazing moral compass.
I like your smile too. It’s so bright. So bright that lights up everything. Whenever I see you smile it always makes my day. I know this is too much to ask but, I hope you never stop smiling, Binghe. Even when things get hard I want you to smile through them. Like I said earlier, you’re strong, stronger than I could ever be. That’s one of my favorite things about you, you never give up.
I’m really glad I met you. You’ve changed my life in the best way possible.
Love, Shen Yuan
Binghe was holding the letter tightly to his chest, trying to hold back his sobs, but he couldn’t do it. He’d been keeping it together so well. Everyone knew how emotional Luo Binghe was and yet, he didn’t even cry at the funeral. He stood just there, stone-faced, the entire time. Shang Qinghua knew he was hurting, they all did.
The day they lost Shen Yuan was such a nice sunny day; the perfect day to go out.
The two friends had been watching movies all day and Binghe had gone out to run some errands. Halfway through, Shen Yuan had asked if he could lay in Shang Qinghua’s lap. He did find the request a little out of character, but he didn’t question it. A few minutes later, Shen Yuan looked up at him, took a deep breath, and said, “ I’m glad that you were my best friend.” Then he closed his eyes and exhaled.
His best friend died in his arms. It was terrifying and it still messed him up, badly. There was no way he could comfort Luo Binghe when he could barely comfort himself.
“I think he was happy.”
Luo Binghe fixed his gaze on him.
“I think he was happy while writing these.” Tears were streaming down his cheeks. “He loved you. A lot more than you know.”
Binghe didn’t say anything. He stood up and handed him a letter. It had his name written on it.
Shang Qinghua hesitantly took it from him and stared at it for a while. He knew whatever was in here would end up shattering his heart. He carefully opened it.
Dear, Airplane Bro
I told myself that I’d have to write you a letter so, here we are.
I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but I’m really happy to have you as a friend. You’ve always been there for me, now more than ever. Before I had Binghe, I don’t think there's ever been anyone who’s cared about me as much as you do. I’m going to be honest, I’m gonna miss reading your stories. Sure they weren’t that good at times, but they give me happy memories.
I wonder how you’re taking all of this. Not well, I assume. I can’t picture you crying, though. I think I’ve only seen you cry twice.
The first was in elementary when those kids made fun of you and called you a girl, and the second was when you told me you confessed to Mobei-Jun. I was shocked when you told me. I mean, I knew you had the hots for him, but I didn’t know you were head over heels for him. To add to it, you were all snotty and in tears. You thought the guy would hate you for the rest of forever. At the time I was really worried, I’d never seen you like that, but looking back on it, it’s kind of funny.
The goofy carefree Airplane I grew up with bawling his eyes out because he thought his crush would hate him and look at you now; the two of you are engaged. How time flies…
I’ll say it again since I never got the chance to say it to your face; I’m really thankful that you’re the person who stayed by my side all these years. I’m happy to have known you, Shang Qinghua. I love you.
Love, Shen Yuan
He was overwhelmed by a pained feeling that couldn’t be described as grief or sadness.
“You did say it to my face…” Shang Qinghua whimpered.
Binghe began to slowly put the letters back inside the small box. The pain was becoming too much, his heart wouldn’t be able to take anymore.
One final letter caught his attention.
It was the only one that wasn’t in an envelope. He hesitated before unfolding it, he didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to be hurt again, but he knew he had to. He knew that whatever was in here, was important. When Binghe opened it, he could see that this letter was different from all the others. It wasn’t in the same format as the others, it was done by hand, and it wasn’t made out to anyone, but you could easily tell who the letter was for by reading it.
I loved dancing in the living room with you. You’d always choose the best songs. I love watching you cook, you even let me help a couple of times. I love those quiet nights where you’d hold me in your arms until I fell asleep. I love playing with your hair, it's so soft and fluffy.
You’re a great listener, you’d let me rant about my favorite things for hours and it never annoyed you. I love how you always compliment me. I know I say it's embarrassing, but it makes me so happy, happier than you’ll ever know.
I love going to the store with you, you get excited over the smallest things.
I loved every moment I got to spend with you. You make me so happy and I’m grateful that you’re the one I decided to spend my life with. But out of all of those, I love you the most. Thank you.
*
“What do you wanna do after we get married, A-Yuan?”
It was a warm summer night and the two were keeping each other company. Their wedding was in just a few days and they were restless.
Shen Yuan turned to face his soon-to-be husband. ‘If you mean besides the honeymoon, what are we supposed to do? Can’t we just go out for dinner and spend the night together?
Luo Binghe pouted. “No. We have to do something special, It’s our marriage!”
Shen Yuan sighed. He knew Binghe was the biggest hopeless romantic he’d ever met, but what could possibly be more special than marrying the one you love most? “What do you want to do, Binghe?”
He scooped Shen Yuan into his arms and held him close for a long moment. “As long as I get to spend it with you, I don’t care.”
*
For the past 5 years, this house has belonged to them. And although it was perfect, things had changed. The yard was empty, the rooms were bare, and the living room that was once filled with happy memories and joy, would never be the same. Something was missing, or rather, someone . And even though Luo Binghe would never see him again, he would always be with him. Even though he would never come back, his memory would never fade.