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"Hey, Teuk-ah. Want to know something funny?" Heechul says, a laugh in his voice. "I had the biggest crush on you back when we were trainees. Isn't that embarrassing?"
Jungsoo pauses, chopsticks halfway to his mouth. "Is having a crush on me that embarrassing?" he says evenly.
Heechul boggles at him. "That's how you react to hearing that? Seriously?"
"How was I supposed to react?" Jungsoo asks, going back to his food. "How did you want me to react?"
"I —" Heechul falters. "I don't know. But I expected something more than this!"
He's still laughing, but Jungsoo can tell from his posture that he's gone past embarrassed and into mortified, and is hurtling towards upset if Jungsoo doesn't say the right thing.
The only problem is that Jungsoo doesn't know what the right thing to say is in a situation like this. If he's honest with Heechul right now, he risks embarrassing him further, and even with how far he's come — how far they've both come — since debut, Kim Heechul still doesn't take well to feeling humiliated.
But Heechul does like it when Jungsoo tells him the truth, even when the truth is a difficult one. Maybe especially then.
Jungsoo steels himself.
"I already knew," he says. "Back then. How you felt...about me."
At first, Heechul looks at him blankly, like he's speaking in another language. Then, all at once, his face goes pale. "What?"
"Don't make me repeat it," Jungsoo pleads.
"Why didn't you — you never —"
"I just didn't think it would be a good idea." Jungsoo says. "I didn't want anything coming between us and fucking up our chance at debuting. Or fucking up the group after we debuted." He shrugs. "Besides, I figured you'd get over it anyway, so it just seemed better if I didn't say anything."
"...fuck." Heechul laughs, suddenly and loudly enough that Jungsoo flinches. "How humiliating!"
Jungsoo closes his eyes. "Heechul-ah..."
"I must have seemed so pathetic," Heechul says. His voice cracks. "Fuck, I feel stupid."
"Stop it," Jungsoo says sharply. "Don't be like that."
"How could I not have known? I can't believe I just assumed for all these years that I kept it a secret from you somehow."
"You weren't supposed to know," Jungsoo protests. "I didn't want you to know, and you know I'm good at hiding things when I want to."
Heechul shakes his head. "Not from me. You're not supposed to be good at hiding things from me. I'm supposed to be the one who sees through that, not — fuck." He runs his hands through his hair angrily, and Jungsoo tries not to feel like the anger is directed at him.
Unable to bear attempting to read Heechul's expression anymore, Jungsoo looks away. Instead, he busies himself by fiddling with his glass, empty.
"Wait," Heechul says suddenly, and Jungsoo's head jerks back up. "Before, you said you thought it was a bad idea, and that's why you didn't —" He looks at Jungsoo straight-on, his gaze sharp and frighteningly direct. "You didn't say it was because you didn't feel the same way."
Jungsoo says nothing, and Heechul inhales sharply. "Jungsoo —"
"What does it matter now, anyway?" Jungsoo cuts him off. "It's been, what, twenty years now? You've moved on, and so have I."
"Moved on," Heechul repeats.
"Let's just let this be something we laugh about," Jungsoo says with an edge of desperation. "Isn't that what you wanted anyway? When you brought it up, you said 'Want to know something funny?' Right?"
For a second, Heechul's expression cracks open and Jungsoo catches a glimpse of something enormous and terrifying and raw. His stomach drops, but before he can think of how to react Heechul is already turning away from him, grabbing the bottle and refilling both of their glasses. His hands are very steady, for how drunk Jungsoo thought he was.
"I don't want one," Jungsoo says, for lack of anything better to say. He feels helpless.
"They're both for me," Heechul says, shutting him up.
The conversation dries up after that, and soon Heechul seems to reach his limit and announces that he's going home.
"You're not angry, are you?" Jungsoo asks, wincing internally at how insecure it comes out.
"Angry? About what?" Heechul asks, looking at him with what seems like genuine puzzlement. And Heechul doesn't hide his emotions, so Jungsoo will just have to trust in that. "I'm just tired, and we've got to work tomorrow right?"
Jungsoo nods. "I'll call you a car."
"Ah, you don't have to — fine, fine," Heechul groans when Jungsoo glares. "Only because you never pay for anything, I might as well take advantage."
They clean up together in silence while waiting for the car to come, and when it's time for Heechul to leave he punches Jungsoo gently on the shoulder. "Yah, don't look so worried. This doesn't have to be a thing, I won't make it weird, I swear."
Jungsoo wishes he could believe that. "Okay," he says. "I won't either."
Heechul's lips quirk wryly. "All right," he says. "Good night, Jungsoo."
Then he's gone, leaving Jungsoo waiting for the other shoe to drop.